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Overcome your loneliness and attract new possibilities
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Are you tired of going out solo or feeling left out with all of your friends pairing up? If you're single and feeling lonely, you're not alone—it's totally natural to feel that way sometimes. Just remember that people in relationships feel lonely too. Put your focus on yourself first and work on expanding your horizons so you can fill your life with healthy, supportive connections. We talked to licensed clinical psychologists Chloe Carmichael and Donna Novak to get more tips on how you can deal with feelings of loneliness.
Coping with Feeling Lonely While You're Single
- Focus on the benefits of being single to develop a more positive mindset. Practice self-care and invest in your own well-being.
- Engage in social opportunities to meet new people while learning something new or enjoying a hobby. Ask open-ended questions to get to know them better.
- Take dating slowly without expectations. Allow relationships to develop organically rather than feeling a rush to pair up.
Steps
Section 4 of 4:
Going on Dates
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Set up an online dating profile. Be honest and humble in your profile, speaking positively about your hobbies, interests, and strengths. Once you've written your profile , read it out loud to check for errors and make sure it sounds conversational and friendly before you post it. Pace yourself, perhaps only looking at a handful of profiles each time you use the app. [17] X Research source
- When you match with someone, work steadily toward building a connection while at the same time not rushing things. Chat with them on the app for a bit before you agree to meet for the first time.
- Chatting with someone online for an extended period before meeting in person can cause you to idealize them and build up a relationship with them in your mind that might not be in sync with your chemistry in reality. Try to keep it to within a week.
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Practice flirting or chatting people up in person. Focus on simply meeting and connecting with people rather than trying to find "The One." Use flirting to let people know that you're open to the possibility of a more romantic or sexual connection. [18] X Research source
- For example, you might flirt with someone cute who's in line in front of you at the grocery store.
- If you avoid having any expectations about these encounters, it will help take some of the pressure off and make it easier to chat people up. Let the interaction be whatever it will be without trying to push it in a certain direction.
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Keep your tone calm and casual when asking someone out. If you meet someone you're interested in getting to know romantically, bring it up in a casual way. You might ask them to grab a cup of coffee with you or go for a walk in the park. If things go well, ask if they'd like to see you again. [19] X Research source
- It helps if you just think of it as asking a friend if they want to come hang out with you, rather than asking someone out on a date, which can carry a little more pressure.
- For example, if you meet someone in a bookstore who's carrying a book written by your favorite author, you might mention that and talk to them about that author's other books. Then, you could casually invite them to a related event or to have a coffee and chat about it more.
- You might say, "I've got to get to work now, but I'm really enjoying this conversation. Would you be interested in continuing it over coffee sometime later this week?"
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Limit first dates to brief, public encounters. The best first date gives you and your date the opportunity to feel each other out without being too high-pressure. Coffee or a drink has less of the pressure or formality of a dinner date and can be cut off pretty quickly and amicably if you're not feeling the vibe. [20] X Research source
- Allow the connection to build naturally without any expectations that you and this specific person are going to really hit it off, get married, and live happily ever after. Even if you don't find a romantic spark, you might still end up making a great friend.
- Licensed clinical psychologist Donna Novak notes that "we tend to go all the way to the end, we tend to think about... all the what ifs and we go five steps forward." She recommends "going back to the first step. Today, I'm only going to have a conversation, today, I'm only going to do this, or today, I'm only going to have a phone call... breaking things down per day per step."
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Take time to talk during the second or third dates. If the first date went well, plan a longer second date when you can get to know each other a little better. Choose something that takes a little longer but has plenty of opportunities for conversation, such as dinner or a walk around a local park. [21] X Research source
- You might also consider going to a museum or even the zoo—you'll have built-in conversation starters and potential bonding moments.
- When you're just starting to get to know each other, avoid doing activities with a lot of other friends—keep the focus on the two of you.
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Stay open to possibilities when starting a new relationship. When you hit it off with someone, it's tempting to fantasize about where the relationship will go. Enjoy each moment as it naturally unfolds instead of trying to write your relationship's script before it can ever get off the ground. [22] X Research source
- Tell yourself that not every relationship necessarily has to develop into a marriage or long-term partnership for it to be valuable. Simply dating someone casually can be fun and help you get a better sense of what you need in a partner.
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What Are Some Ways to Deal with Loneliness as a Single Person?
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Tips
- Take a break from media that stigmatize being single. There's no need for you to be bombarded by shows, movies, and images of happy couples that make being single seem like the end of the world. [23] X Research sourceThanks
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Warnings
- If you’re feeling depressed, have lost interest in normal activities, or feel hopeless about engaging in social situations, talking to a counselor might help. Ask your primary doctor for a referral or look online for a mental health professional in your area. [24] X Trustworthy Source National Institute of Mental Health Informational website from U.S. government focused on the understanding and treatment of mental illness. Go to sourceThanks
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References
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/bouncing-back/201606/5-reasons-singles-should-stop-worrying
- ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3874845/
- ↑ http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/emotional-support.aspx
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-truisms-wellness/201607/the-powerful-psychology-behind-cleanliness
- ↑ https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/exercise-and-mental-health
- ↑ https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/loneliness-isolation-mental-health
- ↑ https://www.cdc.gov/healthy-pets/index.html
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-clarity/201708/dealing-loneliness
- ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3874845/
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/dealing-with-loneliness-and-shyness.htm
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-clarity/201708/dealing-loneliness
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/how-be-yourself/201605/6-ways-ease-shyness-and-get-yourself-out-there
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/dealing-with-loneliness-and-shyness.htm
- ↑ https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/loneliness-isolation-mental-health
- ↑ https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/loneliness-isolation-mental-health
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201401/learning-love-not-fear-being-single
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-introverts-corner/201603/writing-online-dating-profile-works
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-can-a-shy-adult-get-dates-without-using-online-dating/
- ↑ https://www.plannedparenthood.org/blog/im-shy-how-do-i-ask-a-girl-out
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fighting-fear/201709/strategy-dating
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fighting-fear/201309/what-do-second-or-third-date
- ↑ https://restless.co.uk/leisure-and-lifestyle/dating/dating-tips-things-to-remember-while-searching-for-a-happy-and-fulfilling-relationship/
- ↑ https://www.researchgate.net/publication/228342191_Singles_in_society_and_science
- ↑ https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/social-anxiety-disorder-more-than-just-shyness/index.shtml
About This Article
Article Summary
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Feeling lonely sometimes when you're single is completely normal, and there are things you can do to start feeling better and even enjoy being single. One thing that can really help is finding a new hobby or project to work on. It can be anything, like learning a new instrument, studying a foreign language, or building a garden in your yard. Keeping yourself busy will take your mind off of being single, and you'll grow as a person while learning something new. It's also helpful to push yourself to do something social at least once a day. You can meet up with friends, visit a family member, or even just talk on the phone with someone for a bit. Staying connected with others is one of the best ways to combat loneliness. Additionally, try to exercise regularly and eat a healthy diet. It's not always easy when you're feeling upset, but staying healthy will give you more energy and have a positive effect on how you feel mentally. If you feel like you need some help dealing with how you're feeling, don't be afraid to reach out for help. You're not alone, and things will get better! Keep reading for tips on brightening your mood and staying optimistic!
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