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Being told you’re too sensitive can be frustrating, but don't feel pressured to change who you are. Being sensitive is totally normal, as 15-20% of people are considered to be highly sensitive. If you want to be less sensitive, learn to manage your emotions in the moment and deal with constructive criticism. You can also learn to manage your sensitivity while in a relationship and embrace who you are.
Things You Should Know
- In the moment, take a deep breath, collect your thoughts, and name your emotions to keep your cool.
- Remember, criticism isn’t always intended to hurt you—people may be trying to build you up and help you improve.
- In a relationship, collaborate with your partner to get to the source of the underlying problem and alleviate your worries.
Steps
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Take a deep breath to relax yourself. Breathe slowly through your nose, counting to 5. Hold your breath for a count of 5, then slowly exhale. Repeat 5 times to help your body relax. [1] X Research source
- As another option, simply focus on your breath. Notice your lungs filling as you slowly inhale, then observe how you feel as you slowly exhale.
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Name your emotions so you can release them. Denying your emotions won’t make them go away. The best way to work through your emotions is to acknowledge how you feel and let it pass. You can feel something without letting your emotions control you. [2] X Research source
- You might say to yourself, “I’m feeling angry because my coworker took credit for my work. I have a right to feel this way.” Then, imagine that the emotion is a bird that's flying away from you, or picture the emotion as a rock that you are throwing away.
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Reframe your perspective on the situation to reduce your negative emotions. Try to look at things in a more positive light. This might help you relieve your emotions. Here are some ways to reframe: [3] X Research source
- Look at the situation from someone else’s perspective. For example, imagine how your best friend might see it.
- Assign positive motives to people’s words or actions. For instance, assume that your boss made your coworker the lead on a new project because your schedule is already busy.
- List the positives that could come out of a situation. As an example, you might think of ways the situation that's upsetting you offers opportunities to grow or try something new.
- Tell yourself a different story about the situation at hand. For instance, if you are doubting your abilities after a setback at work or school, you might turn your thoughts to how you will bounce back from the setback.
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Distract yourself from what’s bothering you to control your reaction. Shifting your thoughts can help you calm yourself down. Change the subject if you’re talking to someone, or think about something else. As another option, you can read positive quotes, take a coffee break, or switch to a new task. [4] X Research source
- For example, if your boss gives you a piece of criticism, you might distract yourself by listing off the next few tasks you want to accomplish.
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Practice mindfulness to ground yourself in the moment. Being in the present can help you feel less emotional because it helps reduce your stress. Engage your 5 senses to ground you in the moment. Here’s how to do it: [5] X Research source
- Sight: describe your environment to yourself or look for everything blue.
- Sound: notice what you hear or listen to calming music.
- Touch: observe how your feet feel on the ground or feel the texture of something in your environment.
- Smell: pick out the scents in your environment or sniff an essential oil.
- Taste: sip on a cup of coffee or savor a small snack.
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Excuse yourself if you need a moment to calm down. Don’t tell anyone what’s going on with you. Instead, go to the restroom or pretend you need to retrieve something from elsewhere. Once you get there, take a few moments to calm down. [6] X Research source
- For example, you might go to the restroom and splash cold water on your face.
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Do something that boosts your mood to get your mind off the issue. When you’re feeling negative emotions, give yourself a reason to perk up. This can help you reduce your sensitivity in the moment. Try one of these pick-me-ups: [7] X Research source
- Drink a cup of your favorite tea.
- Call or text a friend.
- Look at your favorite meme.
- Eat a small piece of candy.
- Go for a brief walk.
- Step outside into the sunshine.
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Quiz
wikiHow Quiz: What Human Emotion Am I?
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Recognize the role of criticism is to help you improve. It’s normal to receive constructive feedback from teachers, bosses, coaches, family members, and friends. At times, this criticism is going to seem negative because its purpose is to help you better your performance. Don’t view criticism as an attack because it’s really meant to help you. [8] X Research source
- Don’t just focus on the negative criticism. Hear the positives, as well.
- For example, your coach might point out that you're repeatedly making the same error during games. They aren't trying to make you feel bad or telling you that you aren't good. They want to you to know what to work on for next time.
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Ask for clarification if you aren’t sure what the criticism means. Don’t try to figure out what someone else is thinking. Talk to them about what they meant and ask how they would have done things differently. Be open to seeing things from someone else’s point of view. [9] X Research source
- Say, “I want to incorporate your feedback, but I’m unsure what you meant when you said I need to open up more. How would you suggest I do that?”
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Look at the criticism from the other person’s perspective. This can help you realize the person's true purpose so you can decide if the criticism is worth taking. Think about where they’re coming from, as well as the reason they're giving the criticism. Additionally, consider what they might be seeing that you don’t, as well as what you know that they don’t. [10] X Research source
- In some cases, seeing the criticism from the other person's perspective can also help you realize that they aren't attacking you. Being told that you need to improve on something can really hurt, but if no one ever gives you criticism, you'll never grow.
- Are they speaking from a positive place? If so, think about how you can use their criticisms to improve.
- If you think they’re speaking from a negative place, such as out of jealousy, you might decide their criticisms aren’t valid for you.
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Stop the critical voices in your head. Chances are, you’re your worst critic. Don’t let your own critical thoughts about yourself make other people’s helpful criticisms seem worse than they are. Switch out your negative thoughts for positive self-talk. [11] X Research source
- When you notice a negative thought, acknowledge it. Then, turn it into something positive.
- For example, after a presentation you might tell yourself, “I’m no good at public speaking.” You can replace this thought with, “Every speech I give gets better, and I’m proud of my progress.”
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Build up your confidence to make you less vulnerable to criticism. Having low self-confidence makes you more vulnerable to criticism. On the other hand, recognizing your value helps you accept criticism and use it constructively. Here are small ways to improve your level of confidence: [12] X Research source
- Make a list of your strengths.
- Do something each day that allows you to be successful.
- Celebrate your daily accomplishments, no matter how small.
- Recognize your past achievements.
- Notice your efforts, not just the results.
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Tend to your needs, not just your partner's. Don’t make your life revolve around your partner, as this is a sure-fire way to make you more sensitive. They can’t be responsible for all of your needs, just as you shouldn’t take responsibility for theirs. Give yourself the love and attention you need rather than demanding it from your partner.
- It’s normal for you and your partner to do things out of love. However, you can’t and shouldn’t try to do everything for them.
- Don’t expect someone to notice what you need. If you’re feeling unfulfilled, speak up.
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Remind yourself that not everything is about you. There are going to be days when your partner is upset or angry. Don’t automatically assume it’s about you. Instead, ask them about their day and be aware of what could be causing their emotions. [13] X Research source
- Don’t take things personally. People are usually focused on their own issues and aren’t thinking about you.
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Talk to your partner if you have relationship worries caused by sensitivity. Your concerns about your relationship may be accurate, but you won't know for sure until you talk to your partner. You may find out that it's all a misunderstanding. It’s okay to question things sometimes, but don’t try to guess at what might be wrong. Bring up your concerns with your partner and ask how they feel. Then, listen to what they have to say. [14] X Research source
- You might say, “You’ve seemed really distant lately. Are you comfortable talking about it?”
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Challenge any feelings of rejection and jealousy. Your sensitivity may make you feel rejected or jealous when your partner doesn't give you the attention you want. This can make you feel upset and anxious, plus it threatens your relationship. Working through these feelings can help you feel better. Here's how you can challenge these feelings: [15] X Research source
- Ask yourself if the feelings hold any truth.
- List other possible explanations for the reason you feel jealous or rejected.
- Talk to someone you trust about your feelings and get their opinion.
- Consider where the feeling might be coming from. Have you been cheated on? Is there any reason to not trust your partner?
- Ask yourself what you need from your partner in order to trust them. Talk to your partner about these needs.
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Set boundaries to protect your emotions. It's normal for people who are sensitive to take on the feelings of others. You might also agree to do things you don't want to do just to make your partner happy. Over time, putting their needs above yours like this can trigger your negative feelings and leave you feeling upset. Instead, set boundaries by doing the following:
- Be direct when telling them what you need. For example, tell them if you need time to yourself or need for them to spend more time with you.
- Tell your partner what you can and cannot do for them. For instance, you might be willing to cook dinner every night but want them to clean the kitchen.
- Set communication boundaries if you need to. For example, you might put your phone on silent during your self-care time or when you go to bed.
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Celebrate the positives of being a sensitive person. Being sensitive isn’t a bad thing. It’s part of who you are and can even be a big asset. Instead of getting down on yourself, think about the positives of being sensitive. Here are some common traits of people who are very sensitive: [16] X Research source
- Better developed intuition.
- Awareness of the world around you.
- Empathy for others.
- Passion for life, your beliefs, or your career.
- Creativity.
- Appreciation for beauty, nature, and the arts.
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Identify and avoid your triggers. Notice when you start to feel angry, sad, frustrated, or anxious. Consider what might be making you feel this way. Keep a list of these potential triggers and minimize them in your life. This will help you manage your emotions. [17] X Research source
- Replace your triggers with things that make you feel positive. For example, let's say watching the morning news makes you feel anxious for the next several hours. Instead of watching the news, you might listen to a podcast about living your best life.
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Manage your hunger to help regulate your emotions. Being "hangry" is a real issue for people who feel sensitive. Feeling hungry makes it harder to manage your emotions and makes you more likely to react negatively to stressors. Eat regular meals and always carry a healthy snack with you. [18] X Research source
- For example, you might carry a protein bar with you to help you control your hunger. As another option, you might munch on some trail mix or eat a small container of yogurt.
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Exercise at least 30 minutes a day to boost your mood. Exercise releases endorphins in your body that help you feel better. This may help you control your emotions when someone or something triggers your feelings. Choose an activity that you enjoy so that exercise is easier to fit into your day. Here are some ideas: [19] X Research source
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Manage your stress levels . People who are sensitive can become easily stressed. Unfortunately, feeling stressed makes you more emotional, so you may become even more sensitive. Taking time to relax and take care of yourself can help you reduce your stress levels and be less sensitive. Here are some ways to manage your stress: [20] X Research source
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Get 7-9 hours of sleep each night. If you aren’t well-rested, it will be harder to control your emotions. Feeling tired will make you more vulnerable to your triggers. Use good sleep hygiene to help you sleep well every night: [21] X Research source
- Avoid caffeine after noon.
- Relax for 1 to 2 hours before bed.
- Cut off screens at least 1 hour before bed.
- Turn down your thermostat to make your bedroom cool.
- Choose comfortable bed linens.
- Make sure your bedroom is completely dark.
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Talk to a therapist if being sensitive greatly impacts your life. A therapist can help you identify your triggers and learn how to cope with them so you don’t react emotionally. They can also help you identify events in your past that might make you feel more sensitive now. This can help you be less sensitive. [22] X Research source
- You can find a therapist online.
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QuestionHow do I toughen up emotionally?Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).Journal regularly to process your emotions. You can start by journaling about the emotions you feel now in one of your relationships. Processing emotions requires feeling your experiences no matter how painful it is. Try to journal a little bit every day and look for patterns. You may find that your sensitivity in the present is a result of past hurtful memories, or you may find common situations that trigger you. Also, learn to say no and set boundaries. Sensitive, empathetic people often find themselves taking care of others. Understand your needs and act assertively toward getting your needs met. Learn how to say no and set boundaries. Having boundaries helps protect you from being manipulated, used, or taken for granted.
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QuestionIs there a way to stop feeling emotions?Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).It's not bad to feel emotions! Emotions have a powerful force, but only if used properly. It’s normal to have emotional responses to situations. It's important to respond and process your emotions, not to suppress them. Emotions can help you move toward wisdom and peace in your life.
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QuestionHow do you get over someone hurting you?Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).Practice self compassion and patience. Self compassion is the antidote to emotional sensitivity and the foundation of self esteem and confidence. Meet yourself where you are and be patient with yourself. Learning to be kind to yourself is an incremental process that takes time. Also, work toward a balanced life. Pay attention to your needs and life in a holistic way. Attend to all your needs (physically, mentally, socially, and spiritually) in a balanced, healthy way. This will reduce your stress and with it your sensitivity.
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Tips
- When you expect to deal with a situation that triggers your sensitivity, mentally prepare yourself for how you will handle the situation. Imagine yourself successfully controlling your emotions. [23] X Research sourceThanks
- Schedule downtime into your week. It’s common for emotionally sensitive people to need recovery time.Thanks
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Warnings
- If being sensitive is interfering with work, your education, or your relationships, talk to a therapist. You may have an underlying mental health condition, which treatment can help.Thanks
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References
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201502/5-ways-get-your-unwanted-emotions-under-control
- ↑ https://www.inc.com/amy-morin/how-to-control-your-emotions-so-your-emotions-dont-control-you.html
- ↑ https://www.inc.com/amy-morin/how-to-control-your-emotions-so-your-emotions-dont-control-you.html
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201502/5-ways-get-your-unwanted-emotions-under-control
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-mindful-self-express/201809/does-mindfulness-make-us-less-sensitive-rejection
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201502/5-ways-get-your-unwanted-emotions-under-control
- ↑ https://www.inc.com/amy-morin/how-to-control-your-emotions-so-your-emotions-dont-control-you.html
- ↑ https://www.verywellmind.com/highly-sensitive-persons-traits-that-create-more-stress-4126393
- ↑ https://www.verywellmind.com/highly-sensitive-persons-traits-that-create-more-stress-4126393
- ↑ https://www.verywellmind.com/highly-sensitive-persons-traits-that-create-more-stress-4126393
- ↑ https://melissanoelrenzi.com/highly-sensitive-people-with-anxiety-how-to-cope/
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/10-tips-for-highly-sensitive-people
- ↑ https://www.verywellmind.com/highly-sensitive-persons-traits-that-create-more-stress-4126393
- ↑ https://melissanoelrenzi.com/highly-sensitive-people-with-anxiety-how-to-cope/
- ↑ https://www.excelatlife.com/articles/fear_of_rejection.htm
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/health/why-am-i-so-sensitive
- ↑ https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/buildingselfesteem/2014/07/are-you-too-sensitive-try-these-tips
- ↑ https://www.verywellmind.com/highly-sensitive-persons-traits-that-create-more-stress-4126393
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/10-tips-for-highly-sensitive-people
- ↑ https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/buildingselfesteem/2014/07/are-you-too-sensitive-try-these-tips
- ↑ https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/buildingselfesteem/2014/07/are-you-too-sensitive-try-these-tips
- ↑ https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/buildingselfesteem/2014/07/are-you-too-sensitive-try-these-tips
- ↑ https://www.forbes.com/sites/melodywilding/2016/11/01/5-ways-to-turn-your-sensitivity-into-strength-at-work/#78934995518e
About This Article
Article Summary
X
To be less sensitive in the moment, try taking a few deep breaths to relax yourself and calm your emotions. You can also try distracting yourself by shifting your thoughts to something else, calling a friend, or switching to a new task. However, if you feel your emotions mounting, excuse yourself for a moment to take a few minutes to calm down. For example, you might go to the bathroom and splash cold water on your face to regroup. Long term, you can work on managing your emotions by addressing some lifestyle issues, like making sure you get enough sleep since you’re more likely to be overly emotional when you’re tired. In addition to sleep, try to get 30 minutes of exercise a day to boost your mood and control your emotions. To learn how to embrace your emotions, keep reading!
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