Has Your Marriage Lost That Spark? 15 Easy Activities to Have Fun with Your Husband Again

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When you’ve been married for a while, it’s easy to get into a rut. But if your marriage is starting to feel a little stale, don’t worry—it’s never too late to start having fun with your husband again! In this article, we’ll talk you through some tried and true ways to bring the joy back into your marriage.

This article is based on an interview with our professional dating coach and matchmaker, Laura Bilotta. Check out the full interview here.

1

Plan a date night at least once a week.

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    Don’t let it fall by the wayside after you get married! If you’re too busy to go on dates every week, shoot for once a month—just make sure it happens regularly. [1]
    • Put a little effort into dressing up for your dates, and encourage your husband to do the same. Just because you’ve been together for a while doesn’t mean you have to stop trying to impress each other.
    • When you’re out together, put your phone away. Focus on actually connecting with each other and having some genuine quality time.
    • Your dates don’t have to be elaborate. If you can’t go anywhere, you could even have a date night at home. For instance, have a candlelight dinner out on your porch or balcony, or turn on some romantic music and dance in your living room.
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2

Flirt with him.

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    Write him little love notes, blow him kisses, or tell him he has a nice butt. Whatever your flirting style is, don’t hold back! He’ll appreciate the attention, and it might encourage him to return the favor. [2]
    • Flirting isn’t just fun—it has all sorts of other benefits for married couples. It helps boost self-esteem, reduce tension, and increase intimacy. [3]
    • Get creative with your flirting. For example, you could create a playlist of his favorite love songs, put a box of chocolates on his pillow, or send him a sexy text (even if he’s right there in the room with you).
3

Joke around and get playful.

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    When you’re busy with family, work, and other responsibilities, it’s hard to remember to cut loose and be silly. But studies show that partners who play together are more relaxed and secure in their relationships. [4]
    • Every couple has their own special way of being playful together. For example, you might crack an inside joke, talk for one of your pets in a silly voice, or steal a French fry off your husband’s plate every time he looks away.
    • Most guys love it when you laugh at their jokes. [5] Next time your hubby goofs around or says something that strikes you as funny, go ahead and have a good laugh!
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4

Change up your routine.

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    Be intentional about trying new things together. This could mean anything from trying something new for breakfast to taking a spontaneous weekend road trip. The more you shake things up, the more exciting and fun your marriage will feel! [6]
    • There’s nothing wrong with having routines and rituals in a marriage, but look for ways to vary them. For instance, if you have a weekly game night, try introducing new games occasionally so you’re not always playing the same ones.
5

Surprise each other.

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    Even simple surprises can be fun. Get your husband a little gift “just because,” and leave it somewhere for him to find. Or, bring him a cup of coffee without him asking. You could also let him know that you’ve arranged a date, but don’t tell him where you’re going ahead of time—keep him in suspense until you get there! [7] Once you start surprising him, he might get in on the game and start doing the same for you. A few other fun ideas you can try include:
    • Throwing a surprise party for him and inviting a few of his best buddies.
    • Having flowers or a special treat delivered to him at work.
    • Cooking his favorite “special occasion” meal—even if there’s no occasion.
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6

Try something new in bed.

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    If you feel like your sex life has gotten a bit stale, don’t be afraid to take the initiative and shake things up. Encourage him to try a new position, use a new sex toy, or act out a naughty fantasy together. [8]
    • If there’s something you want to try, don’t be shy about telling him. Talking about sex can feel a little awkward if you’re not used to it, but communication is key to having a happy, healthy sex life.
    • Try initiating sex from time to time if you’re not the one who usually makes the first move. He’ll probably be surprised and delighted!
    • Surprise him by putting on some sexy lingerie or wearing a new scent.
7

Get physical in other ways.

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    Any kind of affectionate touch can bring a sense of fun and romance into your marriage. This could be anything from holding hands while you go for a walk to a good, old-fashioned make-out session. [9] You can also:
    • Surprise him with a foot rub or a backrub
    • Play footsie
    • Make a habit of giving him hugs and kisses
    • Experiment with different kinds of kisses. A kiss on the back of the neck or the forehead can be just as tender and romantic as a kiss on the lips!
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8

Bond over fun memories.

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    Talk about good times you had, or go through an old photo album together. You could even edit together a montage of old videos from when you first started dating and surprise him with it. [10]
    • Bring up how those moments made you both feel. Say something like, “Remember the time we went up to the lake by your parents’ place and we both fell off the dock? That was so funny, I’d never seen you laugh so hard!”
    • If you remind him of exciting things you used to do together, you might both feel inspired to try and recreate the fun. For instance, if you used to play poker with your college buddies every weekend, this might be a good time to revive the tradition.
9

Find shared activities you both enjoy.

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    Couples that do activities together have more fun—and stronger relationships. Look for things you enjoy doing as a couple, and try to vary it up now and then so you don’t get into a rut. [11] For example, you could:
    • Play board games together
    • Attend sporting events
    • Work out or do other physical activities, like hiking, climbing, or playing a sport together
    • Go to live performances
    • Take a class together
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10

Find reasons to celebrate.

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    Look for any excuse to cut loose and party a little! [12] For example, you could celebrate one of you completing a major work project, your kid graduating from first grade, or the anniversary of when you adopted your pet.
    • Every celebration doesn’t have to be a big party. You can have a nice dinner together, buy each other cards or flowers, or pop open a nice bottle of wine you’ve been saving.
11

Build traditions and rituals.

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    Whether it’s a weekly date night or a regular morning walk with your dog, look for comforting and fun routines that you can enjoy together. [13] Just remember to vary them up a bit from time to time so they don’t get stale!
    • For example, if you’re both the creative type, you could have a nightly “writers’ club” or “artists’ corner” where you share projects you’ve been working on or brainstorm new ideas.
    • Or, you might have a traditional type of gift that you give each other at each birthday. For example, if he’s a sports fan, you might get him a different piece of memorabilia related to his favorite team each year.
    • Unique rituals that you build as a couple can help you feel closer—it’s something special that just the two of you share.
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12

Schedule fun time if you’re busy.

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    When you’re married, it can be hard to find the time to cut loose. You’re probably both busy with your own responsibilities—especially if there are kids in the mix. Sit down with your husband and look at your schedules together. Try to set specific times to do fun things, even if it’s just half an hour here and there during the week. [14]
    • You’re more likely to actually do something if you set specific plans.
    • For instance, you could say, “Let’s plan to go hiking this Saturday. We can ask my mom to watch the kids.” Or, “Let’s play that new board game this evening after dinner!”
13

Budget for special occasions.

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    But it might help to set aside a special budget just for fun activities. For instance, you could make it a goal to save up enough money for a short road trip, or just set aside a small amount of money each week for dining out. [15]
    • Saving money isn’t always an option, but there are always fun things you can do for free. Search online for fun, free events or activities in your area that you can do as a couple or family.
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14

Encourage him to take the initiative sometimes.

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    There’s a lot you can do to bring the excitement back into your marriage, but you can’t do it all alone. If you feel like things have gotten a little one-sided, encourage your husband to do his part, too. Sit down and have a conversation with him about how you’re feeling, but keep it relaxed and non-judgmental so he doesn’t feel defensive or put on the spot. [16]
    • Explain how you feel, then give him a gentle request. For example, say something like, “I feel like we’ve been in kind of a rut lately, and I’d love for us to do more fun things together. Could we plan on going out and doing some new things this week?”
15

Practice self-love.

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    It’s easy to lose your sense of self when you’ve been with someone for a long time. Spend time focusing on yourself and reconnecting with the things you enjoyed when you were single. Even when you and your husband can’t have fun together, you can still have fun on your own! [17]
    • For example, make time to go out with friends or family, work on hobbies you enjoy on your own, and do things that you find relaxing (like reading, yoga, or solo nature walks).
    • Having fun and doing things on your own will boost your confidence and sense of wellbeing. The more secure and at peace you are with yourself, the more you can enjoy your marriage.
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      Tips

      • It can be upsetting to feel like your relationship is losing its spark. If you’re feeling this way, do your best to stay positive. It’ll be much easier to find the fun again if you maintain an upbeat, confident attitude! [18]
        Thanks
      • If you have kids, look for ways to include them in the fun sometimes. For example, you might all go to the zoo together or take regular family walks on a local nature trail. Having fun as a family is also important to a healthy, happy marriage.
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      References

      1. ↑ Laura Bilotta. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 26 February 2020.
      2. ↑ Laura Bilotta. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 26 February 2020.
      3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/myths-desire/201909/without-flirting-it-wouldnt-be-marriage
      4. ↑ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/what_playfulness_can_do_for_your_relationship
      5. ↑ https://time.com/2859728/science-of-sexy-5-things-that-can-make-you-irresistible/
      6. ↑ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/is_your_marriage_losing_its_luster
      7. ↑ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/is_your_marriage_losing_its_luster
      8. ↑ Laura Bilotta. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 26 February 2020.
      9. ↑ Laura Bilotta. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 26 February 2020.
      1. ↑ Laura Bilotta. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 26 February 2020.
      2. ↑ https://abcnews.go.com/Health/Family/story?id=5387217&page=1
      3. ↑ https://smartcouples.ifas.ufl.edu/married/having-fun-and-staying-close/10-simple-habits-of-happy-couples/
      4. ↑ https://smartcouples.ifas.ufl.edu/married/having-fun-and-staying-close/10-simple-habits-of-happy-couples/
      5. ↑ https://extension.usu.edu/files-ou/publications/newsletter/FC_Relationships_2011-04pr.pdf
      6. ↑ https://extension.usu.edu/files-ou/publications/newsletter/FC_Relationships_2011-04pr.pdf
      7. ↑ https://www.relate.org.uk/relationship-help/help-relationships/feeling-unsatisfied-your-relationship/i-feel-my-relationship-one-sided
      8. ↑ Laura Bilotta. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 26 February 2020.
      9. ↑ Laura Bilotta. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 26 February 2020.

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