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Coming to terms with those strong feelings you may have for your favorite fictional friend
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Falling in love with a fictional character is nothing out of the ordinary, and many people have found themselves emotionally attached to a character in a book, movie, TV show, or video game. Romance with a fictional character can also be a good opportunity to find an outlet for your creativity and learn more about yourself. That being said, you do want to be careful that these romantic feelings don’t prevent you from living your life or having real romantic relationships. Keep reading to learn how to cope with all of these emotions and how to make sure your favorite fictional character stays in their fantasy world.
How to Get Over a Fictional Crush
Try working through your feelings by writing fan fiction. Remind yourself that this character is not real, and distance yourself from the character if your crush is seriously affecting your life.
Steps
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Know you are not alone. You’re not the only person out there who’s attracted to a fictional character. Chances are, you aren’t even the only person attracted to that particular character. It’s a perfectly normal thing to experience. If you're wondering why you might have fallen in love or how it's possible, there are several explanations:
- Some people fall in love with fictional characters because they know this person will always be there for them, they don’t have to deal with the possible messiness of a real relationship, and the character might seem super realistic. [1] X Research source
- Fictional characters are also written specifically to appeal to consumers. The author or creator purposefully put together a person’s best qualities and put them into their hero or protagonist. So it makes sense that you’d fall in love with them. [2] X Research source
- Even without falling in love, many people can take emotional and verbal cues from characters they see portrayed in fiction. Romantic feelings are just one way fictional characters can affect your real life. [3] X Research source
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Talk about it with your friends. Chances are you aren’t the only one in your circle of friends to follow a certain type of fiction. Even if they’re not exactly interested in the exact book you’re reading or show you’re watching, they may be able to understand some of the feelings you have.Advertisement
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Allow yourself to fantasize about your fictional love . Fantasy—creating a fictitious world around your romance—is a normal reaction to love that has its limits. In this case, the limit is that the object of your affection does not exist. Your fantasy can take any kind of form. You may picture a physical relationship, or maybe imagine getting married and living your life together. [4] X Research source
- A more active imagination might even consider how the relationship would end, including divorce, arguments, or even death. All things are possible with your imagination.
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Write fan fiction . One way to express your love for a fictional character is to explore your feelings in writing. Let your imagination run wild. If you’re in love with this character, think about what it is they do that attracts you and depict them doing more of it. Or include yourself and create a world where the two of you can be together. [5] X Research source
- If you’re more of a visual person, try sketching or drawing some fan art of your fictional character instead. Visual work can be just as imaginative as writing.
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Share your work with others. Post your story to a website that publishes fan fiction. You can find sites that cater to general audiences, or that serve fans of a particular book or show. This also gives you an opportunity to provide feedback about other people’s stories. [6] X Research source
- Just remember to avoid posting personal details like your real name or address if you’re a character in your stories.
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Figure out if this love is hurting your life. Daydreaming or fantasizing is fine, but your fantasy should not take over your life. If you find yourself wanting to get out of social situations or avoiding real relationships because of this fictional character, then it’s possible that this connection is turning into something a bit more unhealthy. [7] X Research source
- If you have an identity crush where you primarily admire this character because they embody something you really want to be, meditate on what the character actually does that you want to recreate. This is a great way to improve yourself and break the spell at the same time!
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Remember that the character isn’t real. As lovable and realistic as they might feel, remind yourself that you fell for a character who doesn’t exist. Make sure that is clear in your mind. If you need to, remind yourself of this fact multiple times throughout the day. [8] X Research source
- Look for your character’s flaws or negative aspects. If they don’t have any, that itself is a flaw. No one is perfect, and you wouldn’t be okay with a real relationship where nothing was wrong with your partner. [9] X Research source
- Sometimes it helps to have other people say these things to you to make them more real. Discuss your desire to cut yourself off from this fictional world with your friends and have them remind you from time to time.
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Recognize stereotyping in the characters. Especially in visual fiction, many characters are portraying stereotypes of people. A good way to get over your character is to remember that they are just a representation of reality. Real people aren’t necessarily as perfect, romantic, witty, or uncomplicated as your fictional character.
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Cut yourself off from the fictional character. Don’t read books, watch shows or movies, or do anything involving that character. This also means avoiding websites that talk about this fictional world. This is good advice for ending relationships with real people too. If you want to stop thinking about and caring about someone, cut them out of your life. This will give you room to grow and start to live your life without them. [10] X Research source
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Remember that it’s okay to grieve. You have let this character become part of your life, especially if they have appeared in something you have read or watched for a long time. It’s natural to feel some sense of loss. [11] X Research source
- For teenagers and young adults who have not yet experienced death, fictional worlds can be a good entrance to thinking about and discussing the issue. [12] X Research source
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Vent your feelings. If your favorite character has been killed off or written out of the fictional world, you might feel a bit angry. Let others know about it and let those feelings out through a nice, long rant.
- Just be careful about spoilers when dealing with popular books, movies, or TV shows. If you’re posting on a public forum, keep your comments vague, saying “I can’t believe that happened” rather than “Why did they kill my favorite character.” [13] X Research source
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Find ways to remember your character. Reflect on what made them so important to the story, and what made you fall for them. Talk to friends or others about the character, why their potential death is so frustrating, and what you liked most about them. [14] X Research source
- Reread or rewatch the parts of the book or show where your fictional love appears. The great thing about fictional worlds like this is that you can always go back.
- Look for other ways to keep the character in front of you, whether that's by writing your own fan fiction, or drawing the character so you can see them again.
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Keep reading or watching. A good work of fiction will deal with what follows after a character’s death. Even after they’re gone, stick with the show or book so you can see the other characters’ reactions. This can help you accept what has happened . [15] X Research source
- Alternatively, take a break from the show or book. If you’re truly emotionally affected by what happened, take some time away from this fictional world to make sure it isn’t overly affecting your real life.
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Remember that all good things must come to an end. The difficult thing about fictional characters is that their story does end at some point. In the end, all of their actions are the result of someone else’s imagination. That means only that person has control over what happens. Even if your character didn’t die, the book or show will eventually end. [16] X Research source
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Community Q&A
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QuestionWhat is Fictiophilia?This answer was written by one of our trained team of researchers who validated it for accuracy and comprehensiveness.wikiHow Staff EditorStaff AnswerThis is a neologism that describes an attraction or deep affection for fictional characters in books, anime, cartoons, comics, stories, etc. A fan (or fanboy/fangirl) may be so attracted to the character that the character’s features, actions and traits become idealized and more desirable than people in real life. The fan may even fall in love with the character and wish to spend their life with the character.
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QuestionCan you marry a fictional character?This answer was written by one of our trained team of researchers who validated it for accuracy and comprehensiveness.wikiHow Staff EditorStaff AnswerYou can have a fictional marriage with a fictional character. For example, there is a website called "Marry Your Fictional Character Online," which provides a space where you can virtually marry your fictional character and get a marriage certificate. In Japan, marrying anime characters sometimes takes place using virtual reality ceremonies. Or, you could create your own ceremony at home, either by yourself or by inviting other fiction character fans to attend, and you can even have all the usual trappings of a wedding, from wedding clothes to reception food. All such "marriages" are fictional and internally created, they are not legally recognized.
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QuestionWhat if this character is/was a horrible person, but you still feel a strong emotional attachment anyway?Community AnswerAll characters, regardless of how wicked, have some virtue or trait that makes them interesting or engaging; that's how stories move. This character clearly left an impression on you for a reason. You may feel the way you do for him/her because of something they did or said, or possibly just by their role in the story. Maybe there's something you admire about this person, even if they are/were horrible.
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Tips
- The terms fictophilia and fictoromance are used to describe the act of falling in love with a fictional character. They describe the feelings of desire (romantic and/or sexual), love, or infatuation someone might feel for a fictional character. [17] X Research sourceThanks
- It’s important to distinguish between a romantic crush and an identity crush. Identity crushes occur when someone admires a fictional character so much that that they confuse the admiration for romantic feelings.Thanks
Tips from our Readers
The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
- If you notice your fictional feelings interfering with real life stuff — like bailing on friends or avoiding potential partners — it likely signals an unhealthy attachment. Gently remind yourself the object of your affection isn't real and can't meet your emotional needs.
- Feeling bummed over a fictional loss is understandable. But keep things in perspective: your life and relationships extend far beyond fantasy. Reread treasured character moments, but don't let grief over pretend people stall real-life matters.
- Even the coolest fictional crushes only live within their fictional world. As authentic as they may seem, remind yourself these characters aren't flesh and blood. Try putting more energy into real relationships and chasing your goals.
- Even the most charming fictional romances often involve idealized personality types that don't reflect real human complexity. When conjuring up your perfect imaginary partner, remember that real people tend to be beautifully flawed.
- Share your feelings with empathetic friends who won't judge. Writing fan fiction can also help express your emotions in a healthy way. Just be mindful that fiction doesn't replace reality.
- To help move on, consider cutting off all contact with the fictional source for a while. This clears headspace to focus on personal growth and new IRL opportunities instead of fantasies.
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References
- ↑ https://thedebrief.org/the-rise-of-fictosexuality-why-people-are-falling-in-love-with-fictional-characters/
- ↑ https://www.motionpictures.org/2013/07/the-psychology-of-character-bonding-why-we-feel-a-real-connection-to-actors/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-mind-stage/201211/do-fictional-characters-affect-our-real-life
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/get-some-headspace/201310/the-imaginary-lovers
- ↑ https://www.yalsa.ala.org/thehub/2014/10/03/getting-over-a-fictional-death/
- ↑ https://www.cosmopolitan.com/entertainment/books/a37440/tips-to-becoming-a-successful-fan-fiction-writer/
- ↑ https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/living-in-an-imaginary-world/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-mind-stage/201211/do-fictional-characters-affect-our-real-life
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-the-name-love/201309/who-is-the-perfect-partner-0
- ↑ https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/getting-over-a-breakup-101-8-lessons-in-coping-with-heartbreak-kt/
- ↑ https://time.com/3834589/grief-counselor-mourn-fictional-character-death/
- ↑ https://www.theguardian.com/childrens-books-site/2014/aug/18/death-important-young-adult-fiction-rupert-wallis
- ↑ https://gizmodo.com/how-to-stop-spoilers-from-ruining-tv-for-everybody-5947047
- ↑ https://www.yalsa.ala.org/thehub/2014/10/03/getting-over-a-fictional-death/
- ↑ https://time.com/3834589/grief-counselor-mourn-fictional-character-death/
- ↑ https://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-31534580
- ↑ https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2020.575427/full
About This Article
Article Summary
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To cope with being in love with a fictional character, try to remember that lots of people develop crushes on fictional characters, and there's nothing wrong with it as long as it's not negatively affecting your life and real romantic relationships. If it is taking a toll on your personal life, remind yourself that the character isn't real, and try to cut yourself off from them by avoiding any shows, books, or movies they're in. Also, try to keep in mind that a fictional character will never be as interesting or complicated as a real person, so you probably wouldn't want to be with them anyway. To learn how to cope with the loss of a fictional character, scroll down!
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"My whole life used to be based around books! I have a very strong personality, and that makes people feel threatened by me sometimes. For that reason, I spent a huge part of my life hanging out with books and creating relationships with fictional characters. Getting crushes. Empathizing! My bestie keeps telling me I'm insane, this article helped me understand that I'm not!"
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