How to Give Your Wife a Backrub

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Giving your wife a backrub can be a very intimate experience. You take time to focus on her needs. Don't go in blindly though. Take time to set the mood for relaxation. Music, lighting, and candles go a long way. You can help calm her muscles from a stressful day or experience. Don't forget the oil. She will certainly be grateful for all the attention.

Part 1
Part 1 of 2:

Preparing For the Massage

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  1. This massage is to relax her. Your goal is to make her time with you better through this intimate connection. Prepare to focus entirely on her for at least 30 minutes if not longer. Think about what she likes when she relaxes and use those insights to create the perfect environment for a backrub.
  2. For the massage to work best her back will need to be completely exposed. This means she will probably be topless. You need to make sure the area you choose has plenty of privacy from neighbors and kids. If you have kids in the home, you may consider locking the door.
    • The bedroom can be a great place for a massage. However, be ready to stay on your knees most of the time. You will probably need lots of towels to ensure the oils do not get on the sheets, pillows, or comforter.
    • Avoid giving a massage on the couch. Although convenient it provides little room to maneuver for applying pressure.
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  3. [1] Although you may not have a massage table you will likely have plenty of places to lie down. You need a surface where she can lie comfortably without being cold. Somewhere with plenty of support. You will be pushing down on her back so avoid the waterbed.
  4. If she has a favorite album or band that she likes to listen to when relaxing, go with that. Otherwise find something relaxing. [2] Your local music store will likely have plenty to choose from if you feel stuck. Try to avoid the radio since you can't control what might come on or what commentators might say between songs or commercials.
    • In a pinch you may be able to find some relaxing playlists online or using a smartphone app. Some premium streaming music services provide highly customizable playlists with no commercials.
  5. Essential oils used in aromatherapy can provide just the right touch to a room. [3] If you know that your room has unwanted odors or scents you definitely want something that smells good. Orange blossom oil, for example, has a fragrance that can produce a calming sensation.
  6. Electric lighting is usually not intended to calm. Most electric lighting can be pretty harsh on the eyes. Natural lighting from candles will produce enough light to perform the massage but is not so bright as to upset the mood. The room should be calm and inviting. Candle light creates a very warm environment.
    • If you are using heated essential oils you will want to find non-scented candles to avoid mixing smells. You may chose to go with a scented candle in lieu of essential oils altogether.
  7. For muscles to get the most attention you must have some oil. Oil reduces friction on the skin. This allows you to press without dragging or pulling the skin with your fingers or hands. Have plenty of massage oil ready to use on both your hands and on her back. [5]
    • Massage oil bottles will get very messy if you need to add additional oil. Consider wrapping your massage oil bottle with a small washcloth and rubber band or putting your massage oil in a liquid pourer such as a small liquid measuring cup.
    • Some people like to warm the oil by putting the oil bottle in a bowl of warm water before the massage. [6]
  8. Cloth towels, especially cotton towels, can be used for numerous tasks. You can use them to wipe off excess oil. They can also be used to cover body parts when needed. If your wife is lying face down, she may like a towel under her knees or rolled up to relax her feet on.
    • If your wife wants to completely undress for the massage, use a towel to cover her buttocks and upper thighs if she feels too exposed.
  9. If you haven't massaged anything in a while, if ever, be prepared for some sore hands. You want to stretch the muscles in your hands and wrists before you begin the massage. Do this by putting your open hands together in front of you with fingers extended. With one hand, push the other with your fingertips. Repeat for both hands.
    • Another stretch is to squeeze a stress ball. This can strengthen your fingers for a harder massage.
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Part 2
Part 2 of 2:

Giving Her a Relaxing Massage

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  1. While she is decompressing go ahead and put the finishing touches on the setup. Light the candles and turn on the music. Wait until she is ready to do any of this. If you do this before she has arrived she may not feel she can de-stress. Furthermore you don't want to leave the candles unattended since they can catch other items on fire.
  2. When she is ready for the massage she will likely do this naturally. If she is uncomfortable with taking off her bra for this you may allow her to lie down before unfastening the strap. Let her know that oil may get on her bra if she does not remove it after lying down.
  3. [7] Unless you are used to spreading oil on skin, start by applying the oil to your hands. Then rub your hands on her back. If you seem to need more, put more on your hands and repeat. Do this until your hands slide effortlessly up and down her back. Be sure to get her shoulders, neck, and sides.
  4. Herein lies much of her stress. Start by cupping your hands over her shoulders. Gently squeeze your hands to put pressure on the muscles in her shoulders. Apply pressure evenly with your fingers as you massage the muscles. Avoid the collar bone and move left and right from neck to arms and back.
    • One technique is to place your thumb on the back of her shoulder for pressure. While keeping the fingers in the same place, move the thumb across her back and toward her neck with each squeeze. Reposition your fingers and hand periodically to ensure a complete massage.
    • If there is a knot in the shoulder blade, apply steady pressure instead of constantly pushing harder and harder on the knot. [8]
    • Don't forget the neck and the upper arms. With the neck, simply massage the back and sides gently with your fingertips and thumbs. With the upper arms you will come almost entirely off the shoulder and knead the upper arm. Apply equal pressure with your fingers and thumb and allow your hand to slip away from the arm with each squeeze.
    • Start slow with a little bit of pressure and ask your wife if you should press lighter or harder. [9]
  5. [10] After massaging her shoulders, move to her back. Place your open hands on each side of her back. with the tips of your fingers and thumbs, begin making small circular movements while slightly opening and closing your hand. As you move down the back, massage with your thumbs the muscles beside the spine while your fingers massage her sides.
    • Avoid the spine or anything that might tickle or cause pain. [11] The spine and muscles do not massage well. You can cause a lot of unwanted pain (or injury) by pressing too hard on them. Furthermore, any tickling, punching, poking, slapping, or scratching should be avoided unless requested. Typically this upsets a calm mood.
    • If you were not making circular movements, your fingers would be moving in and out from your palm about and inch or two.
    • Keep your fingers spread apart during this exercise. This provides more coverage and pressure is distributed more evenly. Try to apply pressure evenly throughout the bottom of the finger rather than focused on the tips.
  6. [12] After kneading the back and sides you can use a hand slide. Slide your open hand, palm down, up her back from the lower back to her shoulders and arms. Then slide your hands back to her lower back. Repeat this motion several times remembering to provide even pressure throughout the hand. If you feel a lot of friction, add more oil promptly.
  7. [13] As the massage progresses you may notice your hands getting fatigued. Position yourself so that you can use your body weight to apply pressure. Not too much pressure--you don't want to hurt her. But use your body's weight instead of constant squeezing to give your hands a break. This technique is especially useful when sliding up and down her back.
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      Tips

      • If she becomes ticklish, try using slower, firmer stroking movements, using the whole hand. More oil will often help too.
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      • Spend extra time on the areas she indicates enjoyment (e.g. shoulders, neck, lower back).
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      Warnings

      • Do not stand or walk on your wife's back. Your focus is on massaging muscles. Leave the spine for the chiropractor.
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      • Sharp nails or very rough hands may be uncomfortable or cause scratches. Be sure to use plenty of oil to avoid accidental injury.
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      • Do not apply pressure to the spine. This can cause serious injury if done inappropriately.
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      References

      1. ↑ http://carrington.edu/blog/medical/beginners-guide-to-giving-a-great-back-massage/
      2. ↑ [v161216_b01]. 10 December 2019.
      3. ↑ [v161216_b01]. 10 December 2019.
      4. ↑ Marty Morales. Professional Massage Therapist. Expert Interview. 20 December 2019.
      5. ↑ [v161216_b01]. 10 December 2019.
      6. ↑ Marty Morales. Professional Massage Therapist. Expert Interview. 20 December 2019.
      7. ↑ http://carrington.edu/blog/medical/beginners-guide-to-giving-a-great-back-massage/
      8. ↑ Marty Morales. Professional Massage Therapist. Expert Interview. 20 December 2019.
      9. ↑ [v161216_b01]. 10 December 2019.
      1. ↑ https://www.yahoo.com/health/how-to-give-the-best-massage-ever-that-will-108835127845.html
      2. ↑ http://lifehacker.com/5871832/how-do-i-give-better-massages
      3. ↑ https://www.yahoo.com/health/how-to-give-the-best-massage-ever-that-will-108835127845.html
      4. ↑ https://www.amtamassage.org/articles/3/MTJ/detail/2901

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      Reader Success Stories

      • Chase Gatchley

        Aug 21, 2017

        "It was very informative and I am fully prepared to give my wife a much needed back massage. Thanks. "
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