13 Explanations for Why Older Guys Like Younger Women

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The psychology and biology behind age-gap attraction
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Men choosing to date younger women has been a pretty regular pattern throughout history. But what’s the root cause of this attraction? Is it a biological instinct or has society played a role in encouraging these age-gap romances over time? In this article, we’ll break down over a dozen reasons why men might be interested in ladies who are younger than them. From power dynamics to midlife crises to just plain connection, keep reading to find out men’s motivations and why these couples are so common.

Things You Should Know

  • Men are often attracted to younger women because it makes them feel young and powerful.
  • Societal pressures may influence men’s attraction to younger women too; the patriarchy and ancestral traditions both encourage age-gap relationships.
  • Younger women also tend to be interested in older men more than younger men, and this attention/admiration can be appealing to most guys.
1

Ego boost

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  1. For good or bad, we often associate beauty with youth. Because of this, the ability to date (or even marry) a younger, more attractive woman is often seen as a status symbol for men. It reminds them that, even as they get older, they’re still handsome and charming enough to woo whoever they want. It can also provide an adrenaline rush that makes them feel more powerful.
    • While men may be physically attracted to younger women, the belief that they prioritize status over a romantic connection is a complete myth. [1] Qualities like education, shared goals, and common interests are much more influential on men’s choice in who they date.
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2

Desire to relive their youth

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  1. While partying, staying out late, and exploring new places are pretty regular indulgences for friend groups in their 20s, these activities aren’t as common for guys who are 40+. Being with someone younger, who still has these adventures fairly often, helps men get out there more and feel that lively sense of excitement. [2]
    • That being said, there are plenty of ways to help the men in your life feel young (and feel young yourself), no matter how old you are. Keep an active social life by going out with friends at least once a week, stay physically active, and take classes in new things that interest you.
3

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  1. Unfortunately, a lot of the standards for masculinity are quite outdated. Several men are still raised with the patriarchal belief that their partners and families should rely solely on them. Times have changed and women have become much more independent. However, some men are threatened by that independence, so they decide to date younger women with less life experience to compensate. [3]
    • It’s also common for men to feel ashamed or vulnerable if they can’t provide for their partner. Help the men in your life embrace vulnerability and recognize that partnerships are supposed to be equal.
    • You might say “Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Just being present and putting effort into your relationships is enough.”
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4

Midlife crisis

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  1. Around the age of 45, men become more susceptible to burnout and depression. [4] Younger women tend to be more optimistic since they’re still beginning their adult life. This optimism can make the issues that come with getting older (health, identity shifts, loneliness) feel less overwhelming.
    • If you or someone you know is dealing with a midlife crisis, the best way to overcome it is by leaning on the support of your friends and loved ones. Talk to a therapist , practice mindfulness, and communicate the anxieties you’re feeling. Dating someone younger will only put off the core issues of stress and self-esteem temporarily.
    • Dealing with an existential crisis in a healthy way requires patience and self-compassion. Stay in the moment by keeping track of your surroundings. It can help to verbalize them out loud.
    • Also, consider creating a gratitude journal and writing about all the things you enjoy about life right now to help offset the fear of it passing by.
5

Feeling in charge

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  1. Having a small age gap allows the guy to take on more of a leadership role in the relationship. He can show a younger woman cool spots he’s visited over the years, offer advice on things he’s already experienced, and feel more in control. [5]
    • While it’s nice to feel in charge every once in a while, partnerships should be equal. If it feels like one partner has too much control over the other, this may be a sign the relationship is emotionally unhealthy.
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6

More adventurous sex life

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  1. Since they’re still finding out what they like and don’t like, they tend to be more willing to experiment and try new things that older women might not. In addition, their libidos tend to be higher, so sex is more frequent and intense. [6]
    • Spicing up your sex life (whatever your age is) can be hugely beneficial to your well-being. Your gesture can be big (indulging in a new fantasy, going away for a weekend) or small (creating a weekly date night). What matters is that you and your partner remain emotionally engaged and open to trying new things together.
7

Easier to date casually

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  1. Some men aren’t looking to settle down. Even if they’re at an age where their peers are getting married and having children, they may prefer to keep their relationships casual. As we get older, we tend to look for more committed, intimate partners, so a lot of guys prefer to date younger people who are equally interested in keeping things light. [7]
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8

Craves the attention

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  1. Whether it’s due to their financial security, emotional maturity, or paternal instincts, young women tend to be just as attracted to older men as older men are to them. This means they often shower men with more attention and admiration than an age-appropriate woman might. This makes men feel more special, which enhances their feelings of infatuation. [8]
    • The best way to attract an older guy is to be direct and clear about what you want. Communicate exactly what you’re looking for early on (casual or not). This will help prevent your wires from getting crossed, and he’ll likely be impressed by your confidence.
9

Tradition

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  1. Dating back to primitive societies, older men were encouraged to wed younger women to help out with day-to-day responsibilities (and possibly enhance their social status). While we’ve advanced socially since then, it’s likely this ideal of what a couple is “supposed” to look like has been passed down over generations. [9]
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10

Child-bearing potential

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  1. Women under 30 are biologically more likely to conceive children than women 30 and older. If an older guy decides he wants to be a father later in life, he may go for a younger girl since women his age may not be able to carry a child anymore. [10]
    • However, there are plenty of ways for women to have children at an older age. Adoption, sperm and egg donors, surrogates, and IVF (in-vitro fertilization) are all healthy and fulfilling ways to start a family, regardless of fertility.
11

Intimidated by women his own age

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  1. More life experience makes women more self-aware and certain of what they want (which can be super refreshing). However, if a man doesn’t know what he wants, the ambitions and uncompromising demands of an older woman may be too much for him and he’ll go after someone who’s younger and still trying to figure it out like he is. [11]
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12

Enjoys the playfulness

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  1. Playfulness is a common factor in a lot of successful relationships. Couples who are fun-loving and have a good sense of humor tend to be better at communication and conflict management. [12] Some men see younger women as friskier, more exuberant, and therefore more adept romantic partners long-term.
    • You can become more playful (regardless of your age) by learning to laugh at yourself more. Allow yourself to look foolish by dancing in public, telling silly jokes, or sharing embarrassing stories with your friends.
13

Opposites attract

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  1. He may look at the lifestyle of a younger woman as an opportunity to learn more than he would if he was with someone more similar to him (in age or otherwise). These differences allow for more life experiences, self-exploration, and emotional growth, which can create a more enriched, fulfilling relationship overall. [13]
    • At the end of the day, age is just a number. As long as both partners are happy, of legal age, and the relationship is fully consensual, it doesn’t matter what stage of life either of them is at.
    EXPERT TIP

    John Keegan

    Dating Coach
    John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.
    John Keegan
    Dating Coach

    Some people enjoy the spark of being in different life stages. Any partnership can thrive as long as partners are committing to meeting each other's needs.

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Attract and Date an Older Man with this Expert Series

There's nothing wrong with an age gap in an adult relationship as long as both people are on the same page. Learn how to attract and date the man of your dreams with this expert series.
1
12 Things to Consider Before Dating an Older Man
2
Date an Older Guy
3
How to Handle an Age Gap in Your Relationship
4
13 Explanations for Why Older Guys Like Younger Women
5
Why Am I Attracted to Older Men?
6
Attract an Older Guy

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  • Question
    Why do men marry younger girls?
    Lauren Sanders
    Matchmaker & Dating Coach
    Lauren Sanders is a Professional Matchmaker, Dating Coach, and the Founder of Dating for the Soul. With over four years of experience, she specializes in helping singles find love. Lauren is also the author of Lipstick Faith: A Collection of Inspirational Writings and Life Lessons, You Deserve the World, Rainbows and Strawberries: 100 Devotions for the Brighter Side of Life, and Let's Go Outside Mommy. Lauren holds BS from Dillard University and a Masters from The University of North Georgia.
    Lauren Sanders
    Matchmaker & Dating Coach
    Expert Answer
    Men typically want to get with women who are younger than them because they desire women who are youthful. They also desire younger women because they are less seasoned with life, have less baggage, and are more impressionable and willing to along with whatever they say.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://sociology.nd.edu/news-and-events/news/trophy-wife-stereotype-is-largely-a-myth-new-study-shows/
      2. ↑ https://www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/marrying-a-younger-woman-the-pros-and-the-cons/
      3. ↑ ​​ https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0020872817712566
      4. ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4586650/#:~:text=The%20men%20aged%2045%20and
      5. ↑ https://www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/marrying-a-younger-woman-the-pros-and-the-cons/
      6. ↑ https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/for-women-sexuality-changes-with-age-but-doesnt-disappear-201402137035
      7. ↑ https://labs.la.utexas.edu/buss/files/2019/03/Why-is-age-so-important-in-mating-2019-FINAL-PUBLISHED.pdf
      8. ↑ https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/behavioral-and-brain-sciences/article/abs/age-preferences-in-mates-reflect-sex-differences-in-human-reproductive-strategies/BE5CDF43F525E472B4B0C00DBE5EC74F
      9. ↑ https://scholarship.law.duke.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=2909&context=lcp
      1. ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7721003/#:~:text=When%20a%20woman%20is%20younger
      2. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/relationships/age-difference-in-relationships#potential-impacts
      3. ↑ https://news.ku.edu/2017/02/08/relationship-success-tied-not-joking-shared-sense-humor
      4. ↑ https://www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/marrying-a-younger-woman-the-pros-and-the-cons/

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