115+ Howl-arious Dog Jokes for Kids & Adults

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Plus, a few paws-itively hiss-terical bonus jokes about cats
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If you’re looking for a dog joke that will have everyone barking with laughter, you’ve come to the right place. This article has dog jokes, puns, and one-liners for adults and kids…and we added in a few cat jokes just for good measure. Plus, we spoke with standup comedian Kendall Payne and public speaking coach Patrick Muñoz for their best advice on when and how to tell a joke that will have your audience howling.

Best Dog Jokes

  • How does a dog stop a TV show? He hits paws.
  • What kind of dog does Dracula have? A bloodhound.
  • What did the dog say when it sat on sandpaper? “Ruff.”
  • Why do dogs float? Because they’re good buoys!
  • What type of dog tells rude jokes? A smutt!
Section 1 of 12:

Classic Funny Dog Jokes

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  1. Sometimes, we all just need a quick bark of laughter. Here are a few classic dog jokes to make your friends chuckle:
    • What do you call a well-spoken dog? Bark-ticula te.
    • Why doesn’t anyone want to work for dogs? They always hound their employees.
    • What do chemists’ dogs do with their bones? They barium.
    • What kind of dog doesn’t bark? A hush puppy.
    • How can you be sure that you have a slow dog? It chases parked cars.
    • What do you call a dog with a surround sound system? A sub-woofer.
    • What happens when a dog loses its tail? It goes to a retail store to buy a new one.
    • What do a dog and a cell phone have in common? They both have collar ID.
    • What did Darth Vader’s dog say to Luke Skywalker’s dog? Join me on the bark side.
    • How does a dog stop a TV show? He hits paws.
    • How are a dog and a marine biologist alike? One wags a tail and the other tags a whale.
    • Why was the dog such a good storyteller? He knew how to paws for dramatic effect.
    • How do you stop your dog from barking in your front yard? Put him in your back yard.
    • Why did the dog walk into the saloon? He was looking for the man who shot his paw.
    • What did one flea say to another? “Should we walk or take a dog?”
    • What did the dog say when he saw the tree? “Bark!”
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Section 2 of 12:

Breed-Specific Dog Jokes for Dog Lovers

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  1. Some dog lovers have some very specific preferences when it comes to breed. Appeal to their love of their precious puppers with a joke that’s targeted to their interests. Check out this list of breed-specific dog jokes:
    • My dog’s not fat. He’s just a little husky.
    • What do you get when you cross a racing dog and a bumble bee? A greyhound buzz.
    • What do you call a dog magician? A labra-cadabra-dor.
    • What is a pug’s favourite fall beverage? Pug-kin spic e lattes.
    • What do you get when you cross a dog with a rose? A collie-flower.
    • What do you get when you cross a frog with a dog? A croaker spaniel.
    • Where does a Labrador’s food go before it can be sold in stores? To the lab for testing.
    • What do you get when you cross a cocker spaniel, a poodle, and a rooster? A cockerpoodledoo!
    • What kind of dog does Dracula have? A bloodhound.
    • How did the little Scottie dog feel when he saw a monster? Terrier-fied.
    • What do you call a dog who loves to wash its hair? A shampoo-dle!
    • Why didn’t the dog want to play football? It was more of a Boxer.
    • What did the hungry dalmatian say after dinner? That really hit the spot.
    • What do you call a left-handed boxer? A south paw!
    • What do you get when you cross a golden retriever with a telephone? A golden receiver.
Section 3 of 12:

Clean Dog Jokes for Kids

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  1. Telling a kid-friendly joke they can understand helps them develop their communication and critical thinking skills. [1] It also helps them figure out their own sense of humor. Share one of these clean jokes about dogs to give a kid the giggles:
    • How does a dog feel after a long workout? Doggone tired.
    • What breed of dog can jump higher than a building? All of them. Buildings can’t jump.
    • What do you get when you cross a dog and a calculator? A best friend you can count on.
    • Why did the man make pancakes for his dog? The dog didn’t know how.
    • Why did the dog keep raising its paw in class? Because it wanted to be teacher's pet.
    • How many hairs are in a dog’s tail? None, the hair grows on the outside.
    • Why do dogs bury bones in the ground? Because you can’t bury them in trees.
    • What do dogs order at movie theaters? Pupcorn.
    • What did the dog say when it sat on sandpaper? “Ruff.”
    • What do you call a dog who is getting old? A grand-paw.
    • Why did the mother flea feel so depressed? Because her kids were going to the dogs.
    • Where did the dog leave his car? The barking lot.
    • What did the man say when his wife asked if he’d seen the dog bowl? “I didn’t know he could!”
    • What do puppies and pages of a book have in common? They’re both dog-eared.
    • What happened when the dog went to the flea circus? He stole the show.
    • What kind of dog always knows the time? A watchdog.
    • What do you do if your dog chews up a dictionary? Take the words right out of his mouth!
    • What kind of dog chases anything red? A bulldog.
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Section 4 of 12:

Rude Dog Jokes for Adults

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  1. Sometimes, adult parties can get a little ruff when you’re only telling kid-friendly jokes. Dial things up a little with some dog jokes that are strictly adults only. Here’s a list of adult jokes to get you started:
    • I went to the zoo and all they had was one small dog. It was a real shih-tzu.
    • What do you get when you cross a Doberman and a hyena? I have no idea. But if it laughs, I join in.
    • What type of dog tells rude jokes? A smutt!
    • What looks like a dog, eats dog food, lives in a doghouse, and is very dangerous? A dog with a machete.
    • Why don’t blind people go skydiving more often? Because it frightens the dog!
    • Every single day I have a German Shepherd come and take a dump on my lawn in the morning. Today he even brought his dog with him!
    • A postman knocked on my door the other day and complained about my dog chasing him on his bike. I told him that was ridiculous. My dog doesn't even have a bike!
    • A dog goes into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender says, “You don’t see a dog in here drinking a martini very often.” The dog says, “At these prices, I’m not surprised.”
    • What is the difference between a man and a dog? A man wears a suit, a dog just pants!
    • What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn’t matter, he still won’t come when you call.
    • Why did the officer issue a ticket to the dog who gave birth on the side of the road? Because she was littering.
    • Why do dogs like conjunctions? They love buts.
Section 5 of 12:

Short Dog Jokes & One-Liners

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  1. If you’re a dog owner, you probably already know that playing with your fuzzy friend helps you relax. [2] You may not know that laughter does the same thing! Here’s a list of short jokes and one-liners to help you—and your pup—become zen masters:
    • Why aren’t Corgi jokes funny? All of them are really short.
    • Why did the snowman name his dog Frost? Because it bites!
    • How did the police handle the missing dog? They started looking for leads.
    • What did the German dog say to the frankfurter? “You’re the wurst.”
    • Why are dogs unable to get an MRI scan? Because only CAT scan.
    • What's a dog's favorite mode of transportation? A waggin'!
    • Yesterday, I spotted an albino dalmatian. It was the least I could do for it.
    • Why do dogs float? Because they’re good buoys!
    • What is the most boring type of dog? A dullmation.
    • What kind of dog never throws anything away? A hoarder collie.
    • What dog lives in Manhattan? A New Yorkie.
    • Why did the poor dog chase his own tail? He was trying to make both ends meet!
    • I used spot remover on my dog. Now he’s missing.
    • How are dogs in the UK paid? By the pound.
    • How does the Japanese Chihuahua say hello? Konichihuahua.
    • What do dogs do after they finish obedience school? They get their masters.
    • What do dogs eat for breakfast? Pooched eggs.
    • Why was the dog stealing shingles? He wanted to become a woofer!
    • What do you call a dog with no hair? A chili bean potato.
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Section 6 of 12:

Corny Puns & Dad Jokes Involving Dogs

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  1. If there’s anything that puns and dad jokes have in common, it’s the reaction from their audience. Many people can’t resist groaning at a pun or a dad joke , even when they think it’s funny. Try out one of these and bask in the heavy sighs of your audience:
    • What do you call a dog who meditates? Aware wolf.
    • How can you tell a dog is having a good time? It’s having a ball.
    • Why wouldn’t the dog bring the ball back? He says it’s too far-fetched.
    • When a dog gets a check, what should it do? Make a de-paws-it.
    • What does a dog say to flirt? You're looking fetching today.
    • What’s a dog’s favorite instrument? A trombone.
    • What do dogs say before a meal? Bone appétit!
    • Why aren’t dogs allowed in bars? They can’t control their licker!
    • Why do dogs run in circles? Because it’s hard to run in squares.
    • What do you call a dog rock star? A su-paw-star.
    • Why are dogs such bad dancers? Because they have two left paws .
    • What did my dog do when I forgot to feed him on time? He hounded me about it all day.
    • What’s a dog’s favorite type of pizza? Pup-peroni.
    • Why did the dog go to grad school? To become a bark-chitect.
    • What’s a dog’s favorite superhero? Labra-Thor.
Section 7 of 12:

“What’s Up, Dog?” Jokes

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  1. A “what’s up, dog?” or “updog” joke is a type of joke that tricks the other person into asking a question they didn’t intend. It plays off the double meaning of the word “dog” as a canine or a friend in African-American and English slang. [3] However, “you don’t always have to use the phrase “what’s up, dog” in these types of jokes. Here are a few examples:
    • You: I just ran into updog outside.
      Them: What’s updog?
      You: Nothing much. What’s up with you?
    • You: I would love to share my new dogdo.
      Them: What's a dogdo?
      You: He eats, sleeps, runs, and barks all day long.
    • You: It smells like updog on this balcony.
      Them: What’s updog?
      You: Nothing much is going on in my life. What about yours?
    • You: I really want to read adogsay.
      Them: What's adogsay?
      You: Woof, woof!
    • Them: What is your dog's name?
      You: Nunya.
      Them: Nunya?
      You: Yeah. Nun-ya business.
    • You: What is the main difference between a chihuahua and a matterbaby?
      Them: What’s a matterbaby?
      You: Nothing, baby. What’s the matter with you?
    • You: I'm going to buy a henway for my dog.
      Them: What’s a henway?
      You: About 4 pounds.
    • You: Somebody told me I need to get my dog some snew?
      Them: What’s snew?
      You: Nothing much. What’s new with you?
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Section 8 of 12:

Hot Dog Jokes

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  1. The phrase “hot dog” can describe your dog’s temperature or something you eat. It’s also another way to play off the idea that some people call Dachshunds “wiener dogs” because of their long bodies. These types of jokes also play off a dog being cold to call them a chili dog, or a hot dog topped with chili sauce. Play off those double meanings with these funny jokes:
    • Why did the Dachshund want to get out of the sun? Because it was a hot dog.
    • What do you call a frozen hot dog? A pupsicle.
    • What do you call a cold pup? A chili dog.
    • What do you call a dog with a fever? A hot dog.
    • What do you give a dog with a fever? Mustard. It’s the best thing for a hot dog.
    • What do you get when your dog jumps into the fire pit? A hot dog.
    • What do you get when you cross a chili pepper, steam shovel, and a Chihuahua? Hot, diggety dog.
Section 9 of 12:

“A Dog Walks into a Bar…” Jokes

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  1. A bar joke or “walks into a bar” joke is a type of joke that follows the pattern: A [noun] walks into a bar and [humorous event happens]. [4] It often uses puns or ridiculous situations to make people laugh. Here are a few examples of this:
    • A dog walks into the bar, jumps up on the stool and says to the bartender, “Hey barkeep, it’s my birthday today. How ’bout a free drink?”
      The bartender turns, looks at the dog and nods his head, “Sure pal, toilet’s right down the hall.”
    • A dog walks into a bar. The dog says, “Gimme a beer.”
      The bartender says, “Wow! You can talk! You should get a job at the circus!”
      The dog says, “They’re hiring electricians at the circus?”
    • A dog walks into a bar. Bartender nods and says, “Hey dog, haven’t seen you in a while, how are things going?”
      Dog looks at him sadly and replies, “Ruff.”
    • A dog walks into a bar and says, “Bartender, get me a jack…and Coke.”
      “Sure thing, but what’s with the small pause?” asks the bartender.
    • A man walks into a bar with his dog. The bartender says, “Hey, we don't allow dogs in here.”
      The man says, “He can play poker.”
      The bartender says, “Wow, that's amazing! Is he any good?”
      The man says, “Not really, he wags his tail every time he gets a good hand.”
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Section 10 of 12:

Sumerian Dog Joke

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  1. In the late 1800s, archaeologists discovered an ancient clay tablet in Iraq. The tablet was written in ancient Sumerian, a dead language that we don’t completely understand. The rough translation is: “A dog walks into a bar and says, ‘I cannot see a thing. I’ll open this one.’” [5]
    • The meaning of the joke appears to depend on daily life or wordplay that modern readers don’t understand.
    • This joke is also a variation of the bar joke.
    • This joke went viral after a Twitter post by @depthsofwiki in March 2022 with users attempting to puzzle out its meaning. [6]
Section 11 of 12:

Bonus: Hiss-terical Cat Jokes

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  1. If you’re more of a cat lover, you might be looking for a few jokes of the feline purr-suasion. We didn’t want to leave you out! Here are a few un-fur-gettable jokes starring a dog’s natural enemy:
    • What's a cat's favorite book? The Great Cats-by.
    • What's every kitten’s favorite movie? The Little Purr-maid.
    • What’s a cat’s favorite TV show? Claw and Order.
    • What's a cat's favorite food? Paw-sta.
    • What's a cat's favorite day of the week? Cat-urday.
    • What’s a cat’s favorite cereal? Mice crispies.
    • What's a cat’s favorite dessert? Chocolate mouse.
    • What's a cat’s favorite color? Purr-ple.
    • What do you call a cat who loves to bowl? An alley cat.
    • Why did the cats ask for a piano? They wanted to make mew-sic.
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Section 12 of 12:

How to Tell a Dog Joke

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  1. 1
    Match the dog joke to the audience. Having the ability to read the room is a big part of telling jokes and being funny . The best way to do this is by paying attention to the mood and listening to what the people around you are talking about. Muñoz recommends being very careful about using humor in serious situations and always paying attention to your audience’s reactions to your jokes.
    • For example, you might get a laugh with a dog joke at a party, but it falls flat at a wedding. If you’re reading the room, you’ll only make that mistake once.
    • If you’re at a gathering and you’re hearing a lot of laughter, listen to what people are laughing at. Then, choose a joke that matches.
    • Stick to jokes that are funny, appropriate, and easy to understand for all ages if you’re in a group with adults and children.
  2. 2
    Make the joke funnier with a “pregnant pause” before the punchline. Timing is one of the most important elements of telling a joke . Timing involves adjusting how fast you talk and using “pregnant pauses” to make your jokes funnier. A “pregnant pause” is when you pause after the joke’s setup to build tension for the punchline. [7]
    • For example, there’s a classic joke by legendary comedian Henny Youngman that uses a little misdirection and a “pregnant pause” to make it funnier.
    • He starts with “Take my wife,” like he’s telling a story. Then, he pauses and says, “Please,” which changes the setup to a plea to take her away.
    • Don’t let the pause go on too long. Even the funniest joke can fall flat if people have too much time to think about it.
  3. 3
    Don’t sweat it if no one laughs at your joke. Payne advises you to “just have fun, do your best, but know that you’ll probably fail the first few times.” He adds that you’ll get better at telling jokes the more you do it. You just have to be confident in your sense of humor and believe in yourself when you’re telling a joke.
    • Payne says that sometimes your joke will bomb, but that’s okay. It’s just part of telling jokes.
    • The best thing to do in those situations is shrug it off and move on.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://youtu.be/XNKShw_rdZU?t=37
      2. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/wellness/pets/mood-boosting-power-of-dogs
      3. ↑ https://news.asu.edu/20190711-discoveries-dog-days-summer-linguistics-expert
      4. ↑ https://youtu.be/NdmOtAdo_Jk?t=19
      5. ↑ https://www.wbur.org/endlessthread/2022/08/05/sumerian-joke-one
      6. ↑ https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/sumerian-bar-joke
      7. ↑ https://www.backstage.com/magazine/article/comedic-timing-tips-75129/

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