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Crack the code & discover whether your guy friend's got a crush
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If you've got a guy friend you adore, you may start to wonder: are we really just pals, or does he want something more? Don't worry, we've got your back. By paying attention to his body language and behavior, you can solve the mystery for good. Or, if you'd rather just ask him directly, we'll give you tons of pro tips for that, too. Ready to finally find out what your guy friend really thinks of you? Read on for more.
Things You Should Know
- Pay attention to how he speaks to you. A guy with a crush will likely engage you one on one, and then try to discuss deeper topics.
- Watch for body cues that signal romantic feelings (like strong eye contact and open body language).
- If you're unsure, don't be afraid to ask him directly. And no matter what he says, try to be accepting of his response.
Steps
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Do you hang out alone? If he likes you enough to dedicate his time to you (and you alone) that's definitely a sign that he likes you. If the two of you mainly hang out in big groups, it might feel tougher to decode his feelings. But here's a trick: casually ask him to hang out along and see what he says. [1] X Research source
- "Hey, I know you wanted me to tell you the next time I made my special brownie recipe. You're in luck! Swing by and grab a few if you want."
- If he accepts your offer and tries to hang around (alone) with you for as long as he can, that's a good sign. If not, that might be a sign that you're just pals.
- If he does spend time with you solo, pay attention to how he acts. If you notice he's a little different now than around the guys, that's a sign he's got a crush.
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What kinds of words does he use to address you? Are they friendly, or are they flirty? If he pretty much addresses you in the same way that he does his guy friends ("bro," "dude," "man"), that's a sign that he sees you as a friend. On the other hand, if he uses sweet or silly nicknames for you, that could mean that he's trying to create a bond with you (and relatedly, that he likes you!). [2] X Expert Source Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach & Matchmaker Expert Interview. 7 July 2020.- If he likes you, he may use obviously flirty nicknames, like "cutie," "love," "honey," or "babe."
- On the other hand, he may choose a teasing nickname, like "killer" or "kid."
- You might even notice that he uses your name more than he does with others ("Dana, how's it going?"). This could be a sign that he's into you, too.
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Does he talk about deeper, emotional topics with you? Pay attention to how he speaks to you, especially if you're ever alone. Does he discuss the same topics that he does with other friends, like sports, cars, school, or silly jokes? You might start to get the sense that he's not trying to impress you (fart jokes galore!) or that he treats you exactly like he does with friends. On the other hand, if he always asks about deeper, more meaningful topics, that's a sign that he likes you. [3] X Research source
- If he likes you, he might ask about your fears, insecurities, romantic history, or desires.
- You might also notice that he takes every chance to compliment you ("You have really nice hair," "I love how funny you are"). Meanwhile, if he compliments other love interests around you instead, that's a sign that you're just a friend.
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Does he regularly start up 1-on-1 conversations with you? Is he constantly blowing up your phone with texts, calls, and DMs? This is a surefire sign that he's interested. When you to hang out in groups, he might try to find time alone with you if he has a crush. If you guys break out into teams, he wants to be on yours. If you're all driving home in different cars, he asks you to ride shotgun. [4] X Research source
- If he's texting you first thing in the morning and late at night, that's a sign that he's thinking about you when he's alone (AKA, he might like you!).
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Does he ask you about your romantic life? Friends usually show an interest in their other friend's lives, so if he wants to know about your love life, it's not a definite sign. That said, if your friend is always asking about who you like, who you've dated, and more, he might be gathering intel. He could be trying to figure out if he has a shot and if he's your type! [5] X Research source
- Side note: if a man, friend or not, demands to know who you've been with or who you're seeing, that's not cool. Plus, it's a sign of jealous, controlling behavior. So some casual curiosity is great, but if he's obsessing or making you uncomfortable, try setting boundaries or cutting off contact. [6] X Research source
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How does he react when you casually touch him? If he's crushing on you, he may actually be waiting for you to make a move. If you feel comfortable, try sitting beside him or touching your leg and shoulder to his. Then, pay attention to how he reacts. [7] X Expert Source Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach & Matchmaker Expert Interview. 7 July 2020. If you're just a friend to him, he'll probably show no acknowledgement because he feels comfortable.- Or, if he moves away from you, that's another signal that he doesn't see you in a romantic way. It might be a bummer, but now you know!
- But if he encourages your contact (by putting an arm around you, leaning closer to you, or looking you in the eyes when you touch), that's sign the he likes it.
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Does he try to get close to you when he can? If you'd rather not make a move and watch his reaction, look out for signs that he wants to touch you instead. He might always try to sit next you at the group movie or dinner. And when you do sit next to each other, he might look for opportunities to establish contact (by touching knees, cuddling up close, you name it). [8] X Research source On the other hand, if he doesn't seem to care where you sit, that's a sign that he sees you as a pal.
- He might even offer to remove an eyelash from your face or brush loose hair behind your ear. In this case, he might be trying to create more intimacy.
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Does he use nervous or excited body language when you're close? When you two are chatting, pay attention to his subtle body language cues. He might fiddle and fidget because you make him nervous. In this case, he might play around with objects in the room, have a shaky voice, or have sweaty palms. On the other hand, if he wants to charm you, he might have open body language. Open body language means spread legs, shoulders rolled back, and open palms. [9] X Research source
- On the other hand, he might have relaxed, closed body language if you're just a pal. Specifically, he might turn away from you or cross his arms and legs.
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Does he hold strong eye contact with you? If he makes excessive eye contact with you, especially if you are in a group of people, that's a good sign. After all, it's his way of saying that you're the most exciting thing to look at in the room. You might even notice that when you catch him staring, he'll shyly look away. This could definitely mean that he's crushing on you. [10] X Research source
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Does he use big, animated gestures when you're speaking with him? If he actively gestures when you two talk, it's a sign that he is interested in what you are saying. If he nods along to what you are saying or gestures out towards you, then he's trying to engage you even more in conversation. Or, if you notice that gestures seem to mirror yours (so if you cross your legs, so does he), then his body language signals that he's trying to charm you. [11] X Research source
- On the other hand, if his body language is the same with you as it is with other pals, that might be a sign that you're more of a friend to him.
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Find time to talk with him alone. If you are going to talk about the state of your relationship, you should find a time when you two can hang out alone together. Ask him if he’s free one weekend and invite him over to your place. If he doesn’t agree or tries to avoid coming over, it might be a sign that he’s not interested. [12] X Research source
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Hang out together just like you normally would. Don’t ambush him right away with the big question. Do something fun that you two have always enjoyed together. Play a video game, watch a movie, or discuss sports.
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Initiate a conversation about your relationship. When you feel the time is right, pause the video game or movie. You can even wait until just before he goes home. Ask him if you can have a few minutes to talk. Reassure him that you don’t want to make things awkward, but that you want to clear up some confusion about your relationship. You don’t have to reveal if you like him or not yet.
- You can try saying, “Hey, do you mind if we have a quick chat? I want to discuss something with you. I’m confused about the state of our relationship, and I want to clarify what we are.”
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Reassure him that you are good friends (if that's what you want). A conversation like this can be awkward, and you want your friend to be as comfortable as possible. Tell him how much you value your friendship. [13] X Research source
- You can say, “Your friendship means so much to me, and I want to make sure that nothing happens to it. At the same time, I want to make sure that we are both clear in what we want from each other.”
- Reader Poll: We asked 211 wikiHow readers who’ve had a friend who was romantic interested in them, and 70% of them agreed the best way to say you’re not interested is by being honest and straightforward, but gentle and kind. [Take Poll]
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Ask him how he feels about your relationship. The question itself can be difficult. You might want to practice beforehand with a friend or counselor to help you. [14] X Research source There are a number of ways you can phrase the question. [15] X Research source
- “How do you see our relationship?”
- “Do you ever see us being more than friends?”
- “How do you feel about me?”
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Give him plenty of time to respond. He may react by being shy, bashful, embarrassed, or nervous. Allow him some time to think and phrase his answer. Don’t interrupt him. Wait until he is finished speaking before you say anything. [16] X Research source
- "I really appreciate that you're willing to hear me out. You definitely don't have to answer now if you're not sure. Just let me know when you're ready to talk."
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Be understanding of his response. If he says you are like a sister, a friend, or “one of the guys,” it’s a sign that he values your friendship but doesn’t want anything more than that. React gracefully. Tell him that it is fine for him to feel that way and that you are much happier knowing how he really feels.
- Try saying, “I completely understand what you are saying. I also feel like you’re my best friend, and I want to make sure that we can remain friends. I’m just glad we were able to talk to about this.”
- Your friendship may not be exactly the same as it was before, and there may be some initial awkwardness. Still, if your guy friend still wants to hang out with you platonically, it’s a sign that he does care—just not in a romantic sense.
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Let him know how you feel if he confesses. If he does admit that he likes you as more than a friend, be clear in how you feel about him back. If you share the same romantic attraction, tell him immediately. [17] X Research source
- You can say, “I’m glad to hear that. I like you too, and I feel the same way.”
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionAs a girl, how can I tell if my crush who is a guy sees me as "one of the guys" or just as "one of his good friends"?Laura Bilotta is a Dating Coach, Matchmaker, and the Founder of Single in the City, her dating and relationship coaching service based in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. With over 18 years of experience, she focuses on helping singles date more intentionally, encouraging them to let go of negative patterns so that they can attract the love that they deserve. Her experience, skills, and insights have led to thousands of successfully united over 65,000 singles through events and one-on-one matchmaking coaching sessions. She has been the host of The Dating and Relationship Show on Global News Radio 640 Toronto (AM640) for 6 years and is known as The Hookup Queen of Clubhouse; her popular singles club, Single in the City, has over 95.5K members who regularly join in weekly dating and relationship-focused rooms.When you hang out, pay attention to how he treats you. If he's overly polite, compliments you, or makes excuses get closer to you, he's probably interested. On the other hand, if you only hang out in groups and he talks to you like he talks to his other bros, he may just see you as a friend.
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QuestionWe were very close for 2 years, then suddenly he had a girlfriend (without telling me). But now we still chat all the time. We don't talk in front of others. It seems like a "scandal." What do I do?Community AnswerTalk to him about this. Tell him you want to know how he sees you, whether he has any romantic interest in you or not, etc. Mention that you think it's odd that he won't talk to you around other people (because it is). It sounds like there's possibility he's just stringing you along, or he likes you but he's not sure if he wants to break up with his girlfriend. Talk to him and ask him to be honest with you.
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QuestionThe guy that I'm crushing on calls me "homie" and "fam". We talk and Face Time every day. I really like him, but am scared to ask if he likes me too. What should I do?Community AnswerPlay it cool. Maybe you can find a way to casually bring up the topic of crushes and ask if he has anyone he's interested in right now. Chances are if he's talking to you that much, he probably likes you too.
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Tips
- If he doesn't have feelings, that's okay! At the end of the day, it's still great that you were brave enough to ask. Now that you know, you can move on to someone new.Thanks
- And remember, it's always best to have the talk in person. Even though it might be hard, talking in person will help your relationship, no matter what happens.[v161292_b01]. 7 July 2020.</ref>Thanks
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Warnings
- While it is almost always better to be honest with your feelings, understand how he might be feeling after the talk. Text him the day after and see if he responds. If he avoids you, give him some space. After a few days, try to initiate contact again.Thanks
- If you cannot overcome your feelings and they are causing depression or anxiety, you may have to reduce the amount of time you spend together.Thanks
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References
- ↑ https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/news/a42196/signs-your-guy-friend-wants-to-be-your-boyfriend/
- ↑ Laura Bilotta. Dating Coach & Matchmaker. Expert Interview. 7 July 2020.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/let-their-words-do-the-talking/202005/heshe-likes-me-heshe-likes-me-not
- ↑ https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/news/a42196/signs-your-guy-friend-wants-to-be-your-boyfriend/
- ↑ https://www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/how-to-tell-if-a-guy-likes-you/
- ↑ http://psychcentral.com/lib/signs-of-a-controlling-guy/
- ↑ Laura Bilotta. Dating Coach & Matchmaker. Expert Interview. 7 July 2020.
- ↑ https://youtu.be/l1e25pfoxJY?t=79
- ↑ https://www.forbes.com/sites/keldjensen/2012/06/12/the-naked-truth-how-body-language-reveals-the-real-you/?sh=6f5ddb7d5221
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/199304/the-biology-attraction
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/body-language
- ↑ https://kidshelpphone.ca/get-info/8-tips-for-difficult-conversations-with-friends/
- ↑ https://www.glamour.com/story/what-are-we-dating-tips
- ↑ https://kidshelpphone.ca/get-info/8-tips-for-difficult-conversations-with-friends/
- ↑ https://www.glamour.com/story/what-are-we-dating-tips
- ↑ https://www.glamour.com/story/what-are-we-dating-tips
- ↑ https://www.seventeen.com/love/dating-advice/a26324989/how-to-tell-someone-you-like-them/
About This Article
Article Summary
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To tell if your guy friend sees you as one of the guys, notice how he talks to you and how he uses his body language around you. For example, if he calls you “dude” or “bro” he probably thinks of you as one of the guys, but if he calls you “babe” or “cutie” he may be interested in something more. If he thinks of you as a friend, he’ll probably only talk about sports, raunchy jokes, and video games, just like he would with the guys. Alternatively, if he opens up to you about secrets or insecurities, he may care about you more deeply. Besides what he says, watch to see if he makes excuses to touch you, like brushing his leg and shoulder against you when he sits or putting his arm across your shoulder, as these are signs that he likes you. Alternatively, if he gives plenty of distance between you and him, he probably just sees you as a friend. To learn how to confront your guy friend, read on!
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