How to Get a Friend or Family Member to Move Out

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Learn to evict someone from your home yourself or through the legal system
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Has your friend or relative overstayed their welcome at your house? Kicking someone you know and love out can seem like a pretty daunting task, but the good news is you have options at your disposal. This article will guide you through how to legally get someone to move out of your home, even if they're not a rent-paying tenant. We'll also explain how to take a gentler approach and ask your friend or relative to leave , with expert advice from family therapists and psychologists. Finally, we'll help you establish ground rules for house guests so you don't find yourself in this situation again.

How do you get someone out of your house?

Politely ask them to leave and give them a deadline to move out. If they ask why, give fact-based reasons they can't stay instead of reacting emotionally (i.e., "We agreed you would move out by now, and you haven't"). If they still won't move out, serve them an eviction notice and start the legal eviction process.

Section 1 of 3:

How to Legally Get Someone to Move Out

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  1. While a house guest is not technically a tenant, certain tenant-landlord laws still apply to the relationship if they've been staying with you. You can still legally evict them from your home, and that process starts by sending (also called “serving”) them an eviction notice . [1] Giving this advance warning, in writing, is essential to protect your liability.
    • Be wary of how you word the letter so that they can't use tenant laws to prevent you from evicting them. These laws vary by state. Check lawhelp.org , choose your state under Find Help by State , and search for its laws on landlords and tenants. Make it clear what type of living arrangement you had with the person, especially if they are not paying any rent.
    • Generally, your letter will outline a place for them to receive their belongings in the event that they don't move, as well as the specific date their stuff will be removed from your house. [2]
    • If you're not confident writing the notice by yourself, find a good attorney who will help you draft and send it.
    • Call 911 or the Domestic Violence Hotline ( 800-799-7233 ) if you feel threatened or are being abused. This step may allow you to bypass the eviction process and get your guest removed under a criminal charge like domestic abuse.
  2. If they still won't leave after receiving an eviction notice, go to your local courthouse and file a complaint and a summons. On the complaint form, write that the person you want to evict is a guest who refuses to leave. Include your street address and which room(s) in your home they live in. After the complaint and summons are filed (usually for a small fee), you and your friend or relative will be summoned to court, where a judge will decide, based on the evidence you presented, if they can be legally evicted or not. [3]
    • Ask the officials at your local courthouse which forms you need to fill out to evict your friend or relative. The complaint form has different names in different states. For example, in Nevada, it's called a Complaint for Unlawful Detainer. [4]
    • Consult a lawyer or visit lawhelp.org if you're not sure how to fill out the complaint form properly.

    Note: If you plan on a court order, you should be prepared with a list of issues and infractions (known as "just cause for eviction") as well as a copy of your lease and any written agreements.

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  3. 3
    Attend the court hearing to receive a judgment. If the judge finds that your friend or relative is staying in your home illegally, they will issue you a judgment for possession. This will allow you to obtain a Writ of Restitution and call in law enforcement to legally remove the guest, if necessary. Hopefully, though, the judgment for possession and the threat of law enforcement will be enough to prompt your guest to evict themselves. [5]
  4. Wait until after they're gone and all their possessions are removed from your home, then change your locks to ensure the guest can't get back in if they still have a key. If you suddenly lock out someone who's been living in your home, especially if their belongings are still on your property, you could be the target of costly civil suits and legal action. Changing the locks on a guest, if it causes problems or cuts them off from their property, can even get you jail time in the wrong circumstances. Moreover, it often inflames already high tensions and can lead to further issues. [6]
    • Call the police if they still refuse to leave . Involving the police is for the most extreme cases, but sometimes even the mention of 911 is often enough to finally get someone out the door. If you've filed for eviction with a court and received a judgment of possession, they will come and remove your friend or relative. [7]
    • You can also call the police if your friend or relative tries to return to your property without your permission, since at that point, they're legally a trespasser. [8]
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Section 2 of 3:

How to Ask Someone to Get Out of Your House

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  1. Identify your reasoning before diving into the conversation. Maybe you need them to move out because you're growing your family, or you can't afford to support them. If you're still struggling to find a concrete reason, review any requests you made that your friend or relative agreed to and then chose to disregard. This would make them an "inconsiderate roommate," says life and relationship coach Eze Sanchez, which is definitely grounds to ask them to leave. [9] Gather concrete details, like "they never do the dishes," "they said they would leave months ago," etc., before talking to them.
    • Write down issues as they occur, along with the date. Make a detailed, specific record of their behavior in case things get difficult.
    • Remember: if your friend or relative is abusing you or making you feel unsafe, call 911 or the Domestic Violence Hotline ( 800-799-7233 ). Confronting them yourself could put you and other members of your household in danger.
    EXPERT TIP

    Allen Wagner, MFT, MA

    Marriage & Family Therapist
    Allen Wagner is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist based in Los Angeles, California. After working as a therapist at the Children’s Bureau and Penny Lane Centers, he opened his own practice in 2008. Allen works with both individuals and couples and has 20 years of experience as a therapist. Allen specializes in helping clients improve their relationships, assisting people in managing life transitions, improving communication in all environments, and identifying realistic and positive goals. Alongside his wife Talia Wagner, he authored the book "Married Roommates". He received an MA in Psychology from Pepperdine University and a BA in Film and Creative Writing from the University of Arizona.
    Allen Wagner, MFT, MA
    Marriage & Family Therapist

    In-laws should be asked to leave by their own children. If you need to ask an in-law who's been staying with you to leave, have their own son or daughter bring up the topic. This will reduce the risk that you'll be demonized or blamed for making the in-law uncomfortable.

  2. Although you may be feeling violated, fed up, or sick and tired, don't explode and make unreasonable demands. Instead, licensed clinical psychologist Kateri Berasi, PsyD, recommends that you "[state] the purpose of the conversation and what your intended goal is. Use clear and direct language that is not combative or defensive but is focused on your needs and boundaries." [10] If it helps, speak to them as you would a co-worker, sticking to the facts and not emotional outbursts.
    • Say, "We've enjoyed having you, but we unfortunately need our space back and have to ask you to leave in the next two weeks."
    • Depending on the reason they're staying with you, you may need to gather information on community assistance services to help them move out in time. If they're at risk for living in their car or on the streets, help them get in contact with emergency homeless-prevention services. They may even be able to get temporary housing.
    • Stick to the reasons you drafted earlier. If they've been a problem or broken promises, remind them that they have not held up their end of the bargain and need to move on to a new environment.
  3. This is where a list will come in handy. If they are a constant source of issues, write down each incident and the date as they arise. When they ask why you're asking them to leave, mention 2-3 specific times where they broke a promise or caused you trouble.
    • Focus on your reasons for asking them to leave, not all of their flaws, whenever possible. "We need more space," "We can't afford to keep you here anymore," etc.
    • Be as impersonal as possible. Asking them to leave doesn't have to ruin a friendship, especially if you base your reasons on facts instead of feelings.
    • Depending on your relationship with the person, you could even use some self-deprecating humor to lighten the mood, like “Honestly, I have to keep up with my cleaning schedule while you’re here and I’m getting lazier every day!”
    • Reader Poll: We asked 706 wikiHow readers who’ve had to kick someone out, and 54% felt that you should evaluate the situation and the person before using humor to ease the tension. [Take Poll]
  4. Telling them that they need to leave that night may cause incredible stress and tension, and your friend or relative may not have anywhere to go. Instead, psychotherapist Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW, recommends "establishing a deadline" they need to leave by and let them know that this is a firm date. [11] In general, try and give at least 1-2 weeks, or until the end of the month, so that they have some time to prepare for their next move.
    • "I'd like you completely moved out by April 20th."
    • If there's a legitimate reason why that date is bad, talk with them to find a better day. However, don't shift by more than 3-5 days.
  5. Be firm, clear, and consistent about your decision. Once you've decided to put them out, hold your ground. This conversation could get messy, and emotions will flare up no matter how prepared you are. You must stand firm, however, and stick to your decision. If your housemate convinces you to change your mind, they'll realize that they can continue breaking rules and promises without ever changing. [12]
  6. Putting out a friend or relative is stressful and will most likely lead to lingering hard feelings. Ultimately, however, you need to remember that keeping them in your house for too long can damage your relationship just as much. If you are constantly in conflict, your friend/relative is taking advantage of you, or you're simply incompatible living partners, then your relationship will only turn toxic if you stay under the same roof. [13] That said, there are ways to try and keep your friendship alive. You can:
    • Help them find their new place or job.
    • Avoid insults, even in tense situations. If they're angry, stay calm and reiterate why it is important to you that they find a new place to live. Don't start slinging insults.
    • Set up times to meet, have them over for dinner, and continue seeing each other as friends.
    • If you get into a big fight, then it may be best to cut them off completely.
    • If your friend or relative is violent, abusive, or making you feel unsafe, call the police. They may be able to remove them for criminal charges like domestic abuse.
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Section 3 of 3:

How to Set Ground Rules for House Guests

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  1. Set your rules and boundaries early on. If you start to get the feeling someone is becoming more of a roommate and less of a visitor, set some ground rules as soon as possible. This gives you something to stand on when you eventually need to kick them out—you can point back to the concrete rules laid down earlier instead of getting emotional. [14]
    • Set your expectations within the first week. Do they need to pay rent? Do they need to pursue job interviews? Have clear benchmarks for them to meet if they want to stay in the house.
    • A written and signed informal contract is the best way to set the rules and guidelines for what each of you expects. It's even better to get the document notarized . Most banks offer a free notary service to those who bank there.
  2. 2
    Make a timeline for their departure. Before formally asking them to leave, sit down and ask when they plan on moving out. Put the ball in their court, which makes it easier to stick to this move-out date as it approaches. If they don't have a timeline in mind, you should make one together. Come up with something concrete, such as "when they get a job," or "after 6 months."
    • If you aren't sure whether or not they should move in, start them on a trial period and then assess how the living situation is going after the trial is over.
    EXPERT TIP

    Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW

    Psychotherapist
    Kelli Miller is a Psychotherapist based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli specializes in individual and couples therapy focusing on relationships, depression, anxiety, sexuality, communication, parenting, and more. She is the author of “Love Hacks: Simple Solutions to Your Most Common Relationship Issues” which details the top 15 relationship issues and 3 quick solutions to each. She is also the award-winning and best-selling author of “Thriving with ADHD”. Kelli co-hosted an advice show on LA Talk Radio and was a relationship expert for The Examiner. She received her MSW (Masters of Social Work) from the University of Pennsylvania and a BA in Sociology/Health from the University of Florida.
    Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
    Psychotherapist

    Make a plan to help your adult child move out. If you're a parent who wants your adult child to move out, start by helping them identify their goals. Next, determine how to support them as they pursue those goals. Finally, agree on a firm deadline to move out.

  3. If your friend or relative is breaking the rules, being disrespectful, or going back on their promises to you, write down the incident along with the date and time in a small notebook. Again, this gives you specifics to bring up if you have to talk to them about leaving, instead of vague generalities or emotional appeals.
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Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    How do I get someone to move out after our relationship is terminated?
    Tasha Rube, LMSW
    Licensed Master Social Worker
    Tasha Rube is a Licensed Social Worker based in Kansas City, Kansas. Tasha is affiliated with the Dwight D. Eisenhower VA Medical Center in Leavenworth, Kansas. She received her Masters of Social Work (MSW) from the University of Missouri in 2014.
    Tasha Rube, LMSW
    Licensed Master Social Worker
    Expert Answer
    Follow the suggestions in this article. If the the relationship has terminated, and you are the primary tenant or owner of the home, then you have the responsibility of letting your ex know that you want them to leave. If you are renting, inform your landlord of this change in status. If you own your home and the individual will not get out, notify your the authorities, such as by calling the police.
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  • Question
    How can I move my partner's family out of our house?
    Tasha Rube, LMSW
    Licensed Master Social Worker
    Tasha Rube is a Licensed Social Worker based in Kansas City, Kansas. Tasha is affiliated with the Dwight D. Eisenhower VA Medical Center in Leavenworth, Kansas. She received her Masters of Social Work (MSW) from the University of Missouri in 2014.
    Tasha Rube, LMSW
    Licensed Master Social Worker
    Expert Answer
    First discuss this with your partner, and let them know of your concerns and wishes for the family to be removed. Make sure you both are on board with the plan. Then have the both of you sit down and speak with your partner's family together with your partner's full support.
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      Tips

      • Control your emotions when you ask your friend or relative to leave. If you're angry or sad, that could either escalate the situation or give them wiggle room to convince you to let them stay.
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      Warnings

      • If you feel unsafe or threatened in your home by a relative or family member, call emergency services (911 in the United States) as soon as possible.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.lawhelp.org/dc/resource/frequently-asked-questions-evicting-guests-roommates-family-members-and-other-unwanted-occupants-from-your-home
      2. ↑ http://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/how-evict-roommate-not-the-lease.html
      3. ↑ https://www.lawhelp.org/dc/resource/frequently-asked-questions-evicting-guests-roommates-family-members-and-other-unwanted-occupants-from-your-home
      4. ↑ https://www.civillawselfhelpcenter.org/self-help/evictions-housing/evictions/information-for-landlords/87-filing-a-formal-eviction
      5. ↑ https://www.lawhelp.org/dc/es/resource/judgments-writs-and-stopping-evictions-inform?ref=sLSkk&lang=EN
      6. ↑ http://www.brickunderground.com/blog/2014/07/how_to_kick_out_a_roommate_without_bloodshed
      7. ↑ https://a.arlawhelp.org/landlord-tenant/evictions
      8. ↑ https://vtlawhelp.org/guests-roommates-trespassers
      9. ↑ Eze Sanchez. Life & Relationship Coach. Expert Interview
      1. ↑ Kateri Berasi, PsyD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview
      2. ↑ Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Psychotherapist. Expert Interview
      3. ↑ https://www.coloradowomenscenter.com/blog/how-to-set-boundaries-with-friends-roommates-and-partners-in-college/
      4. ↑ https://www.forbes.com/sites/rent/2014/07/21/5-signs-you-and-your-roommate-should-break-up/
      5. ↑ https://www.thehostingjourney.com/setting-up-house-rules-and-boundaries/

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