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Introverted, intellectual, and ambitious, INTJs make for incredible long term partners. But which Myers-Briggs type is their soulmate, and which matches might take a little work? We're walking you through everything you need to know. Plus, we'll finish up with an in-depth guide covering the ins and outs of dating this fascinating, analytical type. Let's get started!
Things You Should Know
- INTJ tends to do well when they have a little common ground with their partner. So ISTJ and INTP, for instance, are perfect matches.
- Some types still make for excellent complements to INTJs, despite major differences. For example, ESFP and ESTP usually fall into this category.
- In love, INTJs make incredible partners. They take love seriously and are extremely loyal, though they're not big on romantic gestures.
Steps
Section 1 of 5:
INTJ Compatibility: Soulmates
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ISTJ. INTJ and ISTJ share a love of learning—they’re both practical, hard-working, and deliberate. These two will fall madly in love, creating a healthy, supportive relationship that’s as full of challenging debates as it is intentional acts of service. Together, they’ll enjoy a quiet, sweet, dreamy romance. [1] X Research source
- To bond: Take care of each other. ISTJ will go for small gestures like taking out the trash—INTJ will want to help ISTJ with bigger things, like their 5-year plan.
- Be careful with: Communication. ISTJ might focus on small details, while INTJ thinks about the future. When you two have important discussions, put phones away and listen closely to your partner to stay in sync.
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INTP. INTP and INTJ are reserved, clever, curious, big-picture thinkers. Their sweet romance will be filled with long, insightful conversations and nights in on the couch—these two will make one another feel totally safe and inspired. In romance, these two ultra-loyal personalities will be in it for the long haul. [2] X Research source
- To bond: Quiz each other on movies, books, and albums. Both of you will be fascinated about how your partner thinks.
- Be careful with: Making plans. INTP prefers to wing it, while INTJ is all about their day planner. Try to meet in the middle when you can.
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INTJ. Who better understands INTJ than a fellow INTJ? This is a relationship of kindred spirits—their days will be filled with intriguing documentaries, reading quietly in the same room, and teaming up on new projects. These two will create a super mature partnership, and will help their partner accomplish big goals. [3] X Research source
- To bond: Give each other space, then come back together. For instance, enjoy your freedom during the day, then come together for a nice dinner at night.
- Be careful with: Inflexibility. You two both fully expect to have your own way, but to make things work, compromise will need to be the norm.
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ENTJ. INTJ and ENTJ are both big-picture, logical thinkers who love plans and pursuing goals. The only difference? When ENTJ is ready to party, INTJ would rather stay in. This can allow these two to complement each other well though, with ENTJ learning to slow down and INTJ gradually warming up to a fuller social schedule. [4] X Research source
- To bond: Express your gratitude . You two have the power to change one another for the better, and that's more likely to happen if you validate your parnter's efforts.
- Be careful with: Routine. If you’re always going to gatherings or always skipping them, someone’s bound to feel unsatisfied. Try to strike a balance!
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Section 2 of 5:
INTJ Compatibility: Solid Matches
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INFP. These two clever, curious personalities will create a partnership of deep trust and comfort. They’ll both feel totally at ease in sharing their opinions during rigorous debates—and they’ll love how their partner thinks. Though, when feelings and intimacy are on the table, these two might struggle to connect effectively . [5] X Research source
- To bond: Share secrets. You two are empathetic and loyal—knowing that you can trust your partner will only deepen your bond.
- Be careful with: Communication. INTJ will need to choose careful, sensitive phrasing and INFP will need to ease back on emotional deep dives.
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INFJ. What happens when two idealistic introverts get together? It could be love! These two are super similar—their only real difference is that where INTJ is all about facts and order, INFJ prioritizes empathy and keeping the peace. If they’re careful, INFJ can soften up INTJ’s sharper edges and INTJ can help INFJ think through their decisions better. [6] X Research source
- To bond: Offer perspective during major life events. INTJ, encourage your INTJ to make a pro-con list. INFJ, help INTJ listen to their gut.
- Be careful with: Big changes. You two process major events differently, so be careful to appreciate your partner's methods, not resent them.
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ENTP. These two are creative visionaries, but there’s still enough difference here to inspire mutual change and growth. They’ll love supporting each other’s art and work and drawing up exciting plans for the future. ENTP can push INTJ to become spontaneous; INTJ can help ENTP feel more independent. [7] X Research source
- To bond: Go to a concert or museum. The creative energy will put you two on the same wavelength, and great convo is sure to follow.
- Be careful with: Meeting your partner’s needs. ENTP, give your partner time alone when they ask. INTJ, focus on being flexible with plans.
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ENFJ. These two share a love of goal-setting and an organized approach to their life and work. They make a great team—no home improvement project will be too much for an INTJ-ENFJ matchup. On the other hand, they may struggle to see and respect one another’s boundaries. [8] X Research source
- To bond: Start a project together. You’ll love and appreciate what your partner brings to the table, which will leave you feeling close.
- Be careful with: Listening to your partner’s needs. For instance, INTJ should listen when their partner says they’re feeling sensitive and pull back.
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ISTP. As two quiet observers, an ISTP-INTP pair is who you’ll see whispering in each other’s ears in the corner at a party. They’re stoic, smart, and a little serious, which gives them tons of common ground. [9] X Research source But where ISTP also craves action and adventure, INTJ likes a slower, more practical schedule.
- To bond: Spend time apart. Satisfy personal needs that don’t jive with your partner's and then enjoy connecting when you come together.
- Be careful with: Setting routines. Regularly give in to one partner’s scheduling preferences, and the other will feel unfulfilled. Compromise instead!
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ESTP. INTJs and ESTPs are near opposites, but in this case, opposites can make for great complements. INTJs ground ESTPs, and ESTPs act as a helpful buffer on the social scene. Plus, their similar decision-making process makes these two great long-term matches, though communication will still be key for these two. [10] X Research source
- To bond: Prioritize your partner’s interests. ESTP, read up on INTJ’s intellectual interests, and INTJ, invest in friendships with ESTP’s circle.
- Be careful with: Discussion. You two are very different at heart, so honesty and open dialogue will be important to really understand each other.
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ESTJ. ESTJs and INTJs will make for excellent long-term partners, but they may struggle to set a rapport and solid foundation at the get-go. They’ll love making joint routines and setting big goals together—but while ESTJ loves chatting about friendship and the here-and-now, INTJ prefers high-level, intellectual chats. [11] X Research source
- To bond: Focus on the values and goals that unite you. Are you both looking to rise the ranks in your career? Great, then help each other out!
- Be careful with: The beginning of your relationship. You two might have to work to find your footing, but be patient—down the line, you'll align well.
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ENFP. The second ENFP and INTJ meet, sparks will fly; they’ll love meeting someone who hates small talk as much as they do, but at the same time, they’ll be fascinated by what makes the other person different. The attraction here is strong, though for a long-lasting relationship, some extra elbow grease may be necessary. [12] X Research source
- To bond: Carve out time to connect. Though you organize your lives differently, your one-on-one time, will probably feel magical.
- Be careful with: Miscommunication. Your values and deep-seated habits might be at odds, so talk about your dating goals early on to make sure you're aligned.
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Section 3 of 5:
INTJ Compatibility: Challenging Matches
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ISFP. ISFP and INTJ are quite different at heart—though they’ll both love cozying up on the couch for a nice night in, their differences will be a little tough to look past. Because both types are introverted as well, they may not prioritize open and routine communication in their relationship. But trust that with a little work, this relationship can still be amazing: [13] X Research source
- Seek to understand each other and appreciate, don’t demonize, your differences. The closer you two get, the more you’ll be able to enjoy the ways you're not alike.
- Do activities together that both of you enjoy. Making time to cultivate your friendship helps with connection and bonding, thereby contributing to great long-term compatibility.
- INTJ, open up emotionally to ISFP to help them feel connected. This may be tough for you, but the reward is worth it.
- ISFP, allow INTJ to come to you for serious discussions. Feelings might stress them out, so they’ll appreciate discussing on their own terms.
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ISFJ. ISFJ and INTJ are organized and reserved, but INTJ might find ISFJ a little unpredictable, and ISFJ might think INTJ is too closed off. With a little extra work though, this relationship can definitely work well—especially if both partners focus on mutual love of order and independence. [14] X Research source
- Your daily routines probably line up well—so lean into this. Take fascinating courses together, stay in on weekends, and give each other plenty of space.
- INTJ, give ISFJ space when they’re upset. Like you, they need time alone to process, and this will make them feel safe with you.
- ISFJ, gently encourage INTJ to express their feelings. As a super empathetic person, you're great at guiding people through tough chats.
- Couples who demonstrate that they care about how each other feels have great long-term compatibility. Expressing care, compassion, comfort, and support when your partner is suffering helps build a strong relationship!
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ESFP. INTJs are ESFPs' exact opposite, so this pair can either be compelling, or combative. It all depends on their ability to communicate and appreciate one another’s differences—at their best, they'll complement each other and pick up their partner’s slack. At their worst, they'll be constantly frustrated and confused, especially by their partner's lifestyle choices. [15] X Research source
- You two might have tons of overlapping interests, even as opposite types—you may follow similar teams, listen to the same artists, or read the same books. If you’re looking for common ground, focus on that!
- INTJ, work to make ESFPs life more comfortable and organized. You can help them a ton in this area, changing their life for the better.
- ESFP, show INTJ that life is about more than rules and order. Read them poetry and encourage them to open up when they’re willing.
- Couples with less rigidity and more flexibility will have good long-term compatibility in this partnership. These couples tend to be more willing to compromise, which creates a good-feeling atmosphere in the relationship.
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ESFJ. This type is a near opposite to INTJ, with the exception of how they schedule their lives and routines—at their best, this pairing can be mutually supportive and inspire each other to change for the better (as ESFJ can help INTJ feel more comfortable in social settings; INTJ can help ESFJ follow through on their goals). But if they're not careful, a penchant for organization might be their only real common ground. [16] X Research source
- To make this matchup work, wait it out. You may not connect straight away, but you love to structure your lives in a similar way; this'll be a great point of connection as your romance develops.
- INTJ, in the gentlest way possible, help ESFJ identify their goals. Then, follow up. Chat about what they want, then take those desires seriously.
- ESFJ, bring INTJ to your next big gathering. Take them around the party and introduce them to pals, but respect it when they're ready to leave.
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Section 4 of 5:
INTJs in Love
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INTJs make for dedicated, loyal partners. INTJs are moral, grounded people. At the end of the day, if they’re not being 100% honest and reliable with you, then they’ll feel like they’ve dropped the ball. This is the kind of partner who you can really count on—flightiness and unfaithfulness are not likely to be an issue here. [17] X Research source
- You’re unlikely to catch an INTJ hiding things from you, as they’d prefer everything be out in the open.
- If you have plans with INTJ, they’ll consider them ironclad. Forgotten dates and rain checks will be a thing of the past.
- INTJs are great in a crisis, too—if you run into trouble, this is the kind of partner who’ll stick by your side.
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INTJs are serious people; they’ll take your relationship seriously, too. Value-driven and dutiful, INTJs treat the things they love with major respect. If they’re spending time on you, then they care about you; and if they care about you, they want to do their best by you, 24/7. INTJs want top marks when they’re your partner, not a passing grade.
- If there’s an issue in your relationship, INTJs will try their best to fix it (feel like they’re not communicating? INTJ will work to change). [18] X Research source
- They’re unlikely to flounder around when it comes to big commitments. INTJs are decisive people, and they hate wasting time.
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INTJs are naturally curious and great listeners. Some people feel like they’re never really heard by their partner—but with INTJ, that won’t be an issue. They’ll love listening to your stories and learning about what makes you tick. These are people who crave to really understand the people in their lives, so you’ll always have an interested ear in them. [19] X Research source
- If you tell an INTJ that you had a bad day, they won’t drop it—they’ll want to hear the whole story, start to finish.
- INTJs will be especially interested in your goals and aspirations, so have that 5-year plan at the ready.
- INTJs will also want to know your friends and family well—that way, they’ll get a better sense of what makes you, you !
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INTJs are all about direct communication, so there’ll be no mind games. As partners, INTJ doesn’t believe in beating around the bush, sugarcoating, or playing coy. No, they’re much more likely to cut straight to the point in love. Transparent and meaningful communication is super important in any healthy relationship, so this makes them an excellent partner, especially through rough patches. [20] X Research source
- If you’re having negative feelings about the relationship, INTJ will want to talk about it fully, not sweep it under the rug.
- INTJ won’t be passive aggressive when they’re feeling hurt, they’ll probably come right out with it so you two can find a solution.
- Communication is what allows relationships to fight through changes and struggles—so INTJs tend to make great long-term partners.
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INTJ loves their independence, so they’ll give you yours, too. This is the kind of person who wants both of you to really hold on to your individual identities while you’re together. They’ll love teaming up too, of course, but still, INTJs will be chasing their own dreams, enjoying their own passions, and hoping that you’re doing the same thing.
- A lot of INTJs actually find self-sufficiency attractive. So if you’re comfortable handling things on your own, they’ll love that. [21] X Research source
- INTJs won’t want you two to be attached at the hip—if you’re making plans for every night of the week, they might not be satisfied.
- Healthy relationships leave room for personal goals and experiences, so in this way, INTJs create great partnerships naturally.
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INTJs crave intellectual stimulation in their relationships. This type is clever, curious, and idea-driven—so if they find a partner who can keep up, they’ll be smitten. In an INTJ’s ideal relationship, partners will inspire and challenge each other regularly. They’d love it if in love, you both manage to get a little smarter! [22] X Research source
- Healthy debates are a must in INTJs relationships. Does free will exist? Is social media bad for mental health? They’d love to discuss.
- An INTJ will probably want to bond over intellectual activities, like book and film clubs.
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INTJ will want you two to stay ambitious. In this person’s dream relationship, both partners are chasing down success, on their own and together. They’d love to support you while you train for a marathon, go for the big promotion, or start your own business. And at the same time, INTJ craves a partner who’ll do the same. [23] X Research source
- They’d probably love to create mutual goals you can work hard at together (like a mutual financial target, for instance).
- INTP will show up for all of your big nights—showcases, competitions, award ceremonies, you name it—with bells and whistles on.
- Whether it’s buying you sticky notes or helping you make a business plan, they’ll likely go out of their way to help you.
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Section 5 of 5:
Challenges of Dating an INTJ
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Though INTJs communicate well, they’re not emotionally expressive. INTJs are known for being a little tough to read—you might stare at your INTJ partner and think, “What’s going through their head?” Plus, INTJs are concerned with facts over feelings, so at times, partners might notice that INTJ intellectualize their emotions. [24] X Research source
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INTJs are practical romantics, so they’re not big on grand gestures. While some people might crave love letters, skywriting, and moonlit strolls, that’s just not INTJ’s style. If you’re dating an INTJ and waiting for them to go big with romance, you might be waiting a while—not because they don’t care, but just because they have a different view of what it means to give love. [25] X Research source
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INTJs might need lots of time alone to recharge. This type is introverted, and they may need hours (or even days) to themselves before they can be around people comfortably. This means that for INTJs, bar-hopping and constant gatherings might sounds like a nightmare—which could be a problem for super social partners. [26] X Research source
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow do I start a conversation with my partner about a potentially sensitive topic?Michelle Joy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and serves on the Board of Directors for the Couples Institute Counseling Services in the San Francisco Bay Area. With almost 20 years of therapy training and experience, Michelle offers couples therapy intensives, communication workshops, and Marriage Prep101 Workshops. Michelle is also a certified Enneagram teacher, has presented at the 25th annual International Enneagram Conference, and is a graduate of The Developmental Model of Couples Therapy – Advanced Level. She received an MS in Counseling Psychology from Santa Clara University.First ask, "Is now a good time?" Then acknowledge that this could be a sensitive topic, and communicate your intentions of talking it through in a collaborative way. Finally, communicate that you are also interested in your partner's point of view.
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References
- ↑ https://youtu.be/gzetbYw4bsE?t=54
- ↑ https://www.personalitydata.org/16-types/intj-relationships#partner-compatibility
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- ↑ https://introvertdear.com/news/intj-love-relationships-know-before-taking-the-leap/
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