How Can I Give My Boyfriend Advice? 10 to Ways Help Him (Without Making Him Feel Bad)

Download Article
Download Article


Maybe you’ve noticed lately that your boyfriend is struggling with something, or you have a feeling that something is bothering him—but you’re not quite sure how to open up a conversation about it. Giving your boyfriend advice can definitely be tricky⁠; you just want him to feel better soon and support him in the most sensitive way possible. We totally understand, and we’ve put together some tips to help you give him kind and thoughtful advice.

1

Clarify his goals.

Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/3\/31\/Give-Good-Advice-to-Your-Boyfriend-Step-1.jpg\/v4-460px-Give-Good-Advice-to-Your-Boyfriend-Step-1.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/3\/31\/Give-Good-Advice-to-Your-Boyfriend-Step-1.jpg\/v4-728px-Give-Good-Advice-to-Your-Boyfriend-Step-1.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    Ask your boyfriend questions⁠, or rephrase what he’s saying to you in your own words⁠—this will allow you to get to the heart of the issue and figure out exactly what he’s struggling with. The more information you have, the better advice you can offer⁠—plus, your attention to detail will show him that you’re taking this seriously. You could start with general questions to open up the conversation, and make them more specific as you learn more. [1]
    • For instance, you could try asking “How has your workload been lately?” or “Are you feeling okay about the family get-together?” to get an overall feel for your boyfriend’s mood.
    • Then, you could say “So you’re still trying to figure out how to ask for a raise?” or “So it sounds like your sister still doesn’t want to show up?”
    2. Advertisement
2

Keep his best interests in mind.

Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/8\/85\/Give-Good-Advice-to-Your-Boyfriend-Step-2.jpg\/v4-460px-Give-Good-Advice-to-Your-Boyfriend-Step-2.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/8\/85\/Give-Good-Advice-to-Your-Boyfriend-Step-2.jpg\/v4-728px-Give-Good-Advice-to-Your-Boyfriend-Step-2.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    Even if there’s a piece of advice that you think is best, or that tends to work the most for you, he might be better suited to trying another solution. [2] In other words, rather than making assumptions about what’s going to work best, try to take on your boyfriend’s perspective and think about how he tends to operate. [3]
    • If you know your boyfriend tends to dislike conflict, for instance, avoid suggesting that he confront his roommates immediately about being too loud. Instead, consider bringing up options that he might feel more comfortable with, like finding a mediator or switching rooms.
3

Ask if he wants your advice.

Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/e\/e5\/Give-Good-Advice-to-Your-Boyfriend-Step-3.jpg\/v4-460px-Give-Good-Advice-to-Your-Boyfriend-Step-3.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/e\/e5\/Give-Good-Advice-to-Your-Boyfriend-Step-3.jpg\/v4-728px-Give-Good-Advice-to-Your-Boyfriend-Step-3.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    If your boyfriend is in a tough place or dealing with a sensitive issue, it might be safer to check in about giving advice beforehand. [4] He may just want to vent! Even if he doesn’t end up asking for your advice, he may express his gratitude that you’re looking out for him. [5]
    • For instance, if your boyfriend isn’t feeling too confident about his weight, you could check-in and ask, “Would it be okay if I gave you some health advice?” or “Hey, would you be open to hearing my thoughts about your diet?”
    2. Advertisement
4

Give him multiple options.

Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/f\/f1\/Give-Good-Advice-to-Your-Boyfriend-Step-4.jpg\/v4-460px-Give-Good-Advice-to-Your-Boyfriend-Step-4.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/f\/f1\/Give-Good-Advice-to-Your-Boyfriend-Step-4.jpg\/v4-728px-Give-Good-Advice-to-Your-Boyfriend-Step-4.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    Though all of your advice might be great, presenting your boyfriend with a couple of possibilities allows him to choose what he’s most comfortable with. He’ll really appreciate the effort you’re putting in by considering all of the different sides of the issue⁠—and this could even jump-start him to brainstorm and explore other ideas of his own! [6]
    • For example, try saying, “I feel like you could either be upfront right now about your roommate issues, or wait maybe 1 more week to see if it gets better. But if you want to avoid confrontation, I guess you could even consider just dealing with it for the last month.”
5

Start with less direct suggestions.

Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/5\/58\/Give-Good-Advice-to-Your-Boyfriend-Step-5.jpg\/v4-460px-Give-Good-Advice-to-Your-Boyfriend-Step-5.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/5\/58\/Give-Good-Advice-to-Your-Boyfriend-Step-5.jpg\/v4-728px-Give-Good-Advice-to-Your-Boyfriend-Step-5.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    You could bring up the topic more broadly to see how your boyfriend responds⁠ and whether he might be open to advice. Then, gauge the situation to decide if you should work up to more specific feedback. [7]
    • If your boyfriend is having some spending issues, for example, consider starting with “How’s budgeting been going recently? I know you mentioned before that it’s kind of tricky for you.” instead of saying something like “I think you need some help managing your finances.”
    2. Advertisement
6

Analyze the options together.

Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/8\/8e\/Give-Good-Advice-to-Your-Boyfriend-Step-6.jpg\/v4-460px-Give-Good-Advice-to-Your-Boyfriend-Step-6.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/8\/8e\/Give-Good-Advice-to-Your-Boyfriend-Step-6.jpg\/v4-728px-Give-Good-Advice-to-Your-Boyfriend-Step-6.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    You can still give your best advice, but consider talking through possible paths together, and even deciding on the next steps (rather than just giving advice and leaving the rest up to your boyfriend). This way, there’s less of a chance that your advice will come across as one-sided⁠. Instead, you’re in it together and fully there to help him work through the issue⁠—and you’ll come out of it with a stronger couple bond, too! [8]
    • For example, if he’s stressed about how to deal with a workplace bully, discuss what options would be best for him before coming to a collective decision.
7

Empathize with him.

Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/1\/13\/Give-Good-Advice-to-Your-Boyfriend-Step-7.jpg\/v4-460px-Give-Good-Advice-to-Your-Boyfriend-Step-7.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/1\/13\/Give-Good-Advice-to-Your-Boyfriend-Step-7.jpg\/v4-728px-Give-Good-Advice-to-Your-Boyfriend-Step-7.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    Share a time you went through something similar, and then explain how you dealt with it and why you think that solution would also benefit him. You’ll decrease the chance that your advice seems abrupt or out of the blue because you’re grounding it in your own experience. In the process, the two of you will also learn more about each other and deepen your emotional connection. [9]
    • You could say, “I remember when I felt insecure about my appearance, too. It was hard, but what I ended up doing was…”
    • Or try saying, “I totally get what you mean. It really helped me to schedule a time with them to just sit and talk it out at the cafe. Maybe you could try that too?”
    • Be careful about making the advice about yourself, since your goal is to help your boyfriend as much as possible⁠—don’t spend too much time on your own story!
    2. Advertisement
8

Boost his confidence with compliments.

Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/f\/f7\/Give-Good-Advice-to-Your-Boyfriend-Step-8.jpg\/v4-460px-Give-Good-Advice-to-Your-Boyfriend-Step-8.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/f\/f7\/Give-Good-Advice-to-Your-Boyfriend-Step-8.jpg\/v4-728px-Give-Good-Advice-to-Your-Boyfriend-Step-8.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    [10] If you’re worried about offending your boyfriend, make sure he knows you appreciate how great he is by complimenting him and using positive, uplifting language in general. By pairing your advice with positive comments, you’ll come off as supportive rather than accidentally harsh, and he’ll be more receptive to your words because he senses that you truly want the best for him. [11]
    • For example, you could say, “You’ve been working so hard lately. I just miss you and want to spend more time together! Do you think you could try to reduce your hours by a bit?
    • Or you could express trust in his judgment by saying, “You’ve been handling the situation super well. Maybe one other thing you could try is…”
9

Listen if he just needs a shoulder to lean on.

Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/a\/a7\/Give-Good-Advice-to-Your-Boyfriend-Step-9.jpg\/v4-460px-Give-Good-Advice-to-Your-Boyfriend-Step-9.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/a\/a7\/Give-Good-Advice-to-Your-Boyfriend-Step-9.jpg\/v4-728px-Give-Good-Advice-to-Your-Boyfriend-Step-9.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    Focusing on listening might be a good option if you’re not qualified or knowledgeable enough about the issue to provide specific, actionable advice. By just being there for him, you’re giving him a space to talk through his worries⁠. Through the process, he might even find closure or realize on his own what the best path to take is. You don’t have to be completely silent⁠—nod along and ask him for more details or clarification to let him know you’re really listening. [12]
    • For instance, if his problem is related to a specific technical issue at work that you don’t know much about, or family issue that’s too personal for you to get involved in, you could let him know that you’re there to support as much as possible by lending an ear.
    • You could also say, “Tell me more” if you need clarification on something.
    2. Advertisement
10

Back off if he gets upset.

Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/0\/08\/Give-Good-Advice-to-Your-Boyfriend-Step-10.jpg\/v4-460px-Give-Good-Advice-to-Your-Boyfriend-Step-10.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/0\/08\/Give-Good-Advice-to-Your-Boyfriend-Step-10.jpg\/v4-728px-Give-Good-Advice-to-Your-Boyfriend-Step-10.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    It can definitely be hurtful to feel that he doesn’t value your input, but remember that it’s probably a tough issue for him to deal with, too. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t want your help⁠—just that he needs time to process what’s going on. [13] He might even feel bad that you’re stressing out on his behalf, and doesn’t want you to worry about it⁠—it could be his way of shielding you from the issue! [14]

Expert Q&A

Search
Add New Question
  • Question
    How do you give good advice to someone?
    Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
    Psychotherapist
    Kelli Miller is a Psychotherapist based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli specializes in individual and couples therapy focusing on relationships, depression, anxiety, sexuality, communication, parenting, and more. She is the author of “Love Hacks: Simple Solutions to Your Most Common Relationship Issues” which details the top 15 relationship issues and 3 quick solutions to each. She is also the award-winning and best-selling author of “Thriving with ADHD”. Kelli co-hosted an advice show on LA Talk Radio and was a relationship expert for The Examiner. She received her MSW (Masters of Social Work) from the University of Pennsylvania and a BA in Sociology/Health from the University of Florida.
    Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
    Psychotherapist
    Expert Answer
    I always advocate for the sandwich method. You should start with a good commentary, followed by the difficult conversation and ending again with something positive.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
    Yes No
    Not Helpful 0 Helpful 0
  • Question
    How can I give advice to my husband?
    Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
    Psychotherapist
    Kelli Miller is a Psychotherapist based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli specializes in individual and couples therapy focusing on relationships, depression, anxiety, sexuality, communication, parenting, and more. She is the author of “Love Hacks: Simple Solutions to Your Most Common Relationship Issues” which details the top 15 relationship issues and 3 quick solutions to each. She is also the award-winning and best-selling author of “Thriving with ADHD”. Kelli co-hosted an advice show on LA Talk Radio and was a relationship expert for The Examiner. She received her MSW (Masters of Social Work) from the University of Pennsylvania and a BA in Sociology/Health from the University of Florida.
    Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
    Psychotherapist
    Expert Answer
    First you should ask if he wants some feedback, as this will prepare him for what he's about to hear and will give him a little more control over the situation. Otherwise, he may think he didn't ask for your advice and may not be as receptive.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
    Yes No
    Not Helpful 2 Helpful 0
  • Question
    How do you deal with a heated argument with a partner?
    Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
    Psychotherapist
    Kelli Miller is a Psychotherapist based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli specializes in individual and couples therapy focusing on relationships, depression, anxiety, sexuality, communication, parenting, and more. She is the author of “Love Hacks: Simple Solutions to Your Most Common Relationship Issues” which details the top 15 relationship issues and 3 quick solutions to each. She is also the award-winning and best-selling author of “Thriving with ADHD”. Kelli co-hosted an advice show on LA Talk Radio and was a relationship expert for The Examiner. She received her MSW (Masters of Social Work) from the University of Pennsylvania and a BA in Sociology/Health from the University of Florida.
    Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
    Psychotherapist
    Expert Answer
    I'd say that, whenever things get heated, you should propose a timeout. Just say something like, "I'm really getting charged right now and I'm going to take a walk". Remember, though, that the one that calls the timeout is responsible for reuniting.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
    Yes No
    Not Helpful 0 Helpful 0
Ask a Question
200 characters left
Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.
Submit
      Advertisement

      Tips

      • Try not to take it personally if he doesn’t end up taking your advice, or decides on a different solution by himself. You’ve absolutely done your best to be there for him already, and it’s likely he really appreciates your love and care for him.
        Thanks
      Submit a Tip
      All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published
      Submit
      Thanks for submitting a tip for review!
      Advertisement

      You Might Also Like

      How to
      Kiss
      Celebrate Your One Month Anniversary with These Sweet Messages
      100+ Loving, Funny & Appreciative Birthday Wishes for Your Girlfriend
      How to
      Impress a Girl with Words
      12 Ways to Break a Narcissist's Heart
      100+ Good Morning Texts for Her (& Other Ways to Make Her Smile)
      What Are the Bases in a Relationship? Defining the Baseball-Sex Metaphor
      How to
      Make a Girl Feel Special Through Text
      Flirty or Just Nice? 15+ Ways to Tell if a Guy Is Interested in You or Just Being Friendly
      How to Tell if Your Girlfriend Is Horny: 12 Signs She's Turned On
      How to Turn on a Guy
      17 Sweet Texts to Make Your Boyfriend Feel Special and Loved
      What to Do When a Guy Suddenly Distances Himself from You
      Signs He Wants You to Be His Girlfriend Soon
      Advertisement

      References

      1. ↑ https://www.nytimes.com/2019/10/21/smarter-living/how-to-give-better-advice.html
      2. ↑ Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Psychotherapist. Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.
      3. ↑ https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/how-to-give-better-advice/
      4. ↑ Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Psychotherapist. Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.
      5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-adaptive-mind/201811/the-best-advice-you-can-give
      6. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-not-give-advice#5
      7. ↑ https://www.clearpoint.org/blog/give-financial-advice-werent-asked/
      8. ↑ https://www.nytimes.com/2019/10/21/smarter-living/how-to-give-better-advice.html
      9. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-not-give-advice#4
      1. ↑ Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Psychotherapist. Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.
      2. ↑ https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/advice/a3293/ways-to-support-your-guy/
      3. ↑ https://www.npr.org/2020/02/24/808811358/how-to-give-advice-less-fixing-more-listening
      4. ↑ Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Psychotherapist. Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.
      5. ↑ https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/advice/a3293/ways-to-support-your-guy/

      About This Article

      In other languages
      Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 19,039 times.

      Did this article help you?

      Advertisement