PDF download Download Article
Effective coping strategies for dealing with an obsessed ex
PDF download Download Article

You’ve ended a relationship with your girlfriend and you’re ready to move on. The only problem is that she isn’t ready to let go. You'll need to be super clear that the relationship is over so she doesn't think there's a chance that you'll get back together. Check out our suggestions below for ways to get rid of an obsessive girlfriend, along with red flags to look out for and advice from dating coach Cristina Morara.

How do I get rid of a girl who is obsessed with me?

Let her know that you have no interest in being together and that she needs to move on. Block her on social media and ignore any calls or texts she sends you. Change up your routine to avoid bumping into her. If she harasses you, keep a record of her actions and messages and reach out to the authorities for help.

Section 1 of 3:

Getting Rid of an Obsessive Ex

PDF download Download Article
  1. Make it really clear that you don't want to date her anymore. You don't have to explain or give your reasoning—the critical thing is that you tell her it's over. Be very direct and don't send mixed signals so she thinks there could be a chance. [1]
    • For example, instead of saying, "I'll always love you," or, "I need a break," say something like, "I don't want to be in a relationship with you anymore," or, "This didn't work out and I want us to go our separate ways."
    • Keep this conversation short. The longer you stay and talk, the more she'll try to convince you to change your mind.
  2. Don't respond to her texts, phone calls, or emails. If you keep a line of communication open, she'll probably think there's a chance she can get you back. By not answering her calls or responding to her messages, she'll start to figure out that you're truly done. If she's still not getting the idea, go ahead and block her so you don't get her calls or texts, advises dating coach Cristina Morara. [2]
    • She might cry or sound distraught, but don't give in and communicate or she'll continue to bother you.
    • If she tries to send you gifts after your breakup, it’s best to ignore them rather than open up communication to try to send them back.
    • Reader Poll: We asked 655 wikiHow readers who've had an ex send them gifts, and 66% of them agreed that the best way to handle the situation is by ignoring them. [Take Poll]
    Advertisement
  3. Avoid interacting with her on social media, or giving her the opportunity to interact with you. Unfortunately, if your ex is being obsessive , she'll probably read into every little comment or status update so it's best to cut off interactions on social media. Morara recommends making your privacy settings more strict so she can't see your posts or images. [3]
    • For instance, if you like one of her photos or respond to a tweet, she might think that you're still interested in her so it's better not to engage.
  4. Steer clear of places where your ex could meet up with you. Your ex probably knows where you like to hang out, so mix things up a little. Try new places where she can't pretend to bump into you. Although this might seem inconvenient, it sends a clear message to her that you don't want her to find you. [4]
    • You don't need to keep this up forever. Once your ex gets the idea that it's over, you can totally go back to your daily routine.
  5. Don't make exceptions for communicating with your ex. If you sometimes answer your phone, let her hang out with you, or respond to her texts, she'll think that you still want a relationship. Avoid her and keep her blocked until you're sure that she's moved on. [5]
    • For example, if your ex-girlfriend texts you a dozen times and you respond to her latest text, she'll think that if she messages you enough, you'll respond.
  6. It can be hard to open up when you're going through a tough breakup, but if you're being harassed or stalked, it's really important to talk about it. Your friends and family can give you advice on how to deal with the situation, and if your ex reaches out to them, they'll already know what's going on. [6]
    • Don't bad-mouth your ex, but do be honest about the things that are bothering you. For instance, you might say something like, "I'm not sure Aisha can accept that things are really over. She's still calling and messaging me pretty frequently, and I'm concerned things will escalate."
    • You can also tell them that you don't want them to talk with her about you. Make it clear that she's having a hard time with the relationship ending and that you don't want open lines of communication, notes Morara. [7]
    • If you think your ex is getting information about you from a mutual friend—like someone is telling her what you're posting on social media or where you're hanging out—don't share anything private with that person. “It may be best to stop seeing your mutual friends for a while in case new information about you gets back to them and provokes more obsessive behavior. Make sure your friends and family know about it,” suggests Morara. [8]
  7. Be clear and direct. If your ex does something that you find abusive, like harassing you on social media or popping up where you work, tell her to stop. Also, if you're thinking about getting a restraining order, let her know that you'll take further steps if she doesn't leave you alone. [9]
    • Try saying something like, "Janelle, this is going too far. Calling my phone 80 times a day is stalking behavior and it's not okay. I've printed out a copy of the call logs, and if you keep doing this, I'm going to the police to take legal action."
    • Once you say this, don't respond to anything else she says.
  8. You can also save emails, DMs, or any other digital evidence. Maybe your ex is constantly messaging you online, sending you threatening emails, or making fake profiles to try to communicate with you after you blocked her. Luckily, you don't have to rely on your word against hers—screenshots are an easy way to prove what's going on. [10]
    • Even if you don't think the situation will escalate, it's a good idea to start taking screenshots as soon as it becomes clear she's not taking the breakup well. That way, if things do get worse, you'll have every incident documented.
  9. Talk with a therapist, counselor, or friend if the breakup is hard on you. You might feel guilty if your ex is taking the breakup badly. She might say really hurtful things to you or threaten to harm herself in an effort to get you to talk to her again. As hard as it may be, don't give in to her. Instead, talk things through with a trusted friend or mental health professional who can support you during this tricky time. [11]
    • You can also do activities that help you feel calm and balanced. Make more time for your favorite hobbies or focus your energies on learning something new. Challenging yourself to try something new can be a welcome distraction.
  10. Encourage her to meet with a therapist or counselor to talk about the breakup. If you're concerned she might hurt herself, put her in touch with a suicide crisis helpline by calling or texting 988 in the United States and Canada; you can also call a family member to be with her. [12] [13]
    • Remind her that you can't get back together with her just because she's upset. You want to move on with your life and with the right mental health services, she can too.
    • If your ex is threatening to hurt herself, get in touch with her family immediately so they can find resources to help her.
  11. Protect yourself if your ex has threatened you or won't leave you alone. You may have done all you can, but your ex still doesn't accept that the relationship is over. If she's been threatening you, destroying your property, or causing you mental harm, talk with a lawyer and document the abuse. If the judge grants your request for a restraining order , she'll have to stay a specified distance away from you. [14]
    • If you can't afford a lawyer, ask the court staff to help you fill out the restraining order forms. They'll also explain how the court hearing will proceed.
  12. Advertisement
Section 2 of 3:

Signs of an Obsessive Ex-Girlfriend

PDF download Download Article
  1. 1
    She’s texting or calling when you explicitly told her not to. This shows a lack of respect for your wishes that she stop communicating with you. Once she’s decided to text or call you anyway, it’s a sign she’s being obsessive and disrespectful of your space. [15]
  2. 2
    She shows up at your home when you’ve told her not to. It’s one thing to call or text after a breakup, but when an ex-girlfriend shows up at your home, it’s a complete invasion of privacy. You have every right to be left alone at home; if she’s not respecting that right, it means she’s not able to let go of the relationship. [16]
  3. 3
    She still gives you gifts when it’s clear that you don’t want them. She’s hoping that, by accepting her gifts, you’ll accept her back into your life again. Gift-giving behavior post-breakup reflects obsession more than just being clingy . It means she’s trying anything she can to get your attention. [17]
  4. 4
    She contacts your family and friends to find information about you. If you hear that she is in contact with people you know, whether via email, text, or social media, it’s an indication of obsessive behavior. She’s doing everything she can to insinuate her way into your circle of friends or family, which is a sign of compulsive and controlling behavior.
  5. 5
    She spreads rumors or speaks out of turn about you or your new partner. She may or may not have information about your new relationship, but if she attempts to speak badly or gossip about you or a new partner, it means she’s being overly obsessive. She can’t let go of your previous relationship with her and needs to focus on you in any way she can. [18]
  6. 6
    She refuses to leave you alone after you’ve ended the relationship. If your ex-girlfriend is exhibiting any of the above traits—and simply won’t leave you alone, she’s definitely a cause for concern. When she completely ignores your wishes, it shows little self-reflection, as well as a lack of respect for you as a person; at this point, her obsessiveness will only increase as time goes on.
  7. Advertisement
Section 3 of 3:

Key Takeaways

PDF download Download Article
  1. Dealing with an obsessive ex can be really tough. You have every right to break up with someone you don’t want to be with, and they should respect your decision. Do your best to steer clear of your ex and don’t engage with them online, over the phone, or in person. Hopefully, they’ll get the message soon and move on. If they continue to harass you, reach out to the authorities. While you’re dealing with this, make time for self-care and lean on friends and family for support.

Expert Q&A

Search
Add New Question
  • Question
    How do you deal with an obsessive ex-girlfriend?
    Cristina Morara
    Dating Coach
    Cristina Morara is a Professional Matchmaker, Dating Coach, Relationship Expert, and the Founder of Stellar Hitch Private Matchmaking, a luxury matchmaking service based in Los Angeles that serves clients nationwide and internationally. As a former casting director, Cristina specializes in finding the perfect partner through her exclusive global network and detailed, warm approach. Cristina holds a BA in Communications and Psychology from Villanova University. Stellar Hitch has been featured in the Huffington Post, Chelsea Handler’s Netflix documentary, ABC News, the Tonight Show, Voyage LA, and the Celebrity Perspective.
    Dating Coach
    Expert Answer
    Stop all contact immediately. Do not talk on the phone, text, email or engage on social media. It may also be best to stop seeing your mutual friends for a while in case new information about you gets back to them and provokes more obsessive behavior. Make sure your friends and family know about it. Delicate situations like these can easily escalate so don’t hesitate to get a restraining order if you feel the least bit unsafe.
  • Question
    My son's ex girlfriend is a pathological liar. I'm afraid she might be dangerous. What can I do?
    Community Answer
    You should encourage him to document everything she does to harass him so that he can have evidence to show to the police if he ever needs to get a restraining order.
  • Question
    What do you do if your boyfriend's ex girlfriend will not let you talk to him?
    Community Answer
    You should let him know what she's been saying so he can discuss it with her. In the meantime, don't let her dictate when you can talk to your boyfriend.
Ask a Question
      Advertisement

      Tips

      • Completely detach yourself from your ex-girlfriend as a way to counteract her obsessiveness.
      Submit a Tip
      All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published
      Name
      Please provide your name and last initial
      Thanks for submitting a tip for review!
      Advertisement

      Warnings

      • Call emergency services if your ex has harmed herself in an attempt to get you back. Let her family know what's happened so they can put her in touch with recovery and mental health resources. [19]
      Advertisement

      References

      1. https://www.thehopeline.com/when-an-ex-wont-leave-you-alone
      2. Cristina Morara. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 29 September 2020.
      3. Cristina Morara. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 29 September 2020.
      4. https://www.sanluisobispo.com/living/family/linda-lewis-griffith/article87595232.html
      5. https://psychcentral.com/relationships/set-boundaries-with-your-ex
      6. https://www.thehotline.org/resources/help-my-ex-is-harassing-me-online/
      7. Cristina Morara. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 29 September 2020.
      8. Cristina Morara. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 14 October 2020.
      9. https://www.thehotline.org/resources/help-my-ex-is-harassing-me-online/

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      If you’re trying to get an obsessive ex out of your life, start by clearly telling them you want to move on. Next, be sure to let your friends know what has happened, so they don’t invite you to the same party or other event. To reduce contact, you could also consider changing your daily routine. If you see your ex often or if they try to reach out to you on social media, make some changes, including blocking them on social media. For tips on what to do if you’re being stalked, including getting a restraining order, read on!

      Did this summary help you?
      Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 522,548 times.

      Reader Success Stories

      • James Rightman

        Sep 6, 2018

        "Thanks for the advice. You made me discover that I have been giving my ex so much of my time by replying back to ..." more
      Share your story

      Did this article help you?

      Advertisement