How to Find Out Who Your Best Friends Are

Co-authored by Allison Broennimann, PhD

Last Updated: November 8, 2024 Approved

Figuring out who your best friends are can be tricky, emotional, and confusing! To determine who your best friends are, evaluate your friendships. Consider several dimensions of your relationships. How much time do you spend with this friend? Does this friend communicate well with you? Does this friend stand up for you and support you? Throughout the process, remain patient, open, and honest!

Part 1

Part 1 of 5:

Evaluating the Time You Spend With Your Friends

Download Article

Best friends want to spend time with you. They set aside blocks in their schedules to spend with you. Best friends plan fun activities and adventures to experience with you. Additionally, you frequently ask them to spend time with you too!
Best friends are intentional about spending time with you. Your best friends attend all of your major life events, such as weddings and funerals. They are present at all of the little events too--from small birthday parties to your home sporting events. Often, you hang out “just because”--no special occasion is needed to bring you together.

Advertisement
Best friends spend time together because they genuinely enjoy one another’s company. Best friends aren’t seasonal friends--they are there for you year-round, not just when school is in session or football is in season. Your best friends don’t spend time with you only when it is convenient for them or they want to use your swimming pool.

Quiz

wikiHow Quiz: Is My Friend Toxic?

Friendships are all about offering support, sharing love, and keeping the good vibes flowing… but lately, your friend doesn’t seem to pass the vibe check. Could the friendship be turning toxic, or is your friendship just going through a rough patch? Take this quiz to find out!

1 of 12

How often does your friend flake on plans?

Constantly! They almost always cancel at the last minute.

Frequently. I might as well flip a coin to see if they show up.

Occasionally. They usually have a good excuse, though.

Never. If they give me their word, I know they’ll be there.

Part 2

Part 2 of 5:

Assessing Your Friends’ Communication Skills

Download Article

Best friends are active listeners . When you speak, your best friends should give you their full attention--your BFF’s phone should remain in a pocket, purses, or on a table.
2
Determine which friends only talk about themselves. Best friends want to hear about each other’s struggles and triumphs, fears and dreams. Friends that constantly turn the conversation back to themselves are not your best friend. Friends that never ask you about your life or how you are feeling are not interested in getting to know you. ^{[1]
X
Research source}
- If you or your friend has had a rough day, one person may dominate more of the conversation.
Best friends respond to your text messages. They return your calls. They pick up the phone--even if you ring them at the early hours. Friends that fail to respond, or gets around to it when they feel like it, are not reliable communicators. Don't think they are unreliable if they don't answer you at the early hours, they probably need a rest. ^{[2]
X
Research source}

Part 3

Part 3 of 5:

Considering Your Friends Loyalty to You

Download Article

When you share a secret with your best friends, they shouldn't tell the next person they bump into! Your relationship with your best friends is built on mutual trust and respect. They don’t spread rumors about you, they squash them!
Best friends stand up for each other no matter the circumstances. Best friends stick up for you when you can’t defend yourself. They don’t join in on the bullying, add to the teasing, or spread a rumor about you!
Everyone makes mistakes--even best friends. Best friends don’t hold grudges or give each other the silent treatment. Instead, they allow each other to explain why they are upset. They take part in a dialogue--not a screaming match. They apologize for their misgivings and learn from their mistakes. At the end of a fight, best friends forgive each other. ^{[3]
X
Research source}

Part 4

Part 4 of 5:

Determining if Your Friends Support You

Download Article

When you experience success, your best friends should be the first people to congratulate you. Best friends are not competitive with one another but supportive of each other. Jealous friends are not your best friends.
Best friends give each other an extra boost of confidence before an exam or a job interview. They build each other up with positivity, instead of tearing each other down with negative criticism. Best friends don’t belittle each other. ^{[4]
X
Research source}

Brene Brown, Author & Professor of Social Work

Real friends celebrate each other. "Good friends aren’t afraid of your light. When something good happens to you, they celebrate your flame. When something good happens to them, you celebrate their flame."
Best friends hold each other to higher standards. Your best friends should steer you towards positive influences and decisions because they care for your safety, health, and happiness. Friends that place you in an awkward, embarrassing situation or don't respect your boundaries do not have your best interest in mind. ^{[5]
X
Expert Source

Allison Broennimann, PhD
Clinical Psychologist

Expert Interview. 29 January 2021.} ^{[6]
X
Research source}

Part 5

Part 5 of 5:

Reaching a Conclusion

Download Article

Take some time to think about your answers to these questions. Spend a few hours journaling or go for a long walk.
Once you have processed the information, make an effort to talk to your best friends. Let them know how much you appreciate them! Write them a card, take them out to dinner, or make them a pan of your famous brownies!
3
Continue to work on your friendships. Now that you have figured out who your best friends are, focus on further developing your relationships with them. Continue to spend time with them, make an effort to be present at all of their major milestones and minor events. Keep the lines of communication open and never take your best friends for granted!
- Discuss your boundaries so that your friends are clear about what you need to feel safe and supported in the friendship. ^{[7]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Allison Broennimann, PhD
  Clinical Psychologist
  
  Expert Interview. 29 January 2021.}
- Make sure you're giving as much as you're receiving in the friendship. ^{[8]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Allison Broennimann, PhD
  Clinical Psychologist
  
  Expert Interview. 29 January 2021.}

References

↑ http://mic.com/articles/113794/here-are-all-the-little-ways-you-know-they-re-your-best-friend
↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/09/04/qualities-of-real-friends_n_5709821.html
↑ http://classroom.synonym.com/friend-breaks-promise-20815.html
↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/09/04/qualities-of-real-friends_n_5709821.html
↑ Allison Broennimann, PhD. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 29 January 2021.
↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/09/04/qualities-of-real-friends_n_5709821.html
↑ Allison Broennimann, PhD. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 29 January 2021.
↑ Allison Broennimann, PhD. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 29 January 2021.

Community Q&A

Search

Add New Question

Question

It depends on whether they actually have known me forever and they care for me. Isn't that right?

Community Answer

They don't necessarily have to have known you forever, but caring for you is a must! Most best friends should also know you inside and out.

Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
Thank you for your feedback.
If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
Yes No

Not Helpful 13 Helpful 201
Question

How can I find a friend I can trust?

Community Answer

If you feel a deep connection with someone, if you can talk about things that really matter to you and they don't back off and become distant, then you can start to let your trust take over a little bit. Only time will tell if they are worthy of your trust.

Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
Thank you for your feedback.
If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
Yes No

Not Helpful 16 Helpful 181
Question

What should I do if my best friend betrayed me?

Community Answer

You should ask him/her why they did that and try and talk it out. If that person is truly your best friend, they will apologize and try to work things out.

Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
Thank you for your feedback.
If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
Yes No

Not Helpful 26 Helpful 216

See more answers

Ask a Question

200 characters left

Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.

Submit

Video

Tips

Best friends don’t take advantage of each other. If someone asks you to do something you don't feel right doing, don't do it. Your gut is your guide in these situations. A real friend will care how you feel, and not force you to abandon your values.

Thanks
Helpful 2 Not Helpful 1
Relationships with best friends are not one-sided. Make sure you're not the one who always calls or asks your BFF to hangout!

Thanks
Helpful 1 Not Helpful 0
Find best friends that are genuine and true to themselves.

Thanks
Helpful 1 Not Helpful 0

Show More Tips

Tips from our Readers

The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.

Make sure you’re all these things for your best friend, too. Be patient and kind, make time for them, help them when they’re in trouble and celebrate their successes.
If your friend is always bossing you around, they may just be using you.
Don’t chase people who don’t give you their time or energy.

Submit a Tip

All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published

Name

Please provide your name and last initial

Submit

Thanks for submitting a tip for review!

You Might Also Like

[_note-1] ttp://mic.com/articles/113794/here-are-all-the-little-ways-you-know-they-re-your-best-friend

[_note-2] ttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/09/04/qualities-of-real-friends_n_5709821.html

[_note-3] ttp://classroom.synonym.com/friend-breaks-promise-20815.html

[_note-4] ttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/09/04/qualities-of-real-friends_n_5709821.html

[_note-5] Allison Broennimann, PhD. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 29 January 2021.

[_note-6] ttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/09/04/qualities-of-real-friends_n_5709821.html

[_note-7] Allison Broennimann, PhD. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 29 January 2021.

[_note-8] Allison Broennimann, PhD. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 29 January 2021.

[1]

[2]

[3]

[4]

[5]

Expert Source

Allison Broennimann, PhD
Clinical Psychologist

[6]

[7]

[8]

Log in

How to Find Out Who Your Best Friends Are

Steps

Evaluating the Time You Spend With Your Friends

wikiHow Quiz: Is My Friend Toxic?

How often does your friend flake on plans?

Assessing Your Friends’ Communication Skills

Considering Your Friends Loyalty to You

Determining if Your Friends Support You

Reaching a Conclusion

References

Community Q&A

Video

Tips

Tips from our Readers

You Might Also Like

About This Article

Reader Success Stories

Did this article help you?

Quizzes

You Might Also Like

Featured Articles

Trending Articles

Featured Articles

Featured Articles

Watch Articles

Trending Articles

Quizzes

Explore Categories