20 Qualities Women Want in a Romantic Partner (and How to Embody Them)

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Learn how to embody the traits women look for
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If you're not a woman, it can be easy to fall into the trap of thinking that women must be mysterious creatures whose wants and needs are very different from yours. But the truth is, that's not the case. When it comes to what humans want, research shows more commonalities than differences. We got our psychology and relationship experts to weigh in on what women want—in a partner, in a relationship, and in life.

What Do Women Want?

Women are a diverse group of individuals, but ultimately they want to be happy and lead fulfilling lives. Many women find fulfillment in deep emotional bonds through relationships with partners, friends, and family. In romantic partners, women appreciate qualities like honesty, passion, respect, and kindness.

Section 1 of 4:

20 Qualities Women Want in a Romantic Partner

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  1. Of all the things women want in a romantic partner, honesty might be the most nonnegotiable. While women might be willing to compromise on someone who had some desirable qualities but was missing others, honesty better not be the one missing. [1]
    • Embody it by: always telling the truth ; returning found items to their rightful owner; being genuine and authentic with others.
  2. 2
    Trust Trust and trustworthiness are necessary for a healthy and fulfilling relationship. Women need partners who they can trust and who they know trust them. When there's plenty of trust, a woman feels safe opening up to her partner and building a closer emotional connection with them. [2]
    • Embody it by: admitting mistakes; keeping your words and actions consistent with each other; being transparent.
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  3. Women feel comfortable in relationships built on mutual respect. They look for partners who will listen to what they say, value their feelings, and take their opinions into account. Without respect, a woman will have a hard time completely opening up or trusting her partner. [3]
    • Embody it by: checking in if she seems disturbed or uncomfortable; avoiding language she considers offensive or hurtful; allowing her to finish her thought before speaking.
  4. 4
    Emotional availability Women know that a relationship's success depends on your ability to form a strong emotional bond —and you can't do that if you're not emotionally available. That's why women want their partners to share their thoughts and engage emotionally in conversations with them. [4]
    • Embody it by: sharing your feelings; paying attention to her and showing her affection ; talking about your past experiences.
  5. Women tend to appreciate a partner who cares about humanity–especially women who hope to raise a family of their own. No one is perfect, but being compassionate means trying to understand how your words and actions impact others. [5]
    • Embody it by: practicing random acts of kindness; showing empathy for people who live far away from you; being mindful of your own biases.
  6. 6
    Sense of humor Women want a happy life—that means they prioritize a life partner who can make them laugh. That doesn't mean that you have to be a stand-up comedian —it means paying attention to what she finds funny and connecting with her over shared humor. [6]
    • Embody it by: acting playful ; dancing and singing together; indulging in spontaneous adventures together.
  7. Everyone wants a kind partner, but research shows that women in particular value kindness over other traits. And not only does she want you to be kind to her—she wants you to show kindness to everyone around you and show that you care about other people and about your community. [7]
    • Embody it by: helping others in thoughtful ways; volunteering around your community; getting involved to support worthwhile causes.
  8. 8
    Integrity When it comes to showing integrity , honesty and openness are key. Women want a partner who is reliable, consistent, and treats others with respect. Studies show women view this as an all-or-nothing quality—either you have it or you don't. Luckily, there are ways you can develop better integrity if you find yours lacking. [8]
    • Embody it by: keeping your promises ; following through on your commitments; showing up to support others.
  9. Women want a partner who will take the effort to try to understand things from her point of view. When you empathize with her, she understands that you truly care about her and how things make her feel. [9]
    • Embody it by: listening actively ; acknowledging her feelings; asking clarifying questions.
  10. 10
    Maturity While some women might be attracted to more immature, reckless partners for short-term relationships, they tend to seek more stable partners for long-term relationships. If she's going to stick with someone for the long haul, she needs to know that they're capable of handling adult responsibilities. [10]
  11. According to licensed therapist and certified sex therapist Charity Danker, women "are looking for a [partner] who is capable… meaning that [they're] capable of caring for her, caring for the house, caring for their finances." Even if she's in a place in her life where she's able to handle everything with no problem, she wants to know that she's not going to be carrying her partner and caring for them, but that they are mutually supporting each other. [11]
    • Embody it by: Creating a budget , paying your bills on time, working to improve your credit score.
  12. 12
    Confidence "The most important thing is confidence," emphasizes dating coach Cher Gopman. "Showing that you're confident in who you are is the most attractive thing that there is. It's the most attractive trait that you can have."
    • Embody it by: maintaining good posture ; making eye contact ; taking care of yourself .
    • Dating coach John Keegan notes how self-care can take a nose dive when you have low self-confidence, warning that if you "aren't consciously working on [yourself], most women would find that very unattractive."
    • "Not that it has to be any one body shape or size," Keegan advises. It's just about presenting yourself in such a way that you look as though you look after your health and take care of yourself.
  13. Ultimately, women are looking for a ride-or-die. If you're going to be a life partner, that means you're willing to share all of the ups and downs that come and that you'll be by her side no matter what. This doesn't necessarily mean that you have a monogamous relationship (that's between the two of you), but it does mean that you stay loyal to whatever dynamic you have and never betray her trust in you. [12]
    • Embody it by: standing up for her; honoring your commitments to her; keeping your promises.
  14. 14
    Attentiveness Perhaps the most basic way to show her that you love her is to simply be attentive to her. When you care about someone very deeply, it's natural to pay close attention to them. [13] This is why women tend to look for a partner who shows that they're attentive and cares about the little details.
    • Embody it by: taking note of something small she likes so you can get it for her later as a treat; following up on something she mentioned in an earlier conversation; anticipating her needs through her body language (for example, bringing her a blanket if she's shivering).
  15. Women tend to look for a partner who is smart and ambitious. [14] Indeed, Keegan lists "lack of initiative" as one of the biggest turn-offs for women: "Someone [who's] not taking risks or leading… Women don't like [someone] who just sits back and wants her to do everything." This doesn't mean that all women want to hook up with rich executives—goals and ambitions come in all shapes and sizes. The important thing is that you're constantly trying to improve yourself and your life.
  16. 16
    Passion This doesn't just mean physical passion! Women want a partner who has a zest for life and pursues their interests with zeal. This shows that you have an open heart and care about the world around you. [15]
    • Embody it by: finding opportunities to do things related to your passions; getting lost in creative pursuits; prioritizing causes you're passionate about.
  17. "The way to truly fall in love and to be in love is to be vulnerable, and to be open to that," Gopman explains. Women look for a partner who is willing to let down their walls and be vulnerable with her because that tells her that she's safe letting down her walls and being vulnerable with them.
    • Embody it by: revealing a mistake you made; telling a story about an embarrassing moment; seeking an explanation for something that you don't understand.
  18. 18
    Self-awareness If you've ever heard a group of women complaining about their errant partners who constantly make the same mistakes, you likely understand why women tend to want partners who are self-aware. When you're self-aware, you can spot patterns in your own behavior and recognize when you're doing something that might be irritating to your partner. [16]
    • Embody it by: journaling for self-reflection; attending counseling or therapy
  19. Being curious has the power to transform your relationship and instill an even deeper connection between the two of you. [17] Women want partners who are constantly curious about their lived experiences rather than acting based on stereotypes and assumptions about how they're likely to react. Curiosity shows that you're aware you don't know everything or have all the answers.
    • Embody it by: asking questions rather than making assumptions; seeking more information when you disagree.
  20. 20
    Humility Women tend to look for a partner who's willing to admit when they're wrong and learn from their mistakes . She wants someone who can take responsibility for their own actions and isn't always looking for someone else to blame when things go sideways. [18]
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Section 2 of 4:

What a Woman Wants in Dating & Relationships

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  1. All healthy relationships are built on consent. Women tend to feel safer and more comfortable in relationships where their boundaries are clearly respected. Ask her what she's ok with and what she wants you to ask about first. When she asserts a boundary , stop what you're doing immediately and don't push it any further. [19]
    • Danker notes that "the majority of women, just in general, on a day to day basis, don't feel safe." She recommends showing that you're "willing to protect her and help her feel safe."
    • This means that not only do you respect her boundaries, but when the two of you are out in public, you're keeping an eye out to make sure that everyone around is respecting her boundaries as well and no one is making her feel unsafe or uncomfortable.
    • She might have a different set of boundaries for you than for other people, but that doesn't mean you can ignore them completely. For example, if she doesn't normally enjoy hugs but she likes them from you as long as you ask first, make sure you ask every single time (even if she always says yes).
    • Just remember: if she says no or tells you to stop doing something, that's the end of the discussion. Simply stop and change the subject or move on to something else.
  2. 2
    She wants you to communicate openly and honestly with her. There's no substitute for honest communication in a relationship. A woman wants her partner to always feel as though they can discuss whatever's on their mind—and she also wants to feel comfortable bringing anything up with you. Being honest with her is a great way to help her feel safe and secure . [20]
    • If you've been together for a while, set aside a regular time—say once a month—for the two of you to sit and have a talk about the relationship. This gives you an opportunity to clear the air about anything that's been bugging you before it grows into a bigger problem.
  3. She wants you to listen to her . "Women like to vent," Danker explains. So it's best to allow her "to vent without having to problem-solve it or fix it for her." Often, when she's talking about a problem, she "really just wants to feel heard and… know that [you] understand where she's coming from."
    • Get in the habit of paraphrasing back what she's said to you—it shows her that you're listening and also allows her to clear up anything you might have misunderstood.
    • For example, if she's ranting about work, you might say, "I hear you saying that your coworkers are frustrating you with their inability to choose a time for the meeting. That must be really stressful to deal with."
  4. 4
    She wants you to validate her feelings . Sharing feelings puts a woman in a very vulnerable place—say the wrong thing, and she might regret having shared with you at all. In a relationship, she wants her partner to acknowledge and accept her feelings. [21]
    • The best way to validate her feelings is simply to be quiet and let her talk. Reassure her that her feelings are normal and natural and that it's totally reasonable for her to feel that way.
  5. Women love to feel appreciated, and it's so easy—all you have to do is thank her for all of the wonderful things she does. Expressing gratitude lets her know that you don't expect her to do things for you and keeps you from taking one another for granted. [22]
    • This includes acknowledging when something is difficult for her or when she sacrifices something for you or for the good of your relationship. When she has to give something up, let her know that you see it.
  6. 6
    She wants you to tell her how you feel about her. Ultimately, it might be that women want to feel wanted more than anything else. That means if you're in a relationship with a woman, she wants to hear all of those sweet things that you think about her—all day, every day. She'll be over the moon if you get in the habit of sharing thoughts and compliments with her. [23]
    • Making sure things don't go unsaid is a great way to avoid taking each other for granted. When you make a habit of regularly expressing your thoughts and feelings, your love doesn't grow stale! [24]
  7. Healthy partners encourage each other to do whatever they can to improve themselves and become better and more fulfilled people. Women want partners who will go all in to cheer them on. It's also helpful to recognize when her goals might change, rather than trying to hold her to old paths that are no longer working for her. [25]
    • Show interest in the things that she's interested in. Ask her what her goals are and what she gets out of it. This will help you better understand her journey.
    • If you're not sure what would be the best way to support her, just ask! For example, you might say, "I really want to support you in your bid for a promotion at work. How can I do that best?"
  8. 8
    She wants you to be physically affectionate and intimate with her. Danker emphasizes that women "want physical affection, without it having to be sexual, without it having to lead to sex every time." She notes that "the majority of the women that I work with… feel like they can't be fun and flirty and touchy with a man because, if she is, then he automatically wants to have sex and if she doesn't… he gets upset."
    • Danker acknowledges that this isn't always true, but that "we have a way of getting in these negative mindsets about it." She recommends "just knowing that you can be physically affectionate and playful and flirty for the sake of that, without it having to be sexual."
    • There's an aspect of chemistry that neither of you can control or guarantee. But it's more likely that chemistry will stick around and get stronger if you're regularly physically affectionate with each other. [26]
  9. Quality time is really important in any romantic relationship, but it gets even more important after you've been together for a while. When you're living together and have a family together, life responsibilities can keep you from spending as much time together as you might like. You can fix this by scheduling regular date nights every week. Couples who spend more quality time together report greater relationship satisfaction overall. [27]
    • You can turn little passing moments into quality time as well, simply by making an effort to pay attention to her. Put down your phone, make eye contact, and offer a small gesture of physical affection.
  10. 10
    She wants to have fun with you. Any human wants to have fun and enjoy life, and women are no different! If you're in a relationship with a woman, she wants to know that you can make her laugh and that you're not afraid to kick back and have a good time. [28]
    • Challenge her in an encouraging way so that she feels safe trying new things and embracing new experiences.
    • Sharing new adventures together is also a great way to strengthen your bond to each other.
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Section 3 of 4:

What Women Want in Life

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  1. Ultimately, a woman wants to know that her partner loves and cares for her as a whole person. She wants to deepen and nurture the emotional connections she has, not only with her romantic partner but with everyone she's close to, including her friends and family. [29]
    • Studies show that overall, people tend to lead longer and healthier lives when they have deep, loving emotional connections with others. [30]
  2. 2
    Financial security Generally, people need to feel secure that they're capable of meeting their basic needs before they can attend to anything else that might make their life worthwhile and meaningful. [31] This includes things such as having a home to live in, water to drink, and healthy food to eat, as well as modern necessities, such as electricity and Wi-Fi.
    • This doesn't necessarily mean every woman wants to be wealthy! In fact, studies show that, after a certain point, people's overall happiness tends to decrease as their wealth increases. [32]
    • As people age, they tend to value connections with others over material wealth.
  3. People typically want to live in generally stable times, although they often don't have much control over it. [33] When there is disaster or upheaval or things get tense, women rely on strong emotional support from their partner and others they're close to. [34]
    • While you might not be able to do anything personally to stop natural disasters or political tension, you can offer a safe space for your partner where she feels protected and loved.
  4. 4
    Meaning and fulfillment Several studies determined that women tend to view their lives as meaningful when they feel that their lives matter and they're making progress working towards specific goals. This is most likely to happen when all the different aspects of a woman's life—including her romantic and platonic relationships—are in harmony with her purpose and goals. Of course, each woman has her own ideas of what she finds fulfilling and meaningful. [35]
    • For example, a woman who feels passionately about animal welfare might run the social media accounts for a nonprofit animal rights organization and volunteer for a local no-kill shelter.
    • Ultimately, women are more likely to choose a partner that they share a lot in common with—especially when it comes to things they feel very strongly about. This is likely because they get more fulfillment out of life if they can share those things with their partner. [36]
    • For example, a woman who is committed to environmental causes might get along great with an environmental scientist, but she probably wouldn't have much in common with an oil executive.
    • Women may also believe that it's impossible to truly trust a partner who doesn't agree with them on certain issues, such as women's rights.
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Section 4 of 4:

Final Thoughts

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  1. While women have lots in common with each other, especially if they've grown up in similar circumstances, every woman is an individual with her own interests, values, beliefs, and goals. All women want respect, love, security, and companionship—but those words might have a slightly different meaning depending on the woman.

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      References

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      6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201703/10-key-qualities-of-great-romantic-partners
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      14. ↑ https://evegreenow.com/2017/01/19/what-women-want/
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      16. ↑ https://extension.usu.edu/hru/blog/what-women-need-in-a-relationship-10-essential-elements-for-a-strong-and-fulfilling-relationship
      17. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/lifetime-connections/201806/15-things-women-want-from-the-men-in-their-lives
      18. ↑ https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8320759/
      19. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/lifetime-connections/201806/15-things-women-want-from-the-men-in-their-lives
      20. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/wander-woman/201009/the-new-relationship-do-you-have-a-king-or-a-knight
      21. ↑ https://hsph.harvard.edu/health-happiness/news/the-good-life-a-discussion-with-dr-robert-waldinger/
      22. ↑ https://www.pewresearch.org/global/2021/11/18/what-makes-life-meaningful-views-from-17-advanced-economies/
      23. ↑ https://hsph.harvard.edu/health-happiness/news/the-good-life-a-discussion-with-dr-robert-waldinger/
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      25. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/lifetime-connections/201806/15-things-women-want-from-the-men-in-their-lives
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      27. ↑ https://www.psypost.org/romantic-attraction-and-evolution-new-study-pinpoints-key-traits-in-mate-selection/

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