Download Article
Download Article
Figuring out who your best friends are can be tricky, emotional, and confusing! To determine who your best friends are, evaluate your friendships. Consider several dimensions of your relationships. How much time do you spend with this friend? Does this friend communicate well with you? Does this friend stand up for you and support you? Throughout the process, remain patient, open, and honest!
Steps
-
Assess which of your friends asks you to hang out the most. Best friends want to spend time with you. They set aside blocks in their schedules to spend with you. Best friends plan fun activities and adventures to experience with you. Additionally, you frequently ask them to spend time with you too!
-
Determine which friends you spend the most time with. Best friends are intentional about spending time with you. Your best friends attend all of your major life events, such as weddings and funerals. They are present at all of the little events too--from small birthday parties to your home sporting events. Often, you hang out “just because”--no special occasion is needed to bring you together.Advertisement
-
Consider why you spend time with your friends. Best friends spend time together because they genuinely enjoy one another’s company. Best friends aren’t seasonal friends--they are there for you year-round, not just when school is in session or football is in season. Your best friends don’t spend time with you only when it is convenient for them or they want to use your swimming pool.
Advertisement
Quiz
wikiHow Quiz: Is My Friend Toxic?
-
Consider which of your friends are the best listeners. Best friends are active listeners . When you speak, your best friends should give you their full attention--your BFF’s phone should remain in a pocket, purses, or on a table.
-
Determine which friends only talk about themselves. Best friends want to hear about each other’s struggles and triumphs, fears and dreams. Friends that constantly turn the conversation back to themselves are not your best friend. Friends that never ask you about your life or how you are feeling are not interested in getting to know you. [1] X Research source
- If you or your friend has had a rough day, one person may dominate more of the conversation.
-
Evaluate your friends’ response times. Best friends respond to your text messages. They return your calls. They pick up the phone--even if you ring them at the early hours. Friends that fail to respond, or gets around to it when they feel like it, are not reliable communicators. Don't think they are unreliable if they don't answer you at the early hours, they probably need a rest. [2] X Research source
Advertisement
-
Determine which of your friends can keep a secret. When you share a secret with your best friends, they shouldn't tell the next person they bump into! Your relationship with your best friends is built on mutual trust and respect. They don’t spread rumors about you, they squash them!
-
Decide which of your friends have your back. Best friends stand up for each other no matter the circumstances. Best friends stick up for you when you can’t defend yourself. They don’t join in on the bullying, add to the teasing, or spread a rumor about you!
-
Evaluate your friends’ willingness to forgive you. Everyone makes mistakes--even best friends. Best friends don’t hold grudges or give each other the silent treatment. Instead, they allow each other to explain why they are upset. They take part in a dialogue--not a screaming match. They apologize for their misgivings and learn from their mistakes. At the end of a fight, best friends forgive each other. [3] X Research source
Advertisement
-
Consider which of your friends are truly happy for you. When you experience success, your best friends should be the first people to congratulate you. Best friends are not competitive with one another but supportive of each other. Jealous friends are not your best friends.
-
Evaluate their ability to encourage you. Best friends give each other an extra boost of confidence before an exam or a job interview. They build each other up with positivity, instead of tearing each other down with negative criticism. Best friends don’t belittle each other. [4] X Research sourceBrene Brown, Author & Professor of Social Work
Real friends celebrate each other. "Good friends aren’t afraid of your light. When something good happens to you, they celebrate your flame. When something good happens to them, you celebrate their flame."
-
Decide which of your friends are positive influences. Best friends hold each other to higher standards. Your best friends should steer you towards positive influences and decisions because they care for your safety, health, and happiness. Friends that place you in an awkward, embarrassing situation or don't respect your boundaries do not have your best interest in mind. [5] X Expert Source Allison Broennimann, PhD
Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 29 January 2021. [6] X Research source
Advertisement
-
Reflect on your answers. Take some time to think about your answers to these questions. Spend a few hours journaling or go for a long walk.
-
Talk to your best friends. Once you have processed the information, make an effort to talk to your best friends. Let them know how much you appreciate them! Write them a card, take them out to dinner, or make them a pan of your famous brownies!
-
Continue to work on your friendships. Now that you have figured out who your best friends are, focus on further developing your relationships with them. Continue to spend time with them, make an effort to be present at all of their major milestones and minor events. Keep the lines of communication open and never take your best friends for granted!
- Discuss your boundaries so that your friends are clear about what you need to feel safe and supported in the friendship. [7]
X
Expert Source
Allison Broennimann, PhD
Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 29 January 2021. - Make sure you're giving as much as you're receiving in the friendship. [8]
X
Expert Source
Allison Broennimann, PhD
Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 29 January 2021.
- Discuss your boundaries so that your friends are clear about what you need to feel safe and supported in the friendship. [7]
X
Expert Source
Allison Broennimann, PhD
Advertisement
References
- ↑ http://mic.com/articles/113794/here-are-all-the-little-ways-you-know-they-re-your-best-friend
- ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/09/04/qualities-of-real-friends_n_5709821.html
- ↑ http://classroom.synonym.com/friend-breaks-promise-20815.html
- ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/09/04/qualities-of-real-friends_n_5709821.html
- ↑ Allison Broennimann, PhD. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 29 January 2021.
- ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/09/04/qualities-of-real-friends_n_5709821.html
- ↑ Allison Broennimann, PhD. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 29 January 2021.
- ↑ Allison Broennimann, PhD. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 29 January 2021.
Community Q&A
Search
-
QuestionIt depends on whether they actually have known me forever and they care for me. Isn't that right?Community AnswerThey don't necessarily have to have known you forever, but caring for you is a must! Most best friends should also know you inside and out.
-
QuestionHow can I find a friend I can trust?Community AnswerIf you feel a deep connection with someone, if you can talk about things that really matter to you and they don't back off and become distant, then you can start to let your trust take over a little bit. Only time will tell if they are worthy of your trust.
-
QuestionWhat should I do if my best friend betrayed me?Community AnswerYou should ask him/her why they did that and try and talk it out. If that person is truly your best friend, they will apologize and try to work things out.
Ask a Question
200 characters left
Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.
Submit
Advertisement
Video
Tips
- Relationships with best friends are not one-sided. Make sure you're not the one who always calls or asks your BFF to hangout!Thanks
- Find best friends that are genuine and true to themselves.Thanks
- Best friends don’t take advantage of each other. If someone asks you to do something you don't feel right doing, don't do it. Your gut is your guide in these situations. A real friend will care how you feel, and not force you to abandon your values.Thanks
Tips from our Readers
The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
- Make sure you’re all these things for your best friend, too. Be patient and kind, make time for them, help them when they’re in trouble and celebrate their successes.
- If your friend is always bossing you around, they may just be using you.
- Don’t chase people who don’t give you their time or energy.
Submit a Tip
All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published
Name
Please provide your name and last initial
Thanks for submitting a tip for review!
Advertisement
About This Article
Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 599,896 times.
Reader Success Stories
- "My best friend is very loyal and trustworthy, and I understood that because of this article. I once had very domineering friends who where a bad influence, and I ended up hating them in the end. I didn't want to repeat that again, but now that I've found my best friend, I'm very happy." ..." more
Advertisement
"My best friend is very loyal and trustworthy, and I understood that because of this article. I once had very domineering friends who where a bad influence, and I ended up hating them in the end. I didn't want to repeat that again, but now that I've found my best friend, I'm very happy."
..."
more
"Most of the points you mentioned in this article are who I am to my friends. At first I was not sure if I am doing things accordingly as a friend, although my friends appreciate how I play the role of a best friend, but now I am certain that I am the best."
..."
more
"I have two best friends. One is very harsh and lets all my secrets out. And the other always stays with me and makes me feel comfortable. I tested them a few times and understood who my best friends are."
..."
more
"She is nice, pretty, smart, and she is the best friend I ever had in my whole entire life. "
"Very good, especially the fact that you should not always contact your best friend first."
