How to Deal with Dating a Bad Texter

Download Article
Download Article

Do you wish your partner would answer your texts faster or spend more time writing engaging responses? Even though you can't expect long or immediate replies every time, there are still a ton of ways you can improve your communication with one another. In this article, we'll go over some things you can do if you're waiting for a reply and how to get your partner to open up to you more.

This article is based on an interview with our professional dating coach and licensed social worker, Julianne Cantarella. Check out the full interview here.

1

Call them if you need a fast response.

Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/d\/df\/Deal-with-Dating-a-Bad-Texter-Step-1.jpg\/v4-460px-Deal-with-Dating-a-Bad-Texter-Step-1.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/d\/df\/Deal-with-Dating-a-Bad-Texter-Step-1.jpg\/aid12904054-v4-728px-Deal-with-Dating-a-Bad-Texter-Step-1.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    Rather than waiting for your partner to message you back, dial them up if you know they aren’t busy. [1] Make it a point to call them more often since they may prefer hearing your voice instead of reading texts that could sound impersonal. [2]
    • If you’re not sure if your partner is available, try shooting them a text like, “Hey! I’ve got a quick question, do you have time for a phone call?” That way, they can easily respond to let you know if they’re free.
    2. Advertisement
2

Give them time to reply.

Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/c\/ce\/Deal-with-Dating-a-Bad-Texter-Step-2.jpg\/v4-460px-Deal-with-Dating-a-Bad-Texter-Step-2.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/c\/ce\/Deal-with-Dating-a-Bad-Texter-Step-2.jpg\/aid12904054-v4-728px-Deal-with-Dating-a-Bad-Texter-Step-2.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    Your partner might not be able to have their phone on them all the time, so be patient while you wait for their response. If they’re at work, with friends and family, or doing another activity, they may just be a bit distracted. Try your best not to jump to any conclusions about why they’re taking so long since it could make you upset for no reason.
    • If you’ve waited multiple days for a reply and you still haven’t heard back, it may be a sign that the person has lost interest.
    • Put your phone down and try getting some exercise, cooking, taking a walk, or doing your favorite hobby so you aren’t tempted to keep checking for a reply. [3]
3

Cut back on how many messages you send.

Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/6\/6c\/Deal-with-Dating-a-Bad-Texter-Step-3.jpg\/v4-460px-Deal-with-Dating-a-Bad-Texter-Step-3.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/6\/6c\/Deal-with-Dating-a-Bad-Texter-Step-3.jpg\/aid12904054-v4-728px-Deal-with-Dating-a-Bad-Texter-Step-3.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    It’s completely okay to send 1 or 2 messages back-to-back before your partner replies. However, it might be pretty tough for them to catch up and respond to a wall of texts. If you normally send multiple texts, try saving a few of the topics for when you’re chatting on the phone or hanging out together.
    • If you’re in a new relationship, you can try testing your partner by only messaging them once a day. This gives them the chance to step up their game and text you more often.
    2. Advertisement
4

Give them the benefit of the doubt.

Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/a\/a1\/Deal-with-Dating-a-Bad-Texter-Step-4.jpg\/v4-460px-Deal-with-Dating-a-Bad-Texter-Step-4.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/a\/a1\/Deal-with-Dating-a-Bad-Texter-Step-4.jpg\/aid12904054-v4-728px-Deal-with-Dating-a-Bad-Texter-Step-4.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    It can be really easy to accidentally assume someone doesn’t care if they only send short messages. Ask the person how they feel about a topic if you think there’s something wrong so your partner has a chance to fully explain themselves. [4]
    • For example, if you say that you want to go to a movie and your partner replies, “Okay,” you may follow up by asking something like, “How do you feel about the movie?” or “I’m open to suggestions! What do you want to see?”
5

Plan times where you can discuss things.

Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/1\/18\/Deal-with-Dating-a-Bad-Texter-Step-5.jpg\/v4-460px-Deal-with-Dating-a-Bad-Texter-Step-5.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/1\/18\/Deal-with-Dating-a-Bad-Texter-Step-5.jpg\/aid12904054-v4-728px-Deal-with-Dating-a-Bad-Texter-Step-5.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    If your partner is pretty busy, ask when they’re available during the day to message you. Set aside a window of time when you’re both able to message back and forth and plan to have your conversations then. That way, you know when to expect messages from them so you’re not worrying about it during the day. [5]
    • Keep your partner’s schedule in mind so you don’t text them when they’re busy with other things.
    2. Advertisement
6

Save texting for casual conversations only.

Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/e\/ed\/Deal-with-Dating-a-Bad-Texter-Step-6.jpg\/v4-460px-Deal-with-Dating-a-Bad-Texter-Step-6.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/e\/ed\/Deal-with-Dating-a-Bad-Texter-Step-6.jpg\/aid12904054-v4-728px-Deal-with-Dating-a-Bad-Texter-Step-6.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    Keep your text conversations laid back so you’re not putting too much pressure on your partner to respond. [6] When you have something really important to talk about, try asking when they’re available for talking on the phone or getting together in person since it will help your bond grow faster. [7]
    • For example, you can use texting to ask about each other’s days or make plans, but you should call or meet up if you want to talk about any relationship issues.
    • You could even move to a different messaging platform, such as Messenger or Twitter DMs, for more casual conversations. That way, when you send a text, the person knows that it’s important.
7

Send them interesting messages.

Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/f\/f8\/Deal-with-Dating-a-Bad-Texter-Step-7.jpg\/v4-460px-Deal-with-Dating-a-Bad-Texter-Step-7.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/f\/f8\/Deal-with-Dating-a-Bad-Texter-Step-7.jpg\/aid12904054-v4-728px-Deal-with-Dating-a-Bad-Texter-Step-7.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    If you always ask the same questions or talk about the same thing, the other person might just need something more engaging. Try asking them open-ended questions that start with “how” “what” or “why” to get them talking. Tailoring your messages to them better might encourage them to respond more. [8]
    • For example, you could ask something like, “You’re a huge movie buff right? What are some new movies I should check out?”
    • As another example, you could end your message on a cliffhanger like, “OMG the craziest thing just happened at work.”
    2. Advertisement
8

Tell them how you want them to text.

Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/e\/e3\/Deal-with-Dating-a-Bad-Texter-Step-8.jpg\/v4-460px-Deal-with-Dating-a-Bad-Texter-Step-8.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/e\/e3\/Deal-with-Dating-a-Bad-Texter-Step-8.jpg\/aid12904054-v4-728px-Deal-with-Dating-a-Bad-Texter-Step-8.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    Find a time where you can talk to your partner face-to-face or over the phone so you’re not waiting on replies. Mention how their texts make you feel when you read them. Give them advice on how to write their messages going forward so they know what you prefer. [9]
    • For example, you might say something like, “I feel like I’m not respected when I write sincere messages and get one-word answers back. I’d really appreciate it if you would say a little bit more about how you’re feeling so I don’t think you’re upset.”
9

Make compromises.

Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/3\/39\/Deal-with-Dating-a-Bad-Texter-Step-9.jpg\/v4-460px-Deal-with-Dating-a-Bad-Texter-Step-9.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/3\/39\/Deal-with-Dating-a-Bad-Texter-Step-9.jpg\/aid12904054-v4-728px-Deal-with-Dating-a-Bad-Texter-Step-9.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    It might be a little tough to satisfy everything you and the other person want, so you may need to make a few sacrifices. Work together and talk about what works best for your schedules and how you want to communicate so you both feel heard. [10]
    • Be reasonable with any compromise you come up with. For example, you can’t expect someone to reply as soon as they receive your message, but you could ask them to check their messages every few hours so they don’t miss anything.
    2. Advertisement
10

Spend more time with each other in person.

Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/4\/4d\/Deal-with-Dating-a-Bad-Texter-Step-10.jpg\/v4-460px-Deal-with-Dating-a-Bad-Texter-Step-10.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/4\/4d\/Deal-with-Dating-a-Bad-Texter-Step-10.jpg\/aid12904054-v4-728px-Deal-with-Dating-a-Bad-Texter-Step-10.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    You can learn a lot more about your partner when you’re hanging out with each other than over text. Rather than texting an entire conversation, ask them when they’re able to get together with you. Since physical chemistry is a lot more important than how you communicate in your messages, you’ll feel a lot deeper connection. [11]
11

Compare your texts to how you communicate in person.

Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/2\/23\/Deal-with-Dating-a-Bad-Texter-Step-11.jpg\/v4-460px-Deal-with-Dating-a-Bad-Texter-Step-11.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/2\/23\/Deal-with-Dating-a-Bad-Texter-Step-11.jpg\/aid12904054-v4-728px-Deal-with-Dating-a-Bad-Texter-Step-11.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    Some people aren’t into having conversations over text since they feel a little impersonal. If your partner opens up, has fun, and acts invested in your relationship when you’re on the phone or spending time together, then you shouldn’t worry so much about how often you text. [12]
    • If the person still feels closed off when you’re on the phone or in person, then it could mean they aren’t feeling as invested.
    2. Advertisement
12

Stop texting if they don’t put in any effort.

Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/4\/4d\/Deal-with-Dating-a-Bad-Texter-Step-12.jpg\/v4-460px-Deal-with-Dating-a-Bad-Texter-Step-12.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/4\/4d\/Deal-with-Dating-a-Bad-Texter-Step-12.jpg\/aid12904054-v4-728px-Deal-with-Dating-a-Bad-Texter-Step-12.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    When you’re dating someone, you both should feel comfortable opening up and holding a conversation. If the person takes multiple days to reply to texts and closes themselves off when you’re together in person, they might not take the relationship seriously. [13]
    • Even if you’ve only been seeing each other for a short time, show the person respect by telling them why you want to end things rather than ghosting them.

Expert Q&A

Ask a Question
200 characters left
Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.
Submit
      Advertisement

      Tips

      • If you’re feeling anxious waiting for texts from someone, take a short break from your devices and do something else so you don’t stress yourself out. [14]
        Thanks
      • Give your partner some credit when they do reach out to you if they eventually have a thoughtful response. Even if they aren’t able to reply to your messages right away, they’ve still put effort into their response.
        Thanks
      Submit a Tip
      All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published
      Submit
      Thanks for submitting a tip for review!
      Advertisement

      You Might Also Like

      55+ Questions and Topics To Talk About With Your Girlfriend
      Fun & Spicy Truth or Dare Questions to Ask Your Girlfriend
      Truth or Dare Questions for Couples: 150+ Flirty Options
      How to
      Impress a Girl on a Date
      25 Exciting Things to Do With Your Boyfriend
      17+ Fun & Easy Late Night Date Ideas
      Fun and Freaky Questions to Ask Your Boyfriend
      15 Unique Ideas for a Romantic Date Night at Home
      How to
      Entertain a Girl
      How to
      Not Be Boring With Your Boyfriend
      21 First Date Tips for Men
      How to
      Prepare For a Date
      How to Plan the Perfect Date
      Looking for a Fun Couple’s Challenge? These Are Some of the Best
      Advertisement

      References

      1. ↑ https://sundial.csun.edu/108831/arts-entertainment/how-texting-can-affect-relationships/
      2. ↑ Julianne Cantarella. Dating & Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 6 August 2021.
      3. ↑ https://www.vogue.com/article/is-it-just-me-or-has-texting-become-harder-during-the-pandemic
      4. ↑ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/six_tips_for_reading_emotions_in_text_messages
      5. ↑ https://www.nbcnews.com/think/opinion/texting-really-ruining-personal-relationships-ncna1097461
      6. ↑ https://sundial.csun.edu/108831/arts-entertainment/how-texting-can-affect-relationships/
      7. ↑ Julianne Cantarella. Dating & Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 6 August 2021.
      8. ↑ https://www.nbcnews.com/better/lifestyle/how-have-better-conversations-people-you-ve-just-met-according-ncna1005941
      9. ↑ https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/texting-dos-and-donts-in-relationships/
      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/counseling-keys/201603/the-7-rules-for-texting-in-relationships
      2. ↑ Julianne Cantarella. Dating & Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 6 August 2021.
      3. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/tips-for-finding-lasting-love.htm
      4. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/tips-for-finding-lasting-love.htm
      5. ↑ https://www.vogue.com/article/is-it-just-me-or-has-texting-become-harder-during-the-pandemic

      About This Article

      Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 106,882 times.

      Did this article help you?

      Advertisement