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If you want to get back with your ex, rest assured that you’ve got a shot. Nothing is really final when it comes to relationships, and people change their minds all the time. While it may take some time, you can increase the odds that the two of you end up back together by focusing on yourself and improving the way you feel about you. We know it may hurt right now, but know that this will get easier and you’ve still got a very good chance here.
Steps
Question 1 of 9:
Is it possible for an ex to come back?
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Yes, exes reconnect with one another all the time. Roughly half of all couples who break up end up giving it another shot, so you’ve a really good chance to get back with your ex . [1] X Research source The odds are very good that your ex will end up hitting you up at some point—if not to get back together, at least to explore the possibility. Do not assume that things won’t work out! [2] X Research source
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While it’s possible, try to forget about it for now and focus on you. It’s very important to recognize that while it’s possible to get back with your ex, a large part of this happening has to do with them—not you. Even if you really want to get back together, you cannot control how they feel. As a result, the best thing you can do right now is work on yourself. Do things you enjoy, hang out with friends and family, and focus on what’s important to you outside of your ex. [3] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health Go to source
- Say “yes” to every invitation you get. Being social and building your other relationships is a great way to forget about your ex.
- Stay active . Exercise and get out of the house every day. Not only is it good for your body, but it’s good for your mental health as well!
- Throw yourself at your schoolwork or job. Tackling something on your plate will put you back into control and make you feel like the best version of you.
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Question 3 of 9:
How do you get your ex back when they are dating someone else?
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Give them plenty of space to give them time to miss you. You know the phrase “out of sight, out of mind?” It’s the opposite with exes. If you keep texting or calling them , you may give the impression that you’re a little clingy or obsessive. If you need to, block them on social media and delete their number. It seems counterintuitive, but giving them room will improve your chances in the future. [6] X Research source
- This isn’t to say that you should ignore them if they hit you up. However, you should wait for them to reach out to you, not the other way around.
- It’s also not particularly healthy to keep checking in on them once you’ve broken up. It can be extremely tempting to hop on social media and see what they’re up to every other day, but it won’t make you feel better.
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Improve yourself and show them that you’re growing. You cannot control how they feel about you, but what you can do is improve yourself as much as possible so that you look like the best partner you can be. Get as fit as possible, be as social as possible, and spend your free time improving yourself in whatever way you can. The happier and healthier you are, the more attractive you’ll be as a potential partner. [7] X Research source
- If the two of you broke up for a specific reason and you can fix whatever the reason was, do it. For example, if you broke up because they said you were unambitious, go back to school or hit the job market for a better gig.
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Question 5 of 9:
How do you make your ex regret losing you?
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Demonstrate you’re doing well on social media (without bragging). This is all about sustained progress, so expect it to take some time. Post regular updates about your new gym or killer grades. Share flattering selfies , and take group pics with your friends when you go out on the town. If they see that you’re being active, productive, and happy, they’ll be more likely to want you back. [9] X Research source
- The trick here is to post about how well you’re doing without actually making it seem like you’re totally full of yourself. Don’t overdo it with the “life is going so great and I couldn’t be happier” stuff. Be humble and thoughtful, but flex a little bit!
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Act like you aren’t actively trying to “win them over” and mean it. The irony of this whole thing is that it’s probably only a good idea to get back with your ex if you’ve stopped worrying about getting back with your ex. Processing what happened, focusing on yourself, and trying to grow as a person is the only surefire way to become the type of person they’d want to get back with. [10] X Research source
- In your process of self-discovery and growth, it’s possible you’ll meet someone who is even better for you than your ex! [11] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
- You know that whole “a watched pot never boils” thing? That is how this works. If you keep checking in on your ex, scoping out their social media, or ask your friends about them, it means you aren’t growing. If you aren’t growing, it means getting back together is unlikely to end well. Just do you for a while.
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Question 9 of 9:
How do I know if my breakup is final?
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Assume it’s over if they aren’t talking or interacting with you. If they aren’t responding to texts, ignoring you online, or refusing to have a conversation about what happened, it’s a sign that they’re serious about not getting back together. If they were still interested in potentially getting back together, they’d at least be open to interacting with you. [17] X Trustworthy Source Cleveland Clinic Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals Go to source
- People can change their mind if you give it enough time but that can take months, or even years. For now, take them at the word and do your best to move on. [18] X Research source
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It’s definitely final if they’re signaling its over on social media. Their behavior on social media means a lot. If they change their status to “single,” post about a new Tinder account, or start sharing photos of them with some other guy or girl, they’re putting it out there that they’re not interested. It’s final if they’re announcing the breakup to the world. [19] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
- This kind of content can be super painful to see. This is why it’s so important to not keep checking in on them online and focus on you. It might hurt a lot right now, but things will get better.
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow do you deal with obsessive exes?Cristina Morara is a Professional Matchmaker, Dating Coach, Relationship Expert, and the Founder of Stellar Hitch Private Matchmaking, a luxury matchmaking service based in Los Angeles that serves clients nationwide and internationally. As a former casting director, Cristina specializes in finding the perfect partner through her exclusive global network and detailed, warm approach. Cristina holds a BA in Communications and Psychology from Villanova University. Stellar Hitch has been featured in the Huffington Post, Chelsea Handler’s Netflix documentary, ABC News, the Tonight Show, Voyage LA, and the Celebrity Perspective.Stop all contact immediately. Do not talk on the phone, text, email or engage on social media. It may also be best to stop seeing your mutual friends for a while in case new information about you gets back to them and provokes more obsessive behavior. Make sure your friends and family know about it. Delicate situations like these can easily escalate so don’t hesitate to get a restraining order if you feel the least bit unsafe
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QuestionShould I be worried if my boyfriend is friends with his ex?Cristina Morara is a Professional Matchmaker, Dating Coach, Relationship Expert, and the Founder of Stellar Hitch Private Matchmaking, a luxury matchmaking service based in Los Angeles that serves clients nationwide and internationally. As a former casting director, Cristina specializes in finding the perfect partner through her exclusive global network and detailed, warm approach. Cristina holds a BA in Communications and Psychology from Villanova University. Stellar Hitch has been featured in the Huffington Post, Chelsea Handler’s Netflix documentary, ABC News, the Tonight Show, Voyage LA, and the Celebrity Perspective.Not necessarily. In healthy relationships based on trust and respect, this should not be a problem. There needs to be clear boundaries and the friendship should never infringe on your relationship in any way. This means your ex should not use the friendship as an emotional outlet, a way to make you jealous or keep their conversations secret. Trust your gut; if something feels off, speak up quickly and directly.
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References
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-attraction-doctor/202206/how-get-your-ex-back-strategies-reconciling
- ↑ https://www.readersdigest.ca/health/relationships/couples-back-together-breakup/
- ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3508761/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/liking-the-child-you-love/202304/7-ways-to-cope-with-seeing-your-ex-romantic-partner
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/deeper-wellness/202207/getting-back-out-in-the-dating-world
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/having-sex-wanting-intimacy/201612/4-reasons-end-contact-your-ex
- ↑ https://positivepsychology.com/introspection-self-reflection/
- ↑ https://www.psychologicalscience.org/observer/why-love-literally-hurts
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201207/bragging-when-is-it-ok-and-when-is-it-not-ok
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-mysteries-love/201610/how-stop-thinking-about-ex
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/tips-for-finding-lasting-love.htm
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/dealing-with-a-breakup-or-divorce.htm
- ↑ https://positivepsychology.com/breakup-therapy/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-flux/201907/9-ways-help-you-process-the-loss-love-relationship
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-angry-therapist/202003/how-get-closure
- ↑ https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/0265407514525086
- ↑ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/one-sided-relationships/
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to-let-go-of-the-past-and-hurt
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/stress/surviving-tough-times.htm
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