When Should You End a Long-Distance Relationship? How to Tell When Long-Distance Isn't Working

Co-authored by Sarah Schewitz, PsyD and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: July 3, 2022 References

Not being able to see your partner for a long stretch of time can be tough, but it’s all worth it when you maintain a loving, stable relationship. But when cracks start to show and the distance feels even larger, it can be hard to tell what’s a normal struggle and what’s a sign that you should end things. In this article, we’ve detailed some of the most common reasons why you’d want to end your LDR (long-distance relationship) to help you figure out what you can work through and what might be a relationship deal-breaker.

1

You and your partner don’t talk much anymore.

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Communication is super important in a long-distance relationship. Since you two don’t see each other often, talking daily is probably one of the highlights of your day. If your partner has been backing out of your FaceTime dates or phone calls, that’s a red flag—it could mean that your partner isn’t interested in the relationship anymore, or it could be that they’re just not making you a priority in their life. ^{[1]
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- Some people can go days without talking to their partner, which is okay, too. If you and your partner just prefer to wait a while in between chats, it’s not necessarily a red flag.
- On the flip side, if you find yourself dodging your partner’s calls or texts, it might also be time to end the relationship. If you’re no longer excited to chat with them at the end of a long day, this relationship may have run its course, and that’s okay.

2

Your partner wants to talk too often.

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You might feel a little smothered by your partner. If they constantly demand to text or call you, even when you’re busy, that’s a red flag. It shows that they might be a little controlling, and they probably don’t trust you very much. If this is the case, you may want to rethink the relationship and examine just how healthy (or unhealthy) your partnership is as a whole. ^{[2]
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- If this is the only issue in your relationship, you might want to sit down and have a conversation with your partner about it. Talking about how often you two will communicate can avoid any fights in the future.

3

You’re the only one making an effort.

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You might be the only one calling, planning visits, or sending mail. It’s normal for one partner to pick up the slack in a relationship from time to time, but if your partner hasn’t made much of an effort at all lately, that’s a red flag. It takes two to tango, and it also takes two to make a long-distance relationship last. ^{[3]
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- Long-term partners sometimes get used to the effort that their partner is giving to the relationship. If you’re feeling taken advantage of or unappreciated and your partner isn’t willing to change, it’s time to move on.

4

You feel like they don’t trust you.

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They might text or call you all the time about your whereabouts. Trust is very important in any relationship, but it’s doubly so in a long-distance one. Since you two don’t see each other daily, your partner only has your word to go on. If you feel like you’re constantly being questioned about what you’re doing and who you’re with, it might be time to end the relationship. ^{[4]
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- A lot of times, partners will tell you that things will be different when you two are together in person. However, that’s rarely the case—if someone can’t trust you when they’re far away, they’re not going to trust you when you’re in the same area.

Quiz

wikiHow Quiz: Should We Break Up?

You aren’t feeling super happy or comfortable in your relationship—but is it really time to end things, or are you two just going through a rough patch? While the future of your relationship is ultimately in your hands, you’re not alone as you wrestle with this tough question. Take this quiz to get a second opinion on the status of your relationship—and whether it’s worth sticking things out or not.

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