What Are the Most Important Things in a Relationship? 12 Traits to Make Your Love Last

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Sharing your life with someone is a wonderful thing, and having a loving partner can make you feel more fulfilled. While you surely know that love is a key component of a relationship, it takes more than love to make a romance last. So, what are the most important things in a committed relationship? We’ve listed them here for you and advice on how to create a loving, healthy relationship that will stand the test of time.

This article is based on an interview with our licensed psychotherapist, Lauren Urban, LCSW. Check out the full interview here.

1

Communication

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  1. Our partners can’t read our minds, and we can’t read theirs, so we all have to learn how to express ourselves clearly. Tell your partner how you’re feeling and what your wants and needs are, and make sure you’re actively listening when they talk about their own feelings, wants, and needs. [1] If you’re able to communicate well, conflicts will be much easier to deal with when they arise. [2]
    • The words you say and your tone of voice are important here—use “I” statements and remain respectful, even when you’re having a disagreement.
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2

Trust

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  1. Your significant other needs to do the same, and you’ve both got to be accountable when you make mistakes, which is bound to happen—we’re all human! When something does happen, give your partner the benefit of the doubt instead of jumping to conclusions. [3]
    • Trust that your partner has your best interests in mind and that they’ll support you when you need it. Then, do the same for them.
3

Respect

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  1. Also, respect their interests, opinions, and friends, and ask that they do the same for you. When you have mutual respect for each other, you’ll be able to resolve conflicts more effectively. Listen to their point of view, even if it differs from your own, and try to see where they’re coming from. [4]
    • Communicate respectfully, even when you disagree. Avoid name-calling or making rude or hurtful comments.
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4

Loyalty

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  1. If you’ve agreed to be monogamous, make sure you are. Beyond staying faithful to your partner, support them and take their side whenever possible. Approach issues and conflict as a united front, keeping in mind that your goal is to stay together in a happy, committed relationship. [5]
    • Cheating is one of the leading causes of relationship problems and break-ups. If your needs aren’t being met and you’re tempted to cheat, it’s a sign that your relationship is in trouble. Talk to your partner about what you’re not happy with and work together to get things back on track. [6]
Quiz

wikiHow Quiz: Are My Partner and I Compatible?

Do you ever wonder just how good a match you and your partner are? If you’ve recently started dating someone, are you curious about how much potential you have as a couple? It’s hard to measure compatibility (there’s no “formula” for it, after all), but taking a look at many aspects of a relationship can reveal where you and your partner are in sync and where you might experience conflicts. Our comprehensive quiz can help you do just that—and determine your overall compatibility.
1 of 12

Are you and your partner more emotional or more logical?

5

Honesty

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  1. Share your feelings, dreams, hopes, and wishes with your partner so they know who you really are and what’s important to you. Ask them to do the same, and appreciate their vulnerability when they open up. Sometimes, it’ll be hard to tell the truth if you think what you have to say will upset your partner or disappoint them, but honesty is the best policy and if you have a good relationship, you’ll be able to work through it. [7]
    • Lying or keeping information from each other can quickly cause your relationship to unravel.
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6

Independence

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  1. Make time to do things that you like and spend time with people that care about you, and encourage your partner to do so as well. It’s healthy and necessary to take time away from each other to pursue your own interests and passions! [8] Don’t let your own identity get lost in the relationship—it’s what your partner was attracted to in the first place. [9]
    • If you feel like you have to change who you are to be with someone, it’s probably not a good match.
    • If your partner tries to control many aspects of your life and limits who you can see and what you can do, that’s a red flag.
7

Equality

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  1. Make decisions together and share responsibilities. Things won’t always be exactly 50/50, and sometimes one person may pick up more slack than the other. In general, though, your roles should be balanced and fair. [10]
    • If one partner has significantly more control than the other, it’s a red flag. No one has the right to tell you what to do or who to spend time with.
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8

Compromise

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  1. That’s where compromise comes in. Instead of looking at conflicts as you against your partner, think about it as you and your partner against the problem. Work together to find a solution that you can both live with instead of focusing on “winning” an argument. [11]
    • Both people in a relationship need to fight fair. Take a break if things get heated and then come back to the issue when you’re ready to find a solution together.
    EXPERT TIP

    John Keegan

    Dating Coach
    John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.
    John Keegan
    Dating Coach

    Young couples should try to avoid unrealistic expectations. Fairytales paint love as a dreamland, but in real-life, love requires work, compromise, and appreciating each other's differences. Nobody's perfect, but with time and effort, you can build a foundation of trust and respect that leads to a lasting connection.

9

Forgiveness

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  1. When you do mess up, be accountable for your actions and take steps not to repeat the same mistakes. Your partner should do the same. That way, you can forgive each other and move on. [12]
    • Don’t bring up old arguments or issues if your partner has apologized and you’ve worked through things—it’s not constructive and will likely lead to more conflict.
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10

Friendship

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  1. Wanting to spend time with your partner and do things together is a sign of a strong relationship. Build a friendship with your significant other and treat them like you’d treat a close friend—with kindness and compassion. Create traditions and try new things together. Make time to laugh and have fun, too! [13]
11

Affection

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  1. Little things, like holding hands, hugging, and kissing, can make you feel more connected to your significant other. Make it a point to kiss your partner before they leave for the day and when they return home. Put your arm around them when you’re sitting together on the couch. This is especially important as your relationship ages—keep the romance alive by showing your affection. [14]
    • Write love notes for your partner, send them songs that make you think of them, or bring home their favorite meal or treat. Little acts of love and affection really go a long way.
    • Reader Poll: We asked 1980 wikiHow readers who are in a long-term relationship with their partner, and 56% said that over time, the feelings of love and affection do change—but at the end of the day, both partners still care deeply for each other. [Take Poll] So if you’re worried about maintaining romance in the long term, take comfort in the fact that most peoples’ connections remain loving and strong.
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12

Intimacy

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  1. In the strongest relationships, both partners are sexually satisfied. Though it can be awkward at first, take time to talk about sex with your significant other. Ask what they like, what their fantasies are, and be willing to try new things. That said, neither person should feel pressured to do anything that makes them uncomfortable or that they don’t want to do. Respect each other’s boundaries when it comes to intimacy. [15]


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      References

      1. ↑ Lauren Urban, LCSW. Licensed Psychotherapist. Expert Interview
      2. ↑ https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/healthyliving/relationships-and-communication
      3. ↑ https://www.canr.msu.edu/news/trust_is_one_of_the_most_important_aspects_of_relationships
      4. ↑ https://www.uc.edu/campus-life/wellness/topic-areas/healthy-relationships.html
      5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/stronger-the-broken-places/201606/got-loyalty
      6. ↑ Lauren Urban, LCSW. Licensed Psychotherapist. Expert Interview
      7. ↑ https://www.acog.org/clinical/clinical-guidance/committee-opinion/articles/2018/11/promoting-healthy-relationships-in-adolescents
      8. ↑ Lauren Urban, LCSW. Licensed Psychotherapist. Expert Interview
      9. ↑ https://assets.campbell.edu/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/22122441/characteristics-of-healthy-romantic-relationships.pdf
      1. ↑ https://www.acog.org/clinical/clinical-guidance/committee-opinion/articles/2018/11/promoting-healthy-relationships-in-adolescents
      2. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/relationship-help.htm
      3. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/relationship-help.htm
      4. ↑ https://www.uc.edu/campus-life/wellness/topic-areas/healthy-relationships.html
      5. ↑ https://assets.campbell.edu/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/22122441/characteristics-of-healthy-romantic-relationships.pdf
      6. ↑ https://assets.campbell.edu/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/22122441/characteristics-of-healthy-romantic-relationships.pdf

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