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Seeing people in your family fight can be really tough. Whether you’re involved or not, you might be feeling sad, angry, or even ashamed when your loved ones yell and scream at each other. There are a few techniques you can use to have a calm, civilized discussion with your family about your issues. If you need extra help, consider calling in a mental health professional for guidance.
Here are 10 tips for navigating family fights and ending them in a healthy way.
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QuestionWhat do you say when your family fights?Dr. Jacob Christenson is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and the CEO of Covenant Family Solutions. With more than 20 years of experience, he specializes in substance abuse issues, parenting, medical family therapy, couples counseling, family therapy, and counseling for treatment-resistant adolescents. Dr. Christenson has also been published in many peer-reviewed journals, including Contemporary Family Therapy: An International Journal and Journal of Marital and Family Therapy. He is an AAMFT Approved Supervisor for the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT) and a Clinical Fellow for the Iowa Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (IAMFT). Dr. Christenson holds a BS in Psychology from California Polytechnic State University, an MS and PhD in Marriage and Family Therapy from Brigham Young University, and an MBA from The University of the People.When people argue, they create what we call triangles — instead of talking to the person that they're upset with, they'll end up talking to somebody that they can align with. If the person comes to you when they're fighting, your role is to make them interact with the other one. Help them identify where the conflict is coming from and encourage them to talk.
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QuestionHow do you handle kids arguing?Dr. Jacob Christenson is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and the CEO of Covenant Family Solutions. With more than 20 years of experience, he specializes in substance abuse issues, parenting, medical family therapy, couples counseling, family therapy, and counseling for treatment-resistant adolescents. Dr. Christenson has also been published in many peer-reviewed journals, including Contemporary Family Therapy: An International Journal and Journal of Marital and Family Therapy. He is an AAMFT Approved Supervisor for the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT) and a Clinical Fellow for the Iowa Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (IAMFT). Dr. Christenson holds a BS in Psychology from California Polytechnic State University, an MS and PhD in Marriage and Family Therapy from Brigham Young University, and an MBA from The University of the People.If your kids are arguing and having lots of negative feelings towards each other, you should try increasing the level of service between the members of the family. For example, start to do nice things for another person, creating more opportunities to reduce the conflict and generate more positive feelings in the household.
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QuestionMy aunt is fighting with my mom. She's definitely being the unreasonable one, but I miss her a lot. We haven't been able to see her or her family since the start of the fight. What do I do?Community AnswerTalk to someone who is outside of your family unit, an adult whom you can trust. Tell them how you feel. Then talk to your mom about how this makes you feel and that how you feel that even if she doesn't want to talk to your aunt, you'd like to keep your relationship with her intact and thriving. You can always call your aunt.
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- If you’re a kid, don’t feel like you have to end every family fight. The bulk of the responsibility should be on the adults in your life, not you.Thanks
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References
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-health/improving-family-relationships-with-emotional-intelligence.htm
- ↑ Jacob Christenson, PhD, LMFT. Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. Expert Interview. 22 October 2021.
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-health/improving-family-relationships-with-emotional-intelligence.htm
- ↑ Jacob Christenson, PhD, LMFT. Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. Expert Interview. 22 October 2021.
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to-de-escalate-fights-with-family-members#2
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to-de-escalate-fights-with-family-members#2
- ↑ Jacob Christenson, PhD, LMFT. Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. Expert Interview. 22 October 2021.
- ↑ https://raisingchildren.net.au/pre-teens/behaviour/sibling-fights/sibling-fighting
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/compassion-matters/201404/5-steps-end-any-fight
- ↑ Jacob Christenson, PhD, LMFT. Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. Expert Interview. 22 October 2021.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/compassion-matters/201404/5-steps-end-any-fight
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Reader Success Stories
- "My dad and uncle started fighting nonstop. My uncle ran away to my grandma's and my dad couldn't stop being stressed. After reading the article, I learned that I needed to breathe and talk to other family members." ..." more
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"My dad and uncle started fighting nonstop. My uncle ran away to my grandma's and my dad couldn't stop being stressed. After reading the article, I learned that I needed to breathe and talk to other family members."
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"This article is really very helpful. I actually used some of the tips with my mom and dad, and they really worked."
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