Feel like Giving up on Love? Here's Why & What to Do About It

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How to live a happy and healthy life with or without romance
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From blockbuster rom-coms to Hallmark cards to that one girl from high school’s engagement photos on Instagram, romantic love is everywhere you look. So when you don’t feel like you have it, you might be ready to give up on love altogether—we know dating isn't easy, so we can't blame you. But we can let you know that you’re not alone. We can also guide you through everything you want to know about whether you should give up on love, why you're feeling this way, and the steps to take for happier relationships (whether with a partner or yourself).

Things You Should Know

  • When wanting to give up on love, take a break from dating and focus on yourself. Reflect on your romantic experiences and what you want in a partner.
  • You may feel like giving up on love because you feel bad about yourself, are burnt out from unsuccessful dates, or have recently ended a relationship.
  • Romantic love is not necessary to live a happy life. Many people get enough fulfillment and love from their family, friends, and themselves!
Section 1 of 4:

Is it okay to give up on love?

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    Romantic love is not required for happiness. People who take a step back from dating or romance may feel less pressure to find a partner and experience less stress and anxiety in their everyday lives. [1]
    • Removing the focus from romantic love may give you more time to deepen friendships and move toward your personal goals.
    • But just because it’s okay to give up on love doesn’t mean you should—it’s normal to feel frustrated with dating, but that doesn’t mean it’s not worth the effort.
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    Is a romantic partner something you really want, societal pressure aside? Does dating or being in a relationship add significant stress to your life? Or is fear holding you back from dating? Do you have a history of trust or commitment issues making you want to give up on love? [2]
    • Reflecting on these questions will help you understand if romantic love is something you really want or if you’re truly happier on your own (which is great, too!).
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    Extreme loneliness and social isolation have been linked to mental health issues like depression and anxiety. However, this doesn’t necessarily mean you need romantic love. [3]
    • Platonic love, like deep relationships with friends and family, is enough to prevent most people from feeling lonely or isolated.
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Section 2 of 4:

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    You may feel like you’re not worthy of love or that no one wants to be with you. This low self-worth and fear of rejection may make getting into relationships difficult. You may not trust someone when they say they love you or have doubts about whether they’re being honest with you. [4]
    • Let us assure you that many people feel this way—whether you choose to have romantic love in your life or not, everyone is worthy of being loved (and that includes you).
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    If you have experienced abuse, loss, abandonment, or neglect either as a child or an adult, it can significantly affect how you approach romantic relationships. The effects of your traumatic experience may make it hard for you to trust or depend on other people. [5]
    • You may also struggle to understand what a healthy relationship looks like if you didn’t have it modeled by your parents and other adults.
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    If you’ve been unlucky in love or recently experienced a breakup, you may feel disillusioned about love. Especially if you’ve been cheated on or experienced a rocky relationship, it can be hard to jump right back into dating with an optimistic outlook or readiness to commit to someone new. [6]
    • For example, maybe you had a recent ex immediately replace you with a new romantic partner. This situation may put you off dating in general, but it should just put you off dating your ex!
    • Reader Poll: We asked 785 wikiHow readers who've had a loved one replace them, and 49% of them agreed that they would respond by cutting that person off . [Take Poll] So while it’s ok to cut off your ex-partner, don’t cut off all future chances at connection!
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    If you’re actively seeking out and going on dates, and nothing has clicked, it’s natural to feel frustrated. You may feel like it’s not worth the effort to keep swiping through apps or meeting up with people—and you’d rather give up on love in general. [7]
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Section 3 of 4:

What to Do Before Giving Up on Love

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    If you’re feeling burned out from dating or recently ended a relationship, take time to heal. Reflect on your feelings about dating and what you want in a romantic partner. [8]
    • Get comfortable doing things alone: try walking, cooking , gardening, traveling, or making art.
    • Spending time outside the dating world may give you a more positive attitude for whenever you decide to try at love again.
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    Use the time you’d otherwise spend with a partner to see friends, family, and other loved ones. Invest in a new hobby or something you’ve always wanted to do, like visiting a new place or learning a new skill. Connect with yourself through reflective journaling , meditating , or practicing mindfulness . [9]
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    Identify negative beliefs you have about yourself and write them on a piece of paper. Write evidence that challenges those beliefs. Add positive things people say about you. Continue adding to your list whenever negative or positive thoughts arise, and keep your list somewhere you can see it. [10]
    • For example, challenge “nobody cares about me” with “my best friend calls to hear about my day whenever she can.”
    • When you have a negative thought about yourself, consider whether you would say or think that thing about a close friend or loved one. You deserve the same kindness and love they do!
    • Try other ways to improve low self-esteem , like building positive relationships and taking on new challenges you never thought you were capable of.
    • Building confidence takes time; be patient with yourself, and seek counseling if needed.
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    Learn about the different love languages to understand what you need in a relationship and how to give love to others. [11] Identify your attachment style to better understand how your behavior affects your relationships. [12]
    • Learning strategies for healthy relationships can help you feel more prepared when you feel ready to find love again.
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    Listen to reputable podcasts or read books to educate yourself on the effects of trauma. Reach out to trusted family and friends that you can talk to about your experiences. Look for local support groups or counseling opportunities. [13]
    • Use self-help and mindfulness apps like Self Help for Trauma , PTSD coach or Headspace.
    • Experiencing trauma during your childhood or in past relationships can significantly impact future relationships.
    • Addressing and processing this trauma is a crucial step towards satisfying and healthy relationships, whether platonic or romantic.
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    Find a licensed therapist near you or search online through platforms like Talkspace . A mental health professional will listen to your feelings about love without judgment. They can give you tools for healthier relationships, building your confidence, or finding happiness without a significant other . [14]
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    Make this decision when you are not actively emotionally upset. Think through the positives and negatives of the relationship, including if the relationship improves your life. Ask yourself if your expectations for the other person are realistic. [15]
    • If you want to work through issues with your partner, ask them to attend couples counseling.
    • If your partner isn’t interested or you have seen a counselor and nothing’s changed, it may be time to walk away from your relationship .
    • Remember that if a bad relationship is making you want to give up on love, you may not be experiencing love in that relationship. You may have a healthy and happier love waiting for you with someone else.
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Section 4 of 4:

Reasons Not to Give Up on Love

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    For most people (who are not Disney royalty), love and relationships are not a whirlwind love-at-first-sight romance. You may have to go on many dates before finding a spark with someone, and you’ll have to put in even more effort to make the relationship last past the spark. Don’t give up just because things aren’t working out right away. [16]
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    As they say, it only takes one! With each relationship you end, it’s more likely that the next one will work out. And remember that there’s no easy fix for relationships. Everything you learn from your past relationships can be put into making your next one better. [17]
    • That being said, not everyone wants or needs a long-term romantic relationship.
    • Past relationships help you better understand yourself so you can live a more fulfilling life for you and you alone!
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    Whether it’s from a significant other, your family, or your closest friends, you are worthy of love. Don’t give up on love because you’re frustrated or feel like you don't deserve it—you do, no matter where you’re from, what you look like, or whether or not you have a romantic partner. And the more you believe it, the more others will too. [18]
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Join the Discussion...

WikiWombatCaster809
19
WikiWombatCaster809 posted on 07/22/24 11:14am
I'm in my late 20s and have never been in a serious relationship. I'm just tired and frustrated. I don't know where to meet people and I'm not go... Read More
Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Psychotherapist
Being single doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong! Being single gives you a chance to really love yourself so that, when you're ultimately in... Read More
WikiWombatCaster809
WikiWombatCaster809
Thanks, that's good advice. But I feel like it's not just me, all my friends are single too :( Why are we ALL single?... Read More

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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/happiness-design/201502/will-love-make-you-happy
      2. ↑ https://www.insider.com/am-i-ready-for-a-relationship-2018-2
      3. ↑ https://time.com/3446452/how-being-single-affects-health/
      4. ↑ https://www.marriage.com/advice/mental-health/low-self-esteem-in-relationship/#10_ways_on_low_self_esteem_affects_a_relationship
      5. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-childhood-trauma-affects-adult-relationships#childhood-trauma-vs-adult-relationships
      6. ↑ https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20161205-how-break-ups-change-your-personality
      7. ↑ https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2023/jan/18/dating-burnout-meet-the-people-who-ditched-the-apps-and-found-love-offline
      8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/communication-success/201301/the-break-up-cure-7-ways-to-heal-and-find-happiness-again
      9. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/5-ways-to-strengthen-your-connection-to-yourself#4
      1. ↑ https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/self-help/tips-and-support/raise-low-self-esteem/
      2. ↑ https://www.millersville.edu/psychology/files/bland/bland-lovelanguages.pdf
      3. ↑ https://www.columbiapsychiatry.org/news/how-attachment-styles-influence-romantic-relationships
      4. ↑ https://newsinhealth.nih.gov/2018/06/dealing-trauma
      5. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/health/stop-feeling-lonely
      6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/pieces-mind/201502/deciding-leave-relationship
      7. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/relationships/love-is-a-choice-more-than-a-feeling
      8. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/tips-for-finding-lasting-love.htm
      9. ↑ https://www.oprah.com/omagazine/how-to-increase-the-love-in-your-life-brene-brown/all

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