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Psychology-backed signs the man in your life is head over heels
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“He loves me, he loves me not. He loves me, he loves me not…” While plucking petals off of a daisy is a poetic way to suss out a man’s feelings, you’re probably wondering if there’s a more concrete way to determine how a man in your life feels about you. Although each man is different, psychologists and relationship experts have identified common signs and behaviors that many men exhibit when they’ve found the partner of their dreams. In this article, we’ll dive into these signs and show you what to look for to help you rest assured that he does, in fact, love you.
Things You Should Know
- Major signs he’s in love include wanting to be around you constantly, including you in future plans, and letting his guard down to be vulnerable around you.
- Physically, you may catch him looking at you frequently, giving you wide, genuine smiles, and consensually touching you in affectionate (not always sexual) ways.
- Remember that every man is an individual who shows love in a different way. When in doubt, initiate a conversation about both of your feelings to know for sure.
Steps
Section 1 of 3:
Signs He’s Falling in Love
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He wants to be around you all the time. Does a man make plans with you every day after work? Does he try to see you in his free time instead of keeping to himself? If he’s investing his time in your relationship, he just might be bitten by the love bug. Everyone gets tied up with work, family, and other commitments, but if he’s making an effort to spend quality time with you when he can, he truly cares for you. [1] X Research source
- Even if he can’t be with you physically, he’ll also text or call you frequently to make up for it.
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He uses “we” statements. If a man sees you as a friend or if you’ve just started dating, he’ll probably use “I” statements to speak about himself and his experiences (rather than both of you together). When he transitions to “we” statements, it means he’s starting to visualize a future with you in it. He’s seeing both of you together as a team that’s in love, not just two individuals hanging out together. [2] X Research source
- “We” statements could be things like:
- “Do we want Italian or Chinese for dinner tonight?”
- “We get so excited for Joe’s game nights!”
- “We’re not sure if we’re available yet, but we’ll let you know.”
Advertisement - “We” statements could be things like:
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He thinks you’re special and unique, down to every last little quirk. Does he tell you he likes the way you adjust your hair, or smile when you say you can’t stand the color green? When a man’s in love, he thinks his partner is like no one else in the world. Psychologically, this special focus on you is linked to elevated dopamine levels in the brain. When he’s in love, you’re literally on his mind. [3] X Research source
- Dopamine is also associated with a desire for monogamy and an inability to feel romantic passion for someone other than your own partner.
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He believes in you more than you believe in yourself sometimes. Is your man always picking you up when you’re down, or forgiving you for your shortcomings? A man with love on the brain sees the best in his partner, and he values you knowing your value, too. He’ll think you can accomplish anything because you’re special. The deeper his feelings, the less wrong you’re able to do in his eyes. [4] X Research source
- He’ll always be proud of you, whether you’re experiencing huge successes or just navigating the small things in life.
- This doesn’t mean he has to put you on a pedestal. Instead, he’ll always find the best interpretation of your characteristics. For example, he wouldn’t think you’re a bad morning person if you’re irritable when the alarm clock goes off. Maybe you just didn’t sleep well!
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He wants you to meet his friends and family. Is he eager to introduce you to his closest friends? Is it important to him that you get to know his family? When a man wants you to know the most important people in his life, it means that you’re one of them, too. Even a quick introduction on a night out is meaningful, and it shows he sees himself committing to something bigger with you. [5] X Research source
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He’s not afraid to be vulnerable and comes to you with his problems. Many men are raised with the notion that showing their feelings or opening up about their problems is “unmanly.” If he’s in love, he’ll have an easy time talking to you and he’ll start to let these walls down (even if it’s a little uncomfortable for him at first). It’s a huge sign of trust and a willingness to connect with you on a deeper level. [6] X Research source
- He may also come to you for opinions or advice about his personal problems. This could include small things, like what to wear to an interview, or larger issues, like how to deal with a problematic friend.
- Not all men have problems opening up. Even if he’s typically open about his feelings, the fact that he still shares them with you means he’s invested in your relationship.
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He treats you and your needs as his priorities. Regardless of how busy or stressed he is, he’ll find a way to support you. He might sacrifice a night out with the guys to cook your favorite dinner if you’ve had a bad day, or sprint to your workplace to bring you your purse if you left it at home.
- He’ll even set aside his ego to do “unmanly” things for you, like join you for a ballet class or talk to your cat in a cute baby voice.
- If he’s making you a priority at the expense of his own well-being, you may need to have a conversation about what your needs in the relationship really are and set some limits on how much he does for you.
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He wants you to be a part of his future plans. When a man gets serious about his relationship, he can’t imagine a future without his partner. If he says things like “One day we could visit Paris” or “In-unit laundry would be great in our next apartment,” he’s envisioning you by his side. He doesn’t have to make long-term proclamations about marriage or old age (although those might be nice!)—even shorter-term plans indicate he’s falling in love. [7] X Research source
- Chemically, being in love releases the hormones serotonin and oxytocin in a man’s brain. When a partner triggers the euphoria of those hormones, he begins to associate his partner with essential survival elements like water or shelter. This means he truly can’t imagine a future without you.
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He’s happy that you’re happy. A loving partner will boost your self-esteem , self-confidence, and help you feel a more secure sense of identity. If he gives his all to turn your frown upside down or reassures you when you experience self-doubt, he’s demonstrating that he cares about your happiness (both in the relationship and as an individual). Ask yourself this: do you feel more positively about yourself when you’re alone than you did before you met him? If the answer’s yes, feel confident you have a man that loves you. [8] X Research source
- This doesn’t mean you'll never get frustrated with each other or get into arguments—that’s just part of being in a relationship. However, your baseline happiness will feel stronger when there’s true love involved.
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He goes out of his way for you, especially when you need him. Name something you need, and your man will be there to provide it no matter how inconvenient it is (a ride to the airport at 3am, someone to fix that faucet that never stops leaking for the 5th time, a shoulder to cry on, or anything else). It’s a sign of his emotional attachment—men in love look forward to helping and pleasing their partners. [9] X Research source
- Even if he’s enthusiastic about doing inconvenient or difficult things for you, be careful not to accidentally take advantage of his loving altruism. A pattern of big requests without ever returning the favor may eventually make him feel used after a while.
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He misses you when you’re apart and loves that you miss him, too. The deeper in love he is, the more he’ll miss you when you’re gone. Does he text you constantly when you’re traveling, or talk about all the exciting things he wants to do together once you’re reunited? Staying on his mind even when you’re far apart is a surefire sign he’s got strong feelings for you. [10] X Research source
- He’ll feel flattered, appreciated, or happy when you tell him you’ve missed him, too. He may not show it outwardly if he’s the type to keep his feelings close to the chest, though—look for subtle smiles or blushing, or more relaxed and intimate body language.
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He’s protective of you and your relationship. Does he pull you closer when other guys are around, or grab your hand if you’re strolling through a questionable part of town? Is he quick to shut down people who criticize you or doubt your relationship? He’s showing he cares about your physical and emotional safety, and that he’s willing to defend your bond no matter who questions it. [11] X Research source
- He’ll go to bat for you even if it puts his own well-being at risk. This could potentially include physical altercations, but more often involves verbal arguments with friends and family.
- When you face a common adversity as a couple, like financial or legal trouble, do you bond together against outside attacks? This is another sign he’s willing to fight for your relationship with you.
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He's always looking at you and isn’t afraid of meaningful eye contact. He doesn’t have to gaze longingly into your eyes like in romance movies. If he can’t take his eyes off you while you’re talking, or if you catch him darting a glance your way out of the corner of your eye, rest assured he’s feeling the love bug. Quick glances like these are enough to send positive, love-confirming messages. [12] X Research source
- Eye contact is a sign of genuine respect for you, and a sign that he enjoyed being with you and cares about what you’re saying or feeling.
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He can’t stop talking about you to others (in a good way). A man in love wants the world to know all about you! If he can’t show you off in person, he’ll go on and on about you to those who matter most to him, like his friends and family. This is because he wants them to like you because you’re important to him. It’s a sign that he’s becoming more and more attached to you as your relationship progresses. [13] X Research source
- Of course, let him know if all of the pep talking is making you uncomfortable or if he’s telling people things you’d rather keep private. Chances are he means no harm by it and is just excited to have a true love to talk about.
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He truly listens to and cares about what you have to say. Look at how he responds to the things you tell him—is he gazing off into space with disinterest, or is he nodding along, looking at you, and asking questions? Does he always ask how your day was? If he’s in love, it doesn’t matter how long you’ve been talking or how trivial the story is. He’ll always want to hear more. [14] X Research source
- Everything you say brings him closer to knowing you more. Not all men have the tools to say “I want to know more about you,” but his genuine interest will tell you he’s interested and loving every word you’re saying.
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He’s worried about losing you. The more love he has for you, the more he feels he has to lose. He may fear “not being man enough” or making mistakes in the relationship that cause you to leave him. More existentially, he might feel anxious about both of your well-being and mortality. He may not verbalize these concerns, but if the idea of separating causes him to spiral, it means he cares for you deeply. [15] X Research source
- His worries might manifest as bickering over superficial safety concerns. For example, he may take issue with you walking a long distance from your car to your apartment at night.
- When he seems anxious about losing you, reassure him you’re not going anywhere. Tell him that as long as there’s love and you’re both willing to work together to problem solve, he has nothing to worry about.
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He touches you often (consensually). Physical touch is an important way for men to express affection and love. Touching doesn’t have to be a super physical, couple-y act like cuddling or having sex. He might just hug you frequently, lay a hand on your thigh while you’re sitting next to him, hold your hand while you’re walking, or stroke your arm to soothe you (or himself) when you’re feeling anxious. [16] X Research source
- Of course, touching is often a way to initiate sexual activity (and he may have that on his mind sometimes). However, if he’s in love, he’ll be perfectly fine touching you without any expectation of reciprocation or escalation.
- If his touching crosses a line (like if you don’t enjoy being touched affectionately in public) or if you’re not in the mood for possible sexual activity, calmly tell him “no” and explain your reasoning.
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He flashes you wide, genuine smiles. Take a look at his smile next time you’re together—does he give you a broad, ear-to-ear grin that shows a lot of teeth and makes his eyes crinkle? If so, it’s likely he’s got strong feelings for you and he loves being in your presence. Notice how his lips move, too. If he parts them frequently or you see little twitches, it’s a sign he’s thinking about kissing you. [17] X Research source
- On the flip side, if he usually smiles with his lips together and you don’t see a “sparkle” in his eyes, he may not feel as close to you.
- Test his smile by telling him a cheesy joke . Whether it’s funny or not, he’ll flash you his purest smile if he has strong feelings for you.
- Another (somewhat corny) sign that he’s falling in love is the way he reacts to your smile. He’ll smile when you smile, and he’s likely to compliment your smile on a regular basis.
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He faces you or leans in toward you when you’re together. Body language is a big indicator of love. If you’re standing facing each other, his whole body (from his feet to his face) will be pointing in your direction, and his shoulders will lean in closer to you. If you’re sitting next to each other, he’ll turn his head to face you frequently, eventually followed by his shoulders and torso, until he’s somewhat rotated in his seat and oriented in your direction. [18] X Research source
- The more comfortable you are around each other, the more obvious and relaxed his body language will be.
- When his love for you is deep, you’ll notice hardly any tension in his body at all (especially in typically tense areas like the neck and shoulders).
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He puts in the effort to look his best around you. When he shows up to dinner, is he wearing a clean, well-fitted outfit? Is his hygiene a 10/10 when he knows you’ll be around? Looking attractive is definitely part of the initial flirting and dating game, but when he’s in real love, he’ll still want to impress you. He thinks you’re beautiful, and wants you to think the same of him. [19] X Research source
- Next time you’re in public or at a party together, approach him from across the room and notice if he tugs at his shirt or fixes his hair when he sees you coming. Even these subtle cues are signs of his deep affection.
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References
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