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Crushing on a guy friend can be a difficult situation. You might be worried to tell him how you feel because it could change your relationship. However, telling him how you feel is often the best place to start if the guy friend is available and might be interested in you. If he’s not available or you don’t think he’s interested, then cutting back on how much time you spend with him is a good idea. If you tell him how you feel and he doesn’t feel the same, then you may have some hurt feelings to work through, which you can do through talking, writing, and possibly therapy.
Steps
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Acknowledge your feelings rather than trying to ignore them. Pretending that you don’t have feelings for your guy friend won’t make them go away. First and foremost, admit to yourself that you like this guy. Even if he’s not available or he doesn’t return your feelings, it’s important to be honest with yourself. [1] X Research source
- Try simply saying out loud to yourself, “I like my friend Derek and I wish he was more than a friend. I’m worried it could hurt our friendship if I tell him, but I can’t deny how I feel.”
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Decide if telling him how you feel might be an option. If your guy friend is available and you think there’s a chance he might like you, too, then you may consider telling him how you feel about him. [2] X Expert Source John Keegan
Dating Coach Expert Interview. 5 November 2019. It can be scary to do this since it could change your friendship, but there’s also the potential for a great romantic relationship if he feels the same way about you. Take some time to reflect on how he interacts with you and whether there might be something there. [3] X Research source- For example, has he ever flirted with you or dropped hints that he’s interested? Is he single? If you answered “yes” to these questions, then go ahead! Tell him how you feel about him.
Tip : If you're not sure if he likes you, try flirting with him and see how he reacts. If he doesn't seem into it, then you can always just say, "I'm totally joking!" and laugh it off.
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Tell the guy how you feel if they’re available and you feel ready. As long as your guy friend is not involved with someone else and as long as you think there could be a chance that they like you, it’s fine to tell them. You might never know if you don’t make the first move, so gather up your courage and tell him how you feel. Choose a time to talk when you’ll be alone with him. [4] X Research source
- Try saying something casual and straightforward, such as, “I like you. Would you like to go on a date with me sometime?”
- Or, you could say, “We have an amazing friendship, and I don’t want to lose it, but I think I have feelings for you.”
- Reader Poll: We asked 579 wikiHow readers about the best ways to ask out or confess feelings to a friend, and 83% agreed that it’s best to have a face-to-face conversation about your romantic interest. [Take Poll]
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Give him some time to think after you tell him how you feel. Even if your guy friend likes you back, he might be pretty surprised by your confession. Unless he immediately confesses that he likes you too and you seal the moment with a kiss, be prepared to give him some time to think about how he feels. He might have never thought of you that way before, so he might be unsure if he has feelings for you and need some time to reflect. [5] X Research source
- Try saying something like, “You don’t have to tell me how you feel right away. Take all the time you need to think about it.”
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Cut back on the amount of time you spend with your guy friend. If it turns out that your guy friend is not interested or not available for a relationship, such as if he’s dating someone else, then it’s important to cut way back on how often you see him. [6] X Expert Source John Keegan
Dating Coach Expert Interview. 5 November 2019. Being around him all the time can make it harder to get over a crush, especially if he’s involved with someone else. Look for other friends to spend time with and cancel upcoming plans with him if needed. [7] X Research source- Chances are he will understand what’s going on. However, if he questions why you’re cancelling plans with him, try saying something like, “I just have a lot going on right now, I might not see you much for a while.”
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Unfollow your guy friend on social media. You don’t need to unfriend your guy friend, but seeing less of him on social media may help you to get over him faster. Unfollow or mute him on social media outlets, such as Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. When you are ready to go back to just being friends, you can follow him again, but give yourself at least a month before you do so. [8] X Research source
Tip : It might be helpful at first to stay off of social media altogether, since you may still encounter him in some ways, such as a post or picture that he’s tagged in.
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Look for additional ways to avoid him if you see him every day. If you work or attend school together, you might need to start going out of your way to avoid him. Try taking a different route to school or work, sit somewhere else at lunch time, or change desks (with your boss or teacher’s permission). If you do run into him, plan an excuse so that you can limit the interaction. [9] X Research source
- Try saying something like, “Sorry, I can’t talk, but I’m running late. Have a good day!”
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Avoid spending time alone with your crush if they’re unavailable. Spending time alone with a crush who is unavailable due to a relationship is a potential recipe for disaster. If they have feelings for you too, then you might end up in a situation where you’re causing them to cheat on their significant other. This can lead to much bigger issues for your friend and it’s unlikely to end in a happy relationship for you. If you like him and he might like you but he’s already taken, then don’t spend time alone with him. [10] X Research source
- Try making an excuse for why you can’t see him, such as that you’re not feeling well or that you have other plans. If you do have to see him, make sure that someone else will be there or bring along a friend.
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Cut contact with him completely if he rejects you or is unavailable. You’ll need time to process your feelings if he rejects you or if a relationship with him is not possible, such as if he’s already with someone else. Don’t call him, text him, or interact with him in any way for a while so you can work through your feelings. It can be hard to do this, especially if you’re close, but remember that it is what’s best for you. [11] X Research source
- If he calls you, try letting it go to voicemail or have a friend answer and tell him you’re busy.
- If he asks why you’re not taking his calls any more or texting him, try saying something like, “I’ve just had a lot going on lately.”
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Talk with a trusted friend or family member about your feelings. Venting to someone about how you feel and why things didn’t work out can be a great way to feel better. Choose a friend or family member who is a good listener and who cares about you. Tell them all about your crush and why it didn’t work out. They might even have some similar experiences, which may help you to feel less alone. [12] X Research source
- Make sure to talk with someone who will keep what you say confidential, especially if the guy friend is already in a relationship.
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Write about how you’re feeling if you need an additional outlet. Even after talking with someone about your feelings, you may still feel the need to talk. Writing can be a great way to get your feelings out when you can't talk with someone. Write about what happened and how it made you feel. Write as much or as often as needed until you feel better. [13] X Research source
- Another option is to write about traits you liked about your guy friend, which might help you to find someone else you’ll click with when you're ready to start looking again. For example, if you like his smile and sense of humor, these can be important features to look for in the next person you date.
Tip : If you prefer, you can also express your feelings through art, music, or any other form that you like.
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Stay busy with other activities to distract yourself. [14] X Expert Source John Keegan
Dating Coach Expert Interview. 5 November 2019. If your emotions are overwhelming, then fill your days with lots of things to pre-occupy your mind. Make plans with your friends, learn a new hobby, exercise, read, visit a museum, volunteer for a local charity, or do something else that will keep you busy and make you feel good about yourself. [15] X Research source- If you’re in school, devote extra time to studying. If you work, ask your boss about any special projects you could get involved in.
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Devote extra time to taking care of your needs. Self-care is a way of seeing to your physical, emotional, and spiritual needs on a day-to-day basis. This involves many different things, and it’s especially important to keep up with your self-care during tumultuous periods in your life. Make sure that you are making time every day for things like: [16] X Research source
- Personal hygiene, such as bathing and brushing your teeth
- Health and wellness, such as exercise and eating healthy
- Relaxation, such as doing yoga and meditating
- Doing things you enjoy, such as knitting, baking, or reading
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Find a therapist if you’re experiencing ongoing feelings of sadness. If your feelings of sadness and longing over your crush do not go away within a month or if your feelings are interfering with your life, then you may benefit from speaking with a therapist. They can help you to find healthy tools to cope with negative emotions and work through your feelings for your guy friend. [17] X Research source
- You can ask your doctor for a referral or look into therapists in your area. Find a therapist who you feel comfortable talking with.
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Get Over Your Crush with this Expert Series
Crushing over someone you can't have is both draining and distracting. Learn how to move past these feelings and take back control of your life with this expert series.
Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow do I stop thinking about someone that I can't have?John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.Try to spend less time with the person so you don't have to see them as much.
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QuestionHow to react to my Male friend I dnt want to fall for neither do I want him to fall for meAmy GremillionCommunity AnswerTry to spend time with him as part of a group, rather than one-on-one, and avoid being physically affectionate, as that might lead to confusing feelings.
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QuestionI like a guy and we said we'd never like each other but I think he's acted different lately and has complimented me. I am definitely falling for him.Amy GremillionCommunity AnswerNo matter what your intention was starting out, feelings can develop over time! Don't ignore how you feel, but you may want to take a little time to get a read on how he's feeling before you do anything else.
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Tips
Tips from our Readers
The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
- If you have feelings for someone who isn't available, limiting contact can help. Consider unfollowing or even blocking him on social media for a while. Changing your route at school or work to avoid running into him could also be beneficial.
- Journaling privately lets you fully express emotions you may not feel comfortable verbalizing out loud. Describe what happened and how it made you feel. Putting it all into words can be very therapeutic.
- Confiding in a close, trustworthy friend provides an outlet to process the hurt. Choose someone who will listen supportively without judgment. Verbalizing your feelings can help you heal.
- Take care of yourself by sticking to the fundamentals — showering, eating nutritious foods, getting enough rest. Maintaining basic self-care helps improve your emotional wellbeing.
- Keep yourself occupied with fun activities and hobbies like hanging out with friends, exercising, reading, or learning new skills. Staying busy helps get your mind off things.
- It’s important not to resent the person your crush is dating. Keep in mind, she likely has no idea he has/had feelings for you. Try your best not to think ill of her.
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References
- ↑ https://www.teenvogue.com/story/crush-on-friend
- ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.
- ↑ https://www.seventeen.com/love/dating-advice/a25363090/how-to-get-your-crush-to-like-you/
- ↑ https://www.teenvogue.com/story/crush-on-friend
- ↑ https://www.teenvogue.com/story/crush-on-friend
- ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.
- ↑ https://www.teenvogue.com/story/crush-on-friend
- ↑ https://www.insider.com/how-to-get-over-a-crush-2019-1#start-hitting-that-unfollow-button-5
- ↑ https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a22617662/when-your-crush-is-taken/
- ↑ https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a22617662/when-your-crush-is-taken/
- ↑ https://www.insider.com/how-to-get-over-a-crush-2019-1#you-should-ideally-cut-off-contact-with-your-crush-altogether-3
- ↑ https://www.insider.com/how-to-get-over-a-crush-2019-1#talk-your-feelings-out-with-someone-you-trust-1
- ↑ https://www.insider.com/how-to-get-over-a-crush-2019-1#write-it-all-out-if-youre-uncomfortable-expressing-your-emotions-to-someone-else-2
- ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.
- ↑ https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a22617662/when-your-crush-is-taken/
- ↑ https://www.insider.com/how-to-get-over-a-crush-2019-1#start-hitting-that-unfollow-button-5
- ↑ https://www.teenvogue.com/story/how-to-get-over-a-crush
About This Article
Article Summary
X
Having a crush on a guy friend can be a tricky situation, especially if he doesn’t seem to feel the same way about you. If your guy friend isn’t interested or available, then the best thing you can do is cut back on the amount of time you spend with him. Being around him will make it harder to get over your crush, so tell him “I have a lot going on right now. I might not see you much for a while.” Seeing less of him on social media can also help you get over him faster, so unfollow or mute him for a while. Another way to get over your crush is to vent to a close friend or family member about your hurt feelings. Writing can be another great way to deal with your feelings, or try expressing yourself through art or music. If you’re still feeling overwhelmed by your emotions, try distracting yourself by making plans with friends, learning a new hobby, or spending extra time at work or studying. To learn how to tell your guy crush how you feel, keep reading!
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Reader Success Stories
- "It may be extremely hard to do it, but in reality, you just have to. It just happens. If you accept that you guys are better off friends and aren't bf and gf material, things will start becoming better." ..." more
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"It may be extremely hard to do it, but in reality, you just have to. It just happens. If you accept that you guys are better off friends and aren't bf and gf material, things will start becoming better."
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"I liked how it tells you to except that you have a crush on this guy, but also how to move on!!"
"The part that stood out to me was about not completely blocking him out. It's totally true."
"I think I can try some new stuff and expand my interests."
"Not avoiding him. I've been avoiding him for 6 weeks."
