How to Describe a Good Marriage

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Ever wondered what makes a marriage great? Although every relationship is a little different, the same common traits are found in the strongest marriages. Trust, communication, and respect probably come to mind, but you might be surprised to learn that playfulness and friendship rank high, too. Read through these characteristics to see how your marriage compares.

1

You spend quality time around one another.

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    It's really easy to get into a routine where you and your spouse are simply functioning in the same household. This isn't a bad thing as long as you're also enjoying each other's company! [1] To do this, you might need to schedule date nights or activities throughout the week. Here are a few ways to get some one-on-one time:
    • Work on a mutual project you've wanted to accomplish.
    • Take a language class together.
    • Go for a walk or jog after dinner.
    • Have a picnic the next time the weather's nice.
    • Watch a local comedian and laugh together.
    • Go on a day trip and explore a nearby town.
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2

You keep the lines of communication open.

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    You two regularly talk—sharing your concerns, joys, fears, and expectations. This means that when you need support, you can tell your spouse and they'll be there for you. [2] You probably feel that you could tell your spouse anything. [3]
    • When you two talk, you also give each other your undivided attention. For instance, your spouse will put down their phone or get off their laptop when you want to tell them something.
3

You’re kind and respectful to each other.

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    When you talk to your spouse, you're considerate of their feelings and you respect them as an individual. You also let them know that you care by being kind. Little gestures of kindness also prevent you two from getting on each other's nerves or blowing things out of proportion.
    • Acts of kindness don't have to be huge! You could leave a sweet note, pack a lunch for your spouse, compliment them in front of others, or call them during the day to see how they're doing.
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4

You’re both committed to the relationship.

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    Your marriage is strong if you feel supported and safe—you know that your spouse is truly your partner and they're not going anywhere!
    • In healthy marriages, neither partner will threaten the other with divorce or withhold affection.
5

You think the best of your spouse.

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    If you're waiting for your partner to mess up or you blame them when things go wrong, you'll soon resent them. Instead, be generous and assume that your partner has good intentions. [4]
    • For example, if your spouse is running late, don't think, "He can never be on time. He's never considerate enough to check in with me," tell yourself, "Traffic must be bad today. I know he said he'd try to make it home on time."
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6

You have fun with each other.

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    Spouses face a lot of life's challenges together, but close couples also look for the fun and laughter in life. If things are feeling monotonous or boring, be spontaneous and surprise your partner. It will inject some fun and energy into your relationship.
    • For instance, you could play innocent pranks on your spouse, surprise them with a weekend getaway, or take them to a show they've wanted to see.
7

You show each other physical affection.

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    We're not talking big displays of affection—a hand on their shoulder, a quick kiss, or holding hands all make you feel supported in the relationship. [5]
    • Keep in mind that some people have a stronger need for physical touch while others are more reserved. Try to find a good balance of what you and your partner need in your marriage.
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8

You both work on emotional and sexual intimacy.

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    To improve your intimacy, spend more time talking and listening to each other—share your feelings, fears, desires, everything! Take this communication to the bedroom and talk about what turns you on. Sex is a great opportunity to deepen your emotional connection. [6]
    • Being emotionally close means that you're vulnerable, but you trust your partner to respect and listen to you.
9

You successfully resolve conflicts.

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    If you or your spouse is upset, you'll listen to each other to find out what's wrong. [7] Then, you'll work as a team to come up with a solution. There's no blaming, name-calling, or yelling—just calm, respectful discussion.
    • For example, instead of saying, "You never help around the house. You just don't appreciate what I do!" you could say, "Can we talk about household chores later? I'm feeling really stressed out."
    Esther Perel, Psychotherapist

    Resolve issues through communication and hard work. "Issues and conflict will arise in every relationship. But in healthy relationships, the deeper issue is recognized, and we work to chip away at it, moving from rupture to repair."

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10

You forgive your spouse.

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    At some point, they'll hurt your feelings or you'll hurt theirs and this is completely normal. However, strong couples can forgive each other and move on instead of punishing or resenting each other.
    • If you can't forgive your spouse and choose to hold a grudge, you'll have a hard time emotionally connecting with them in the future.
    • Not sure how to forgive them? You might say, "I'm really hurt by what you did, but I love you and I want to get through this together."
11

You appreciate your partner.

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    If you're like many couples, you might forget to tell your spouse that you love or value them. Make a point of expressing affection and appreciation every day. This lets your spouse know that you see them and love having them in your life.
    • For instance, you could say, "Hey, thank you for making dinner tonight. It was wonderful," or, "Thanks for picking up the kids today. It really made my day easier."
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      References

      1. ↑ Tara Vossenkemper, PhD, LPC. Licensed Professional Counselor. Expert Interview. 18 January 2022.
      2. ↑ Tara Vossenkemper, PhD, LPC. Licensed Professional Counselor. Expert Interview. 18 January 2022.
      3. ↑ https://www.urmc.rochester.edu/encyclopedia/content.aspx?contenttypeid=1&contentid=4580
      4. ↑ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/what_we_can_learn_from_the_best_marriages
      5. ↑ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/what_we_can_learn_from_the_best_marriages
      6. ↑ https://extensionpublications.unl.edu/assets/pdf/g2132.pdf
      7. ↑ Tara Vossenkemper, PhD, LPC. Licensed Professional Counselor. Expert Interview. 18 January 2022.

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