A Beginner's Guide to Being a Classy, Elegant Woman

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Learn how to act and what to wear to be an elegant lady
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An elegant woman is poised and polite. To be classy and elegant, be kind and respectful to everyone around you, communicate clearly, and maintain your composure, no matter the situation. In this article, we’ll teach you all the best ways to become an elegant woman, including how to act, think, and look elegant. With a few simple steps, you can incorporate these values into your daily routine and life.

Things You Should Know

  • Be kind and respectful to others. Really listen when they speak to you and try to put yourself in their shoes.
  • Stay calm and collected in all situations. If you're upset, take a few deep breaths before reacting.
  • Wear classic outfits that look sophisticated and stylish. Stick with neutral colors and simple patterns.
  • Apply natural-looking makeup and style your hair so it looks sleek and polished.
Method 1
Method 1 of 3:

Acting Classy and Elegant

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  1. To be elegant, it’s important to be polite and remember your manners. Say “please,” “thank you,” and “excuse me” when necessary. Treat everyone you meet, from the CEO to the janitor, with respect, and never act as though you’re better than someone else. Pay attention to when others need assistance and show kindness by helping them. These things are what truly make an elegant woman. [1]
    • Another important way to treat others with respect is to be punctual and mindful of their time. If you’re always running late, others may think you don’t respect their time. Do your best to arrive on time and let others know if you’re going to be running late.
    • Do your best to remember people’s birthdays, and send thank-you cards when needed to show others you care.
    • When it comes to elegance, inner beauty is more important than outer beauty.
  2. If you notice something you like or appreciate about someone, tell them! Not only will it make them feel great, it will help you bond with them. Compliment a friend’s style, praise a coworker for a job well done, and tell your significant other how much you appreciate them. [2]
    • For instance, if you’re the leader of a group project, consider what each team member did well and give them specific compliments. Say something like, “Joann, thanks for providing such thorough research on wind energy developments,” or “I really appreciate you staying late on Thursday to finish up the PowerPoint presentation, Dan.”
    • Accept compliments graciously, as well. While being humble is important, don’t be self-deprecating or try to downplay your accomplishments.
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  3. Carry yourself in a ladylike manner. Pull your shoulders back slightly, lift your head up a little, and straighten your back. Cross your legs or ankles when seated, and avoid slouching, crossing your arms, or fidgeting. Showing poise with your body language is a simple, effective way to show confidence . [3]
  4. Do your best to stay calm and collected , no matter the circumstances. If something upsets you, stop and take several deep breaths. Observe what’s going on and pull back from the situation. Try to put things in perspective and think about the best course of action before proceeding. [4]
    • For example, if someone says something rude to you, avoid replying with a cutting remark. Take a deep breath and try to understand where they’re coming from. Address their rudeness directly, or simply let it go and walk away.
  5. Pay attention to how you act and react to the people around you. Consider your values, interests, and hobbies. Once you understand and accept yourself for who you are, you can work on being true to yourself, which is the mark of an elegant woman. [5]
    • Make decisions for yourself based on what you want and need. For example, don’t avoid taking your vacation time just because your co-workers pride themselves on racking up the hours. If you need a break and have earned one, take it.
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Method 2
Method 2 of 3:

Developing Personal Elegance

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  1. To be elegant, it’s important to be knowledgeable about the world and people around you. Study current events, politics, pop culture, history, and the arts. Get your news from a variety of sources so that you can get a comprehensive idea of what is really going on. Find out as much as you can about a subject before forming an opinion. [6]
    • For example, read reports on a candidate from their own political party as well as from their opposing political party.
    • Visit a local art gallery or museum to start learning about art and history, or check out books from the library about subjects that interest you.
  2. Read a variety of newspapers and novels, listen to different styles of music, and go to performances in a wide range of genres (ballet, rodeo, cirque du soleil, opera, river dancing, comedy, etc.). Visit different places in the world, if possible, and interact with people from different countries and cultures so you can broaden your thinking. [7]
    • If possible, learn another language , like French or Spanish. Not only are these Romance languages, but being bilingual can help you communicate and learn from people from other cultures.
    • Read classic authors like Jane Austen and Mark Twain, but check out modern literary works, as well. These works will reflect the world you live in and address important topics. Ask for suggestions at your local library, or try joining a book club either online or in person.
  3. To communicate effectively , be an active listener and try to understand other people’s point of view. When you have something to share, speak eloquently and directly, and try to make your meaning and message as clear as possible. Remember to enunciate and speak slowly, rather than rushing. [8]
    • To be an active listener , make sure the person you’re speaking to has your full attention. Put any distractions, like cellphones, away and make eye contact. Ask follow-up questions as needed to make sure you fully understand what they’re saying.
  4. If you have an issue with someone, resolve it with them directly rather than discussing the issue with others, gossiping, or perpetuating rumors. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes and try to understand their perspective. If you make a mistake, apologize sincerely. [9]
    • For example, say, “Victoria, I’m sorry for being harsh with you this morning. I was stressed about the upcoming deadline and shouldn’t have taken it out on you. Will you accept my apology?”
  5. Don’t swear, use vulgar language, or tell crude jokes, as these things are far from elegant. Refrain from saying things that might offend or hurt someone else. It’s also a good idea to expand your vocabulary so that you’ll always have the right word ready on the tip of your tongue. [10]
    • Avoid speaking about controversial or sensitive topics in public, and if you’re talking about something personal, remember to speak quietly. Remember that strangers could overhear your conversation, so try not to give them something to gossip about.
  6. 6
    Consider the company you keep. It’s important to have friends who understand and support you and who have your best interest at heart. If the people you surround yourself with constantly gossip about others or otherwise spread negativity, talk to them about their behavior. If they are unwilling to change, it may be time to find new friends. [11]
    • No one is going to behave perfectly 100% of the time, so give your friends some grace if they do something that seems less than elegant. However, watch out for toxic behaviors and be willing to remove yourself from the friendship if need be.
    • Being elegant doesn’t mean allowing people to walk all over you. Set boundaries in your relationships and be firm and polite when you need to address them.
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Method 3
Method 3 of 3:

Looking Elegant

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  1. Having good hygiene goes a long way in looking elegant. Shower or bathe regularly, apply deodorant, clean your ears, and brush and floss your teeth. Take care of your hair and skin, and groom yourself neatly. Keep your nails trimmed and neat or get manicures and pedicures. [12]
    • Practice self-care, as well. Enjoy a nice bubble bath and apply a face mask. Treat yourself to a massage. Taking care of yourself is more than just making sure your body is clean.
  2. Choose clothing that fits well and shows your figure without being too tight or revealing. Shorts, skirts, and dresses should be no shorter than just above the knee, rather than hitting at mid-thigh. Opt for tops with wide straps or sleeves, and avoid clothing that shows too much skin, including your midriff and cleavage. [13]
  3. Opt for items that won’t go out of style, like pencil or A-line skirts, flowing blouses, shift dresses, tailored trousers, button-down tops, and blazers. Choose chic fabrics like silks, stiff crêpes, cashmeres, linens, and wools. When creating an outfit, pair one bright piece of clothing with neutral colors, or mix neutrals together. [14]
    • For example, wear a cream silk camisole underneath a navy buttoned blazer and pencil skirt suit. Add cream-colored wedges and a bright handbag.
    • Pair a black A-line skirt with a pink silk blouse and black leather pumps. Add a scarf or a statement necklace and stud earrings.
    • Layer a red wool peacoat over high-waisted khaki trousers and a white button-down top. Pair the outfit with red pumps.
    • Fashion expert Candace Hanna says silk and wool are “always very elegant” and that these fabrics will “keep everything where it should be.”
    • Hanna also says that wearing a fitted silhouette allows you to be sexy without showing a lot of skin. “Someone can be sexy and not look elegant, but someone who looks elegant is always going to be sexy,” she says. When you dress “for your silhouette, you’re going to look slimmer, feel better, and carry yourself differently.”
    EXPERT TIP

    Alena Le Blanc

    Personal Stylist
    Alena Le Blanc is the Personal Stylist and the Founder of Le Blanc Label. Based in San Francisco, California, Le Blanc Label is the leading personal stylist brand for sustainable style transformations. Alena and her team specialize in seasonal wardrobe refreshes, closet edits, styling for special events, travel, photoshoots, and general personal needs. Alena has been featured in podcasts including EMPOWERED BY WMN, I Am Fearless, and Mind Power Meets Mystic. Alena received her BFA in Fashion and Apparel Design from the Academy of Art University.
    Alena Le Blanc
    Personal Stylist

    Invest in well-made garments. Choose clothes made of high-quality fabrics like wool, silk, and cashmere. They last longer and exude luxury. Look for clean stitching, smooth seams, and a well-tailored fit. Focusing on clothes of this quality will help you build a personal style that conveys understated elegance.

  4. Your makeup should look natural and subtle, as though you’ve barely applied it at all. Choose a foundation that matches your skin tone exactly, and use light blush and neutral eye makeup. Apply eyeliner and mascara moderately, and opt for a bold lipstick, such as a classic red, if desired. Avoid using makeup in shocking colors, like neon green or plum. [15]
    • Have a signature scent, as well. Opt for something light and feminine with hints of vanilla or florals. Avoid scents that may be too overpowering.
  5. Elegant women have a variety of hairstyles, so don’t feel as though you need a certain cut or style. No matter what you choose, though, keep it sleek and neat, and avoid deliberately messy styles. Try doing a chignon or wearing French twists if you have long hair, or opt for a classic style like a bob if you have shorter hair. [16]
  6. Look for classic styles that complement your outfit without looking overdone. Choose jewelry that is understated and chic, rather than gaudy. Gold accents, classic watches, pearls, diamonds, and gems are all elegant options. Remember, less is more! [17]
    • Pair a long dress with a beaded clutch and pearl earrings.
    • Wear a statement necklace with a button-down shirt.
    • Add a leather purse and a patterned scarf to a business suit.
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  • Question
    What is the most elegant color?
    Stephanie Fajardo
    Professional Stylist
    Stephanie Fajardo is a Personal Stylist based in Portland, Oregon. Stephanie has over 17 years of styling experience in personal consulting, television, photography, and film shoots. Her work has been featured in Esquire Magazine and Portland Fashion Week.
    Stephanie Fajardo
    Professional Stylist
    Expert Answer
    Several colors look elegant. Look for elegant neutrals like light gray, ivory, and cream, as well as jewel tones like maroon and forest green always look elegant.
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  • Question
    What if I'm a little overweight?
    Community Answer
    That does not matter, as long as you are polite and confident in yourself. An elegant woman could be of any size; just be confident!
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  • Question
    How can I be elegant while wearing a hijab?
    Community Answer
    Elegance is not necessarily about what one is wearing. Stand tall and confident, wear a smile and be friendly. Dressing up a bit and wearing fresh and clean clothes can help, too.
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      Tips

      • Eat healthy foods. While fast food is okay now and then, McDonald’s isn’t the first thing to come to mind when you think “elegant.” Pay attention to the quality of your food and eat a balanced diet .
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      • Anyone can be elegant, regardless of age, education level, or social status.
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      • Make sure your clothing is clean, neat, and free of wrinkles. Don’t wear garments that are dirty, stained, or damaged.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/respect/
      2. ↑ https://tfcs.baruch.cuny.edu/giving-and-accepting-compliments-2/
      3. ↑ https://www.southern.edu/administration/cte/Leadership/2020ei-docs/2-BodyLanguage.pdf
      4. ↑ https://online.hbs.edu/blog/post/leadership-under-pressure
      5. ↑ https://your.yale.edu/self-awareness-theres-power-reflecting-it
      6. ↑ https://www.cnn.com/2016/11/15/politics/ways-to-be-more-politically-active-trnd/index.html
      7. ↑ https://www.umsystem.edu/media/hr/10ways-expand-1.pdf
      8. ↑ https://professional.dce.harvard.edu/blog/8-ways-you-can-improve-your-communication-skills/
      9. ↑ https://clarke.edu/campus-life/health-wellness/counseling/articles-advice/tips-for-managing-conflict/
      1. ↑ https://open.lib.umn.edu/collegesuccess/chapter/5-4-building-your-vocabulary/
      2. ↑ https://wexnermedical.osu.edu/blog/toxic-friendships
      3. ↑ https://uhs.berkeley.edu/health-promotion/health-topics/personal-and-household-hygiene
      4. ↑ https://www.angelo.edu/life-on-campus/work/career-and-professional-services/job_search/dress.php#womentips
      5. ↑ https://www.bridgetteraes.com/2021/07/14/simple-chic-how-to-create-the-look/
      6. ↑ https://www.makeup.com/en-ca/product-and-reviews/all-products-and-reviews/step-by-step-tutorial-natural-makeup
      7. ↑ https://www.johnfrieda.com/en-uk/blog/hairstyles/formal-hairstyles/
      8. ↑ https://www.vogue.com/article/essential-accessories

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      Being an elegant woman is all about being well-mannered and composed around other people. Always say “please” and “thank you” and treat everyone with kindness. Carry yourself gracefully with your shoulders slightly back and your head high, which will make you look confident and collected. If you find yourself getting impatient or frustrated, take a few deep breaths and try to reassess the situation. You should also make an effort to speak clearly and use language everyone can understand to help you communicate with people. Although you should wear whatever makes you comfortable, try to dress conservatively so people focus on your personality and not your body. For more tips from our Fashion co-author, including how to keep your hair and makeup elegant, read on!

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        Nov 7, 2017

        "Gave me good insights on how to become an elegant woman. The examples are very good, too. Keep up the good work!"
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