How to Tell if a Boy Has Lost Feelings and What To Do About It

Co-authored by Laura Bilotta and Aly Rusciano

Last Updated: October 11, 2024 Fact Checked

It can really sting when a boy who has been nothing but sweet and affectionate towards you suddenly starts backing off. Has he lost interest in you, or is he going through something personal? Before you panic, take a deep breath and remember that you’re amazing and deserve someone who will make you their top priority 100% of the time! We’ve compiled a list of signs to tell if a boy has lost feelings and what to do if he has. Keep reading to learn what you need to look out for and what his change in attitude could possibly mean.

1

He’s not spending as much time with you.

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It may feel like he’s avoiding you if he’s lost feelings. Before you were spending every waking moment together, and now it seems like he never has time for you. This could be a sign he’s trying to distance himself to sort through his emotions. ^{[1]
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- Have an honest talk with him to see how he’s truly feeling.
- “I feel like you’ve been avoiding me lately” or “You’ve been rather distant. Is there something I’ve done to upset you?”

2

He doesn’t call or text as often.

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He may be slowly distancing himself if he’s not that into you. That means a lack of communication everywhere. He used to call you every night and text you each morning, but now it’s silent. This could be his way of quietly telling you he’s no longer interested.
- Send him a text asking him what’s up. You deserve the truth!
- “Hey! Haven’t heard from you in a few days. Is everything okay?” or “You didn’t call over the weekend like you usually do. I hope everything’s okay.”
- Call him to see what’s up if you’re tired of playing games. Be upfront with him immediately so you can both talk about how you’re both feeling about the relationship.
- “I thought I’d call since I haven’t heard from you. Have I done something to upset you?” or “Why haven’t you called me?”

3

He stops putting you first.

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If you’re no longer his priority, he’s losing interest. You used to be number one on the totem pole, and now you feel like you’re at the bottom. His schedule never lines up with yours anymore, and you may suspect that he’s purposefully making plans when he knows you’re free. And if he does have plans with you, he may cancel them last minute and promise to make it up to you.
- Be honest with him and tell him how you feel. He may not realize he’s letting you down. ^{[2]
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- “I feel like you don’t want to make plans with me anymore” or “I don’t feel like I’m a priority anymore. Do you want to move forward with this relationship?”
- You shouldn’t have to motivate him to hang out with you. You’re awesome and deserve someone who will want to spend quality time with you!

4

He starts making excuses.

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No matter what you do, there’s always a reason he can’t hang out. Either he suddenly has to go pick up a friend or accidentally scheduled two things at once. You’re no longer at the front of his mind, so he won’t blink at making an excuse to cancel. His sudden excuses and cancellations could be a sign that he wants to end things but doesn’t want to be the one who does.
- Call him out on his excuses and have an honest discussion with him. Instead of jumping to conclusions, ask him about his behavior. Who knows? Maybe he’s making excuses to throw a surprise party for you!

Quiz

wikiHow Quiz: Does He Like Me?

Some guys can feel like a total mystery. How can you figure out if he likes you as just a friend—or if he wants something more? Take this quiz to find out!

1 of 15

When you two are in a room filled with other people, how often do you catch him staring at you?

Constantly! I swear, he’s always looking right back at me.

I’ve noticed him staring a few times, yeah.

I think I’ve caught him staring once or twice.

Nope, I’ve never noticed that.

5

He’s easily annoyed.

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Rolling his eyes may be a sign he’s no longer interested. It seems like no matter what you do he’s in a bad mood. Sometimes you feel like your very presence is what’s setting him off. He may even come out and blatantly say you’re annoying him.
- Take a deep breath and know that you’re amazing.
- Ask him if he’s okay. There may be something else going on in his life that has him annoyed. ^{[3]
  X
  Trustworthy Source
  Cleveland Clinic
  Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals
  Go to source}
- Be honest about when something he says or does hurts you as an open conversation can help you steer the relationship in the right direction, even if that direction is breaking up. ^{[4]
  X
  Research source}

6

He doesn’t make date plans.

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If he’s not invested, the relationship is put on your shoulders. You’re tasked with everything, and that includes planning and scheduling all your dates. ^{[5]
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Expert Source

Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach

Expert Interview. 26 February 2020.} Maybe he stops taking you to your special weekend spot, leaving you to pick up the pieces and try to keep your weekly dates going. This could be his way of silently telling you he’s done with the relationship. ^{[6]
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Research source}
- Talk to him about how you’re feeling.
- “Why haven’t we gone on a date lately?” or “I miss hanging out with you. Can we plan a date soon?”

7

He stops talking about a future with you.

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When a boy has lost interest, he’ll stop making plans for the future. ^{[7]
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Expert Source

Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach

Expert Interview. 26 February 2020.} Maybe you were planning future vacations and getaways together at the start of the relationship. Now, it seems like he shuts you out whenever you bring up the future. He might wave off a date idea, or shrug and say “Maybe” at the possibility of visiting another place. This could mean he doesn’t want to commit to anything just in case he ends things.
- Let him know how you’re feeling, or ask why he hasn’t committed to any plans. Being honest with each other can help you both realize where the relationship is headed.
- “I want to move forward with this relationship, but not if you don’t want to” or “I feel like you don’t want to make future plans with me anymore. Is there a reason you don’t want to?”

8

He stops being intimate.

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Taking a break from romance could be a sign he’s lost interest. Maybe you haven’t been physically together in weeks, or he’s barely so much as kissed you. The loss of intimacy from him may be because he’s working through his feelings. He might not want to break things off right away until he knows for sure how he feels, so he slowly starts to distance himself just in case.
- This could also be because of a lack of confidence or self-esteem. Have an open discussion with him to learn exactly why he won’t be physically intimate with you. See if there is anything you can do that can help boost his confidence. ^{[8]
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- “We haven’t kissed in awhile, and I miss you” or “We haven’t been intimate with each other in a long time. Is everything alright? Is there something I can do?”
- Reader Poll: We asked 683 wikiHow readers what they’d do if they noticed a lack of physical intimacy in their relationship, and 49% of them agreed that they would initiate a conversation with their partner to address the issue . [Take Poll]
EXPERT TIP

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

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Dating Coach

A break could actually be helpful in this case, though. Someone who avoids deep conversations or sharing romantic experiences might not be ready for a serious relationship. This could be a sign that he needs a little time and space to figure things out for himself.

9

He starts flirting with other people.

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Seeking attention from others is a major red flag. ^{[9]
X
Expert Source

Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach

Expert Interview. 26 February 2020.} He’s clearly lost interest in you and the relationship if he’s openly searching for someone else. Maybe he whistles at someone else walking by, or he starts up a flirtatious conversation with someone you know. He’s trying to make you jealous so you’ll have a reason to break up with him rather than him breaking up with you.
- Relationships thrive on respect and equality, not manipulation and deceit. ^{[10]
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- Bluntly ask him if he’s trying to make you jealous. If he’s feeling drawn to other people, it may be time to take different paths.

10

He becomes indecisive.

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If he’s lost feelings, vague and indifferent responses may be his new go-to. When you ask him about his day or where he’d like to have dinner, he may respond with “Fine” or “I don’t care.” You feel like you have to draw answers out of him because he doesn’t share his life with you like he used to. This could be a sign that he’s unsure about the relationship.
- If he keeps dodging your questions, tell him how you feel outright. He may not realize what he’s doing.
- “You haven’t been upfront with me in a long time, and it’s rather hurtful” or “I feel like you keep ignoring my questions, and it feels like you’re ignoring me.”

11

He’s defensive and rude.

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The kind boy you once knew might disappear if he’s not that into you. Maybe he starts picking on you for no reason at all, or starts being unpleasantly sarcastic. He may even start picking fights just to get out some built up anger. This could be a sign that he’s trying to egg a breakup on—not wanting to end things himself and hoping you’ll be the one to do it.
- There may be something bigger going on in his life that’s causing him to act out. Open a conversation with him by asking if he’s okay.
- “You’ve been acting differently lately. Is everything okay?” or “I don’t want to fight. Is something else going on? I want to help.”
- Even if something is going on in his life, that’s no excuse for him to treat you poorly. Let him know how his actions made you feel because you also deserve to be heard.

12

The relationship has become one-sided.

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If he’s losing feelings, you may be the only one making an effort. He’s not as attentive or invested in the relationship if he’s lost feelings, so he’ll stop putting in the effort to keep things going. Maybe this is his way of hoping things end. Even so, you deserve to be treated with respect whether he’s lost feelings or not.
- Lay out all your concerns and let him know if you want to try and work things out or not.
- An open conversation can help you both heal and recognize what the relationship needs to keep moving forward.
- If he isn’t ready or willing to move on, don’t get stuck on him. You deserve someone who will prioritize you, so keep an open mind and have faith that you’re where you need to be. ^{[11]
  X
  Research source}

13

You have a feeling he’s losing interest.

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Listen to your instincts because you know your relationship better than anyone else. If you feel like things aren’t going in the right direction or he’s not giving you the same attention like he used to, try exploring other relationships. Don’t let him hold you back from finding someone who will be head-over-heels for you all the time. Ask yourself these questions when contemplating your relationship: ^{[12]
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Research source}
- Is my relationship negatively affecting my life?
- Do I feel upset a lot of the time?
- Am I anxious or desperate about my relationship?
- Has my relationship impacted or hurt my friendships?

14

What to Do If He’s Lost Interest

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Remind him how awesome you are. If you feel like he’s pushing away, focus on being the best version of yourself. You’re one amazing person, and putting your best foot forward can capture his attention once again! Here are some ways you can get his interest back: ^{[13]
X
Research source}
- Focus on your self-image. Confidence is attractive, so ask yourself how you can make yourself feel your absolute best.
- Ask him how he feels. This shows empathy and a will to listen.
- Tell him how you feel. Direct communication can help you reconnect.
- Stay calm. Being level-headed when communicating shows maturity and creates a welcoming environment for you to be honest with each other.

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Question

How do you tell if a guy isn't serious about dating you?

Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach & Matchmaker
Laura Bilotta is a Dating Coach, Matchmaker, and the Founder of Single in the City, her dating and relationship coaching service based in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. With over 18 years of experience, she focuses on helping singles date more intentionally, encouraging them to let go of negative patterns so that they can attract the love that they deserve. Her experience, skills, and insights have led to thousands of successfully united over 65,000 singles through events and one-on-one matchmaking coaching sessions. She has been the host of The Dating and Relationship Show on Global News Radio 640 Toronto (AM640) for 6 years and is known as The Hookup Queen of Clubhouse; her popular singles club, Single in the City, has over 95.5K members who regularly join in weekly dating and relationship-focused rooms.

Laura Bilotta

Dating Coach & Matchmaker

Expert Answer

He may not be interested if he’s checking out other women or looking around at everything but you. He’s not making eye contact, seems like he’s distracted. Another major sign is if he takes out his phone and continues to glimpse at it or worse if he starts talking on his phone. If he’s late or forgets the date this is a major red flag! Also, if he doesn’t ask about you, if it’s more about him or if he’s talking about his past relationships. If he shows no interest in planning future dates or getting together again, he just probably isn’t into you. If there is no follow up then don’t go hunting him down, no follow up usually means that he is not that interested or maybe he’s just not that serious about getting to know you better.

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How to Tell if a Boy Has Lost Feelings and What To Do About It

Steps

He’s not spending as much time with you.

He doesn’t call or text as often.

He stops putting you first.

He starts making excuses.

wikiHow Quiz: Does He Like Me?

When you two are in a room filled with other people, how often do you catch him staring at you?

He’s easily annoyed.

He doesn’t make date plans.

He stops talking about a future with you.

He stops being intimate.

He starts flirting with other people.

He becomes indecisive.

He’s defensive and rude.

The relationship has become one-sided.

You have a feeling he’s losing interest.

What to Do If He’s Lost Interest

Overcome Dating Challenges with this Expert Series

Expert Q&A

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