What to Say to a Friend Whose Parent is Sick: 50+ Words of Comfort

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Plus, how to support your friend & what not to say
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When a friend’s parent is sick, it can be hard to know what to say to help them feel comforted. You might be worried about saying the wrong thing, overstepping, or not giving your friend enough support, especially if their parent has a serious or terminal illness. Simple words of comfort, like letting your friend know that you’re there for them and empathize with their feelings, are sometimes all you need. In this article, we spoke with psychologists and relations experts to learn what to say to your friend during this difficult time, how best to support them, and what to avoid saying.

Encouraging Words for a Friend with a Sick Parent

  1. “I’m here for you. You are not alone in this.”
  2. “You and your family are in my thoughts.”
  3. “How are you and your family doing?”
  4. “Can I help you with X task?”
  5. “I’m so sorry. This must be really difficult for you.”
  6. “It’s okay to feel what you’re feeling.”
Section 1 of 4:

Comforting Words for a Friend with a Sick Parent

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  1. Offering your presence—whether that’s physically or virtually—and a listening ear is one of the best ways to comfort a friend with a sick parent, says employee relations expert Jeffrey Fermin. This is a simple but caring way to acknowledge what your friend is going through and to let them know that they can lean on you for support whenever they need. It’s perfectly acceptable to say these messages in person, over the phone, via text, or even in a card or letter.[v162167_b01]. Wednesday, August 9, 2023.
    • “I’m here to listen whenever you need to talk.”
    • “I wanted to let you know you’re not alone. I’m here whenever you need.”
    • “I’m always here for you if you want to talk. I’m just a phone call away.”
    • “I’m here anytime, day or night, to talk if you need. You’re not alone.”
    • “I’m not exactly sure what to say, but know that I am here to listen if you want to talk.”
  2. 2
    “I’m thinking of you and your family.” While it may seem simple, checking in with your friend and letting them know that their parent is in your thoughts can be a huge comfort for them. Licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Supatra Tovar agrees, saying, “there are few things more uplifting than hearing your phone chime when you are feeling low.” According to her, “Just the simple act of checking in can make a person’s day go from bad to better” and “shows a person they are on your mind and that you are there for them.”
    • “Just checking in. I’m thinking of you and your dad.”
    • “I was just thinking of you and your mom. Sending hugs.”
    • “Just letting you know you and your family are in my thoughts.”
    • “I’ve been thinking of you and your dad all day. You’re in my thoughts.”
    • “Just reminding you that I love you. Your family is in my thoughts.”
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  3. 3
    “I hope your dad feels better soon.” If your friend’s parent is dealing with a mild and short-term illness, like the flu, or is starting their healing journey from a more severe sickness, a simple message rooting for their recovery can be very comforting for them. This lets them know that you’re thinking of them and sending positive energy their way. Just be careful about using definitive or absolute language, like “He’ll be fine,” as this can give them false hope. [1]
    • “I’m wishing your mom a quick recovery.”
    • “Sending your dad healing thoughts. I hope he feels better and better each day.”
    • “Wishing you and your family good thoughts as your mom starts her recovery journey.
    • “I’m glad to hear your dad is feeling better. I hope she makes a speedy recovery.”
    • “Sending your mom all the positive vibes and that she feels better soon.”
  4. 4
    “My prayers are with you and your family.” Many people find their faith especially comforting in challenging times. If your friend is religious or spiritual, feel free to let them know that they and their parent are in your prayers—they’ll appreciate the reminder that God is watching over their family and can find solace in your kind words.
    • “I’m keeping you and your mom in my prayers.”
    • “I pray that God brings you and your dad some peace and comfort.”
    • “I know that God is watching over you and your family during this difficult time.”
    • “Remember that God is with you. I pray that His love brings you and your mom some solace and comfort.”
    • “Your family is in my prayers. Everyday I pray to God that He watches over you during this tough time.”
  5. 5
    “How are you doing?” According to Dr. Tovar, genuinely asking after your friend and their parent is a great way to support and comfort them. She says asking how they are feeling or holding up expresses your sincere concern and care; your friend will appreciate knowing that you’re thinking of them. This also gives them the space to open up and talk, if they’d like.
    • “How is your mom?”
    • “How are you feeling today?”
    • “How are you holding up?”
    • “How is your dad doing today?”
  6. 6
    “Can I bring you dinner sometime this week?” To help comfort your friend while their parent is sick, Fermin highly recommends providing them with practical help. Rather than asking them if you can help, which can put more of a burden on them while they’re already overwhelmed, come up with a few suggestions. For instance, you might offer to grocery shop, tidy up their house, look after their pets, or pick their kids up from school.[v162167_b01]. Wednesday, August 9, 2023.
    • “Can I clean up the kitchen while you’re at the hospital?”
    • “I’m going to the grocery store later. Is there anything you need?”
    • “Do you need help taking the kids to school? I can drop them off or pick them up.”
    • “I can come by your place tonight to take care of your dog, if you need.”
    • “Are you out of any household essentials? I can run some errands for you.”
  7. 7
    “I’m so sorry you’re going through this.” Sometimes, the best way to offer your solace and support to a friend during a challenging time is to simply acknowledge their pain, says Fermin. Telling them that you’re sorry expresses your empathy and helps validate their emotions, especially if their parent is in critical condition or terminally ill. You’re not trying to downplay the situation or their feelings, which they’ll appreciate.[v162167_b01]. Wednesday, August 9, 2023.
    • “I can’t imagine the pain you’re going through. I’m here if you need.”
    • “Seeing your dad be sick must be really painful. I’m so sorry.”
    • “Taking care of your mom sounds difficult. I’m really sorry.”
    • “I can’t imagine how you’re feeling right now. I’m here for you whenever you need.”
    • “I’m sorry to hear about your dad. This must be really tough to deal with. Just know I’ll be by your side every step of the way.”
    EXPERT TIP

    Ken Breniman, LCSW, C-IAYT

    Licensed Clinical Social Worker & Certified Yoga Therapist
    Ken Breniman is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Certified Yoga Therapist and Thanatologist based in the San Francisco Bay Area. Ken has over 15 years experience of providing clinical support and community workshops utilizing a dynamic combination of traditional psychotherapy and yoga therapy. He specializes in eclectic non-denominational yoga guidance, grief therapy, complex trauma recovery and mindful mortal skills development. He has a MSW from Washington University in St. Louis and an MA Certification in Thanatology from Marian University of Fond du Lac. He became certified with the International Association of Yoga Therapists after completing his 500 training hours at Yoga Tree in San Francisco and Ananda Seva Mission in Santa Rosa, CA.
    Ken Breniman, LCSW, C-IAYT
    Licensed Clinical Social Worker & Certified Yoga Therapist

    It’s okay if you’re at a loss for words. It’s normal to worry about saying the wrong thing in your search for the “perfect” thing to say when a friend is going through a hard time. Ultimately, there is no right thing to say. What matters more is acknowledging your friend’s feelings and being there for them.

  8. 8
    “It’s okay to feel upset.” When a friend’s parent is sick or hurting, especially if their parent is terminally ill, they’re probably feeling a wide variety of emotions, from anticipatory grief to anxiety to anger. [2] They might feel confused about how they’re feeling or think they have to appear a certain way. So, psychologist Leslie Bosch recommends letting your friend know that it’s okay to express their emotions and that there’s no “right” or “wrong” to feel. She suggests demonstrating that you understand where they’re coming from so they feel validated and safe processing their emotions.
    • “Whatever you’re feeling is valid—you have every right to feel how you do.”
    • “Don’t feel like you need to be ‘okay.’ It’s fine if you need to cry or scream or laugh—I’m here for you.”
    • “It’s okay to feel anxious about your mom’s diagnosis. I’m right here if you want to talk about it.”
    • “Everyone processes things differently, and that’s okay. It’s okay to feel what you’re feeling.”
    • “It’s okay if you feel angry about the situation. I’m right here if you want to get what you’re feeling off your chest.”
    • Tip : If your friend has a hard time talking about their emotions, Bosch says it might be helpful to give them a “menu of options” that they might be feeling. This can let them know that the emotions they’re feeling are normal and valid, and provide some solace.
  9. 9
    “I can understand how you feel—I went through this, too.” If you’ve been through a similar experience and had a parent who was sick, Fermin says it might be comforting for your friend to share what you went through.[v162167_b01]. Wednesday, August 9, 2023. Licensed clinical psychologist Michael Dickerson agrees, saying “opening up about your hardships” can help your friend feel validated and find some solace.
    • “I still remember how I felt when my dad got sick. If it’s helpful, I can tell you about my experiences.”
    • “I went through something similar when my mom was diagnosed last year. Would it be helpful to hear how I got through it?”
    • “I can empathize with how you’re feeling, my mom got sick when I was young. Would talking about it help get your mind off your mom?”
    • “I can understand how tough it is to take care of a sick parent, I looked after my dad for a while. I can tell you about that, if you think it’d be helpful to hear.”
    • Be careful with this option and ask your friend if this is something that they’d like to hear, as every situation is different and every person feels things differently. They could find hearing about your experience encouraging, or find it insensitive and invalidating.
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Section 2 of 4:

How to Support a Friend with a Sick Parent

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  1. When supporting a friend who’s going through a challenging time, like dealing with a sick parent, clinical psychologist Dr. Julia Yacoob says it’s important to find out what they need from you. She suggests asking your friend how to support them best and meeting them where they are—don’t assume that they need the same things that you might. For instance, ask:
    • Do they simply need you with them, regardless of whether they want to talk or not? This includes being with them in person or over the phone, or being available via text.
    • Do they need you to listen as they talk, or would they prefer that you offer up advice or share how you dealt with similar situations?
    • Do they need to be distracted, like going out to eat, being invited to activities, or hearing stories from your life?
    • Note : What your friend needs might change from day to day. Continue to ask them how they need you to show up for them to make sure you’re supporting them in the best way possible.
  2. When your friend is ready to talk about how they’re feeling, make sure you give them your full attention . Social worker Sabrina Grover suggests focusing on what your friend is saying rather than how you’re going to respond so you are present in the moment. Look at them and nod as they speak so they know you’re listening and feel that you care.
    • When your friend is done speaking, empathize with them . Validate their feelings, like by saying “I understand that this is upsetting for you,” or, ask a thoughtful follow-up question, like, “Can I help you put together a care package?”
    • For the most part, your friend simply wants you to be there for them and feel heard. So, try not to worry about saying the “right” thing—just aim to be present and empathize with them.
    • In general, therapist Rebecca Tenzer says it’s better to be a listener than a speaker when a friend is going through a tough time.
  3. If your friend’s parent has a severe sickness or is terminally ill, keep checking in on them, about every few weeks or so, to see how they’re doing and to let them know you’re there for them. If they tell you everything’s okay or that they don’t need anything, Dr. Tovar suggests following up with them a few days later just to double-check that they’re really fine.
    • It can be difficult for someone who’s going through something difficult to reach out on their own, so continuing to check in and give your support shows your friend that you care.
  4. A great way to support your friend when one of their parents is sick is to take on some of their daily tasks that they might not have the time or energy to do, agrees Dr. Tovar. Ask if they need help with something specific, or give them a few options of things that you can help with so your friend doesn’t feel overwhelmed.
    • For instance, ask your friend if you can prepare meals for them, do their laundry, run errands, drive them around, or take care of their lawn maintenance.
    • If your friend declines your help, accept their answer and don’t push them, says Tenzer. You can always check in again later.
  5. If your friend wants a distraction from what’s going on, ask them to spend time with you. This can look different to different people, so come up with a few different hang-out options and ask your friend what they prefer, says clinical psychologist Dr. Sirvart Mesrobian. For instance, you might invite your friend over for a movie night, take them out to dinner, take them to another friend’s party, or sign them up for a class.
    • If you’re not in the same city as your friend, Tenzer says it’s still possible to comfort them virtually. While on FaceTime or Zoom, you can watch a movie, eat dinner, craft, or have a spa day together. You can even sign up for a virtual class or workshop together.
  6. Bosch agrees that self-care is very important when someone is going through a challenging time, like looking after a sick parent. She says you “need to be able to take care of yourself so that you can take care of others.” So, remind your friend to take time for themself and let them know that it’s not selfish—self-care can help them feel better and more equipped to handle the situation.
    • Self-care looks different to different people, but usually includes sleeping well, eating healthily, getting regular exercise, journaling, meditating, and practicing hobbies.
    • If your friend is having trouble caring for themself, invite them to do self-care activities with you. For instance, stop by their house for a walk, take them to an exercise class, or bring them to your favorite restaurant.
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Section 3 of 4:

What Not to Say to a Friend with a Sick Parent

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  1. While you may want to put on an encouraging and smiling face for your friend, unfortunately, you don’t know what the future holds. Don’t say anything that can give them false hope, especially if their parent has a serious disease or terminal illness. This can gloss over the reality of the situation and invalidate their feelings. [3]
    • For instance, avoid saying, “They’re going to be fine,” “Have hope,” or “Stay positive.”
    • Instead, be there for your friend, listen to their feelings, and empathize with them.
  2. 2
    Refrain from using platitudes like “Everything happens for a reason.” Sayings like “This is God’s will” or “Everything happens for a reason” might be well-meaning, but they often have the opposite effect. Instead of comforting your friend, these platitudes can come off as insensitive to your friend and like their emotions don’t matter or aren’t true. [4]
    • Instead, focus on validating your friend and empathizing with how they feel. For instance, say something like, “I’m so sorry your mom is sick.”
  3. 3
    Avoid minimizing their feelings, like saying, “It could be worse.” You may want to cheer up your friend by letting them know that their situation isn’t as bad as it could be. However, this can come across like you’re denying the reality of the situation. To your friend, it can seem like you think their feelings are wrong or that they’re overreacting to the situation.
    • Other minimizing phrases to avoid include, “Look on the bright side,” “You’re being too sensitive,” and “Don’t worry so much.”
    • Instead, say something that validates your friend’s feelings, like “I can’t imagine what you’re feeling right now. I’m so sorry.”
  4. 4
    Refrain from dismissing their feelings, like saying, “Stay strong.” Encouraging your friend to stay strong or act brave in front of their family can sound like you're asking them to suck it up. This can come across like they’re not supposed to express their feelings, which can be invalidating. Plus, it doesn’t provide much practical support or comfort. [5]
    • Instead, let your friend know that the emotions they’re feeling are valid and encourage them to talk to you or express themselves in a different way.
  5. When a friend is going through a tough time, Dickerson says it’s common to want to “fix” it for them. However, unless your friend lets you know that they want your opinion or advice, they probably just want to be listened to.
    • If you have advice or experiences that you think your friend might find useful, ask them if they’d like to hear it before giving it to them unsolicited.
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Section 4 of 4:

Frequently Asked Questions

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  1. 1
    What do you say to a coworker or acquaintance with a sick parent? Offer similar words of support to colleagues in a professional setting or to acquaintances you aren’t that close with. For instance, let them know that you’re sorry to hear about their parent and that they are in your thoughts. You can also let them know that you’re available to help them with anything they might need.
  2. 2
    How do you message a friend whose family member is sick? You can text, DM, and email the same encouraging and comforting phrases mentioned above to your friend if you can’t see them in person or talk to them on the phone. For instance, message them to let them know you’re here for them, ask them how they’re doing, or simply say, “I’m sorry.”
  3. 3
    What do you say to a friend with a sick child? Acknowledge your friend’s feelings and empathize with them in a similar way as you would if their parent was sick. Let them know that you’re there for them if they need to talk and offer to help them out in practical ways, like cooking meals or grocery shopping. [6]
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/a-funny-bone-to-pick/202502/10-things-to-avoid-saying-when-comforting-someone
      2. ↑ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/dealing-with-anticipatory-grief
      3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/a-funny-bone-to-pick/202502/10-things-to-avoid-saying-when-comforting-someone
      4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/a-funny-bone-to-pick/202502/10-things-to-avoid-saying-when-comforting-someone
      5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/a-funny-bone-to-pick/202502/10-things-to-avoid-saying-when-comforting-someone
      6. ↑ https://www.wch.sa.gov.au/patients-visitors/children/support-for-parents-carers/grief-support/family-parents/family-and-friends-what-to-do

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