Q&A for How to Get a Husband

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  • Question
    What is difference between a friend and a partner?
    Luis Congdon
    Relationship Coach
    Luis is a Relationship Coach, specializing in helping couples who want a long and happy relationship together. Luis has worked in one of the United States' largest research studies on marital longevity using the framework of Drs. John & Julie Gottman. As a researcher on marital happiness and a relationship coach, Luis has worked with over 1,000 couples, written for the Gottman Institute, spoken at colleges and universities across the United States, been featured in Forbes magazine, and has led over 150 relationship-building classes.
    Relationship Coach
    Expert Answer
    You share a lot more with a partner than you do with your friends. In a partnership, you're essentially sharing your finances, your time, your dreams, and your body with another person.
  • Question
    How do you figure out what you want in a partner?
    Luis Congdon
    Relationship Coach
    Luis is a Relationship Coach, specializing in helping couples who want a long and happy relationship together. Luis has worked in one of the United States' largest research studies on marital longevity using the framework of Drs. John & Julie Gottman. As a researcher on marital happiness and a relationship coach, Luis has worked with over 1,000 couples, written for the Gottman Institute, spoken at colleges and universities across the United States, been featured in Forbes magazine, and has led over 150 relationship-building classes.
    Relationship Coach
    Expert Answer
    Take a look at some of your closest friendships. Connect with the emotions you feel when you're around these people. Chances are, the qualities and feelings that you associate with these friendships are also what you're looking for in a relationship.
  • Question
    How do I get rid of a man who doesn't intend to marry me?
    TamF
    Community Answer
    Tell him you want to marry and he doesn't, so you shouldn't waste anymore of each other's time, and that you'd like to still be friends. If he is okay with that, fine, then you can consider yourself single and free to find someone else. If he doesn't accept this, just stop responding to his messages, stop answering his calls, and move on with your life.
  • Question
    What about a man that is always asking you for sex, is that man ready for marriage?
    Community Answer
    No, he should be interested in you both sexually and as a person. If it is just about sex, the marriage will likely not work.
  • Question
    Is it OK to propose after seven months of dating someone?
    Community Answer
    If you guys really understand each other and feel comfortable with doing so, then go ahead and get married. Make sure you really know each other, and think it through very carefully.
  • Question
    Through this all, do I have to have sex with him before I know if he wants to marry?
    Tom De Backer
    Top Answerer
    You never have to have sex if you don't want to, and no one can force you. Every culture and every individual has different ideas about sex, but nonetheless it is a healthy part of a romantic relationship. Some prefer to save sex until after they are wed, others like to make sure they match in sexual desires and preferences before committing to a long term relationship like marriage, and others still simply like casual sex without strings attached.
  • Question
    What are some red lights that indicate a man is not interested in marrying you?
    Community Answer
    There are many. One of them could be him not asking you to marry him! Infidelity is another red light. Failure to make time for you and not investing in the relationship are two more.
  • Question
    Why is it that most mothers-in law do not like their daughters in law?
    Community Answer
    It is because the mothers-in law are scared that their son would never talk to his mother again.
  • Question
    What do I do if a guy doesn't call me?
    Tom De Backer
    Top Answerer
    You can always call him yourself, there's no harm in that. Just say, "Hi, how are you?" and have a little conversation, see how he feels and how it is going. If he is distant, he's probably not interested, though.
  • Question
    I'm overweight and have not been in a relationship in years. Is there a chance for me to find a special guy?
    Community Answer
    Of course. However, you have to look confident and happy to attract someone. Become more active; you don't need to be skinny, but taking pride in your body is so much easier when you are proud of what it can do. Join a yoga class or get a dog and take it on long walks every day. You have to be willing to invest time in yourself.
  • Question
    What if I start dating a guy for two months and the first night he asked for sex? Is it a bad sign for marriage?
    Tom De Backer
    Top Answerer
    Sex is a healthy part of a romantic relationship. Its customs and social rules differ wildly from culture to culture and, of course, from person to person. It can be a good thing to know if your sexual desires and preferences match before you get married. But remember, sex is not something you ask for, it is shared between two people because they both want to share it. No one can force you to do anything.
  • Question
    Can I get a husband living with my parents?
    Community Answer
    Yes, it is possible.
  • Question
    Will a guy pop the question after 7 years of dating?
    Community Answer
    I think if you have dated someone for seven years and he's not broached the subject of marriage, then it's time to move on.
  • Question
    Should I protect my assets with a prenuptial agreement before marriage?
    Tom De Backer
    Top Answerer
    Though it is often seen as unromantic, there is nothing wrong with applying good financial planning in your life. Just because you love someone, doesn't mean you have to expose yourself to a huge financial risk. It can even be a test as well. If your partner doesn't want to marry you anymore now that there won't be a nice check at the end of it - well, there you go. Talk about this together, and draft the agreement together. It's a negotiation, not a one-sided dictate.
  • Question
    I'm dating two guys: one for his money, and one for his you-know-what (it's huge). They don't know about each other. I feel really bad, but can't stop. Does that make me a bad person?
    Tom De Backer
    Top Answerer
    Well, not necessarily. If you know that at least one of them would be hurt if they found out, then yes, it's not very nice of you. If you have promised exclusivity, then that's not right. However, if you feel that this is allowed, i.e. if you're not hurting yourself, then all you really need is to find men who don't mind, either. If all people involved know what's going on and agree to it, then you can do whatever you like, as long as it's not illegal. So no, you're not a bad person, unless you are hurting these guys.
  • Question
    My boyfriend is paying money to six children, his brothers and sisters, and he doesn't save anything for our future. How can I go about this?
    Tom De Backer
    Top Answerer
    Once a relationship starts, sooner or later, the topic of money will have to be addressed. It is highly recommended to have an open and frank discussion of your current financial situation as well as your financial goals and how you plan to allocate your current and future income and assets towards these goals. Priorities must be set. If you don't agree with his priorities, you have a right to address this. It is best to ask openly why he feels he is obligated to pay these things, so you understand his reasoning.
  • Question
    I've dated a guy for five years and he doesn't talk about the future. However, whenever I bring up the topic he gets uncomfortable. What will I do?
    Tom De Backer
    Top Answerer
    It can be nerve-wrecking to decide to spend your life with someone. If you want that to happen, think of ways to show him that he can trust you will love him once he's made that decision. Hugs and kisses help, as does telling him you would love to love him for five more years. Give him room, don't force him, but indicate that you really would like to have some sense of security from him regarding your future.
  • Question
    My guy never brought me to meet his mum. I don't know if he loves me, what can I do?
    Tom De Backer
    Top Answerer
    You can always ask him if he loves you. Everyone, men and women, have wildly different ideas about how long you should wait to introduce someone to your parents, and much depends on their relationship with their parents. If you think six months is the right time to be introduced, but he feels three years is better, you can talk about that and come to an agreement. Remember that it also may simply not even have crossed his mind yet that you would like to meet his mother.
  • Question
    What should I do if I'm uncomfortable with the man I'm dating having pictures of his deceased wife around his house?
    Community Answer
    You should probably have a discussion with him about whether or not he's truly ready to move on. He may be while still wanting to keep reminders of his late wife around, or he might still be grieving and unable to commit to you. If he wants to keep the photos up and continue seeing you, you have to decide if that's something you can accept. If not, you may need to end the relationship.
  • Question
    I'm looking for a husband, but I don't have any friends or a social life. I also don't leave the house except for school and work and to run a few errands. How can I get a husband without the Internet?
    Community Answer
    You could find a husband just about anyplace but one: at home. If you don't have the Internet, you're going to have to rely on meeting people in-person, which means getting out there and making a social life for yourself amidst your busy schedule. Join some local groups, volunteer for an organization that has personal meaning to you, go hiking, go to concerts in the park, see movies, or even just get out and walk around the neighborhood. If you get out and engage in things that appeal to your interests, you'll meet other people who are interested in the same things, make some friends, and perhaps even meet your future husband.
  • Question
    What do I do if he stopped taking my calls and he hasn't replied to my texts in 15 days?
    Brian Salazar-Prince
    Top Answerer
    The best thing to do is to move on. Not every person in whom we express an interest will take an interest in us. Reconnect with yourself, so that when an opportunity for a relationship presents, you can pursue it.
  • Question
    I'm not a native English speaker, and I have a bad accent. Could I find a native English speaker?
    Brian Salazar-Prince
    Top Answerer
    With advances in technology, communication, and travel, intercultural relationships are becoming increasingly common. It is possible for you to find a partner who speaks English as the native language, but you will need to find one who is patient as you learn the language and with whom you can still fully express yourself in other ways.
  • Question
    I'm a black woman with a preference for white men. I don't socialize often, and I only go out for marital arts and if I have to for school or work. White men don't approach me as often black men. What can I do?
    Brian Salazar-Prince
    Top Answerer
    Black women are usually seen as fierce and feisty. They're also often viewed as size queens. Many white men are concerned about dating a black woman they find attractive, because they feel they might not be able to satisfy her in the way a black man could. Live up to that fierce reputation; if the man you want doesn't come after you, you go after him.
  • Question
    I met a man on a dating site and we instantly hit it off. Within two weeks, he professed his love for me and said that when he finishes his job in Turkey he wants to get married. Is this guy for real?
    Tom De Backer
    Top Answerer
    Unfortunately, no, probably not. Love is one of (if not the) strongest emotions we humans can feel. It takes time to grow. If you've been yearning for love for a long time, then getting a positive response (finally) on a dating site can be truly satisfying, and people can confuse this for love. Two weeks is simply too short to know if it's love. Attraction, yes. Butterflies, yes. Love, most unlikely. But hey, it doesn't necessarily have to end! You can interpret it less as 'I love you' and more as 'I feel that this could possibly one day grow into love, if your feelings develop at the same pace as mine'. Continue talking, dating, kiss each other if you feel like it, see what grows.
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