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Plus, explore why we lose self-respect & how to get it back
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Self-respect is when you love and trust yourself enough to stick to your values and do things you know are good for you. Developing strong self-respect can help you fulfill your potential, develop healthy relationships, and make everyone around you see you as worthy of respect. In this comprehensive guide, we'll share 15 strategies to help you build self-respect along with expert tips from life coaches and psychologists.
How do you respect yourself?
Build self-respect by accepting yourself for who you are, forgiving your past mistakes, and not letting others make you feel inferior. Maintain your self-respect by not demeaning yourself or allowing other people to abuse you or make you uncomfortable. Finally, remember to treat others with respect and remain humble.
Steps
Section 1 of 5:
How to Respect Yourself
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Treat yourself the way you would treat a good friend. For instance, you wouldn't call a friend ugly, tell them they aren't good enough, or discourage them from following their dreams. You also shouldn't behave this way toward yourself! Here are other ways to treat yourself with basic respect:
- Avoid stealing from yourself, such as recklessly putting all your purchases on credit; you're essentially taking money from your future self because you'll have to pay up eventually.
- Be honest with yourself about your desires, ambitions, and flaws instead of denying them. That way, you can tackle them head-on.
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Take good care of your body. When you keep your body in good working order, you'll not only feel better physically, but you'll also feel a sense of pride in yourself for your hard work. Do it because it feels good, though, not because you think you're not "good enough" the way you are. [1] X Research source
- Respecting your body also means not insulting it. So get fit and stay healthy , but avoid trashing yourself over things you can't control, like your proportions.
- Reader Poll: We asked 134 wikiHow readers and 92% of them agreed that it’s important to take time for yourself . [Take Poll] Making time to take care of your body (and mind) is part of that!
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Prioritize not putting yourself down. Stop demeaning yourself, whether you're by yourself or talking to someone else. It's one thing to laugh at yourself for something silly or funny you did, but it's another thing to say things like, "I look so fat today," or "Why would anyone want to talk to me anyway?" If you put yourself down, you're encouraging others to do the same. [2] X Research source
- Asa Don Brown, PhD, DNCCM, FAAETS, is an expert in helping people work through traumatic stress. He notes that what we believe about ourselves is rooted in messages we receive "both externally and internally" throughout our lives. To get rid of bad self-beliefs, he offers this advice: "Think about the messages that you are choosing to entertain and why you are choosing to entertain them. Do not be a hostage of someone else’s perceptions and worldviews."
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Focus on doing things to make you proud of yourself. Avoid antics that get cheap laughs or short-term attention. Stay away from regretful behavior, such as getting drunk and acting sloppy in public, or hooking up with someone at a bar for a one-night stand.
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Spend time with people who respect you. Being around people who make you feel terrible about yourself is guaranteed to lower your self-respect. You'll feel bad not only because of what that person says about you, but deep down, you'll also be mad at yourself for letting them hang around. Find people who make you feel positive about yourself and the world, and who actually take the time to listen to you and show they care. [3] X Research source
- To make real friends who respect you, join groups of people who share similar interests or values. For example, if you're a Christian, find a church or a Bible study group to attend. If you love creating art, take art classes and talk to your fellow students.
- Once you find someone you "click" with, pay close attention to how they talk to and treat you. If they're encouraging, supportive, and a good listener, those are the ingredients of a healthy, respectful relationship.
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Section 2 of 5:
How to Gain Self-Respect & Confidence
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Figure out your interests and values. The more you understand about yourself , the more you'll see and appreciate how unique you are, and the more you'll respect yourself. Discover your principles , personality, and talents. It can take a while to complete this exciting process of self-discovery, but you'll quickly see that it was worth it. [4] X Research source
- Make a list of things, people, feelings, and activities that are important to you. This will help you identify what you really like and need in your life.
- Try doing new things and adding new activities to your life. This will give you a chance to see what you like and what you don't like.
- Start a journal and pretend that you're having a conversation with your 99-year-old self. Ask the older version of you for advice on what to focus on in your life. This will help you start an honest conversation with yourself.
- Get to know yourself by pretending you're dating yourself. Try out a new restaurant or a museum you've been wanting to visit. [5] X Research source This will give you a chance to connect with your own feelings and opinions.
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Forgive yourself for mistakes you made in the past. Respect yourself enough to let go of and forgive yourself for things you've done in the past that you’re not proud of. Admit what you did was wrong, apologize to anyone you may have hurt, and move forward as a better person. Making mistakes is the way we learn, so accept your errors and keep living. [6] X Trustworthy Source Greater Good Magazine Journal published by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living Go to source
- Rachel Clissold is a certified life coach whose goal is to help people manifest their best lives and work through their anxiety and past trauma. She says when we make mistakes and betray who we think we are, it's like creating a broken relationship with ourselves. That's why, Clissold says, "it's really important to step back and heal that relationship with yourself. Heal the childhood traumas. Heal the anxieties. Heal the depression. Heal the lack of ability to communicate clearly and effectively."
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Accept yourself for who you are. Be comfortable in your own skin and learn to love and accept the person that you are. This doesn't mean you have to think you're perfect; rather, learn to embrace all the things you love about yourself and be okay with the parts of you that are less-than-perfect (especially the ones you can't change, like the way your body is built).
- For example, stop saying you'll love yourself if only you lost twenty pounds, and start loving the person you are right here, right now.
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Identify areas where you can improve. Respecting yourself doesn't mean thinking you're perfect. It means being able to accept the things you can't change about yourself while working to address the things you can change. Take some time and consider things about yourself you'd like to improve, then create a plan of action to do better in that area.
- Start by writing a list of things you’d like to improve. Then, whenever you do make improvements, write them down on the same list to help you see how far you've come.
- Changing behaviors and the thoughts and feelings associated with them takes more than a day or two; it takes months or even years of commitment and persistence. Don't be discouraged if you don't see improvement right away or you temporarily forget about your goals. Just keep getting up and starting again!
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Maintain a positive attitude about life. A positive attitude will guide your thoughts about yourself in a healthier direction. With that in mind, take pleasure in your everyday life and the opportunities open to you. If you think negatively about everything and only imagine the worst outcomes, then you'll never feel good about who you are or give yourself the respect you deserve.
- For example, if you applied to a job you really want, avoid saying, "There's no chance I'll get it. There are so many more qualified applicants." Instead, say, "It would be so exciting to get that job. Even if I don't get asked for an interview, I'm still proud of myself for applying."
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Make your own definition of success. One of the reasons you may lack self-respect is you compare yourself to friends and people online who appear to be more successful than you. But there is no single right way to "make it" in life! Avoid wasting time doing what you think will impress your Facebook friends or give you bragging rights. Instead, carve your own path to happiness and do what feels right for you.
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Believe in the choices you make and stand up for them. Make an effort to understand yourself and know what will make you truly happy, then be firm in your beliefs and your choices. Give yourself the reward of a decision well-made and stick to it, no matter how difficult it may be.
- It's okay to ask other people for advice and gain a more balanced perspective. But avoid spending all your time doubting yourself, thinking that what you've done is all wrong, and wishing that you had done something else.
- Clissold encourages people to make choices that align with their vision of who they are and who they want to be. Being guided by your morals and ambitions is important "because when we abandon the self, that's when the peace disappears very quickly."
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Section 3 of 5:
How to Have Self-Respect Around Others
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Respect other people the way you want to be respected. Self-respect and respecting the people around you go hand in hand -- practicing one increases the other. Of course, certain people don't deserve your respect, but you should still work hard to treat everyone like you want to be treated, whether you're talking to your boss or the cashier at your local grocery store. Here are some basic ways to respect others:
- Be honest with people.
- Be a good listener , consider their opinions, and avoid interrupting them when they're speaking.
- Be generous instead of greedily hoarding all your blessings and possessions for yourself alone to enjoy.
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Stand up for yourself when people treat you poorly. A person with self-respect doesn't allow others to treat them badly. This might seem obvious, but there are many situations where we accept being yelled at or abused. We may believe the other person doesn't know any better, we're not willing to let that person go, or we're too depressed to think we deserve better. When someone doesn't give you basic respect, stand up for yourself and tell that person to treat you better.
- Learn to recognize a manipulative or controlling relationship. It can be hard to see when a person close to us is being disrespectful, especially if they're subtle and sneaky and it's been going on for a long time.
- Improve the way you handle different relationship situations, such as learning to be more assertive , set healthy boundaries, and stick to them. This will help you learn healthy behavior patterns that will encourage people to treat you well and increase your self-respect.
- Maggie Mitchell is a life coach who specializes in relationships and helping people practice healthy, assertive communication. She says, "Letting people know that you have boundaries and aren’t a pushover is key to managing professional and personal relationships in your life." Whether you're in a toxic relationship with someone or on the verge of crossing into one, it's never too late to start communicating your boundaries and then separating yourself when someone tries to cross them.
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Rely on yourself to feel happy instead of on others. Stop waiting on other people to do things or change in ways that will improve your life. Instead, realize that you don't need to depend on someone else for your happiness. The power to respect yourself around other people is in your hands!
- A good place to start seizing your own happiness is to label what you can control and what you can't control. For example, you can't control the actions of other people. But you can control how you react to people even in different situations and how to feel.
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Tips
- Never be afraid to be yourself.Thanks
- Self-respect is closely related to self-confidence, but respect is more about what you do whereas confidence is about how you feel.Thanks
- Remember the principle of "treating others how you would like to be treated," then reverse that principle and start treating yourself the way you want to be treated (with dignity, respect, honesty, integrity, etc.).Thanks
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References
- ↑ https://www.gundersenhealth.org/health-wellness/eat/10-ways-to-respect-your-body/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/understand-other-people/201505/5-ways-stop-beating-yourself
- ↑ https://www.mentalhealthfirstaid.org/2020/08/the-importance-of-having-a-support-system/
- ↑ https://positivepsychology.com/self-worth/
- ↑ https://jedfoundation.org/set-to-go/the-benefits-of-being-alone/
- ↑ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/the_healthy_way_to_forgive_yourself
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/shyness-is-nice/201812/5-reasons-people-have-low-self-confidence
- ↑ https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2010/07/22/hard-times-have-hit-nearly-everyone-and-hammered-the-long-term-unemployed/
- ↑ https://www.thehotline.org/resources/what-is-emotional-abuse/
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