How to Ignore a Narcissist & How They’ll Respond

Download Article

Expert-backed tips for moving on from a toxic person

Co-authored by Jay Reid, LPCC and Sophie Burkholder, BA

Last Updated: September 6, 2024 Fact Checked

Download Article

What happens when you ignore a narcissist?

|

How to Ignore a Narcissist

|

Can someone who’s hurt you change?

|

Video

|

Q&A

Someone with narcissistic traits may seem charming and polite at first, but if their behavior starts negatively affecting your well-being, it may be time to take the power into your own hands and cut them off. We'll explain how a person with narcissistic qualities might respond when you ignore them, plus how to stay the course and get them out of your life for good, if that's what you want. Just remember that a person who displays narcissistic traits doesn't necessarily have Narcissistic Peronsality Disorder (NPD), which is a legitimate mental health condition that only a professional can diagnose, and not all people with NPD are toxic or abusive. ^{[1]
X
Trustworthy Source
Mayo Clinic
Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals
Go to source}

Things You Should Know

Someone with narcissistic tendencies may feel anxious, scared, or upset when you start ignoring them since they’re not in control anymore.
They may try to gaslight you or shift the blame so they’re not accountable. Just keep ignoring them and trusting your feelings so you don’t give back control.
Cut off a manipulative or toxic individual by stopping all communication if you’re able to. If you can’t fully avoid this person, then give the bare minimum response.

Section 1 of 3:

What happens when you ignore a narcissist?

Download Article

{"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/1\/1c\/Ignoring-a-Narcissist-Step-1.jpg\/v4-460px-Ignoring-a-Narcissist-Step-1.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/1\/1c\/Ignoring-a-Narcissist-Step-1.jpg\/v4-728px-Ignoring-a-Narcissist-Step-1.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\">\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc. \n<\/p> \n<\/p><\/div>"}

1
They may ignore you back. When you stop responding to someone who behaves in a toxic way, they may give you the silent treatment right back. A person with narcissistic traits may “stonewall” you and stay quiet because they want to feel like they’re in control of the situation. They’ll hope that you feel more uncomfortable than they do and break the silence to reach out first. ^{[2]
X
Trustworthy Source
Simply Psychology
Popular site for evidence-based psychology information
Go to source}
- Rather than giving in and communicating, look for some self-soothing activities to do on your own instead. Get some exercise, meditate on your feelings, or journal about how their silence makes you feel.
{"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/c\/ca\/Ignoring-a-Narcissist-Step-2.jpg\/v4-460px-Ignoring-a-Narcissist-Step-2.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/c\/ca\/Ignoring-a-Narcissist-Step-2.jpg\/v4-728px-Ignoring-a-Narcissist-Step-2.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\">\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc. \n<\/p> \n<\/p><\/div>"}

2
They could gaslight you. After you go quiet, this person may try to convince you that a situation or event happened differently than you remember. They could tell you that there was never an issue between you or that you misunderstood what their intentions were. They may believe what they’re saying, even if it wasn’t true, just to see if you’ll change your mind and reach out again. ^{[3]
X
Research source}
- Some common gaslighting phrases could be, “That’s not what happened,” “You’re overreacting,” or “What? It was only a joke!”
- Respond to gaslighting by refusing to engage or argue about what really happened. You know the truth of the situation, so you don’t have to defend yourself from someone who’s trying to manipulate you.
Advertisement
{"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/b\/b7\/Ignoring-a-Narcissist-Step-3.jpg\/v4-460px-Ignoring-a-Narcissist-Step-3.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/b\/b7\/Ignoring-a-Narcissist-Step-3.jpg\/v4-728px-Ignoring-a-Narcissist-Step-3.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\">\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc. \n<\/p> \n<\/p><\/div>"}

3
They may act nice to try winning you back. You may have good memories where this person made you feel special as you got to know each other. Once they let their true colors show and you start ignoring them, a manipulative individual may try “hoovering” to pull you right back in. They may make a fake apology, give you compliments, or try to smooth-talk their way out of your decision so they don’t lose you. Even if they’re acting nice, they still may never apologize or recognize the wrongs they’ve done.
- Someone who’s self-centered or toxic is afraid of losing control over people, so they may love-bomb you with kind words or gifts to feel like they can pull you back in. While it may be tempting to fall for their tricks, it’s just another way that they’re manipulating you back into an unhealthy relationship.
- Reader Poll: We asked 196 wikiHow readers for their most effective way to protect themselves from love bombing, and 56% of them said, recognizing and setting healthy boundaries. [Take Poll]
{"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/4\/41\/Ignoring-a-Narcissist-Step-4.jpg\/v4-460px-Ignoring-a-Narcissist-Step-4.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/4\/41\/Ignoring-a-Narcissist-Step-4.jpg\/v4-728px-Ignoring-a-Narcissist-Step-4.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\">\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc. \n<\/p> \n<\/p><\/div>"}

4
They could feel anxious or scared. Most people with narcissistic traits want to feel like they’re at the top and the most important part of your life, so they start feeling uncomfortable once you stop responding. They may text you asking what’s wrong and worry about why you’re not replying to them. In reality, they’re worried that their true selves are being exposed and that other people will catch on to their act as well. ^{[4]
X
Research source}
- You don’t need to respond even if they say they’re scared or anxious about their relationship with you. It’s better to just keep ignoring them so you don’t give up any control.
{"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/1\/1d\/Ignoring-a-Narcissist-Step-5.jpg\/v4-460px-Ignoring-a-Narcissist-Step-5.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/1\/1d\/Ignoring-a-Narcissist-Step-5.jpg\/v4-728px-Ignoring-a-Narcissist-Step-5.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\">\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc. \n<\/p> \n<\/p><\/div>"}

5
They may get angry with you. Someone with narcissistic qualities wants to feel better about themselves, so they keep people around who can help boost their egos. When you suddenly stop giving them what they want, there’s a chance they’ll get really upset and call you selfish for not meeting their needs. They may send angry messages or call you when they’re upset to try getting what they want. ^{[5]
X
Research source}
- Continue ignoring an angry person since it’s not worth arguing or getting involved. Even if you try to explain yourself and are in the right, they may twist your words and try making you feel bad for their outburst.
{"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/1\/1e\/Ignoring-a-Narcissist-Step-6.jpg\/v4-460px-Ignoring-a-Narcissist-Step-6.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/1\/1e\/Ignoring-a-Narcissist-Step-6.jpg\/v4-728px-Ignoring-a-Narcissist-Step-6.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\">\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc. \n<\/p> \n<\/p><\/div>"}

6
They might shift the blame to you. Someone who’s demonstrated narcissistic behaviors may avoid taking accountability for their actions, so they’ll say that you’re the one that caused an issue in your relationship. If you’re ignoring someone that ignored you, they may not even recognize that they’re doing the same thing and feel like they’re being criticized unfairly. ^{[6]
X
Trustworthy Source
PubMed Central
Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health
Go to source}
- It’s better not to respond if this person tries to blame you. You know in your heart that it was their behavior that caused the rift, not yours.
{"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/c\/cb\/Ignoring-a-Narcissist-Step-7.jpg\/v4-460px-Ignoring-a-Narcissist-Step-7.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/c\/cb\/Ignoring-a-Narcissist-Step-7.jpg\/v4-728px-Ignoring-a-Narcissist-Step-7.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\">\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc. \n<\/p> \n<\/p><\/div>"}

7
They may talk badly about you. If you’re the one that started ignoring them first, they may feel like they’ve been rejected and get upset. There’s a chance that they’ll try to spread lies about you to feel better about themselves rather than sitting with the shame or insecurity they have. ^{[7]
X
Research source}
- If you hear a lie that this person spread, compare what they say to the actual truth of what happened. Trust yourself and avoid questioning how you perceived and interpreted the situations.
Brene Brown, Author & Professor of Social Work

Understand what it means to be a narcissist. "Narcissism is the most shame-based of all the personality disorders. Narcissism is not about self-love at all. It’s about grandiosity driven by high performance and self-hatred. I define narcissism as the shame-based fear of being ordinary."
{"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/0\/08\/Ignoring-a-Narcissist-Step-8.jpg\/v4-460px-Ignoring-a-Narcissist-Step-8.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/0\/08\/Ignoring-a-Narcissist-Step-8.jpg\/v4-728px-Ignoring-a-Narcissist-Step-8.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\">\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc. \n<\/p> \n<\/p><\/div>"}

8
They could try to keep tabs on you. After you cut off communication with them, someone with narcissistic traits may continue checking your social media pages to see how you’re doing. They may also try to see you while you’re at work or ask friends and family how you’re doing to feel like they’re still a part of your life even if you’re not talking to them directly. ^{[8]
X
Research source}
- Block the person from your social media pages or hide your posts from them so they’re not able to interact with you.
{"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/4\/43\/Ignoring-a-Narcissist-Step-9.jpg\/v4-460px-Ignoring-a-Narcissist-Step-9.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/4\/43\/Ignoring-a-Narcissist-Step-9.jpg\/v4-728px-Ignoring-a-Narcissist-Step-9.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\">\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc. \n<\/p> \n<\/p><\/div>"}

9
They might try turning friends and family against you. If a person feels like you’ve wronged them or aren’t giving them control, they could tell lies to your friends and family members about what happened. They may say that you’re cutting them off and try to get others to sympathize with them rather than taking responsibility for their actions. ^{[9]
X
Research source}
- Chat with your friends about the person’s behavior. Even if they seem charming to your friends and family, your loved ones will trust your experiences more.
{"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/9\/9a\/Ignoring-a-Narcissist-Step-10.jpg\/v4-460px-Ignoring-a-Narcissist-Step-10.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/9\/9a\/Ignoring-a-Narcissist-Step-10.jpg\/v4-728px-Ignoring-a-Narcissist-Step-10.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\">\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc. \n<\/p> \n<\/p><\/div>"}

10
They may move on to someone else. If someone sees that you’re not going to respond no matter what they do, they’ll recognize that they don’t have control over you anymore. If they can’t do anything to make you come back to them, they’ll likely start looking for someone else that they can easily influence. ^{[10]
X
Research source}
- If someone who’s abused you in the past is talking or starting a relationship with someone you know, give them a warning about your experiences with the person. That way, your friend will know what to look out for and stand up for themselves if they experience the same behavior.
{"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/e\/ea\/Ignoring-a-Narcissist-Step-11.jpg\/v4-460px-Ignoring-a-Narcissist-Step-11.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/e\/ea\/Ignoring-a-Narcissist-Step-11.jpg\/v4-728px-Ignoring-a-Narcissist-Step-11.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\">\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc. \n<\/p> \n<\/p><\/div>"}

11
They could try to sabotage you. Some people with narcissistic tendencies may get vengeful when things don’t go their way, so they’ll try to do things that block meaningful opportunities in your life. They may try to prevent you from moving up in your career, destroy personal belongings that are important to you, or may even act out violently. ^{[11]
X
Trustworthy Source
PubMed Central
Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health
Go to source}
- If someone starts harassing you or turns violent, contact the authorities and let them know about the issue. Don’t try to get involved on your own so you don’t risk getting hurt.

Section 2 of 3: