200+ Questions to Ask Your Partner to Strengthen Your Bond

Asking questions is a great way to get to know your significant other, whether you’ve just begun dating or you’ve been together for years. Asking your partner deep, intimate, and vulnerable questions can tell you a lot about them and your compatibility—but asking questions can also be a pleasant and thoughtful way to spend some quality time together! Not sure what questions to ask? We’ve got you covered. Keep reading for our list of serious, vulnerable, and thought-provoking questions to ask in a relationship, no matter what stage it’s at. Plus, hear from dating experts Lauren Sanders and Courtney Quinlan about how asking questions can strengthen your relationship, whether it’s brand-new or you’re celebrating your tenth anniversary.

Great Questions to Ask in a Relationship

What’s your relationship like with your parents?
What are your political beliefs?
What’s your love language?
What accomplishment are you most proud of?
Who do you feel you can be your true self around?

Section 1 of 8:

General Questions to Ask in a Relationship

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These questions are a great way to learn more about your partner. Asking questions can help you and your partner establish common ground and make sure you’re both on the same page with regards to the future and the current state of your relationship. But it’s also just a great way to learn more about your new partner and how they like to operate in romantic relationships, as Sanders points out. Here are a few of our favorite questions to ask your partner, including a few of Sanders’ faves:
- Who was your first love? Why didn’t things didn’t work out with your first love?
- What was your favorite subject to learn in high school and/or college?
- Who was your first crush?
- If you had to give a TedTalk about something, what would you choose? ^{[1]
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- What is your favorite place to travel and why?
- Have you ever had major surgery?
- Have you ever been in love before?
- What was your favorite Halloween costume?
- How do you describe the feeling of being in love?
- What were you like in high school? Would you be friends with your younger self?
- Who is a couple you admire? Why?
- What makes a place feel like home to you?
- Do you have any hidden talents?
- When you’re feeling low, how do you pick yourself back up?
- Have you ever conquered a challenge at work or in your personal life?
- How are you different from the person you were five or ten years ago?
- What would your perfect day look like?
- What was the best wedding you’ve ever been to?
- What is the best thing you’ve ever bought?
- What’s something you regret?
- What makes you feel attractive?
- What are your parents like?
- What is your biggest dream in life?
- What’s something that always makes you laugh?
- What do you love about me?
- What’s your favorite part of the day and why? ^{[2]
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- What do you love about us as a couple?
- Did you go to summer camp as a kid?
- Do you consider yourself organized or more carefree?
- What was your worst online dating experience? How did you handle it?

Section 2 of 8:

Deep Questions to Ask in a Relationship

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Take the convo to the next level with more serious questions. From “What is the meaning of life?” to “Is there life on other planets?” asking thought-provoking questions can teach you more about how your partner views the world and their place in it.
- What do you think is the meaning of life?
- Is there such a thing as true love?
- How do you define “home”?
- Do you believe in life on other planets?
- Who is the most important person in your life and why?
- Which of your values is most important to you?
- How did your childhood impact who you are today?
- What motivates you to fulfill your dreams and goals?
- What is your biggest fear?
- Which family traditions will you continue to carry on when you have a family?
- What do you hope your legacy will be?
- What is your relationship to technology and social media?
- When you picture yourself in 10 years, what do you see? What about 50 years?
- What are you proud of?
- What is your relationship to faith, religion, or spirituality?
- Who is your role model? Why?
- What are three words you’d use to describe yourself?
- What advice would you give your younger self?
- What is the biggest lesson you’ve learned about life so far?
- What did you learn from your most recent breakup?
- What was the best decision you ever made?
- How can I comfort you when you’re sad or disappointed?
- What are your goals today?
- What were your goals five or ten years ago?
- Do you believe in astrology?
- What do you think happens when we die?
- When do you feel most like yourself?
- What was the worst decision you ever made?
- Where is your happy place?
- How do you unwind after a stressful day?
- What makes someone a good friend?
- When do you feel like the best version of yourself?
- Have you ever made a big mistake? How did you fix it?

Section 3 of 8:

Vulnerable Questions to Ask in a Relationship

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Opening up to each other helps you feel more connected. Being vulnerable with your partner and providing space for them to be vulnerable with you is a good way to learn more about one another, as well as to help build trust between you both. Next time you’re spending a quiet evening at home together, try asking your partner some of these personal questions:
- Growing up, did you feel like you could share your feelings with your parents?
- Do you think we have the same shared vision for the future?
- How is your mental health currently?
- What stresses you out?
- How are we going to keep our relationship strong or fresh?
- What accomplishment are you most proud of?
- What’s your favorite date we’ve ever been on together?
- How do we ensure that we maintain our individual identities even as we grow closer?
- When you look in the mirror, do you like what you see?
- What are you afraid of?
- When’s the last time you cried?
- What's one thing from your childhood that has shaped who you are today?
- What’s your favorite non-physical thing about yourself?
- When was the last time you were jealous and why?
- Where do you see yourself in a year?
- Is it difficult for you to express your feelings?
- What stresses you out the most?
- Do you live with any regrets?
- How do you show love to a romantic partner?
- What is something that surprised you about falling in love?
- How can I best support you when you’re feeling angry or upset?
- What’s your favorite childhood memory?
- What was the hardest goodbye you’ve ever said and why?
- What’s a difficult experience that you grew from?
- What was your first heartbreak like?
- Who do you feel you can be your true self around?
- What’s something you’d love to do, but are scared to pursue?
- What’s on your bucket list?
- Who were you closest to growing up and why?

Section 4 of 8:

Intimate Questions to Ask in a Relationship

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Get to know your partner inside and out with intimate questions. These questions will help you uncover even more about your partner and bring you even closer together than you already are. Whether you’ve been together forever or just met, you’re sure to learn something you didn’t know!
- What's something you used to believe about relationships but no longer do?
- What's something surprising that you were afraid of as a child?
- What nicknames did you have as a kid?
- What was your childhood bedroom like?
- What was your favorite food growing up?
- What's your favorite meal now?
- What’s one thing you’re afraid to tell anyone else? ^{[3]
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- When did you know you loved me?
- How do you define love, and has that definition changed over time?
- What’s a fear or insecurity you’ve never shared with anyone?
- How do you think conflict strengthens or challenges our relationship?
- How do you like to be comforted when you’re feeling anxious?
- What’s a romantic gesture you’ve always wanted to experience?
- How do you define emotional intimacy, and do you feel we’ve achieved it?
- What’s one moment in our relationship that made you feel deeply connected to me?
- How am I similar to your parent(s)?
- How do you need support from me when you’re sad or frustrated?
- How do you express love when words aren’t enough?
- What’s your favorite non-physical way to feel close to me?
- What was the first album you ever owned?
- How does your life compare to how you imagined it growing up?

Section 5 of 8:

Questions to Ask in a New Relationship

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See how compatible you are with a new partner with these questions. If you’ve just begun dating someone, it’s important to gauge the relationship’s long-term potential by learning about your partner’s goals, values, and expectations, says Sanders. Try some of these questions, including a few of Sanders’ go-tos:
- What are your political beliefs?
- Are you religious or spiritual?
- Are you close with your family?
- Can you tell me about your last break up? Why didn’t it work out?
- Have you been in many serious relationships in the past?
- What are your life goals?
- How do you work through disagreements and conflicts with a partner?
- What makes someone a good partner to you?
- How do you communicate with a partner?
- What do you love about your friends?
- Can you tell me about your childhood and upbringing?
- How do you feel about children? Do you plan to have any someday?
- What was your childhood like? ^{[4]
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- Are you close with your parents? What about your siblings?
- What boundaries do you have with your family and friends?
- Are you in contact with any of your exes?
- Do you want children one day? What's your timeline for that?
- Are you more of a saver or a spender?
- Are you in debt? What is your plan for your financial future?
- What career path are you pursuing?
- If you had the chance to start over in a new career, what would you want to do?
- Are you registered to vote under a certain party? Do you vote regularly?
- Do you think politics should be a deal breaker in relationships? ^{[5]
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- What issues do you feel strongly about?
- Do you think climate change is real?
- Do you prefer to go places on the weekend or chill at home?
- What pets do you have or want to have in the future?
- Romantically speaking, what’s drawn you to people in the past?
- What’s something you’ve learned from a rough breakup? ^{[6]
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- Do you think it's exciting to move to new places or do you prefer to set roots down in one place?
- Is there anything about your life that you’re hoping to change in the next few months or years?
- What's a simple pleasure that always makes you smile, no matter how your day is going?
- What’s your relationship like with your parents?
- What’s the longest friendship you’ve had?
- What’s your love language?
- What do you look for in a relationship?
- Are you currently dating anybody else?
- Do you think it’s important to have a diverse group of friends?
- Do you want to get married someday? Or are you just looking for a life partner?
- How do you feel about public displays of affection?
- Where do you see yourself in five years, financially?

Section 6 of 8:

Relationship Check-in Questions

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It’s important to check regularly about the state of the relationship. Making quality time every once in a while—say, once or twice a month—to ask your partner how they’re doing and how they think the relationship is going is a great way to bring you closer together and keep your relationship healthy . It can help you identify any potential issues in the relationship so that you can resolve them, as well as give you a chance to celebrate your love! ^{[7]
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- Was there anything that surprised you about me as we started getting more serious?
- What’s something I do that always turns you on?
- How do you like to be comforted after a bad day?
- In what ways do you think we’re most compatible?
- Are there any patterns that have popped up in your past relationships, and do you see that happening with us?
- When you envision our future, what do you see?
- What makes you feel loved?
- Are we happy with the way we divide household roles and responsibilities?
- Are we happy with the frequency and quality of our sexual relationship?
- How is our friendship? Are we happy with the quality of our emotional and intellectual intimacy? ^{[8]
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- Do we feel securely attached to each other? How can we make sure we are each other's "safe place"?
- What’s one of your favorite traits of mine?
- What’s your favorite thing that we do together on the reg?
- Is there anything you’ve always wanted to try in the bedroom but haven’t?
- Have you learned anything new about yourself since we started dating?
- How do you think we handle disagreements, and what can we improve on in our communication?
- What's one fear you've overcome since we've been together, and how did our relationship help you through it?
- How will we know that our relationship is working? ^{[9]
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- Are there any topics that you still feel nervous bringing up with me?
- How have I changed since we first met?

Section 7 of 8:

Questions to Ask Yourself in a Relationship

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Get a better understanding of what you’re looking for in a relationship. Asking questions isn’t just a good way to check in with your partner—it’s also helpful for understanding what you yourself are looking for in a relationship and assessing how things are going with your current partner.
- Are my new partner and I a “good fit”?
- Do we generally see the best in each other?
- Do we have a strong basis for a friendship?
- Do we completely trust one another?
- Do I enjoy spending time with their friends?
- Do I enjoy spending time with their family?
- How do I feel about their financial situation?
- How do I feel when my partner arrives home after they’ve been away for a while?
- Have I made personal sacrifices to make this relationship work? If yes, have they been worth it? Have they been reciprocated?
- When was the last time I told them I loved them? If it’s been a while, why?
- When was the last time they told me they loved me? How do I feel about the answer?
- How often do we laugh together?
- When I think of my partner, do I smile?
- Do I feel threatened or possessive when other people find my partner attractive? If so, why?
- Do I feel like they’re my biggest cheerleader?
- Is my partner my best friend?
- Do I have any secrets I’m afraid to tell them?
- Do I feel like they accept me for who I am?
- Have we seen each other at our best and worst?
- Do we accept one another’s belief systems?
- Are we politically compatible?
- Do I feel like we’re in sync with one another most of the time?
- Do I think I’m their biggest cheerleader?
- When was the last time we talked about the future together, and were we on the same page?
- What is my happiest memory with them? What is my worst? Are there more happy ones than unhappy ones?
- How do I feel about the last deep conversation we had together?
- Do we show love for one another often? If not, why not?
- Do we want the same things in our relationship and out of life?
- Are our expectations realistic?
- Can I see a future with them?

Section 8 of 8:

Why Ask Your Partner Questions?

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1
Asking a new partner questions can help you see if you’re compatible. Asking questions about a new partner’s dating history, expectations for the relationship, values and beliefs, and future goals is a good way to help you “establish common ground…in regards to what you're looking for,” says Sanders: “I find that with my clients that do actually end up being in a relationship…they do have common goals for the future.”
- You might have amazing chemistry and enjoy spending time together, but if there are any major dealbreakers, it’s worth it to ask yourself if you should continue dating.
- For instance, if you really want to have kids someday and your partner doesn’t, this might be a dealbreaker you can’t overcome, even if you get along great otherwise.
- But asking questions about your partner’s favorite movies and books, favorite things to do in their spare time, and ideal date nights are also fun ways to learn what you have in common and give you plenty to talk about and do together.
EXPERT TIP

Lauren Sanders
Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Lauren Sanders is a Professional Matchmaker, Dating Coach, and the Founder of Dating for the Soul. With over four years of experience, she specializes in helping singles find love. Lauren is also the author of Lipstick Faith: A Collection of Inspirational Writings and Life Lessons, You Deserve the World, Rainbows and Strawberries: 100 Devotions for the Brighter Side of Life, and Let's Go Outside Mommy. Lauren holds BS from Dillard University and a Masters from The University of North Georgia.

Lauren Sanders
Matchmaker & Dating Coach

If you’re compatible, you will possess communication styles that are in sync with each other. You will also share common interests, values, and life goals. You will also share a lot of the same beliefs about life in general, such as religious beliefs, etc.
2
Asking questions can help keep your bond strong. Asking questions is an opportunity to address any issues in the relationship that may currently be unresolved. As Quinlan notes, “Asking about future goals in life [will help you] make sure that you guys are aligned as far as what your goals are: are they similar, are they really far apart? And if they are far apart, what can you guys do to get them where they need to be?”
- “Sometimes couples don't communicate, and communication is key to any good relationship,” Quinlan stresses. “Just being able to have open honest communication about where you stand, where you see things in the future, and working together to make those dreams come true or if they're just too far apart” can help you patch up any problems or give you both a chance to reassess the relationship.
3
Asking your partner questions can bring you closer together. Whether you’ve just begun dating or have been together for years, asking good questions is a great way to learn more about your partner and help you connect on a deeper level . Asking questions about their values, personality, and the state of the relationship can help you know how to show them love and make you both feel seen and valued.
- Asking questions can also be a fun, thoughtful way to spend some quality time together!

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200+ Questions to Ask Your Partner to Strengthen Your Bond

Great Questions to Ask in a Relationship

Steps

General Questions to Ask in a Relationship

Deep Questions to Ask in a Relationship

Vulnerable Questions to Ask in a Relationship

Intimate Questions to Ask in a Relationship

Questions to Ask in a New Relationship

Relationship Check-in Questions

Questions to Ask Yourself in a Relationship

Why Ask Your Partner Questions?

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