17 Easy Ways to Stop Having Feelings for Someone

Stop yourself from developing feelings for the wrong person

Do you feel yourself starting to fall for someone that's just not right for you in some way? Although rom-coms make it seem like you have no control over falling in love, the truth is you do. We talked to relationship and psychology experts to find out what you can do when you don't want to fall in love with someone.

How to Stop Falling in Love

  1. Distance yourself from the person as much as possible.
  2. Block the person on social media.
  3. Keep yourself busy with hobbies and in your community.
  4. Explore and try new things to keep your mind in the present.
  5. Focus on the person's negatives and why you're incompatible.
  6. Fall in love with yourself through acts of self-care.
1

Ask if your feelings are love or infatuation.

PDF download Download Article
  1. If the person is wrong for you in some way, the thought that you might be falling in love with them can be pretty terrifying. But don't worry—it's most likely infatuation. It's just that those feelings are so intense that it can be impossible to tell the difference between infatuation and the real deal. [1]
    • Despite stories about "love at first sight," love is a deeper emotion that takes time and vulnerability to develop.
    • Licensed clinical psychologist Liana Georgoulis advises that you "remind yourself that it takes a good one to two years to fully know someone well." So, if you feel like you’re falli
    2. Advertisement

ng for someone you just met, it may be infatuation rather than love.

2

Keep your distance from the person.

PDF download Download Article
  1. Limit face-to-face contact with the person until your feelings subside. Stay away from the person in social situations as much as possible. You might even avoid going places if you know that they're going to be there. [2]
    • If you have to be around the person or interact with them (such as if they're a coworker or a classmate), be polite but impersonal. Don't talk to them or get physically close to them any more than necessary.
    • If the two of you were previously friendly, they might notice that you're acting differently around them and say something. It's up to you how you respond, but you can always just say something like, "I'm just trying to focus on the task at hand and I don't feel chatty."
    • It can be really challenging to distance yourself from someone you care about or consider a friend. However, relationship expert Joshua Pompey notes that if you know that you're definitely never going to be in a romantic relationship with this person, "you're only doing yourself a disservice by keeping close ties."
3

Block or mute the person on social media.

PDF download Download Article
  1. If you're drawn to someone who isn't good for you, the urge to just check in on their social media can be strong. Once you're there, you might feel compelled to keep scrolling, driven by the very feelings that you're trying to control. Block or mute them, and you eliminate the temptation. [3]
    • Georgoulis notes that "compulsive behavior contributes to and amplifies obsessive thinking," especially when it comes to romantic entanglements.
    • Even if you've successfully gotten this person out of your mind, Georgoulis continues, if you end up scrolling through their Instagram account for hours, "the obsessive thinking will be reignited"—all thanks to the compulsive scrolling.
    2. Advertisement
4

Avoid any physical contact with the person.

PDF download Download Article
  1. If you're trying to avoid falling in love with someone, avoid touching them at all costs. Physical contact can trigger the release of feel-good chemicals in your brain that make you feel more attracted to the person—the exact opposite of what you're trying to do. [4]
    • You can still manage this even if you have to be in the same room with them. For example, if you cross your arms across your chest and avoid eye contact, they'll get the message that you don't want to engage with them.
    • Similarly, avoid sitting next to them if you can. For instance, if you’re crowding around a dinner table with a bunch of friends, find a way to sit somewhere besides at their side. Sitting right next to them will lead to ample accidental touches and brushes of the arm or leg.
5

Ignore any attention from the person.

PDF download Download Article
  1. Instead, make it clear that you want to create some distance between the two of you. Politely refuse any gifts, assistance, or romantic gestures. If the person compliments you, simply say "thanks" without engaging further.
    • Similarly, if they ask you questions, try to answer in as few words as possible in a way that doesn't invite further conversation.
    • If they offer to help you with something, you might say, "No, thank you. I've got it.”
    2. Advertisement
6

Make a list of their negative qualities.

PDF download Download Article
  1. Whenever you catch yourself thinking of the person, immediately start thinking about one of their flaws or something you don't like about them. You can even create a mental or physical list of the things about them that you find annoying—then, you can look at that list whenever you find yourself fantasizing about them!
    • You're trying to talk yourself out of falling for this person, so don't be afraid to exaggerate their flaws and really go all out. Imagine everything in terms of the worst-case scenario.
    • "Remind yourself of all the reasons why it's not a good fit," suggests clinical psychologist Sarah Schewitz. "There must be some if you're trying not to fall in love with them!"
7

Focus on saving your friendship, if you had one.

PDF download Download Article
  1. If this person was a platonic friend before you started catching feelings, tell yourself that you don't want to ruin the friendship by initiating something more romantic. Something that can help is to remind yourself of all the things that make your friendship so invaluable. Remind yourself that these feelings of infatuation are likely short-lived. [5]
    • It can also help to think about what might happen if you did try to date and then broke up. Since you're trying not to fall in love with them, imagine the worst-case scenario—then imagine what that would do to your friendship.
    • However, many people do end up in lifelong partnerships with people who started as their close friend. If friendship is the only reason you don’t want to fall in love with this person, you might want to reconsider! If you’ve had these romantic feelings for them for at least six months to a year, it might be worth the risk.
    2. Advertisement
8

Remind yourself of any ethical implications.

PDF download Download Article
  1. For instance, maybe this person is already in a relationship, is someone you work with, or has previously dated one of your friends. In this case, ask yourself how this romance would conflict with your values and morals. Whenever you find yourself thinking back fondly on that person, remind yourself of those values.
    • For example, if the person is a coworker, you'd remind yourself that you believe it's wrong to date someone you work with.
    EXPERT TIP

    Sarah Schewitz, PsyD

    Licensed Psychologist
    Sarah Schewitz, Psy.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist by the California Board of Psychology with over 10 years of experience. She received her Psy.D. from the Florida Institute of Technology in 2011. She is the founder of Couples Learn, an online psychology practice helping couples and individuals improve and change their patterns in love and relationships.
    Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
    Licensed Psychologist

    There's a reason you're trying not to fall in love. Remind yourself of that point as often as you need to. If the person is with somebody else, for instance, you might remind yourself that it's against your morals and ethics to date somebody else's partner.

9

Keep yourself busy with hobbies and activities.

PDF download Download Article
  1. Plus, it will distract you from the object of your affections! So, pick up a new hobby or activity—fill your free time with activities so you'll have less time to daydream or doom-scroll on social media. Sign up for extra projects, organize your closet , or go for a nature walk at a nearby park. If you enjoy playing music, for instance, you might form a band with some friends and start creating some new songs together.
    • Consider volunteer to give back to your community, which can both help you feel more connected to others (aka not your crush) and get a self-esteem boost by making a positive difference in the world around you. [6]
    • According to Pompey, "surrounding yourself with friends and doing things you love to do" is a great way to gradually forget about your feelings for someone.
    • Schewitz agrees that it's best to "stay busy, do fulfilling things that are fun, keep your mind off of them and keep you happy."
    2. Advertisement
10

Go somewhere you've never been before.

PDF download Download Article
  1. Even if you've lived in the same area your entire life, chances are there's a spot you've never been. When you venture outside of your comfort zone , you learn more about yourself and give yourself room to grow. [7]
    • For example, if there's a coffee shop in your neighborhood that you've never been to before, you might go there and talk to some of the regulars.
    • Being fixated on one person can be really limiting in ways you might not even realize until you step outside of that box and explore a little.
    • If you have the means to do so, you might even go on a short solo vacation for a long weekend to really clear your head.
    • Putting yourself in a new environment also means that you'll be engaging all of your senses and staying in the moment as you take in your surroundings—meaning that's time you won't spend thinking about that person you're trying not to fall in love with.
11

Meet new people to broaden your social circle.

PDF download Download Article
  1. Try to distract yourself and build a world for yourself outside of this person by developing new friendships and getting to know new people. Why sit at home pining over someone who isn't right for you when you could be meeting all kinds of new people at a fun game night or community event?
    • For example, you might join a book club that meets at your local café. While chatting, you and another book club member discover a mutual love of thrifting and make plans to hit the shops together.
    2. Advertisement
12

Turn your romantic attentions to someone else.

PDF download Download Article
  1. When you're focused on this one person, you can easily convince yourself that they're the best (or even the only!) option for you. If you need to drown your feelings for them quickly, Pompey shares how he’s "always thought that the best way to get over someone is to just start dating again. Even if you're not necessarily ready to jump into a relationship, just seeing what's out there and seeing that there is potential" can really help.
    • Pompey notes that this is especially valuable if you're falling in love with a close friend; there's not necessarily "a way to stop falling in love with them unless you meet somebody else."
    • Schewitz agrees that it's a good idea to "get out there, date around, and do whatever you need to do to get your mind off of that person."
13

Focus on yourself and boost your self-esteem.

PDF download Download Article
  1. If you're trying not to fall in love with someone, chances are your feelings for that person are causing you a lot of stress and frustration that you could probably do without. You may even be feeling poorly about your own self-worth due to these complex feelings. Tell yourself that you're going to let go of the feelings that aren't serving you in a positive way. [8]
    • Georgoulis recommends that you "practice mindfulness meditation every day for a minimum of 15-20 minutes." Meditation will help you have more focus and control so that you can keep your thoughts from drifting back to the person you don't want to fall in love with.
    • If you often fantasize about a perfect future with this person, work on separating your self-worth from your relationship status by reminding yourself that your value isn't affected by whether you have a partner. [9]
    2. Advertisement
14

Seek support from friends and family.

PDF download Download Article
  1. When you talk to a close friend or family member about your conflicted feelings, they can help you feel less alone and less confused. They might also be able to offer a different perspective that sheds new light on the situation or give you advice that you find really helpful. [10]
    • For example, you might say, "I feel like I'm falling in love with someone but I don't think it's a good idea. What should I do?" You don't even have to tell them who it is if you don't feel comfortable doing so.
    • Pompey agrees that "sometimes if you're really really struggling, talking to a therapist or just getting it off your chest to a close friend can really be a huge help as well."
15

Talk through your feelings with the person.

PDF download Download Article
  1. If you feel like you're falling for someone you're already good friends with, it might do you some good to sit down and tell them how you're feeling. Emphasize that you know it's ridiculous, that you don't want to be romantically involved with them, and that you'd appreciate their support and understanding. [11]
    • This approach is also helpful if you have a professional relationship with the person. They likely have tools and resources the two of you can access to help the situation. For example, therapists often deal with clients who believe they are falling in love with them.
    2. Advertisement
16

Go "no contact" with the person.

PDF download Download Article
  1. When you go "no contact" with someone, you block them completely from your life and don't talk to them in any way. You don't go to the places that they go to, and if you see them in public, you pretend you don't know them. This “no contact” phase doesn't have to be forever, although it's usually best if you don't set a firm deadline.
    • Going no-contact can be especially hard if you feel like you're falling in love with a friend. When you can't let go of those feelings, Pompey warns, "you often have to do the hard thing and just break up with the friendship until those feelings dissipate or go away."

Expert Q&A

Ask a Question
200 characters left
Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.
Submit
      Advertisement

      Tips

      Submit a Tip
      All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published
      Name
      Please provide your name and last initial
      Submit
      Thanks for submitting a tip for review!

      You Might Also Like

      20+ Ways to Tell If Someone Sincerely Loves You (Whether or Not They Say It)
      How to
      Fall Out of Love
      How to
      Avoid Falling in Love With a Friend
      How to
      Fall Out of Love with Your Best Friend
      How to
      Stop Falling in Love
      How to
      Avoid Falling in Love
      How to
      Stop Being Afraid of Being Loved or Falling in Love
      How to
      Kiss
      How to
      Turn on a Guy
      How to
      Impress a Girl with Words
      100+ Loving, Funny & Appreciative Birthday Wishes for Your Girlfriend
      What Are the Bases in a Relationship? Defining the Baseball-Sex Metaphor
      How to
      Tell if Your Girlfriend Is Horny: 12 Signs She's Turned On
      100+ Good Morning Texts for Her (& Other Ways to Make Her Smile)
      Advertisement

      References

      1. ↑ https://thewell.northwell.edu/relationships-sexual-health/infatuation-vs-love
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-it-together/202003/unrequited-love
      3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-it-together/202003/unrequited-love
      4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-it-together/202003/unrequited-love
      5. ↑ https://thewell.northwell.edu/relationships-sexual-health/infatuation-vs-love
      6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-it-together/202003/unrequited-love
      7. ↑ https://hbr.org/2018/01/the-mental-benefits-of-vacationing-somewhere-new
      8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-it-together/202003/unrequited-love
      9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/the-mysteries-of-love/202408/why-we-crave-unrequited-love-the-allure-of-the-unavailable
      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-it-together/202003/unrequited-love
      2. ↑ https://goaskalice.columbia.edu/answered-questions/it-common-be-infatuated-your-therapist

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      While you can’t control if you fall in love with someone, you can make things easier for yourself by avoiding the person you’re attracted to as much as possible. If you have to spend time around them, stand or sit across the room, face away from them, and avoid eye contact when you speak to them to keep your relationship platonic. You can also keep a private list of the things you don’t like about the person, which will help remind you that they’re not a good fit for you. While you’re waiting for your feelings to fade, spend time doing a hobby or activity you enjoy to distract yourself from thinking about the person. For more tips from our Relationship co-author, including how to focus on the friendly aspects of your relationship with someone you’re attracted to, read on!

      Did this summary help you?
      In other languages
      Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 964,724 times.

      Reader Success Stories

      • Marcos Torres

        Feb 16, 2018

        "I am in a casual relationship with a girl. We have sex every weekend, but we do not match enough to be in a ..." more
        Rated this article:
      More reader stories Hide reader stories
      Share your story

      Did this article help you?

      Advertisement