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Kissing for the first time can be really nerve-wracking. Knowing how and when to initiate a kiss is probably the most intimidating part, but it's easier than you think! Start by flirting with him to show him how you feel. Then, when you're alone together, gradually move closer and wait for a lull in the conversation before making your move. Give him soft, sweet pecks and work your way up to French kissing when you're both ready.
Steps
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Wait for a lull in the conversation. Timing a kiss just right can be hard! It's usually best to wait for a natural lull in the conversation to lean in for a snuggle or a kiss. Let the conversation dwindle on its own, but stay close to him.
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Lock eyes with him. Be bold about making eye contact and do it often, especially right before you're about to go in for the kiss. Not only does looking deeply into his eyes feel romantic, but it's easier to make a genuine connection when you're looking into each other's eyes. [1] X Research sourceAdvertisement
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Test the waters by kissing him on the cheek. If you're unsure about how he'll react to a regular kiss on the mouth, you can always give him a kiss on the cheek first. You can give him a quick peck after he says something sweet, or move in slow and prolong the kiss for a few seconds to show him that you're feeling romantic.
- If he seems shocked or pulls away, you may want to slow things down a bit.
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Ask if you can kiss him if you aren't sure. This might sound awkward, but it can actually be a sweet, cute moment! It also gives him a little warning that it's about to happen, and you'll avoid a blatant rejection if he's not into it. [2] X Expert Source Maya Diamond, MA
Relationship Coach Expert Interview. 17 January 2019.- Try something like, “I've had such a fun day and I'd really like to kiss you right now. Would that be okay?” Or, if you're feeling bolder, you can always go with, "Wanna make out?”
- Boundaries are really important, so if you aren't sure, just ask. [3] X Research source
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Lean in, close your eyes, and tilt your head to the side. You don't have to close your eyes, but it could be pretty awkward or distracting to stare at him the whole time! It's best to just keep them closed. Also, right before you lock lips, tilt your head to the side a bit. [4] X Research source
Tip: Kissing is easier if one person's mouth is tilted significantly sideways. Plus, it prevents your noses and teeth from bumping!
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Touch your lips to his lightly and softly at first. When you first make contact, lightly graze your lips over his. Try to keep your pressure light and your movements slow and gentle. Keep your mouth closed for now. If it seems like he's enjoying it, you can ramp things up a bit. [5] X Research source
- Avoid putting your lips into a tight pucker, which may indicate that you're not that into the moment.
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Explore other ways to kiss him. Kisses don't always have to be on the lips! Give your mouths a break and try kissing him on the earlobe, under the jawbone, or on the inside of his wrist. If you want to take it up a notch, try kissing him in the little hollow place near his collarbone. [6] X Research source
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Try tongue-kissing if it's clear he wants to take things up a notch. Open your mouth slightly and part your lips enough that you could comfortably get your tongue through them. Lightly run your tongue over his lower lip, then pull your tongue back. [8] X Expert Source Maya Diamond, MA
Relationship Coach Expert Interview. 17 January 2019.Tip: Keep the pressure light and the movements gentle. Remember, you can always go harder and faster later.
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Use your tongue sparingly. Slowly and softly dart your tongue in and out of his mouth, pulling back for a few moments each time. For example, you can touch his tongue with yours, then pull back. Circle your tongue around his, then pull back. If you don't pull back occasionally, the kiss might feel aggressive and drool will definitely become an issue! [9] X Research source
- Pulling back also gives a chance to catch your breath.
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Avoid biting or giving him a hickey. A light nibble on his lower lip might be okay every now and then, but definitely avoid biting him or getting your teeth involved in any other way. Gentle kisses on the jaw are great, but don't suction your mouth to his neck like a vacuum hose. Most people just aren't into hickeys! [10] X Research source
- Plus, leaving behind visible traces of your make out session could get you both in hot water with your parents. Keep it low-key.
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Explain your preferences to him in a gentle way. If his kisses are more aggressive or faster than you'd like, don't suffer in silence! Pull back and whisper something like, "I like being kissed like this." Then, demonstrate exactly what you like. He'll appreciate the direction! [11] X Expert Source Maya Diamond, MA
Relationship Coach Expert Interview. 17 January 2019. -
Put your hands to good use while you're kissing. Don't just let your hands sit there limply—use them to make the kiss better! Pull him closer and try resting your hands on his shoulders, hips, chest, or the sides of his face. grab his buttocks *wink* you could slip your hands in his pants too!! [12] X Research source
- You could also try tangling your fingers in his hair.
- If he seems uncomfortable with any of your touches, reel it in.
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Experiment with different techniques to keep things interesting. As you get more comfortable, you can make the pressure more insistent or the kisses faster. You can also try changing up the intensity and speed. Avoid settling into one technique for too long! [13] X Research source
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Leave him wanting more. Ending the kiss before it gets boring is always ideal. If you stop while it's still fun, he'll instantly be looking forward to next time! Pull back, look into his eyes, and smile before you part ways.
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Say "hi" when you see him and strike up a conversation. Instead of just awkwardly asking how it's going, try to have a more specific opening prepared to get the conversation flowing. Tell him what you're up to, ask about his plans for an upcoming event, or bring up an inside joke. Be sure to ask him open-ended questions that require more than a simple "yes" or "no."
- For example, you might say, "I heard you're going to the Winter Formal with a group of your friends. Fun! What are you planning to wear?"
- You could also say something like, "I totally spaced when the homework assignment was announced in History. Can you help me out?" [14] X Research source
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Find excuses to touch him in small, fleeting ways. Light touches can help you gain the confidence to break the touch barrier in a more romantic way. For example, when you're talking to him, gently touch him on the arm when he says something funny, or "accidentally" bump into him when you're walking together. [15] X Research source
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Pay him a genuine compliment . Everyone likes to be complimented, and it will also communicate that you're thinking of him. Focus on a quality you genuinely like about him—whether it's his eyes, his sense of humor, his hair, and so on—and tell him why you appreciate it. [16] X Research source
Tip: A nice compliment doesn't have to be complicated! Try something like, "Has anyone ever told you that your hair looks amazing that way?"
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Keep your body language positive and open. How you carry yourself can tell him a lot about how you feel! Plus, it will probably be a lot easier to move in for a kiss and, when you do, he won't be as surprised. Don't cross your arms, twiddle your thumbs, or clasp your hands together. Instead, orient your body toward him.
- For example, if you're standing, keep your toes pointed at him. If you're sitting, point your knees.
- If you can't help fidgeting, put your hands behind your back so that you look open from the front.
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Find a good opportunity to be alone with him. You don't have to be totally alone, but a little privacy is ideal. For example, if you're hanging out with a group, go outside to grab some fresh air with him. If you're hanging out in public, try to find a quiet area that feels intimate. For instance, if you're at the mall, you could sit on a bench in a low-traffic area. [17] X Research source
- You could also try offering to walk home with him or dropping by his house to ask if he'd like to go out for a bit.
- If you really want to make sure you're alone, you can always ask him out on a solo date.
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Sit or stand a little closer to him. Kissing him will feel more natural if you gradually move a little closer to him. It will also subtly alert him that you want to be intimate, which is always better than swooping in suddenly and completely catching him off guard. [18] X Research source
- If you're sitting together on a couch or in a car, move in closer than you need to. If you're standing up, inch a little closer to him or visibly shiver to see if he pulls you close.
- You can also try holding his hand or leaning on his shoulder.
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Go in for a hug or snuggle to initiate a romantic moment. This usually works best when you're leaving or parting ways, but you can try it any time, like when you're snuggling and watching movies. Lean in close to him, put your arms around his neck or shoulders, and hold the embrace for 2-3 seconds before pulling away.
- You want to create an intimate moment, but don't hug him for so long that it gets awkward!
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Join the Discussion...
What is the purpose of people kissing? What does it mean when people kiss? Why do people like to do it? I spent too long thinking about the actua... Read More
People kiss in many different contexts for different reasons. For example, if someone kisses you on the first date, it could mean they are intere... Read More
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QuestionIf my boyfriend is talking to me at a party, should I kiss him in that environment?This answer was written by one of our trained team of researchers who validated it for accuracy and comprehensiveness.wikiHow Staff EditorStaff AnswerIt really depends on the party! If it's a really small party or there are family members present, you might want to wait until later to kiss him. If you're at a bigger party with all of your friends, and everyone's milling about and chatting, it seems totally fine to kiss your boyfriend there! Keep it low-key, though, since there are people present.
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QuestionIs it okay to just go for it? If you know he's okay with it, can you just do it?This answer was written by one of our trained team of researchers who validated it for accuracy and comprehensiveness.wikiHow Staff EditorStaff AnswerTotally! If you know he's into you and wants to kiss you, you should feel confident about kissing him. Just make sure you choose a place that's relatively private for the kiss. Start with a peck and work your way up to steamier kisses if the time feels right and he seems receptive.
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QuestionWhat if there are other people around?Community AnswerMany people don't feel comfortable kissing in front of others, so don't let someone pressure you to. If you would like to but feel nervous about it, try a quick peck or a kiss on the cheek.
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Tips
- If he has said that he wanted to kiss you before, don't be afraid to kiss him.Thanks
- Make sure you really like the person first, it could get uncomfortable otherwise. Practice first with two fingers. Don't use the tongue if it is your first kiss with them. Also, smile afterward and don't keep it going too long.Thanks
- Don't forget to breathe!Thanks
Tips from our Readers
The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
- At the end of the day, do what feels right in the moment. When the time is right, you'll know. Trust yourself.
- If you're not ready for a kiss on the lips, that's okay! Try a peck on the cheek or forehead first.
- Don't be afraid to make the first move! He might just be as nervous as you.
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References
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/cutting-edge-leadership/201404/5-secret-powers-eye-contact
- ↑ Maya Diamond, MA. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 17 January 2019.
- ↑ https://positivepsychology.com/great-self-care-setting-healthy-boundaries/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201803/the-surprising-importance-the-first-kiss
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/one-true-thing/201508/seven-tips-kissing-you-mean-it
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/one-true-thing/201508/seven-tips-kissing-you-mean-it
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/anxiety/always-in-a-rush-maybe-its-time-urgency
- ↑ Maya Diamond, MA. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 17 January 2019.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/long-fuse-big-bang/201708/the-curious-psychology-kissing
- ↑ https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/affairs-of-the-lips-why-we-kiss/
- ↑ Maya Diamond, MA. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 17 January 2019.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/sg/blog/long-fuse-big-bang/201708/the-curious-psychology-kissing
- ↑ https://www.pennmedicine.org/updates/blogs/health-and-wellness/2018/february/affection
- ↑ https://www.scienceofpeople.com/how-to-flirt/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/flirting
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to-give-a-powerful-compliment#1
- ↑ https://www.southuniversity.edu/news-and-blogs/2016/08/the-psychology-behind-love-and-romance-70700
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/modern-minds/202309/a-perfect-kiss-the-truth-behind-this-loving-and-sexy-signal
About This Article
Article Summary
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Before kissing a boy for the first time, wait for a moment when you’re both feeling relaxed and comfortable together. If there’s a natural pause in the conversation, and the moment feels right, lock eyes with him and lean in close. If you’re not sure how he’ll react to a kiss on the lips, try kissing him on the cheek first and see if he seems into it. You can also say something like, “I’d love to kiss you right now,” or “Is it okay if I give you a kiss?” If he’s okay with it, move your face close to his, close your eyes, and tilt your head slightly to one side so your nose doesn’t bump into his. Keep your mouth relaxed and gently touch your lips to his. If he seems to be enjoying what you’re doing, try applying a bit more pressure or going in for a more intense kiss, such as a French kiss. It’s okay to experiment with using your tongue or even lightly nibbling his lower lip with your teeth if he’s into it, but be careful and take it slow until you know what he’s comfortable with. You can also explore kissing other places beside his lips. For example, try kissing him on the forehead, cheeks, or jaw. If you really want to turn up the heat, give him some light kisses on the neck, ears, or collarbone. A truly romantic or steamy kiss involves more than just your lips, so don’t forget to use your hands, too. For instance, try stroking his hair, wrapping your arms around his neck, or gently caressing his back and shoulders as you make out. If you’re not sure what he likes—or if there’s something you want him to do differently—you can always ask. To learn more kissing techniques, like how to french kiss a boy, read the article!
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Reader Success Stories
- "A very good article that everyone should know about. I love how it includes things like how to look the part. Kissing is a very big thing for boys and girls so it's good that they have both. I like how people get to submit a question if they want to know more. I would recommend this to 10 out of 10 girls!" ..." more
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"A very good article that everyone should know about. I love how it includes things like how to look the part. Kissing is a very big thing for boys and girls so it's good that they have both. I like how people get to submit a question if they want to know more. I would recommend this to 10 out of 10 girls!"
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"Well mine isn't a success but I do have feelings for my best friend's brother, he is a year older and every time I go there, he's always trying to spend time with us. It's the second time I have caught feelings but I don't know who to tell."
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"I really liked the whole flirty thing. kinda laughed at the playboy thing. because that's how my boyfriend is. I don't understand is way I'm so comfortable texting him about kissing, but when we are together, I get nervous."
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"It was helpful to know that if you want to kiss him and he is a shy type, grab his chin gently while looking into his eyes, and lean in, pull his face towards yours. 50/50. Don't force. A very gentle move for this part."
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"It helped because I had no idea how to approach a guy to kiss him, and this article told me how. And I seriously believe if I hadn't read this article, I would have screwed up. Thank you so much!"
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