Q&A for How to Avoid Uncomfortable Conversations About Religion

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How can I make amends if I hurt someone's feelings about their religion?

Tami Claytor
Etiquette Coach
Tami Claytor is an Etiquette Coach, Image Consultant, and the Owner of Always Appropriate Image and Etiquette Consulting in New York, New York. With over 20 years of experience, Tami specializes in teaching etiquette classes to individuals, students, companies, and community organizations. Tami has spent decades studying cultures through her extensive travels across five continents and has created cultural diversity workshops to promote social justice and cross-cultural awareness. She holds a BA in Economics with a concentration in International Relations from Clark University. Tami studied at the Ophelia DeVore School of Charm and the Fashion Institute of Technology, where she earned her Image Consultant Certification.

Tami Claytor

Etiquette Coach

Expert Answer

Apologize as soon as you can so the situation doesn't drag on longer than it needs to. Leaving it unaddressed could put strain on your relationship with the person.

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Question

What about when Mormons and Jehovah's Witnesses come to your door?

Community Answer

Simply explain to them very kindly and politely, "I admire your devotion and enthusiasm for your belief and your wish to share it to everyone else, but I'm sorry, I don't share this belief. Thank you."

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I know some overly-assertive atheists who make statements about "religion" as if anything at all spiritual is stupid. To say I don't want to discuss religion is a bit different. Any suggestions?

Tom De Backer

Top Answerer

A debate is when people get together to talk with and listen to each other, to get feedback and to be ready to change their minds if the other has convincing arguments. At the very least, each party should come away with a broader insight, even if they stick to their own ideas. What you describe is not a debate, as they are not ready to discuss anything, so why waste time on them? Religion is not the same as spirituality; atheists can be spiritual, and any atheist should march along in protest whenever freedom of religion is in danger, let alone if they themselves are the cause of that danger.

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What do I do if they are Muslim?

Gigi King

Community Answer

Show them respect despite different beliefs. Everybody deserves to be treated with respect, no matter what. Put yourself in their shoes. Do unto others as you have them do unto you.

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Question

My friend always lectures me on what to do and what not to do. Like when I tell her that a group of spirits has developed a passion for me, she says to avoid them. Any advice?

Community Answer

Walk away or change the subject. You are in no way obliged to continue in a conversation that you don't feel comfortable with. Tell your friend this.

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I am an atheist in India, but I live in an orthodox community. They can be pretty violent. Should I lie to them about my beliefs? Should I move?

Community Answer

Belief systems are typically a private thing. If you don't want people to know what your beliefs are, simply don't bring them up. If somebody else does, change the subject. If you're worried about your personal safety, yes, either lie or relocate to a more accepting community.

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My father bashes Christianity a lot when I'm around. He and my sister are atheist, my mother and I are Orthodox Christian. My parents are divorced. What should I do?

Community Answer

Be at peace with who you are. I know it makes you cringe when they gang up on faith, but try not to react and please pray for them. You are in great hands, and you know the peace that comes when you walk into that wonderful house of worship.

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I am a devotee of Lord Hanuman, who is a Hindu god. A friend of mine, who is an atheist, keeps insulting him, telling me I won't get anything from worshiping a stupid monkey. What should I do?

Community Answer

Tell him that you respect his choice to be an atheist, and you'd appreciate if he would do the same and keep is rude opinions about your religion to himself. Be firm. If he continues saying these things after you've had this talk with him, you should end the friendship, because that's really disrespectful.

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Is it worth it if they go to hell just because I didn't want to annoy them then?

John Folbrecht

Community Answer

Nothing is worth going to Hell. Hell is the ultimate realm of unfathomable and eternal horror and pain, and nothing can escape from it.

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People send Facebook messages when someone is ill or has died and ask that we send prayers. I want to say something nice, but no prayers. What can I say?

Community Answer

Just a simple thought of "Prayers are being sent" should be okay. However, it is best if you pray, as your response stated.

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I'm going to meet my boyfriend's mom soon. He says she's very religious, and I'm scared because I'm bisexual. What do I do if she asks me what church I go to? (I don't go to church.)

Community Answer

Tell the truth. She's going to find out about you one way or another, so it's best to be honest from the beginning. Just because she's religious doesn't mean she won't accept you.

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