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Decode his mixed signals and find out what they really mean
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Do you feel like a guy might be fighting his feelings for you, but you can’t tell for sure? When a guy likes you but is holding himself back from acting on it, he might do anything from acting shy and awkward around you to getting jealous when you’re around other guys (and trying to make you jealous, too). Read on for a complete list of signs a man is fighting his feelings for you, plus tips on how to approach him about it.
Things You Should Know
- He may seem awkward or shy around you, especially if he's normally outgoing around others. He may be more relaxed when friends are around, though.
- He'll try to look his best and adjust his hair or clothes whenever you come close to him.
- A guy might also get jealous when you spend time with other men and downplay or omit his past relationships with other women.
Steps
Section 1 of 3:
Signs He’s Fighting His Feelings
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He steals glances at you but avoids eye contact. Even when he’s fighting his feelings, he won’t be able to resist looking at you. It might seem like he’s avoiding you if he can’t maintain eye contact; however, he may be feeling bashful because you’re his crush! So, you may catch him staring, but when you meet his eye, he’ll look away. [1] X Research source
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He seems awkward or shy around you. His body language might seem jittery, especially if you run into each other unexpectedly. He might get stressed over the prospect of making a good impression and act flustered, stumble over his words, or mess with his hair. [2] X Research source This is especially notable if he’s normally confident but gets nervous around you. He might also be more relaxed when his friends are around since they may feel like a safety net; alone, the pressure falls on him to approach you.Advertisement
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He shows off and “preens” around you. If a guy wants to attract you, he’ll try to look his best: preening, adjusting his clothes, and ensuring every strand of hair is in place. He may also spend extra time on grooming and brag or show off around you. This just means he wants your approval, even if he’s too hesitant to say so. [3] X Research source
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He follows your social media profiles but doesn’t engage. Following you on social media can feel safer than talking to you in real life, so a guy who’s fighting his feelings may pay attention to your social media presence. He’ll follow all of your accounts and look at your posts but never like or comment on them. [4] X Research source
- Alternatively, he might like all of your posts as a subtle way of communicating his interest
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- That way, he won’t feel like he has to say something in person.
- Alternatively, he might like all of your posts as a subtle way of communicating his interest
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He minimizes his involvement with other women. When a guy has feelings for you (but doesn’t know what to do with them), he’ll want to seem as available as possible. He won’t want you to think he’s involved with anyone else and may emphasize that other women you see him with are just friends, coworkers, relatives, and so on. [5] X Research source
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He texts you all the time. Most friends text to check in, vent, share funny videos, and so on, but a guy who's fighting his feelings might text constantly just to say that he's thinking of you. For example, he might text you first thing in the morning, get your opinions on a TV show or what he should have for dinner, and ask you about your day. [6] X Research source
- This is his way of showing you that you're a priority to him and that he enjoys talking to you!
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His behavior is inconsistent, and he blows hot and cold. One day he seems clearly interested, and the next, he's distant and closed off. As frustrating as this can be, it’s also a sign that he’s into you but hesitant to admit it. When men deal with conflicting feelings , they may withdraw, think things over, and return when they understand themselves better. [7] X Research source
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He gets jealous and doesn’t like other guys making moves on you. He may discreetly ask about a guy after seeing you with someone, comment about your dating life seemingly for no reason, or find excuses to complain about everyone you date. He’s likely wishing he was the one making a move . [8] X Research source After a bout of jealousy, he may be more present, thoughtful, and eager to help you out. He may also look especially put-together and find excuses to see you more often. That’s his subtle way of rising to the competition, even if he’s fighting his feelings.
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He tries to make you jealous. He might try to turn the tables and bring up girls he’s dated to make you jealous, too. Notice if he seems to be waiting for a reaction when he discusses his dating life; he’s likely testing the waters to see if you like him as much as he likes you. [9] X Research source Similarly, a guy might deal with his crush by teasing you all the time or picking on you more than others. This might mean he’s not emotionally mature yet. As long as he draws the line at gentle teasing and harmless comments (not insults), his behavior will likely improve over time.
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He’s observant and understands you as well as a lover might. He may pick up on the intimate details of your life, which is something that partners normally do. From your favorite song to your coffee order, zodiac sign, or the details of your family life, he’ll absorb it all. [10] X Research source He might also ask personal questions to get to know you even better. Listening might not be enough—he’ll want to dig deeper and learn your life story, interests, and values. It might feel like he’s snooping, but he’s just genuinely interested.
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He cares what you think of him. Take note: does he perk up when you mention his name or express appreciation for something he did? If he likes you, he might crave your attention and want to know that you approve of him. He may especially enjoy when you mention him to your friends—because it signals that he might have a chance with you. [11] X Research source
- He may also mention you in conversations without really thinking about it.
- If he likes you, he’ll instinctively talk about you (and all the things he likes about you) to friends and coworkers.
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He’s overprotective of you. He can’t help but care about your well-being! Notice if he gets super protective—walking you places, sticking close to you at large gatherings, and paying attention to the people who talk to you. He wants you to feel safe and secure, although he may seem a little possessive. [12] X Research source
He’ll also defend you in conversations. You may notice he always takes your side in disagreements, supports your opinions, and has your back in social situations. He’ll even stick up for you when you’re not there.
If he’s too possessive, ask him to ease up. Let him know you appreciate how much he cares, but you also need space. It’s okay to set boundaries . -
He’s always there when you need him. A guy who’s fighting his feelings might make you one of his top priorities. Is he always running to your rescue and assisting with chores or errands, ready to drop everything for you? He may want you to see him as dependable and loyal. In short, he’s proving that he’s boyfriend material! [13] X Research source
- Furthermore, if you ask him for help, it may seem like he can’t say “No” to you.
- No matter what you need, whether it’s complicated or utterly silly, he’ll agree to do it simply because you asked.
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You go on non-dates together (but he won’t admit you’re dating). He might ask you to do things normally reserved for couples, like dinners and drinks, movie nights, or picnics. But, the whole time, he’ll emphasize that you’re “just friends.”
He may even come up with excuses to see you or make time for you (even when he's busy). [14] X Research source
He may even do things on your “non-dates” that seem flirty, like holding your hand or paying you compliments . Plus, he’ll never get tired of spending time with you. Even if you just saw each other, he’ll be eager to do it again! -
He avoids spending one-on-one time with you. While some guys are eager to spend time with you, others may feel like one-on-one time is too painful if they’re fighting their feelings. Thus, he may avoid alone time with you and always have a reason to get out of plans, even if he’s happy to see you in group gatherings. [15] X Research source
- Keep in mind that his behavior may change, too, since guys who are fighting their feelings can be a little erratic.
- For example, he might ask you on lots of “non-dates” before suddenly avoiding being alone with you.
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He’s overly concerned with past labels. When a guy is struggling with his feelings, he might be especially hesitant to give your relationship a new label. Notice if he says things like, “But we’re such close friends,” or “You’re my friend’s ex,” whenever conversations start getting a little flirty or romantic. [16] X Research source
- If he always reminds you of your old labels for each other, it may be a defense mechanism.
- He may be struggling to accept that your relationship is becoming more than platonic.
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He gets upset when you don’t listen to his advice. Since he likely wants to help and protect you, a guy who’s fighting feelings might give advice (and make an effort to give sound guidance). If you don’t take his advice and he’s more hurt or angry than a platonic friend would be, it shows how invested in you he secretly is. [17] X Research source
- He may also try to justify himself to you, despite the fact that he doesn’t have to.
- Does he explain his choices as though he wants you to see reason, even when you didn’t ask him to?
- That means he cares about your opinion and feels the need to run everything by you.
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He becomes distant if you talk about your feelings. If he’s fighting his feelings, he probably won’t want to have the “What are we?” conversation yet—so he’ll avoid engaging whenever you hint that you want to have an emotional discussion. He may change the subject, ask to talk about it later, or even make an excuse and try to leave. [18] X Research source
- Although he likely cares for you, something may be holding him back from expressing his feelings.
- Remember: it’s your choice whether you want to wait until he’s ready to talk or pursue other relationships.
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He makes romantic gestures and says sweet things unconsciously. He may act like an honorary boyfriend around you. While he won’t acknowledge it openly, he’ll show you how much he cares through his actions. He may even let slip an affectionate compliment before catching himself, indicating his feelings for you. [19] X Research source For example, he might:
- Send you flowers when you have a bad day
- Ask you to dance when you’re out at a club or bar
- Show up during your lunch break with a tasty snack
- Offer to take you on a spontaneous outing (like a coffee date or hike)
- Tell you that you look great (or how amazing you are) before getting flustered
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You feel like you have chemistry with him. Don’t be afraid to trust your instincts; if you feel like you have chemistry with him , you may be right! While he might be afraid to say how he really feels, he won’t be able to hide the way you’re both so in sync because of the bond between you. [20] X Research source Look for surefire signs of chemistry, including:
- He can sense how you’re feeling and when you’re upset, even over text.
- You have a ton of inside jokes with one another.
- You understand each other so well you can finish each other’s thoughts.
- Your friends notice your connection and ask you if you’re together.
- His friends pick up on the chemistry and hint that he likes you.
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The lines of intimacy between you change constantly. Does it feel like he can’t make up his mind if you’re friends or something more? Does he send mixed signals by kissing you or holding your hand but then asking to remain friends later? He may switch between platonic affection and romantic advances because he’s unsure what he really wants.It's possible he might flirt without thinking—reaching for your hand but quickly recoiling or staring into your eyes too long because his feelings are so strong.If he’s ever drunk or tipsy, he may get bolder. He might call you out of the blue or say cryptic things like “I was just thinking about you,” but laugh it off later.
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Expert Interview
Thanks for reading our article! If you’d like to learn more about human behavior, check out our in-depth interview with Asa Don Brown, PhD, DNCCM, FAAETS .
References
- ↑ https://youtu.be/LdQLw72YkM8?t=85
- ↑ https://www.scienceofpeople.com/male-body-language/
- ↑ https://youtu.be/LdQLw72YkM8?t=402
- ↑ https://youtu.be/LdQLw72YkM8?t=171
- ↑ https://ncrw.org/signs-he-fighting-feelings-for-you/
- ↑ https://www.powerofpositivity.com/someone-likes-you-signs/
- ↑ https://youtu.be/LdQLw72YkM8?t=41
- ↑ https://youtu.be/LdQLw72YkM8?t=363
- ↑ https://youtu.be/LdQLw72YkM8?t=341
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/why-bad-looks-good/201904/how-tell-if-someone-has-crush-you
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/why-bad-looks-good/201904/how-tell-if-someone-has-crush-you
- ↑ https://ncrw.org/signs-he-fighting-feelings-for-you/
- ↑ https://ncrw.org/signs-he-fighting-feelings-for-you/
- ↑ https://youtu.be/nsoz-urenYk?t=153
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/why-bad-looks-good/202012/is-someone-avoiding-you-might-be-why
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/finding-true-love/201902/eight-common-fears-that-men-have-of-making-a-commitment
- ↑ https://youtu.be/nsoz-urenYk?t=337
- ↑ https://youtu.be/LdQLw72YkM8?t=274
- ↑ https://youtu.be/nsoz-urenYk?t=212
- ↑ https://www.powerofpositivity.com/chemistry-between-people-signs/
- ↑ https://youtu.be/nsoz-urenYk?t=395
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201803/is-it-better-ask-date-or-wait-be-asked
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