How to Tell a Friend You Like Them (And See If They Like You Back)

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Dating coaches weigh in on how to share your romantic feelings
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If you've developed feelings for your best friend, letting them know can be tricky. You probably don’t want to ruin the friendship if they don’t reciprocate your feelings, but you also don’t want to risk missing out on what could be a great relationship if you don’t tell them. If you’re nervous about the prospect of confessing to your best friend that you like them like them, we’ve got you covered! Keep reading for a comprehensive breakdown on what to do in this situation, including expert advice from dating coaches JT Tran and John Keegan.

Confessing Your Feelings to Your Best Friend

Plan out what you want to say beforehand. Ask to meet with them in person in a private setting when you'll both have time to process afterwards. Emphasize how important your friendship is to you and confess your feelings honestly. Give them space to process and try to accept their response with grace.

Section 1 of 4:

Telling Your Best Friend You Like Like Them

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  1. Write out specific things you want to tell your best friend when you're sharing your feelings, or even just think about what you might say in your head beforehand. Tran adds that preparing some specific things to say will help you feel more relaxed and confident when you have the real conversation. [1]
    • Consider your motivation for opening up to your friend. Is it because you feel there’s a worthwhile shot at a great relationship, or is it just to get something off your chest? If it’s the latter, think about whether it’s worth the potential drama to tell your friend about your feelings.
    • Practice what you'd like to say in front of a mirror to help you feel more confident if you're super nervous.
    • Reader Poll: We asked 665 wikiHow readers who've told their friend they like them, and 54% of them agreed that their goal in doing so is to see if there’s a chance for a romantic relationship. [Take Poll] If you’re hoping to date your friend after you confess your feelings, consider how you’d like to ask ahead of time.
  2. Telling your best friend that you like them during a commercial break or right before they need to go somewhere isn’t a good idea. Pick a moment where you’re both comfortable and have nowhere to rush off to, such as in the evening or during the weekend. [2]
    • For example, you might choose to talk to them Friday after school so they have the whole weekend to think about their own feelings.
    • Telling them right before school or really quickly in between activities might cause them to feel overwhelmed.
    • Plan to have enough time to not only tell your best friend how you feel, but to allow them time to think and respond if they’d like to.
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  3. While it can be tempting to tell your best friend about your feelings over text or through a phone call, it’s better to talk to them in person. This helps show that you’re serious about your feelings, and you can gauge your best friend’s reaction more easily when you’re face-to-face.
    • Talk to your best friend when you’re together on a casual outing, such as at the park or eating a meal.
  4. Pick a spot to talk that isn't very public, like in a park or a secluded part of school. It’s also best to talk to your best friend away from family and friends so that neither of you feels awkward or like people are listening to your conversation. [3]
    • Instead of having the conversation at a loud and crowded restaurant, think about taking a walk with your best friend and telling them then.
  5. Start a conversation by talking about things you would normally talk about, such as school, homework, or extracurricular activities. Once you're both feeling comfortable, let them know you have something you'd like to share with them. Be open and honest about your feelings by telling them that you’ve developed feelings for them, and you thought it was important that they knew. [4]
    • Once you’re comfortable, you might say something like, “I’ve got something I want to tell you. It’s not easy for me to say this, but I've had a crush on you for a while now.”
  6. While you want to turn your friendship with your best friend into something more, it’s important to tell your friend that you don’t want to lose them if they don’t return your feelings. Tell them how much you value the friendship and that you want to make sure it stays intact.
    • After telling your best friend your feelings, you might add, “If you liked me back that would be great, but I want our friendship to be the top priority.”
  7. It's likely that your best friend will be surprised by your news, and they may not know exactly what they're thinking quite yet. Reassure them that you're not asking them for an answer, and that you just wanted them to know how you feel. [5]
    • Avoid immediately asking your friend how they feel about you or what they’re thinking to give them time to sort through their thoughts.
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Section 2 of 4:

How to Handle Your Crush's Response

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  1. It might take your best friend a couple days to sort through their thoughts and feelings. Give them some space and time to figure out how they feel, as well as what they want to say to you. [6]
    • While you should give your best friend a day or two to process what you've told them, continue hanging out and talking with them as you normally would unless they say they need some time to themselves.
  2. After you’ve told your best friend your feelings, give them time to process them. Whether they seem confused, excited, embarrassed or any other type of emotion, stay calm and be respectful of their feelings. [7]
    • Keegan admits that confessing romantic feelings to your best friend is a huge risk, but adds that it might be a risk worth taking:
      • “When you take that risk, you have to ask yourself, ‘Is it worth ruining the friendship we have?’ And if the answer is yes, then you have to take it, you have to go there, you have to follow that through.” [8]
  3. If your best friend tells you they like you too, awesome! Take your time when starting a relationship and avoid jumping into things too quickly. Remember that your friendship is still very important, and you don’t want to do anything to jeopardize it. [9]
    • Start by planning a romantic date for just the two of you to test out how your new relationship will work.
  4. If your best friend tells you that they don’t see you that way and just want to be friends, accept this news and try to put it past you. While it’s normal to feel awkward around your best friend because your feelings are out in the open, be proud of yourself for putting yourself out there and make an effort to keep your friendship just as strong. [10]
    • It’s a good idea to put some distance between yourself and your best friend for a little while after revealing your feelings if you’re feeling especially sad about their decision.
  5. If you're feeling sad about your best friend's decision, try to focus on things you enjoy. Spend time hanging out with other friends, visiting with family, and exploring your hobbies and passions to help put you in a good mood. [11]
    • Make arts and crafts, play a sport, read, or write music to help you focus on things you love.
    • If you need to talk about your feelings with someone, ask a family member or other close friend if they wouldn't mind listening and giving you advice.
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Section 3 of 4:

Signs Your Best Friend Likes You Back

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  1. Try flirting with your best friend to see how they respond. There are lots of ways to flirt, but it’s important to use subtle tactics so you don’t make your best friend uncomfortable. Try holding their gaze for a few seconds longer than usual or gently teasing your friend to see how they react. [12]
    • Be aware that your best friend may view your flirting as you just being nice, so don’t base your judgment of whether or not they like you on just this.
  2. Think about whether they talk about their crushes with you. If your best friend often tells you about who they currently like or want to date, this is a sign that they’re not thinking about you romantically. See if your best friend brings up crushes around you, or ask them who they’re currently crushing on to be more direct. [13]
    • You might ask them, "Do you have a crush on anyone?" when you two are talking about your friends' crushes or relationships.
  3. Notice whether your best friend gives you playful touches . These could be things like a hand on your arm when you two are talking or even an extra long hug. Similarly, use playful touches to see if your best friend might be interested in you by giving them a casual back rub or throwing your arm around their waist as you’re walking. [14]
    • Pay attention to how your best friend responds if you give a playful touch. Tran adds that if they seem uncomfortable or pull back, this likely means they’re not interested. [15]
    • Keegan relays that gently testing physical boundaries is a great way to tell if your best friend is interested. He says, “If you're going to date someone, it's going to be physical, so you have to start moving from a cerebral relationship to a physical one by subtly doing things like hugging or kissing them on the cheek.” [16]
      • He notes that your friend’s reaction to these slight advances should let you know if there are feelings brewing on their end as well.
  4. Compliment your best friend to hint that you like them and see how they react. Tell your best friend things you like about them that you wouldn’t normally share. For example, you might tell your best friend how great they look in an outfit or how impressed you are with their academic abilities. If they compliment you back, they might reciprocate your feelings! [17]
    • You might compliment your friend by saying, “I love watching you play soccer, you just have so much talent!” or “That shirt really brings out the color in your eyes.”
    • Keegan suggests combining close proximity with compliments: “When you're hanging out, lean in, get close to their ear, and whisper something funny, or give them a compliment about how good they look or smell.” [18]
  5. Ask a mutual friend for their opinion if desired. If you and your best friend have another friend that you’re both close to, this friend may know how your best friend feels about you. Consider talking to your mutual friend about how you’re feeling and see what they think about you telling your best friend that you really like them. [19]
    • Know that the mutual friend might tell your best friend what you talked about, so be clear when you’re talking to your mutual friend if you don’t want them to share your conversation with anyone else.
    • Take this mutual friend’s opinion lightly as they may not have much more insight into the situation than you do.
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Section 4 of 4:

Final Thoughts

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  1. If you tell your best friend that you like them in a romantic way, it’s possible that they might reciprocate those feelings. Some signs that indicate they like you too include them flirting with you, playfully touching you, and not talking about their crushes around you. However, it’s also possible that they don’t feel the same way you do, potentially affecting the friendship in a negative way, and potentially ending it.
    • If you feel that the risk of entering a romantic relationship with your best friend is worth damaging the friendship, then you should consider telling them that you like them.
    • If you do decide to open up to them and they don’t like you back, accept their response with grace and try not to act differently around them to best preserve the friendship.
    • If you value the friendship as it currently stands more than the potential reward of being in a romantic relationship with them, you might want to keep your feelings to yourself.
Quiz

wikiHow Quiz: Am I in Love with My Best Friend?

Are you starting to wonder whether your feelings for your best friend are strictly platonic? Maybe you think about them all the time or get butterflies in your stomach when they’re around; either way, it feels like there’s something more to your relationship with them. If you’re ready to figure out how you feel about your bestie (and how to deal with those feelings), take our quiz below.
1 of 12

Do you try to look nice when you know you’ll be seeing your bestie?

Join the Discussion...

Help, I am in love with my bff!!
Theonewithanoname
Theonewithanoname
We met on social media few months ago.I have never made a friend so easily before.We have the same thoughts about the world and our likes are mostly the same.We became best friends and I have started to feel more things for her 2 months ago.I don't really fall for someone easily,so it was hard for me to handle.I told her about it.And we agreed that it's just the pure friendship.But my heart still knows that I love her.Since we are the same gender and because she is a aroace person,I can't tell her again.I know that her answer will be the same again.I just need to get over this feeling.My heart just can't take it anymore.
wikiHow Editorial Team
Having unrequited feelings for anybody is so hard, let alone a good friend. It took a lot of guts to confess your feelings. It's very admirable. It sounds like, despite the heartbreak you're dealing with, you're handling this really maturely and not trying to put any pressure on the situation. Your friend is lucky to have a friend like you!

It sounds like your friend doesn't want to let unreturned feelings negatively affect your relationship, which is awesome, but it might be harder for you to move forward if you spend a lot of time together or talk every day. You may want to give her a heads up that you need a little space for a while, but if you're still interested in staying friends, reassure her it's just temporary while you process things.

In the meantime, try spending some time with other friends or even on your own, diving into your hobbies and personal passions (or exploring new ones). Doing fulfilling things without your crush can be a helpful reminder that life goes on, and that it can still be enjoyable without them. The feelings will fade over time. Just try to be patient, show yourself grace, and never doubt that you deserve love!
Joshua Pompey
Relationship Expert
Truth be told, if you are falling in love with your friend, I don't necessarily think there is a way to stop falling in love with them unless you meet somebody else and come to terms with the fact that your friend doesn't return your feelings. If you A) can't come to terms with that or B) are unable to develop feelings for someone else because you're interested in your friend, I think unfortunately, you have to do the hard thing and then just break up the friendship until those feelings dissipate or go away.
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  • Question
    Should you tell your best friend you like them?
    JT Tran
    Dating Coach
    JT Tran is a Dating Coach and a Dating Advice Columnist for LA Weekly and Baller Magazine. JT also runs the ABCs of Attraction, a dating boot camp where he specializes in coaching Asian men and women on how to navigate the cultural and social sensitivities associated with Asian dating culture. With over ten years of dating coaching experience, JT has presented dating and relationship advice as it relates to cultural issues at Harvard University, Yale University, and the Wharton School of Business at the University of Pennsylvania. His work has been featured in AsianWeek, New York, NU Asian Magazine, the Huffington Post, Channel News Asia, and Voice of America News TV.
    JT Tran
    Dating Coach
    Expert Answer
    It depends. If you have a reasonable suspicion that they like you and you're willing to put yourself out there, go for it. If you really value the friendship and you don't know how they'll respond, you may want to not risk it. It's totally up to you, though.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
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    Not Helpful 6 Helpful 6
  • Question
    How can I get into the right headspace to tell a friend I like them?
    JT Tran
    Dating Coach
    JT Tran is a Dating Coach and a Dating Advice Columnist for LA Weekly and Baller Magazine. JT also runs the ABCs of Attraction, a dating boot camp where he specializes in coaching Asian men and women on how to navigate the cultural and social sensitivities associated with Asian dating culture. With over ten years of dating coaching experience, JT has presented dating and relationship advice as it relates to cultural issues at Harvard University, Yale University, and the Wharton School of Business at the University of Pennsylvania. His work has been featured in AsianWeek, New York, NU Asian Magazine, the Huffington Post, Channel News Asia, and Voice of America News TV.
    JT Tran
    Dating Coach
    Expert Answer
    Shower, listen to some music, do your hair, and put on a really nice outfit. Reframe what you're about to do by reminding yourself that you're the catch, and your friend has something to lose, not you! That way, you'll come into the conversation feeling confident and prepared.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
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    Not Helpful 3 Helpful 13
  • Question
    What kind of hints can I give to someone that I like them?
    Community Answer
    Make eye contact when talking, get to know their friends, make conversation and be confident in yourself!
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
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      Warnings

      • Be aware that telling your best friend that you like them may change your friendship, so be sure it's what you want to do before having the conversation with them.
        Thanks
        Helpful 22 Not Helpful 2
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      References

      1. ↑ JT Tran. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 5 May 2020.
      2. ↑ https://beyondages.com/how-to-tell-a-friend-you-like-her-without-ruining-your-friendship/
      3. ↑ https://beyondages.com/how-to-tell-a-friend-you-like-her-without-ruining-your-friendship/
      4. ↑ https://www.seventeen.com/love/dating-advice/a26324989/how-to-tell-someone-you-like-them/
      5. ↑ https://www.seventeen.com/love/dating-advice/a26324989/how-to-tell-someone-you-like-them/
      6. ↑ https://www.seventeen.com/love/dating-advice/a26324989/how-to-tell-someone-you-like-them/
      7. ↑ https://www.seventeen.com/love/dating-advice/a26324989/how-to-tell-someone-you-like-them/
      8. ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.
      9. ↑ https://beyondages.com/how-to-tell-a-friend-you-like-her-without-ruining-your-friendship/
      1. ↑ https://www.insider.com/what-you-should-not-do-when-someone-rejects-you-2017-6
      2. ↑ https://www.teenvogue.com/story/how-to-get-over-a-crush
      3. ↑ https://www.scienceofpeople.com/how-to-flirt/
      4. ↑ https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/jul/02/how-to-tell-your-best-friend-youre-in-love-with-them-by-those-who-have-taken-the-plunge
      5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201202/how-flirt-and-seduce-touch-part-1
      6. ↑ JT Tran. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 5 May 2020.
      7. ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.
      8. ↑ https://www.seventeen.com/love/dating-advice/a37820/chill-ways-to-flirt-with-your-crush/
      9. ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.
      10. ↑ https://www.insider.com/what-to-do-if-you-have-feelings-for-a-friend-2017-7

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      If you’ve developed a crush on your best friend and you suspect they feel the same way, you might be ready to tell them how you feel. Choose a time to talk to them about your feelings when you’ll both be relaxed and have plenty of time for an uninterrupted chat. Ask to meet with them in person if possible. Go someplace private before you open up to them so they won’t feel put on the spot. Wait for a quiet moment in the conversation and say something like, “There’s something I’ve been wanting to tell you. I’ve had a crush on you for a while now.” Let them know that their friendship is important to you and that you aren’t putting pressure on them to return your feelings if they don’t feel the same. Give them some time to respond, and do your best to accept their answer gracefully, whatever it might be. For tips about how to accept your friend’s reaction, keep reading!

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