Dating a Doctor: How to Overcome Challenges & Build a Relationship

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Everything you need to know about meeting & dating a doctor
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Doctors are intelligent and often passionate about their work, and dating one can be a wonderful experience. However, it can be frustrating when you have little time to spend together and have to cancel plans because of their job. In this article, we’ll teach you everything you need to know about dating a doctor, including dating tips, managing stress, and navigating common challenges in the relationship. Plus, learn how to meet single doctors to date.

Advice for Dating a Doctor

When dating a doctor, it’s important to be patient and flexible. Doctors have very important, stressful jobs that take up a lot of their time, and they’re often expected to be available even on their days off. Get comfortable canceling and rearranging plans at a moment's notice, and try to remember that the patients always come first.

Section 1 of 4:

Best Tips for Dating a Doctor

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  1. Doctors are busy people, especially if they work at hospitals. They may be on call many days of the week, including weekends. It can be frustrating, but if you want to date a doctor, understand that plans will occasionally be canceled and be willing to adjust them as needed. [1]
    • Try to have a backup plan for dates. Carve out several pockets of time during the week in which you’re available to get together.
    • Avoid making plans that are hard to change. Buying tickets to a play or concert, for example, might be a bad idea when your partner could potentially back out. Stick to more flexible plans, like getting dinner at a restaurant that doesn’t require reservations.
    EXPERT TIP

    Maya Diamond, MA

    Relationship Coach
    Maya Diamond is a Dating and Relationship Coach in Berkeley, CA. She has 15 years of experience helping singles stuck in frustrating dating patterns find internal security, heal their past, and create healthy, loving, and lasting partnerships. She received her Master's in Somatic Psychology from the California Institute of Integral Studies in 2009.
    Maya Diamond, MA
    Relationship Coach

    Being in a relationship with a busy doctor can be hard. Dating and relationship expert Maya Diamond says: "When you're dating someone who's really busy, you have to be intentional about creating quality time. You might need to plan ahead of time so you can spend time together, and sometimes you might have to plan fast. Also, though, it's important to make sure the person you choose has enough time and energy for you. If they're not available physically and emotionally, you're going to feel unhappy, frustrated, and lonely a lot of the time."

  2. Everyone needs a break from thinking about work. Doctors are no different and may struggle more with work/life balance than those in other professions. As a doctor’s job is highly stressful, they may be inclined to talk about work a lot. This can create undue stress for both of you, as you may not want to hear the gory details. Try to steer your conversations away from work talk. [2]
    • It may be a bad idea to ask a doctor, “How was your day?” Opt for another conversation starter, like asking about a TV show you both like or discussing news about mutual friends.
    • Don’t go overboard, however. If your partner had a stressful day, they may need to talk about it. On occasion, allow your partner to rant about work-related stress. Strive to be understanding and a good listener.
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  3. Doctors are frequently hungry. When working long shifts and managing multiple patients, meals often get neglected. If you know your partner is working a long shift, plan a date that revolves around eating, like a dinner at a nice restaurant. [3]
    • It can be a nice gesture to have food ready when your partner is expected to come home. Order takeout and have it ready or make a home-cooked meal.
  4. Doctors need to be on call all the time during certain hours. [4] Your partner may have patients who are very sick, or they may be on call at a local hospital. It’s important to be understanding of work obligations. While it’s often considered bad etiquette to have your cell phone out at the dinner table, rules about courtesy change when you’re dating a doctor.
  5. If you’re dating a doctor, you’ll inevitably end up spending many nights alone when they’re at work, and they likely won’t be able to check in often while they’re there. Learn to entertain yourself by finding hobbies you enjoy or spending time with friends or family. [5]
    • For example, if you know your partner will be working all weekend, make plans to go out with friends. This can be anything, like having a day at the beach, grabbing dinner, or going dancing.
    • Consider taking up a craft like knitting or reading books in your spare time.
    • Being alone isn’t always lonely. You may learn more about yourself and your passions during the free time you gain by dating a doctor.
  6. Many people say they want to date a doctor because of financial stability, but it’s important to choose a partner who you genuinely love and can envision spending your life with. Focus on getting to know your partner outside of their profession. What are their likes and dislikes? Do you have similar morals and goals in life? Dating someone you’re truly compatible with can make it much easier to deal with the frustrations of dating someone in the medical field. [6]
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Section 2 of 4:

Managing Stress in the Relationship

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  1. Doctors have a high-stress work atmosphere, so plan on helping your partner unwind periodically. If stress is left unrecognized and unmanaged, it can cause tension in a relationship. Learning the warning signs of stress can help you address the issue before it becomes a problem. [7]
    • For example, if your partner is stressed, they may seem cranky, withdrawn, moody, or may be quick to anger.
    • Try not to react with anger. Calmly say something like, “Is something bothering you? Is there any way I can help you feel better?”
  2. If someone is in a bad mood, you may be inclined to give advice. However, when helping someone cope with stress, it’s typically better to start by comforting them with kind words or physical touch. When someone’s in a bad mood, advice, especially unsolicited advice, can come off the wrong way, even if you have positive intentions. [8]
    • Try to be understanding . Actively listen to what your partner has to say, and offer apologies for the fact that they’re feeling this way. Reassure them that you’re there for them and that you care.
    • After offering initial comfort, think about ways to problem solve . Be clear that you’re working with your partner. Explain that you’re not trying to tell them what to do but want to brainstorm ideas to effectively work through the issue.
  3. Especially early in a relationship, you may not know how someone prefers to be comforted. Ask your partner what you can do when they’re feeling stressed and try your best to accommodate them. Listen to and respect their needs. [9]
    • Ask how you can make your partner’s day a little better. It may be something as simple as chipping in with some chores now and then.
    • Understand that your partner’s needs may be different from yours. They may handle stress in a different way than you do. Remember that different is not bad, and respect your partner’s needs.
  4. It’s important to be proactive about stress when dating a doctor. Think of activities you and your partner will both enjoy that will also help reduce stress . This can be something like spending the day in bed, going for a relaxing walk, or playing a game together. [10]
    • Sometimes, distraction is key. Plan for a movie night at the end of a long day, or binge-watch a TV show you both love.
    • Suggest that you and your partner practice stress-reducing activities together, like meditation or [[Perform-Yoga|yoga].
  5. Exercise is a great way to reduce stress. Getting in regular physical activity can really help your relationship with your partner. Plan hiking dates, take trips to the gym together, or simply go for a nice stroll through the park. [11]
  6. Remember, you can’t help your partner de-stress if you’re also stressed. While it’s important to acknowledge how important and difficult doctors’ jobs can be, it’s just as important to keep yourself mentally, emotionally, and physically healthy. Take breaks when you need to and don’t be afraid to get some alone time. Practice self-care by taking care of your body and doing things you enjoy. [12]
    • While many things may be out of your doctor’s control, it’s still important to communicate your needs. Let them know if you’re also feeling stressed or frustrated. The two of you can then work together to come up with a solution.
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Section 3 of 4:

Navigating Challenges in the Relationship

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  1. In a relationship with a doctor, understand that you will not be the priority most of the time. Your partner’s patients will come before you, as they are reliant on your partner for their physical wellbeing. Strive to understand this, and remember that your partner still loves and cares about you, even if they can’t be with you all the time. [13]
    • For example, your partner’s patients may become suddenly ill. In the event of a medical emergency, the patient will come first. While this may be frustrating at times, remind yourself that this is what you signed up for by getting involved with a doctor.
    • Think about the patients when you feel frustrated. While you may want to see your partner, they’re undergoing stressful medical procedures and potentially serious conditions. Putting yourself in their shoes may help you put things into perspective.
    Make peace with patients being the priority. "I used to really resent that my boyfriend's patients always had to come before me and our plans. It caused so many canceled dates and lonely nights. Reading this helped me accept that it's just reality when you date a doctor — their patients rely on them, so they can't always be there for me. Making peace with not always being the priority has taken a load off and helped me stop taking it so personally." - Alex M.
    Understand the erratic schedule. "I struggled a lot at first with my new doctor girlfriend's schedule wrecking our time together. She'd have to cancel dates at the last minute whenever she got called into work. This article taught me I've got to be way more flexible and always have a plan B. Making open-ended plans and being prepared for sudden changes has made dealing with her unpredictable hours much less frustrating." - Shaz N.
    Appreciate the qualities that make them good doctors. "I used to only notice the negatives of my girlfriend's hectic surgeon schedule keeping us apart. This article also helped me focus on appreciating the amazing qualities that make her so committed to her patients, which is part of why I love her. It's helped me be more patient and proud." - Maria M.
    Learn how to support a stressed partner. "I had no idea how to help when my doctor partner was stressed from work. The tips here taught me to listen first without judgment, then offer comfort and help problem-solve. Simply asking how I can help has led to less tension and more open communication." - Gresha D.
    Did you know that wikiHow has collected over 365,000 reader stories since it started in 2005? We’d love to hear from you! Share your story here .
  2. Dating a doctor can be frustrating at times, but remember the positive things. Doctors are usually intelligent and committed to their patients. Many doctors are very empathetic and have a true passion for what they do. Not to mention, you got involved with this specific person for a reason. Try to remember what initially drew you to them and why the relationship is worth it. [14]
  3. Patience is a key characteristic to have when dating a doctor. You don’t know what their schedule will be like on any given day, and it can be frustrating to always have plans in flux. However, strive for pride over frustration. Remember, your partner is doing something that they deeply care about. Be proud of their ambition and encourage their passions. [15]
  4. You may not have time for epic date nights when dating a doctor, so try to value the small moments instead. Be thankful for the time you have together and learn to appreciate the little things about your partner and your relationship. [16]
    • Allow for some simple rituals, like watching the sunrise together each morning.
    • Plan brief dates, like running to the store together or having a picnic.
    • Appreciate when you spend time together. Turn off your phone and eliminate distractions. Focus solely on enjoying your partner’s company.
  5. When the relationship starts getting serious, discuss the possibility of a future together. For example, would you be willing to relocate if your partner gets transferred to another hospital? Do you want to get married and/or have kids? Having a long term relationship with anyone, especially a doctor, is a big commitment so it’s important to make sure you’re both ready to take the next step. [17]
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Section 4 of 4:

How to Meet a Doctor to Date

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  1. Doctors are at their job more often than not, so that can be a great place to meet them. Check with your local hospital to see if they have any volunteer opportunities and look online to see if there are any medical conventions or seminars in your area. While doctors are sure to be busy, try to be friendly and strike up a conversation when you can. [18]
    • If you can’t volunteer at a hospital or attend a convention, try to hang out at coffee shops, restaurants, or pubs nearby. It’s possible single doctors may frequent these places when they get off work.
  2. Because doctors’ work schedules are so busy, it may be hard for many of them to meet people in real life. Try typical dating apps like Tinder , Bumble , or Hinge , or to get more specific, try a dating site like marrydoctor.com or uniformdating.com . Understand that doctors may not be able to check these sites frequently, so remember to be patient! [19]
  3. While doctors may not have a lot of free time, many of them enjoy various hobbies to unwind after a stressful shift. Because each doctor is a unique person, there isn’t a set list of hobbies or activities they’re likely to enjoy. Take up hobbies that truly interest you to meet people with common interests. If one of them happens to be a doctor or know a single doctor, then that’s a plus! [20]
  4. If you aren’t having any luck meeting a doctor on your own, try asking a friend or a friend of a friend if they know anyone. Try to expand your social circle and meet as many people as possible to increase your chances. Maybe you’ll get lucky! [21]
    • Don’t try to befriend people solely because they know a doctor, however. Be a genuine friend and take interest in getting to know them.
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Community Q&A

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  • Question
    I met this really nice doctor when I was in the out patient department of my local hospital. It seemed that we had a connection. Can you please tell me if it's ok for me to call him at work and ask him out?
    Community Answer
    It is not appropriate for a doctor to date a patient. You also should not call a doctor's office for personal matters, as actual patients need to get through an ask for medical advice.
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      Warnings

      • Don't think doctors are rich. On the contrary, physicians often make less money than their accountants. There are many docs who don't have paid vacations, have huge student loans to pay off, have to provide entirely for their own retirement, plus pay to educate their children.
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      • Never ask your doctor partner to do anything that could jeopardize their job, such as writing unlawful prescriptions.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.ama-assn.org/medical-residents/medical-resident-wellness/top-tips-survive-residency-advice-partners-residents
      2. ↑ https://www.physicianspractice.com/view/dating-guide-always-call
      3. ↑ https://in-training.org/married-medical-student-prioritizing-date-night-7691
      4. ↑ https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/on-call
      5. ↑ https://www.uniformdating.com/doctor.html
      6. ↑ https://www.ama-assn.org/practice-management/physician-health/4-building-blocks-successful-medical-marriage
      7. ↑ http://psychcentral.com/lib/how-couples-can-help-each-other-de-stress-and-improve-their-relationship/
      8. ↑ http://psychcentral.com/lib/how-couples-can-help-each-other-de-stress-and-improve-their-relationship/
      9. ↑ http://psychcentral.com/lib/how-couples-can-help-each-other-de-stress-and-improve-their-relationship/
      1. ↑ http://psychcentral.com/lib/how-couples-can-help-each-other-de-stress-and-improve-their-relationship/
      2. ↑ https://www.health.harvard.edu/staying-healthy/exercising-to-relax
      3. ↑ https://www.snhu.edu/about-us/newsroom/health/what-is-self-care
      4. ↑ https://www.uniformdating.com/dating-blog/dating/to-date-a-doctor-or-not-to-date-a-doctor-that-is-the-question/
      5. ↑ https://medschoolinsiders.com/medical-student/pros-and-cons-of-dating-a-medical-student-resident/
      6. ↑ https://www.ama-assn.org/medical-residents/medical-resident-wellness/success-residency-romance-aren-t-mutually-exclusive
      7. ↑ https://www.ama-assn.org/medical-residents/medical-resident-wellness/love-and-marriage-and-physician-residency-how-make-it
      8. ↑ https://www.ama-assn.org/medical-residents/medical-resident-wellness/love-and-marriage-and-physician-residency-how-make-it
      9. ↑ https://www.doctordating.net/meet-single-doctors/
      10. ↑ https://medschoolinsiders.com/medical-student/dating-and-relationships-in-residency/
      11. ↑ https://medschoolinsiders.com/medical-student/dating-and-relationships-in-residency/
      12. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/science-practice/201803/why-you-should-ask-your-friends-and-family-set-you

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      To date a doctor, try to plan your dates around eating, since a doctor’s meals are often neglected due to working long shifts. During dinner dates, allow your partner’s cell phone to be on the table, because they’re often on call for emergencies. Additionally, try to have a backup plan for dates and be flexible when plans are canceled, since their patients’ health will take priority. When you do get to spend time together, plan stress-reducing activities, like watching a movie or exercising together, since being a doctor involves high levels of stress. For more tips, like how to focus on the pros of dating a doctor, read on!

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