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Understand your emotions and avoid falling in love too quickly
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We all catch the love bug every now and then, but some of us catch it more often than others. We see “true love” potential in almost everyone we meet, and it starts to distract us from our own responsibilities. We chatted with clinical psychologist Dr. Liana Georgoulis about strategies to stop falling for those near-strangers, as well as potential reasons why this happens.
Things You Should Know
- Acknowledge romantic feelings when they happen, but remind yourself that you feel them often and they may not be genuine.
- Limit your time around the person you’re attracted to, and try to only interact with them in group settings.
- Spend time with close friends or immerse yourself in your hobbies and passions to distract yourself and nurture your self-worth.
Steps
Section 1 of 2:
Managing Romantic Feelings
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Limit your time around that person to minimize your feelings. Clinical psychologist Dr. Liana Georgoulis suggests you “set limits with yourself on how often you see and spend time with that person, [and] don’t begin to rely on them heavily for emotional support.” [1] X Expert Source Liana Georgoulis, PsyD
Licensed Psychologist Expert Interview. 14 April 2021. You don’t have to avoid them altogether, but keeping your interactions brief and in group settings can go a long way to making sure you’re not taking the express lane to love. -
Distract yourself with a regular schedule or other activities. Whether you had a promising first date or a flirtatious encounter, it's normal to feel a sense of excitement. However, if you have a tendency to fall too fast, you may let that elation take over.
Tamp down that elation by keeping a daily schedule . Or, focus on your hobbies, art, or other things that bring you joy, instead, to keep your mind from running away from you. [2] X Research sourceAdvertisement -
Surround yourself with supportive friends. Often, we tend to crave romance to cope with anxiety over being abandoned or forgotten, or to combat loneliness. [3] X Research source Clinical psychologist Dr. Liana Georgoulis says to “continue to stay active socially with other people” to keep your mind off that particular person and to find that social intimacy in non-romantic contexts.You might also ask trusted friends to be honest and tell you when you're talking too much about your new love interest or going overboard, for a valuable outside perspective.
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Take a dating break and analyze your own behavior. Avoid online dating sites or going out to bars or parties looking for guys for at least 6 months. During that time, ask yourself if there any negative patterns to your relationships. [4] X Research source For example, do you usually fall in love with a certain type of guy? Do you fall in love during low points in your own life? Identifying your “romance triggers” can help you understand your own feelings.
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Reorient your romantic expectations. Knowing the difference between what you want and what you need out of a relationship helps you to recognize healthy attraction versus unhealthy infatuation.
Make a list of things you want out of a partner, and keep it in mind as you approach new relationships. For example, a healthy partner nurtures your own well-being, wants the best for you, and doesn’t cause you stress or anxiety just to be around. [5] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source Then, ask yourself: Does a near-stranger actually fulfill these criteria? -
Avoid labeling the relationship, or even thinking about labels. The early parts of a relationship are often vague and confusing while you ask yourself, “What are we?” If you're the type to fall too fast, you may push for a label after only a few dates, which can lead to premature feelings. [6] X Research source Clinical psychologist Dr. Liana Georgoulis says, “Usually around 12-18 months, those feel-good love chemicals in our brain start to taper off and we have a clearer picture about who the person is and whether they are right for us. It’s a good sign if you can get past the 2 year mark.”Until then, stick to the word “friend,” at least until the guy makes a first move.
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Remind yourself of your independence. Sometimes all you need to avoid falling in love is a reminder that you are your own person, and that you don’t need romance to “complete” you. [7] X Research source
Stay steady in your commitments to your existing friends and family, and do something that makes you feel alive and whole. Something that makes you a little nervous is best, like traveling somewhere new , training for a marathon or signing up for classes. Work on yourself, and the rest will follow! -
Talk to a therapist about your romantic feelings. Talking to a qualified therapist can help you identify core issues and come up with ways to remedy them. A therapist also provides a much-needed and well-informed outside perspective. [8] X Research source Describe your feelings and why they’re a concern, and ask your therapist for personalized strategies for handling your emotions.
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Mentally or verbally remind yourself of the issue when you feel it. Clinical psychologist Dr. Liana Georgoulis says, “Recognize when the obsessive thinking is happening and redirect your focus instead on the activity you are engaging in in the present moment.” [9] X Expert Source Liana Georgoulis, PsyD
Licensed Psychologist Expert Interview. 14 April 2021.
If you feel yourself catching feelings, stop and practice mindfulness by thinking or saying, “I know I tend to fall in love too fast, and this time I’ll take it slow.” Redirecting your thinking this way helps to keep your expectations, and heart, in check.
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QuestionHow do I stop catching feelings for a guy?Dr. Liana Georgoulis is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist with over 10 years of experience, and is now the Clinical Director at Coast Psychological Services in Los Angeles, California. She received her Doctor of Psychology from Pepperdine University in 2009. Her practice provides cognitive behavioral therapy and other evidence-based therapies for adolescents, adults, and couples.Try your best not to fantasize or have obsessive thoughts about the person so you don't rely on them emotionally.
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References
- ↑ Liana Georgoulis, PsyD. Licensed Psychologist. Expert Interview. 14 April 2021.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/get-hardy/201203/the-early-stages-falling-in-love
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/healthy-connections/201012/how-break-the-pattern-love-addiction
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/healthy-connections/201012/how-break-the-pattern-love-addiction
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-health/emotional-intelligence-love-relationships.htm
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/get-hardy/201203/the-early-stages-falling-in-love
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/healthy-connections/201012/how-break-the-pattern-love-addiction
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/basics/therapy#should-i-go-to-therapy
- ↑ Liana Georgoulis, PsyD. Licensed Psychologist. Expert Interview. 14 April 2021.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/healthy-connections/201012/how-break-the-pattern-love-addiction
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/healthy-connections/201012/how-break-the-pattern-love-addiction
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/healthy-connections/201012/how-break-the-pattern-love-addiction
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/having-sex-wanting-intimacy/201306/overcoming-love-addiction
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/having-sex-wanting-intimacy/201306/overcoming-love-addiction
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