Are You a Floater Friend? Here's What You Can Do About It

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Find out how to change (or embrace!) your floater status
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People on TikTok are saying they feel like floater friends, and they're not happy about it. And if the millions of likes they're generating are any indication, a lot of people on the internet feel the same way! But what does the term "floater friend" (also called a "social floater") mean, and is it such a bad thing to be one? Come with us to discover what a "floater friend" is , the signs you might be one , steps to stop being one , and reasons to embrace this friendship status. We'll also share expert advice on navigating friendships from psychology experts.

Floater Friend Meaning

A floater friend is a person who doesn't feel like they belong to any one friend group. Some choose this friendship style, whereas others fall into it unintentionally. Floater friends by choice enjoy meeting new people and being independent, but unwilling floater friends struggle with feeling left out and lonely.

Section 1 of 4:

What is a floater friend?

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  1. Even though they have a lot of friends or people they know, floater friends share very few (if any) deep, intimate bonds with anyone. As such, they often feel like they're always in the background and never one of the friends who make up the core of the group. They may prefer being this type of friend (also known as a social floater ), or they may have fallen into the role accidentally and are looking for ways to forge more meaningful and intimate relationships. [1]
    • Some people enjoy being social floaters. They see it as an opportunity to get to know a wide variety of people and expose themselves to more diverse opinions, cultures, and relationships. They might also act like floaters on purpose to avoid drama or revealing too much about themselves.
    • Other "floater friends" feel lonely and long for deeper connection . They struggle to make lasting and meaningful friendships, especially as they get older.

    Meet the wikiHow Experts

    Ebony Eubanks, MSW, ACSW, CAMS-II , is a Therapist and the Founder and CEO of Peaceful Living Counseling, with over a decade of experience. She specializes in depression, anxiety, couples work, life guidance coaching, and anger management.

    Niall Geoghegan, PsyD , is a Clinical Psychologist specializing in Coherence Therapy, which helps patients by treating the emotional root of their behavioral problems.

    Jin S. Kim, MA , is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist specializing in working with LGBTQ individuals and people of color. He also helps people who may struggle with reconciling multiple and intersectional identities.

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Section 2 of 4:

Signs You Might Be a Floater Friend

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  1. 1
    You don't have a deep bond with anyone in your friend group. There isn't anyone among your many friends with whom you feel you could talk about your feelings or share secrets. Outside of the times when you're texting in a group chat or hanging out with everyone in person, you don't talk much. Sometimes your one-on-one conversations might feel awkward without the noise and camaraderie of the rest of your friends.
  2. 2
    You're never the first person people think to invite. You feel like your friends always invite each other to things before they think of you, so you often feel like an afterthought instead of a priority. You think of yourself as part of the B-list in your friend group—the people they remember when they want to add more people to the group, but never part of the core hang out. You don’t feel like one of the A-listers, or the core friends who are always expected to be invited or show up. [2]
    • Some floater friends also feel like the "pity invite" of their group. This means they believe they're only ever invited because their friends feel sorry for them or like they have to invite them.
  3. 3
    You're not "in" on your friend group's inside jokes. You might think you're a floater when your friend groups have inside jokes that you're never aware of. You often find yourself asking, "Wait, what happened?" or "What did I miss?" to try to understand their conversation. While this could happen a couple times just because you missed a hang or two, you may be a floater if you’re constantly the last to know. [3]
  4. 4
    Your friends take a while to respond when you call or text. If you notice that the members of your friend group rarely reply to your messages, you might be a floater friend. In this case, your friends might not be interested in your input as much as they're interested in talking to each other. Alternatively, they may have missed your text because they didn't see it or weren't expecting you to add anything to their conversation. [4]
    • Your friends not answering doesn't mean they don't appreciate you! Their lack of response could also mean that you texted right as the previous conversation ended. You might also have sent your message or called when they were busy or logging off to go to sleep. Some people are also habitually slow to respond, so it might not be happening to just you!
  5. 5
    You make most of the effort in your friendships. This is usually a sign of someone who didn't choose to be a floater friend. It's also called a one-sided friendship, where one person feels that they're always the one reaching out, making plans, and providing emotional support. This doesn't always mean that the other person doesn't value you as a friend—they may simply be too busy with work, family, health, or financial stresses to remember to text. But it can make you feel like you're floating in and out of their lives. [5]
    • Someone who chooses to be a floater friend may not feel that any of their friendships are one-sided. This is because they're flitting from one group to another on purpose, so they probably don't expect to hear from their friends constantly.
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Section 3 of 4:

How to Stop Being a Floater Friend

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  1. To make yourself a more permanent member of a friend group, get to know the other people in that group more. Invite them to spend one-on-one time with you, learn more about their lives and interests, and discover how you're similar (and unique). Building these bonds can make you feel more comfortable and accepted in the group at large. [6]
  2. 2
    Open up and express yourself more. Leveling up past "floater friend" status is hard when you don't act like you're part of the friend group. Don't always wait for other people to start conversations or share opinions. Instead, overcome your shyness and express yourself. You may find that your friends treat you more like a real friend when they see that you're opening up to them and not just lurking in the shadows of the group chat. [7]
  3. 3
    Invite your friends to hang out instead of waiting to be contacted. Your friends may invite you to things last-minute (or not at all) because they think you're too busy or simply aren't interested. Prove them wrong by inviting them to hang out first. Don't wait around for hours staring at your phone, hoping to get a DM or a phone call.
  4. 4
    Understand that everyone has a unique communication style. Some people might assume they're the floater friends of their group, when all they need to do is understand that their friends communicate differently than they do. For example, some friends enjoy texting each other all day and/or night, whereas others don't. Just because you haven't been invited to something yet or no one replied to your messages doesn't mean your friends don't value you. It may just mean you need to adapt your communication style to theirs.
  5. 5
    Accept that not all friendships are close or long-lasting. Friendships tend to come and go like the seasons, and that's okay! Not everyone is looking for a deep, intimate bond that will last forever. It's also not uncommon to outgrow a friendship, in which case therapist Ebony Eubanks, MSW, ACSW, CAMS-II, suggests finding new friends with whom you have more common interests. [8] This is a normal part of life, so don't worry if you occasionally "float" away from someone you once wanted to be close to. [9]
  6. 6
    Step away from emotionally unsupportive or toxic "friend" groups. Everyone needs their friends to provide emotional support to some degree. Clinical psychologist Niall Geoghegan, PsyD, says to ask yourself, "[Do] I have a greater need for emotional support than this friend can give?" If the answer is "Yes," then that may be a sign you need to let your relationship with that group fizzle. [10] Additionally, if your friend group (or someone in it) is violating your boundaries and making you feel unhappy or stressed, licensed marriage and family therapist Jin S. Kim, MA, says that "it is imperative to end it… to protect oneself." [11]
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Section 4 of 4:

Reasons to Embrace Being a Floater Friend

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  1. If you're a floater by choice, that means you probably know and are friends with a lot of different people. This can be a wonderful thing, as it exposes you to new ideas, cultures, and experiences beyond what you would get from just one group or a couple of close friends. [12]
  2. 2
    You have more options when you want to socialize. "Variety is the spice of life," so the old saying goes. So why not vary who you hang out with in your spare time instead of latching onto one specific clique? This is also a great benefit if you have a wide variety of interests, but not all your friends share them. [13]
  3. 3
    You keep your head above the drama. Some choose to become social floaters for a reason, and that reason is to protect their mental health and stay out of their friends' drama. You can do the same, so that you're around for the good times and away when people in your group start gossiping or fighting.
  4. 4
    You can keep your private life to yourself. In the age of social media, when everyone's private life is an open book on Instagram and Facebook, you may want to avoid oversharing on social media . In that case, being a floater friend is an advantage. Your friend group already doesn't expect much from you in terms of communication or hanging out, so you can easily maintain your privacy. Plus, not telling your friends everything helps you avoid being judged or gossiped about behind your back. [14]
  5. Floater friends may not be around all the time, but that doesn't mean they aren't dependable. When the rubber hits the road and someone in your friend group needs you, you have the time and flexibility to be there for them.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Social+Floater
      2. ↑ https://herviewfromhome.com/the-b-list-friend/
      3. ↑ https://www.hercampus.com/school/carleton/what-being-the-floater-friend-taught-me/
      4. ↑ https://socialself.com/blog/friends-dont-text-back/
      5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/platonic-love/202309/one-sided-friendships-give-up-or-give-grace
      6. ↑ https://socialself.com/blog/join-group-friends/
      7. ↑ https://socialself.com/blog/join-group-friends/
      8. ↑ Ebony Eubanks, MSW, ACSW, CAMS-II. Therapist. Expert Interview
      9. ↑ https://kenyoncollegian.com/opinion/2021/04/friendships-dont-always-last-forever-and-thats-okay/
      1. ↑ Dr. Niall Geoghegan, PsyD. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview
      2. ↑ Jin S. Kim, MA. Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist. Expert Interview
      3. ↑ https://www.womenshealthmag.com/life/a61571814/floater-friend/
      4. ↑ https://www.hercampus.com/school/carleton/what-being-the-floater-friend-taught-me/
      5. ↑ https://www.theodysseyonline.com/quick-thought-on-privacy

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