How Lonely Am I?

Take this quiz to find your level of lonely feelings

Loneliness is a real and serious issue in the modern world, and silly as it may sound, you’re not alone in feeling alone. But that doesn’t make feeling alone any easier and doesn’t help solve the feeling.

That doesn’t mean you have to keep living with your loneliness, though, and by taking just a couple of minutes to reflect, you can put yourself on a path to connecting with others. Take this quiz to help you better understand those feelings, and we’ll offer helpful tips on how to conquer them.

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Questions Overview

1. Do you ever feel as though you're an outsider in your group of friends?
  1. Never or rarely.
  2. Sometimes.
  3. Often, or always.
  4. I'm never with a group of friends.
2. Do you ever feel as though you have nobody to talk to?
  1. Never or rarely.
  2. Sometimes.
  3. Often.
  4. Always.
3. Do you ever feel like you're missing out on something, even if you're not sure what?
  1. Never, or rarely.
  2. Sometimes.
  3. Often.
  4. Always.
4. Is it easy for you to talk to new people and make new friends?
  1. Yes, it's very easy to make new friends.
  2. It's pretty easy to make new friends.
  3. It's a little difficult to make new friends, but not impossible.
  4. It feels impossible for me to make new friends.
5. Is it easy for you to feel heard and seen in your everyday life?
  1. Yes, I often get the sympathy and affection I need.
  2. I can usually get help and support, but not always.
  3. I don’t usually feel supported by others.
  4. I never or rarely feel supported or understood by others.
6. Do you ever feel self-conscious or out-of-place when you’re in public?
  1. No, I never feel out of place in public.
  2. I sometimes feel self-conscious in public, but not uncomfortable.
  3. I often feel out-of-place in public settings, and it makes me uncomfortable.
  4. I always feel self-conscious when I'm out in public.
7. Do you ever feel as though your accomplishments aren't recognized or rewarded?
  1. No, I feel rewarded and recognized for my achievements.
  2. I usually feel rewarded and recognized for my accomplishments, but not all the time.
  3. I often feel like my hard work and achievements aren’t recognized or rewarded.
  4. I always feel overlooked for my accomplishments.
8. Do you feel you belong to some sort of community that makes you feel connected to others—like a club, friend group, neighborhood, online community, or even your local coffee shop?
  1. Yes, I feel I belong to a community, or more than one community.
  2. I sometimes feel like I belong to a community, but not always.
  3. I don’t usually feel a sense of belonging with a community.
  4. I never feel a sense of belonging with a group or community.

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Everyone feels lonely sometimes, though. And if you\u2019re feeling lonely now, you should know that there are so many ways to feel relief. One step you can take right now is to call up a close friend or family member, even one you haven't spoken to in a while, and have a conversation (and if the first person can\u2019t talk, that\u2019s no big deal. Keep trying until you get someone!). It\u2019s amazing how much just one phone call with someone you really enjoy can do for loneliness. And if you feel up to it, you can even open up about how you\u2019re feeling. Reaching out is the first step to building bridges across your feelings of loneliness. And as someone who might not feel very alone at this moment, you can help someone else by reaching out and making them feel less alone, too! Why not ring someone from your contacts who you haven\u2019t spoken to in a while?

If you do ever have overwhelming feelings of loneliness, consider speaking to a therapist or counselor, who can more effectively listen to and understand your feelings, and create a personalized plan to help you connect with others and feel less lonely in your day-to-day life.<\/i>","edit_links":[{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Help-Someone-with-Depression"},{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Help-a-Self-Isolating-Friend"}],"link_data":[{"title":"How to Help Someone with Depression","id":36653,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Help-Someone-with-Depression","image":"\/images\/thumb\/0\/0a\/Help-Someone-with-Depression-Step-40-Version-2.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Help-Someone-with-Depression-Step-40-Version-2.jpg","alt":"How to Help Someone with Depression"},{"title":"How to Help a Self Isolating Friend","id":8455119,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Help-a-Self-Isolating-Friend","image":"\/images\/thumb\/5\/51\/Help-a-Self-Isolating-Friend-Step-16-Version-2.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Help-a-Self-Isolating-Friend-Step-16-Version-2.jpg","alt":"How to Help a Self Isolating Friend"}],"minimum":0,"image":"","image_url":""},{"number":2,"text":"It seems like you might be a little lonely.","meaning":"According to your answers, it seems like you do sometimes struggle with feelings of loneliness. It seems like it doesn\u2019t stop you from navigating your daily life, and it\u2019s not that you don\u2019t have friends and family who care about you\u2014because you do. But still, it sometimes feels like it\u2019s too hard to find new friends or really connect with the other people in your life. It might leave you feeling like you don\u2019t have anyone to open up to, and that can be overwhelming. Everyone gets lonely now and then. But you have this feeling that you experience loneliness more often (or more strongly) than the people around you, which can be isolating. Loneliness can sometimes leave you feeling like you\u2019re missing out on something, but trust us: loneliness is fixable, you\u2019re not alone, and you won\u2019t feel lonely forever.

One step you can take right now is to call up a close friend or family member, even one you haven't spoken to in a while, and have a conversation. You can talk about anything you like, and if you feel up to it, you can tell them about your feelings. Reaching out is the first step to building bridges across your feelings of loneliness. Or, if that\u2019s too intimidating, you might connect with a pen pal<\/a> using a service like PenPalWorld<\/a> to talk with someone in a more low-stakes and casual way.

If the feeling is especially hurtful or intense, consider speaking to a therapist or counselor, who can more effectively listen to and understand your feelings, and create a personalized plan to help you connect with others and feel less lonely in your day-to-day life. You might also call SAMHSA\u2019s National Helpline (1-800-662-4357) to speak with a sympathetic and enthusiastic ally on-demand, or visit SAMHSA\u2019s website<\/a> for more resources. Remember: asking for help<\/a> is never something to be ashamed of. We all need a hand every now and then, and you\u2019re not alone.","edit_links":[{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Stop-Feeling-Lonely"},{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Make-New-Friends-Quickly"}],"link_data":[{"title":"How to Cope When You're Feeling Alone: 22 Things to Do","id":708433,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Stop-Feeling-Lonely","image":"\/images\/thumb\/4\/40\/Stop-Feeling-Lonely-Step-13-Version-3.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Stop-Feeling-Lonely-Step-13-Version-3.jpg","alt":"How to Cope When You're Feeling Alone: 22 Things to Do"},{"title":"How to Make New Friends Quickly","id":1593840,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Make-New-Friends-Quickly","image":"\/images\/thumb\/e\/e4\/Make-New-Friends-Quickly-Step-19-Version-2.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Make-New-Friends-Quickly-Step-19-Version-2.jpg","alt":"How to Make New Friends Quickly"}],"minimum":0,"image":"","image_url":""},{"number":3,"text":"It seems like you might be feeling lonely.","meaning":"According to your responses, it seems like you may feel lonely more often than not. You might feel that, as you navigate the world, it's difficult to connect with the people around you, even those you've known for a long time. We know that making new friends can be a challenge (or even seem impossible) and it\u2019s easy to get overwhelmed by feelings of isolation. It can be hard to feel like you have nobody to confide in, or that you're walking through life without an ally. Loneliness can sometimes leave you feeling like you\u2019re missing out on something, but trust us: loneliness is fixable, you\u2019re not alone, and you won\u2019t feel lonely forever.

Everyone feels lonely now and then, but you're fairly certain you feel it more often, and more strongly, than the people around you, which can be isolating in and of itself. One step you can take right now is to call up a close friend or family member, even one you haven't spoken to in a while, and have a conversation. You can talk about anything you like, and if you feel up to it, you can even talk to them about how you\u2019re feeling. Reaching out is the first step to building bridges across your feelings of loneliness. Or, if that\u2019s too intimidating, you might connect with a pen pal<\/a> using a service like PenPalWorld<\/a> to talk with someone in a more low-stakes and casual way.

If the feeling is especially hurtful or intense, consider speaking to a therapist or counselor, who can more effectively listen to and understand your feelings, and create a personalized plan to help you connect with others and feel less lonely in your day-to-day life. You might also call SAMHSA\u2019s National Helpline (1-800-662-4357) to speak with a sympathetic and enthusiastic ally on-demand, or visit SAMHSA\u2019s website<\/a> for more resources. Remember: asking for help<\/a> is never something to be ashamed of. We all need a hand every now and then, and you\u2019re not alone.","edit_links":[{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Stop-Feeling-Lonely"},{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Create-Community"}],"link_data":[{"title":"How to Cope When You're Feeling Alone: 22 Things to Do","id":708433,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Stop-Feeling-Lonely","image":"\/images\/thumb\/4\/40\/Stop-Feeling-Lonely-Step-13-Version-3.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Stop-Feeling-Lonely-Step-13-Version-3.jpg","alt":"How to Cope When You're Feeling Alone: 22 Things to Do"},{"title":"How to Create Community","id":8611893,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Create-Community","image":"\/images\/thumb\/9\/91\/Create-Community-Step-13.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Create-Community-Step-13.jpg","alt":"How to Create Community"}],"minimum":0,"image":"","image_url":""}]" class="quiz_results_data"/>\"Will<\/picture>","alt":"Will I Ever Find Love Quiz"},{"title":"Emotional Detachment Quiz","id":13684105,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Relationships\/Emotional-Detachment-Test","image":"\"Emotional<\/picture>","alt":"Emotional Detachment Quiz"},{"title":"Who Is My Soulmate Quiz","id":13983033,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Relationships\/Soulmate-Quiz","image":"\"Soulmate<\/picture>","alt":"Who Is My Soulmate Quiz"}],"number":1},{"text":"Tell me more about myself.","result":"Can do! Let's delve deeper with these quizzes to help you reflect:","next_quizzes":[{"title":"How Self-Aware Am I Quiz","id":14393927,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Self-Awareness-Test","image":"\"Self<\/picture>","alt":"How Self-Aware Am I Quiz"},{"title":"How Insecure Am I Quiz","id":14019943,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/How-Insecure-Are-You","image":"\"How<\/picture>","alt":"How Insecure Am I Quiz"},{"title":"Am I a Bad Person Quiz","id":14285243,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Am-I-a-Bad-Person","image":"\"Am<\/picture>","alt":"Am I a Bad Person Quiz"}],"number":2}]}" class="quiz_questionnaire_data"/>

Feeling Less Lonely

Loneliness is maybe one of the leading epidemics of our time, and it’s not hard to see why. In this day and age, many of us spend much of our lives online, and though the internet connects the entire globe, it doesn’t necessarily lead to quality emotional connections. At least, the quality connections we do make online aren’t a substitute for offline relationships. That’s not to mention other factors involved in loneliness, like your local community scene, sexual orientation, career, and countless other facets. It seems like everyone’s lonely these days, but let’s look at some numbers:

Needless to say, loneliness is a problem. But what can we do about it? How can you feel less lonely and more connected to the people around you? Here are a few places to start:

Find a community.
Community is key! Whether that community is a bowling league, book club, volunteer association, or just a group of regulars at a cafe, a dedicated gathering of people that lends a sense of belonging goes a long way to warding off loneliness. A community helps structure your life and keep you involved in a local, offline scene. Check your city’s events calendar or even local Facebook postings for groups gathering near you, and don’t hesitate to jump in! They’re only advertising because they want you there.

Go public.
You don’t have to “belong” anywhere to dip your toes into some socializing. Often, the first step is just getting out there. Go to a movie and experience a moving story in a theater of strangers, all sharing that moment together. Hang out on a park bench and say hello to passers-by. Sit in a cafe and read a book. Even if you’re not engaging directly with another person, feeling the thrum of daily life around you can help you feel less isolated. Plus, you never know what connections you’ll make!

Stay regular.
Getting out in public is one thing, but making it a habit is another. When you make yourself a regular at someplace—the theater, that park bench, the cafe—people start to recognize you, and everyone feels more comfortable interacting and getting to know each other. Wherever you go, try to go there once or twice a week or more, and at the same time. Soon, the people there will start to look familiar to you, too, and before you know it, you’ve found an organic little community all your own!

See someone. We don’t mean start dating (though that’s one solution), we mean consider talking to a therapist or counselor. Loneliness is a real and sometimes serious affliction, and by definition it’s not one we can fight all on our own. A licensed therapist can help you sort through your feelings, find their root cause, and come up with strategies to fight them. There’s no shame in asking for help, and sometimes we just need someone to give us the tools to help ourselves.


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References

  1. ↑ https://ourworldindata.org/social-connections-and-loneliness
  2. ↑ https://ourworldindata.org/social-connections-and-loneliness
  3. ↑ https://ourworldindata.org/time-use

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