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Life is not without challenges. One of the greatest challenges in life is to face a problem alone. Whether the problem is a step toward your goal or stepping out of a dark place in your life, you like to feel supported by those around you. Unfortunately, those around you do not always like to support your every move (sometimes rightfully so). These are the times that you must rely on yourself for the inspiration and strength to meet your goals and overcome your problems. Categories
Steps
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Set SMART goals. Specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, time-bound (SMART) goals are the best way to success. This method of setting goals allows you to define a goal that can be reached in a way that you can measure your progress and success over a period of time. Once you have set your goal, go through each letter of the SMART acronym:
- Is this goal specific? Can it be more specific? Instead of saying “I will do well in school,” you should say “I will achieve a 3.0 this semester.”
- How will I measure success? In the example above, success will be measured by your GPA.
- Is my goal attainable? Are the resources needed available? - Do you have the books and other resources you need?
- Is my goal realistic? Can it be achieved in the way that I propose? Are your grades currently at a place where a 3.0 is possible to attain?
- Have I given myself an appropriate amount of time for this goal? If you set this goal in the last week of the semester, it might not be a reasonable amount of time. You should set such a goal in the beginning of the semester, giving you the entire semester to work on the goal.
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Develop a personal mantra or motto. To develop a motto or mantra to drive you toward success, you should consider your core values. What are the most important qualities and concepts in your life? Which ones will help you attain your current goals? [1] X Research source Once you have your SMART goal set, you can use it to develop your motto. To use your motto or mantra, repeat it to yourself often (especially when your motivation needs a boost). [2] X Research source
- Using the 3.0 goal above and noting that academic support is an important concept in your life, you might develop a motto such as “Go to class, don’t slack.”
- Remind yourself that obstacles are a puzzle or a challenge that you can overcome—not a roadblock. [3]
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Expert Source
William Schroeder, MA, LPC, NCC
Licensed Professional Counselor Expert Interview. 27 September 2021.
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Find music that motivates you. It is important to listen to music that you can identify with. Make sure that you identify with a positive, motivating message in your music. Music has the power to alter your mood and attitude in a way that few things do. If you do not identify with the music you listen to, try browsing the internet and trying different genres and playlists developed by others. These can easily be found places like Pandora and YouTube. [4] X Research source
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Analyze your role model. It is often very helpful to have someone to emulate. It does not matter if your role model is your father, or your favorite superhero. Identify the things about that person that you admire and try to emulate them. Use these positive traits to propel yourself toward overcoming your problems on your own. [5] X Research source
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Expect setbacks. One common mistake that people make is expecting to overcome their problems with no problems. This is not usually the case, especially with the added obstacle of having little or no support. Learn from your setbacks and keep pushing forward. [6] X Research source
- Instead of focusing on what you can't do, look at the little steps that will help you in the short term. [7]
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Expert Source
William Schroeder, MA, LPC, NCC
Licensed Professional Counselor Expert Interview. 27 September 2021.
- Instead of focusing on what you can't do, look at the little steps that will help you in the short term. [7]
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Expert Source
William Schroeder, MA, LPC, NCC
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Let go of any expectations for family support. Most of us believe that our families should actively support us no matter what. When they fail to meet that expectation, we get frustrated and stressed. To see the situation for what it is, you have to stop obsessing about it and let the stress dissipate. [8] X Research source
- Regardless of what your family thinks, you make your own choices in life for better or for worse. Remember this and make your own decisions.
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Understand why your family doesn’t support you. In a healthy family, this can be as simple as asking your family members why they do not support you in overcoming your particular problem. It could be that they are going through their own problems, or that they morally disagree with you. In a dysfunctional family, things can get more complicated. Dysfunctional families do not communicate as well and the lack of support could be a product of abusive treatment. If this is the case, confronting your family members will likely result in more conflict. [9] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source
- You should not give up on finding a resolution to your problem just because your family is not supportive. This is all the more reason to stay true to yourself.
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Put your needs and convictions first. If you have found yourself in conflict with your family, you may feel guilty. This guilt can lead you to allow others to impose their best interests on you, creating more problems than resolutions. You must stay strong and put yourself first to overcome your problems without your family’s support. [10] X Research source
- If all of your family attends a particular church but you do not follow that religion, you have to put your convictions and needs first. Do not be pressured into pretending you believe what your family wants you to.
- Another example of putting your needs first is when your family tells you that you have to come home for the holidays. While this is what most people do, if you feel that you should be somewhere else, it is not your family’s place to tell you that you have to do things their way.
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Confront your friends. Remember that confrontation does not have to end in conflict. You should respectfully address your friends with your concerns about lack of support. You may find that their lack of support was unintentional, or that they have good reason (at least for themselves) for not supporting you. [11] X Research source
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Control your emotions. If a friend is not supporting you, it isn’t necessarily a personal attack or the end of your friendship. Listen calmly to your friend’s concerns. Maybe they feel that the problem you are facing is something they cannot help you with objectively (e.g. you are going through a divorce and turn to a friend that is loyal to both you and your spouse), or they have their own problems to overcome at the moment. [12] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source Either way, take a deep breath before responding to your friend and be respectful.
- If you are too upset to be respectful at the time, do not say anything until you calm down.
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Acknowledge your friends’ concerns. If you have a goal or a problem that you are facing and your friend isn’t supportive, you should pay attention to any specific concerns. Remember that you are friends with this person for a reason, and it’s likely that they know you well and have your best interest in mind. Do not give up on your problems or goals because a friend doesn’t support you, instead, use their criticism to tweak your approach so that you better overcome your problems. [13] X Research source
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Evaluate the risk of damaging your career or reputation. Overcoming problems in your career can be tricky. You peers can be friends, advisors, and adversaries all at the same time. When you have problems in your career, you are likely to be told to suck it up and fall in line. Many peers may not be receptive to you “solving” your problems if it does not directly benefit them. You risk causing new problems, including being fired, if you rock the boat too much. [14] X Research source
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Challenge the status quo in your company or field. Innovative solutions to your problems at work can send you to the forefront of your field. It is likely that if you are having a problem in your career, others in the same career are having the same problem. Innovation does not happen by “falling in line,” but do not expect support from most peers. Some like things the way they are, others will be envious of your innovation. [15] X Research source
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Leave doors open to colleges who question your approach. Do not let a solution to one problem inflate your ego too much. Alienating those who did not support an idea may prove to cripple your career later. Take the criticism as constructive and leave doors open with peers that you may have to work with ― or for ― in the future.
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow do you deal with problems in life?William Schroeder is a Licensed Professional Counselor and the Co-Owner of Just Mind, a counseling center in Austin, Texas that aims to remove the stigma from therapy. With more than 14 years of experience, he specializes in cognitive counseling with adults on issues such as loss, life transition, happiness, relationships, and career exploration. He has also received advanced training and works with clients with ADHD and Aspergers (ASD). William and Just Mind have been featured in publications such as The New York Times, Business Insider, and Readers Digest. William holds a BBA in Marketing from Loyola University, New Orleans, and an MA in Counseling Psychology from St. Mary’s University.The first step is to break down the issue into a series of smaller parts to make it more manageable. Ask yourself some questions: What are my core and immediate needs? What priorities come after that? What decisions can I reasonably make in the next few days or weeks?
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Tips
- Stay positive.Thanks
- If your resolve is failing, pretend it isn’t. Imagine that you are motivated to overcome your problems and act as if you are. This will propel you through rough patches and help you to regain your motivation.Thanks
- Understand that criticism can be constructive.Thanks
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Warnings
- Do not let others keep you locked into your problems through doubt or guilt.Thanks
- Keeping consistently unsupportive or negative people around can drain your motivation.Thanks
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References
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/changepower/201508/9-reasons-you-need-personal-motto
- ↑ https://www.ucop.edu/local-human-resources/_files/performance-appraisal/How%20to%20write%20SMART%20Goals%20v2.pdf
- ↑ William Schroeder, MA, LPC, NCC. Licensed Professional Counselor. Expert Interview. 27 September 2021.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-athletes-way/201212/the-neuroscience-music-mindset-and-motivation
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/our-emotional-footprint/201712/our-illusions-role-models-heroes-and-idols
- ↑ https://careerwise.minnstate.edu/mymncareers/advance-career/deal-with-setbacks.html
- ↑ William Schroeder, MA, LPC, NCC. Licensed Professional Counselor. Expert Interview. 27 September 2021.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-color-wellness/202202/letting-go-expectations-is-good-your-mental-health
- ↑ https://www.apa.org/topics/stress/manage-social-support
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/your-emotional-meter/201711/it-s-never-too-late-put-yourself-first
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/what-mentally-strong-people-dont-do/201610/6-ways-overcome-the-fear-confrontation
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-health/emotional-intelligence-eq.htm
- ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/friend-cuts.html
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/lib/5-ways-to-solve-all-your-problems
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/what-doesnt-kill-us/201611/how-to-see-challenges-as-opportunities
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