TikTok’s ‘Man Walking Ahead’ Theory: Fact or Fiction?

We interviewed a therapist to get to the bottom of this TikTok relationship theory

According to some TikTokers, if a guy you’re in a relationship with walks in front of you in public, it’s time to end the relationship ASAP. They call it the ‘man walking ahead’ theory, and it’s blowing up online right now as more and more people share their experiences of dating problematic men who ‘walk ahead.’ But there’s also been some pushback, with some people claiming the theory goes too far. We took a look at both sides of the debate and interviewed therapist Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP, to get to the bottom of the relationship phenomenon.

Your Man Walking Ahead of You: Is It a Red Flag?

Therapist Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP, says that a man walking ahead of his partner isn’t necessarily a red flag, but it can be if he displays other problematic behaviors, like trust issues, gaslighting, a lack of empathy, or aggression. There may be innocent reasons why a guy walks ahead of you, like being a fast walker or getting distracted easily.

Section 1 of 5:

First, what exactly is the ‘man walking ahead’ theory?

  1. The ‘man walking ahead’ theory says that a guy walking ahead of his partner in public is a red flag. Picture it: you’re strolling through a farmer’s market with your boyfriend, but instead of being at your side, he’s consistently 5 feet ahead of you, almost like he’s intentionally keeping his distance. According to TikTok’s ‘man walking ahead’ theory, this is a big red flag and suggests that your partner might be controlling, manipulative, or even a narcissist.
    • According to some people online, narcissists walk ahead of their partners to assert dominance. It’s supposedly their way of saying, “I’m better than you, and therefore I should be in the lead.” [1]
    • But even if the man isn’t an actual narcissist, some people feel that walking ahead still shows a lack of respect for the partner left in the back, and could even indicate an avoidant attachment style . [2]
    • On top of that, some people on TikTok think certain men do this to make it appear like they’re single, or so they can ‘check out’ other people without their partner noticing.

    Meet the wikiHow Experts

    Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP , is a Clinical Therapist with over 18 years of clinical and educational experience in the field of mental health. Rebecca specializes in the treatment of depression, anxiety, panic, trauma, grief, and interpersonal relationships.

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Section 2 of 5:

Is the theory actually valid?

  1. According to Tenzer, not necessarily. “Walking ahead can sometimes be a sign of disrespect, disconnection, secrecy, or rudeness, especially if it’s paired with other negative behaviors. But on its own, it’s not a definitive red flag,” says Tenzer. “There can be innocent reasons, too! Maybe they’re trying to get somewhere quickly, press the crosswalk button, not paying attention, or walking slightly ahead for safety.” [3]
    • Tenzer notes it’s important to consider the whole of your partner’s personality and whether or not there is a pattern of concerning behavior. “The key is to look at the pattern and whether this behavior aligns with other concerning signs. It’s important to have a conversation with your partner about your concerns before these behaviors become the norm in your relationship.” [4]
Section 3 of 5:

What To Do If Your Man Walks Ahead Of You

  1. Tenzer suggests sharing your concerns with your partner in a non-accusatory way. “You could say, ‘I feel uncomfortable when you walk ahead of me instead of beside me. Is it because I walk slower, or you’re in a hurry, or for safety?’ Open-ended questions can reveal their intent.” Pay close attention to how they respond, too, says Tenzer. “Are they receptive and willing to adjust, or defensive and dismissive? Do you feel comfortable and safe sharing these concerns? Often, the response is more telling than the behavior itself.” [5]
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Section 4 of 5:

Other Red Flags to Keep an Eye Out For

  1. Tenzer shares some additional red flags that a guy might not be the best partner. “If these traits are present, you have addressed them with your partner without change AND they consistently walk ahead without regard, THEN the walking could be part of a broader pattern of problematic behavior. But alone, it’s more [of] a cue to have a conversation than to end a relationship. Communication is key in a healthy relationship.” Additional red flags to look out for include: [6]
    • Trust issues or chronic dishonesty
    • Gaslighting or manipulating your perception of reality
    • Aggressive or threatening behavior
    • Lack of empathy or invalidating your feelings
    • Making you feel unsafe or unvalued
Section 5 of 5:

Final Thoughts

  1. Ultimately, there may be some truth to the ‘man walking ahead’ theory, but it is overly simplistic. Yes, narcissists can have a grandiose sense of self and be arrogant and entitled, which could lead to them walking ahead of their partners in public in some attempt to claim dominance. And there are almost certainly some men who walk ahead of their partners because they don’t really like them or want to be seen with them. At the same time, as Tenzer mentioned, there are normal, non-red-flag reasons for a man to walk ahead of his partner, so it’s important to consider the whole of a man’s behavior and personality before writing him off as toxic.
    • With that said, this definitely doesn’t invalidate the experiences of people, many of them women, who have had bad experiences and relationships with men who walked ahead of them. Depending on the context, walking ahead of your partner in public can be a red flag. It’s just not automatically one for all men.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E--qRDCO3sQ
      2. ↑ https://www.tiktok.com/@olga.safari/video/7418078614740159786?lang=en
      3. ↑ Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP. Therapist. Expert Interview
      4. ↑ Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP. Therapist. Expert Interview
      5. ↑ Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP. Therapist. Expert Interview
      6. ↑ Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP. Therapist. Expert Interview

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