How to Deal with Mean Girl Cliques at Work

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Middle school may be over, but mean girl cliques can form just about anywhere. Over 43% of employees report that there are cliques at their workplace. [1] In a work environment, cliques can lower productivity and create tension between workers. If you’re dealing with mean girl cliques at work, take a deep breath because there are ways you can cope and make your workplace enjoyable again. Rather than quitting right away, try out some of these tips.

1

Be professional with the clique.

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    One of the best things you can do is show them that they don’t bother you. Be cordial with all the members and treat them with respect, even if you’re not their biggest fan. In other words, kill them with kindness. [2] [3]
    • If a mean girl is bullying someone at work, calmly confront her and say, “I don’t think this is appropriate work behavior. Maybe we should focus on our work instead.”
    • If a mean girl makes fun of your work attire, simply smile and return back to your work.
    • If a mean girl dumps a project she’s meant to do on you, sweetly say, “This wasn’t assigned to me, but I’m sure you’re going to do a great job! Let me know how it turns out.”
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2

Speak up only if you need to.

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    Sometimes confronting a clique can do more harm than good. More often than not, these mean girls are looking for attention, so don’t give them the satisfaction of acknowledging them—that is, unless there’s a demanding issue. The goal is to defuse situations, so remain calm and level-headed when addressing any false play. [4]
    • If a member of the clique starts taking credit for your work, try telling your manager, “The article you mentioned in today’s meeting was written by me and me alone. I’m not sure how my name was removed, but I would like it added back on.”
    • If members of the clique start isolating employees, try speaking up to your manager, “I’ve noticed some tension in the office, and not everyone is feeling included or happy.” [5]
3

Report bullying behavior to HR.

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    Let your supervisor or HR know exactly what’s going on, providing proof of emails or messages if you have them. This is a last resort effort if the clique continues to disrupt workflow. [6]
    • Address yours and the office’s distress with your supervisor by saying something like, “I wanted to talk to you about an office concern,” or, “There’s been some conflict between some coworkers, and I think you should be aware.”
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4

Look at things from the clique’s perspective.

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    More often than not, mean girl cliques form from insecurities. The members of the group might not all be malicious; they’re just trying to find where they belong in the office. Putting things in the clique’s perspective can help you understand why they’re behaving a certain way. [7] [8]
    • Think about what it would be like in one of the mean girls’s shoes. Would you be happy or sad at work? Would you feel alone?
    • Extend a welcoming hand to members of the clique, and show them that they don’t have to be a mean girl to matter to the office.
    • Observe the mean girls to see how you can be a friend. Does one of the girls have a poster with one of your favorite quotes on it? Do you like the shoes she’s wearing? Find ways to be nice, and they might be nice in return.
5

Stay away from gossip.

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    Try your best not to engage in conversations with or about the clique that aren’t work related. Here are some things you can say if you find yourself caught up in workplace drama: [9] [10]
    • To deflect the conversation, try something like, “It’s none of my business.”
    • To make an excuse to leave, try saying, “I need to go print off some copies. Excuse me.”
    • To express discomfort, say something like, “This isn’t the time to be talking about this. We should probably get back to work.”
    • To defuse the conversation, try saying, “She seems really overwhelmed. I think she has a lot on her plate, and you probably shouldn’t be adding more to it.”
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6

Get to know other coworkers.

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    Chances are you’re not the only one feeling left out. Stay close with positive and supportive coworkers who won’t start unnecessary drama. [11] [12]
    • Invite coworkers who are usually left out to sit next to you at lunch.
    • Visit a different floor or section of the office to meet new people.
7

Set boundaries for yourself.

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    When you have to work with mean girls, communicate clearly and honestly. This will help you tell them what you expect right away, and give you some peace of mind. If the mean girls start to make you doubt your role in the office, make a list of your professional skills. This can lift your spirits and remind you that you do contribute to the team every day. [13]
    • When starting a project with mean girls, set boundaries by saying something like, “This should take us less than a week if we stay on task. I expect us to work until lunch every morning before moving on to other projects.”
    • If mean girls make you doubt yourself, try telling them, “I’m a harder worker, and I don’t appreciate you undermining me,” and, “No, I don’t agree. We all are valuable members of this team.”
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8

Put positive reminders on your desk.

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    Hang up a funny or inspirational quote in your office, change your computer wallpaper to a picture of your pet, or put a colorful flower next to your computer.
    • Decorate your desk or office for holidays for some extra cheer.
    • Find items with your favorite lyrics, quotes, or fictional characters to place around your work space.
9

Think about what you do like at work.

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    Mean girl cliques might make you feel worthless, but you are a valuable member of the company. Write down 5 ways you contribute in the office each day and 5 things you like about working for the company. Focus on these positive things if the clique makes you question your abilities.
    • The work you do matters, so don’t let them make you think otherwise!
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10

Go for a walk.

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    If the mean girl clique starts to get on your nerves, take a deep breath and step out into some fresh air. Physically taking yourself away from the drama can help you calm down and get back into the work zone. [14]
    • If going outside isn’t an option at work, go into another room and do a few stretches.
11

Find a work-life balance.

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    Leave those spreadsheets and mean girls at work and do things you enjoy. We know it’s hard, but turn off your email notifications and let work stay at work. [15]
    • Find an activity to do after work. This will keep you motivated throughout the day to be productive and give you something to look forward to.
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Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    How do I shut down gossip?
    Meredith Walters, MBA
    Certified Career Coach
    Meredith Walters is a Certified Career Coach who helps people develop the skills they need to find meaningful, fulfilling work. Meredith has over eight years of career and life coaching experience, including conducting training at Emory University's Goizueta School of Business and the US Peace Corps. She is a former Member of the Board of Directors of ICF-Georgia. She earned her coaching credentials from New Ventures West and a Master of Business Administration from the University of San Francisco.
    Meredith Walters, MBA
    Certified Career Coach
    Expert Answer
    Try redirecting the conversation! Say something like, "Can we talk about something else?" or "I don't really like talking about these kinds of things. They make me feel so hopeless and frustrated."
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      References

      1. ↑ https://hrdailyadvisor.blr.com/2013/09/06/friendly-crowd-or-adolescent-bullies-assessing-cliques-in-the-workplace/
      2. ↑ https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/advice-for-life-situations-and-events/support-for-workplace-bullying/
      3. ↑ Meredith Walters, MBA. Certified Career Coach. Expert Interview. 22 November 2019.
      4. ↑ https://www.aarp.org/work/job-hunting/info-11-2013/handle-bullying-on-the-job.html
      5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/i-can-relate/201408/the-witness-6-steps-take-if-you-see-workplace-bullying
      6. ↑ https://hrdailyadvisor.blr.com/2013/09/06/friendly-crowd-or-adolescent-bullies-assessing-cliques-in-the-workplace/
      7. ↑ https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/wellness/adult-bully-advice/2021/06/03/dffb8fc8-c3c5-11eb-93f5-ee9558eecf4b_story.html
      8. ↑ Meredith Walters, MBA. Certified Career Coach. Expert Interview. 22 November 2019.
      9. ↑ https://www.thehrdigest.com/how-to-avoid-office-drama/
      1. ↑ Meredith Walters, MBA. Certified Career Coach. Expert Interview. 22 November 2019.
      2. ↑ https://www.businessinsider.com/how-to-be-happier-at-work-career-experts-2018-12#11-limit-time-with-negative-coworkers-11
      3. ↑ Meredith Walters, MBA. Certified Career Coach. Expert Interview. 22 November 2019.
      4. ↑ https://ideas.ted.com/how-to-set-clear-work-boundaries-jayne-hardy/
      5. ↑ https://www.businessinsider.com/how-to-be-happier-at-work-career-experts-2018-12#4-take-10-to-15-minute-breaks-4
      6. ↑ https://www.businessinsider.com/how-to-be-happier-at-work-career-experts-2018-12#4-take-10-to-15-minute-breaks-4

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