How to Say Goodbye to a Friend

PDF download Download Article
PDF download Download Article

There’s no doubt about it: saying goodbye to a friend is hard. Whether you’re ending a friendship, moving away from a friend, or saying goodbye to a friend as they pass away, you’re probably going to feel a wide range of emotions. Keep reading to learn how you can say your goodbyes and give yourself some closure on the friendship.

1

Pull back from the relationship gradually.

PDF download Download Article
  1. If you’ve tried out a friendship with someone and it just isn’t working, it’s okay to stop messaging or calling them as much. You can expect to see them at group events or at parties, but you don’t have to make it a point to hang out with them one on one. If you only ever saw them occasionally anyway, it’s probably not a big deal to extract yourself from their life. [1]
    • This is also a good method to use if your friend never hits you up and instead waits for you to reach out first all the time.
    2. Advertisement
2

Take a break from the friendship.

PDF download Download Article
  1. Just like any relationship, friendships aren’t going to be perfect 100% of the time. If you and your friend are having some conflict, don’t be afraid to put a pause on your relationship. You two can reconvene at the end and talk things out, or you can stay out of each other’s lives for good. [2]
    • Say something like, “I’m not sure if our friendship is working right now. I think I’d like to take a little break from the friendship, just to get my head on straight. Maybe we can talk again in a month or so.”
3

End the friendship with an honest conversation.

PDF download Download Article
  1. If you and your friend are having issues, ask to meet up so you two can talk about them. You can discuss your feelings and why you feel the need to end the friendship. [3]
    • You could say something like, “Hey, could we meet up and talk? I want to chat about some issues we’ve been having lately. I think our friendship is getting a little toxic, and it might be best for me to take some time for myself.”
    2. Advertisement
4

Use “I” statements when ending a friendship.

PDF download Download Article
  1. If you can talk about your own emotions and what you’re feeling, your ex-friend is less likely to get defensive. That way, you may be able to have a more productive conversation with less anger. [4]
    • For instance, instead of saying, “You never text me first,” try, “I feel like I always reach out first, which makes me wonder if I’m as important to you as you are to me.”
    • Instead of saying, “You always use me for stuff,” say, “I only hear from you when you need something, which makes me feel a little bit used.”
5

Send an email or text if you don’t want to talk in person.

PDF download Download Article
  1. If your friendship has turned toxic or you can’t get in touch with this person to talk face to face, technology may be the best solution. Shoot them an email or send them a text to let them know that your friendship is breaking down. [5]
    • For instance, you might say, “Hey Diane, just reaching out to let you know why I haven’t been responding to you lately. I think our friendship is becoming a bit toxic, and I don’t think it’s good for us to keep hanging out.”
    2. Advertisement
6

Make a special gift for a friend who is moving away.

PDF download Download Article
  1. For instance, you might put together a scrapbook of all the vacation you went on or a digital photo album of all the pics you have together. You can give it to your friend before they leave as a sweet gesture. [6]
    • If you don’t have a ton of photos, try writing down special memories in a notebook instead.
7

Throw a going away party for them.

PDF download Download Article
  1. Buy a cake, decorate your house, and plan a few fun party games. You can talk about all the memories you’ve made with each other during your time together and how much fun they’re going to have in their new space. [7]
    • If your friend is going somewhere specific (like a new city or country), consider making that the party theme.
    2. Advertisement
8

Promise to keep in touch if one of you is moving.

PDF download Download Article
  1. If you or your friend are moving far away from each other, you don’t have to say goodbye for good. Stay in touch via phone calls, video chats, or social media. Make plans to visit each other on your off days or take a fun vacation together during the summer. [8] [9]
    • Planning a future trip or visit together can make the separation a lot more bearable. [10]
    • Long-distance friendships take a little more work to maintain than normal ones, but they can definitely be done!
    • Try to stay updated on each other’s lives while you’re not together. That way, you won’t grow apart from each other.
9

Tell them you love them if they’re passing away.

PDF download Download Article
  1. Visit them and hold their hand as you describe all the fun times you two had during your friendship. If they can’t talk back to you, just keep talking about treasured memories and things you did together. [11]
    • You might say something like, “Remember the time in college when we snuck into the library after dark? It was so much fun playing hide and seek in the stacks of shelves. I always had so much fun with you.”
    • If they’ve already passed, consider writing your feelings in a letter instead.
    2. Advertisement
10

Offer your assistance if they're terminally ill.

PDF download Download Article
  1. If your friend is having a tough time, consider offering to pick up groceries, drop their kids off at school, walk their dog, or even bring them some food. The more you can do to make their life easier, the better. [12]
    • Some people have a hard time accepting help, so don’t be offended if your friend wants to keep being independent.
11

Just spend time with them.

PDF download Download Article
  1. Sometimes, you can’t find the words to express yourself, and that’s okay. Simply go to your friend and sit near them or hold their hand. They’ll appreciate the gesture and understand that you can’t talk right now. [13]
    • This is a good method to use if your friend can’t talk back to you.
    2. Advertisement

Expert Q&A

Ask a Question
200 characters left
Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.
Submit
      Advertisement

      Tips

      • If you’re having trouble working through your emotions, a mental health professional may be able to help.
        Thanks
        Helpful 4 Not Helpful 0
      Submit a Tip
      All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published
      Name
      Please provide your name and last initial
      Submit
      Thanks for submitting a tip for review!
      Advertisement

      You Might Also Like

      How to
      Ignore People You No Longer Wish to Be Around
      How to
      Stop Being Friends with Someone Respectfully and Politely
      How to
      Tell Someone You Don't Want to Be Their Friend Without Hurting Their Feelings
      What Are the Signs That Someone Doesn’t Want to Be Your Friend?
      Why Is She Acting Hot and Cold? Possible Reasons + Expert-Backed Tips
      Ending a Friendship: Tips for a Successful Split
      How to
      Get Over Friends Who No Longer Want to Be Friends With You
      How to
      Cut a Toxic Friend Out of Your Life
      How to
      Find an Old Friend
      How to
      Tell Someone You Do Not Want to Be Friends
      How to
      Leave a Group of Friends
      How to
      Uninvite Someone from a Party
      How to
      Gently Dump a Clingy "Friend"
      How to
      End a Friends with Benefits (Fwb) Relationship
      Advertisement

      References

      1. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/knowing-when-to-say-goodbye-how-to-break-up-with-a-friend#2
      2. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/knowing-when-to-say-goodbye-how-to-break-up-with-a-friend#3
      3. ↑ https://www.inc.com/matthew-jones/how-to-say-goodbye-art-of-ending-relationships-well.html
      4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/lifetime-connections/202102/whats-the-best-way-end-toxic-friendship
      5. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/knowing-when-to-say-goodbye-how-to-break-up-with-a-friend#4
      6. ↑ https://www.familyeducation.com/life/friendships/when-friends-have-say-goodbye
      7. ↑ https://dianegottsman.com/2019/03/28/going-away-party-etiquette/
      8. ↑ https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/general/working-through-tough-emotions-saying-goodbye-to-a-friend/
      9. ↑ Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Psychotherapist. Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.
      1. ↑ Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Psychotherapist. Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.
      2. ↑ https://www.nytimes.com/2012/12/30/fashion/finding-the-words-or-not-to-say-goodbye.html
      3. ↑ https://www.aarp.org/health/healthy-living/info-06-2013/what-to-say-to-sick-friend.html
      4. ↑ https://www.nytimes.com/2012/12/30/fashion/finding-the-words-or-not-to-say-goodbye.html

      About This Article

      In other languages
      Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 57,564 times.

      Did this article help you?

      Advertisement