Q&A for How to Know the Difference Between Love, Infatuation and Lust

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  • Question
    What are the signs of infatuation?
    Nicole Moore
    Love & Relationship Coach
    Nicole Moore is a Love and Relationship Coach and the Founder and CEO of Love Works Method, a private coaching and digital course service for women looking to find the right partner. With over a decade of experience, she specializes in body language and helping others take control of their dating life, attract a partner, and build a strong relationship. Nicole has been featured in numerous publications such as Cosmopolitan, Forbes, and USA Today. She also hosts Love Works with Nicole Moore, a podcast for modern women wanting love, dating, and relationship advice. Nicole holds a BA in Public Relations and Spanish from Syracuse University and a Certificate in Personal Coaching from New York University.
    Love & Relationship Coach
    Expert Answer
    A key factor in infatuation is having strong feelings for someone else without knowing a lot about who they actually are. With infatuation, you typically feel a very excited yet unsteady and ungrounded feeling. You feel like your head is in the clouds and like this person can do no wrong, when in reality, you don't really know much about them.
  • Question
    How do I know if I'm actually in love?
    Nicole Moore
    Love & Relationship Coach
    Nicole Moore is a Love and Relationship Coach and the Founder and CEO of Love Works Method, a private coaching and digital course service for women looking to find the right partner. With over a decade of experience, she specializes in body language and helping others take control of their dating life, attract a partner, and build a strong relationship. Nicole has been featured in numerous publications such as Cosmopolitan, Forbes, and USA Today. She also hosts Love Works with Nicole Moore, a podcast for modern women wanting love, dating, and relationship advice. Nicole holds a BA in Public Relations and Spanish from Syracuse University and a Certificate in Personal Coaching from New York University.
    Love & Relationship Coach
    Expert Answer
    When you actually love someone, you have seen all sides to them. You've seen them at the best and in their lower moments and you still choose them. Real love has an undercurrent of peace to it—you feel excited about the other person and happy when you see or speak to them, but you don't feel on a high that can come crashing down at any moment.
  • Question
    Why would my boyfriend stay with me if he doesn't get sex?
    Community Answer
    A good boyfriend will know that there's more to a relationship than sex. If he loves you and cares about you, sex shouldn't be the most important thing. If your boyfriend is pressuring you for sex, you should find someone else.
  • Question
    Is having a crush on someone infatuation?
    Community Answer
    Yes, these two words are used pretty much interchangeably. It means you like the person, but you probably don't know them very well. It might turn into love if you get to know them better, but it might not!
  • Question
    Should I trust my partner completely when I'm in love with them?
    Community Answer
    Ideally, yes. It's understandable if you sometimes have insecurities or lapses in trust, but if you find you really can't trust someone at all, that's a good sign you shouldn't be with them.
  • Question
    How do I move on if my ex keeps crawling back to me?
    Community Answer
    Make it clear that your ex's advances are unwelcome and that the relationship is over. Block your ex on your phone, email and social media.
  • Question
    How do I break up with a boyfriend in middle school? We went to a dance together and he kissed me. I don't like the feeling of being in the relationship anymore. What do I do?
    Community Answer
    The best way is to be honest and up front. Approach him when you two can talk privately together and just say something like, "I've been thinking about it, and while I really like you as a friend, I don't think this relationship is working out." He'll probably be a little upset, but it's better to just tell him and get it over with.
  • Question
    How do I fall out of love with someone?
    Community Answer
    There's some good advice in Fall Out of Love .
  • Question
    What do I do if we're best friends and in love but not ready for a relationship?
    Community Answer
    Keep being friends. You have all the time in the world. Your romantic feelings about each other may change, or they may stay the same. Only time will tell. But if you're not ready right now, don't try to force it, or you may lose them entirely.
  • Question
    Can I get remarried if I'm divorced from someone?
    Community Answer
    Absolutely! Once your divorce has been finalized by the court, you are free to apply for a new marriage license.
  • Question
    When I kiss a boy, how can I tell whether it's love or lust?
    Community Answer
    You can’t really figure this out from a kiss; it could be either, both, or neither. If you want to know whether it’s love or lust, think about your relationship with each other.
  • Question
    How do I stop thinking of my crush when it's causing problems in my day to day activities?
    Community Answer
    Distract yourself with things that require a lot of focus, like schoolwork, reading, your hobbies, hanging out with friends and family, etc. Give yourself a specific time each day to think about your crush, i.e. 15 minutes in the morning or before you go to bed. When you start thinking about your crush at other times, just tell yourself, "I will think about him/her later, at the proper time."
  • Question
    I am a girl, and my crush, who is my friend and has no gender, but was originally a girl, keeps taking my hands in hers, and goes with me wherever I’m going. Does she/he have a crush on me too?
    Community Answer
    They probably do. Try talking to them about your feelings, or if you want to be subtle, make a flirtatious remark or two and see how they respond.
  • Question
    I have a guy friend who told me he loves me. I have feelings for him, but I don't really know what they are. How can I figure out what I'm feeling?
    Community Answer
    Can you imagine dating him, holding his hand, kissing him, doing more intimate things? Can you imagine introducing him to your family? Can you imagine any kind of future together? If you think about these questions and you're still not sure, maybe you could be honest with him about how you're struggling with this, and ask him if he wants to date on a casual, trial basis for now.
  • Question
    I really like this guy at work. He is all I think about, all I want. It frightens me to consider what I will have to do to him if he doesn't reciprocate.
    Community Answer
    That's a pretty severe infatuation. If you find yourself thinking about hurting him or taking advantage of him if you two don't get together, you should see a psychiatrist. Healthy love doesn't involve fantasizing about harming the object of your affection.
  • Question
    How should a man react when he gets rejected from sex?
    Mb_f53c363d9721
    Community Answer
    Don’t overreact. Try to avoid saying something that makes your partner feel bad about not giving you sex. Ask your partner what they would like to do instead.
  • Question
    How do you know whether a crush you have is a case of lust or love?
    Daniella Igbo
    Community Answer
    When you are attracted mainly to a person's physical features and feel like doing sexual things with them, that is lust, not love.
  • Question
    I broke up with her but we have spoken about it how do I know if she still loves me and want me back in her life?
    Community Answer
    Just. Ask. Her. Don't live in confusion. Asking her will clear all misunderstanding among you and it will be better for both of you.
  • Question
    I met this guy a week ago and he's very nice to me. He has told me that he likes me but I heard from one of my friends that he's been like this to a lot of girls. What should I do?
    Community Answer
    There is nothing wrong with trying to flirt with a lot of girls at the same time, since he doesn't have a girlfriend yet. If you really like him, make a move and ask him on a date. Try to be logical and reasonable to judge what kind of a person he is. If he tries to be friendly to other girls, you can tell him you don't like that (only do this when you guys are more serious in the relationship). If he loves you, he will stop. If he is a playboy, don't bring more troubles to your life. There are many nicer guys who are looking for you.
  • Question
    I love a girl who just sees us as friends. Last week she indicated that she loves someone else. What should I do?
    Community Answer
    If she is really an important person in your life, be patient, wait for her. Don't try to flirt with her because that will only make you appear more pathetic. Try to be a good friend to her. The foundation of love is friendship anyway. If she is just a fling, move on. Life has so much more to offer. Find your courage and you will find someone who truly appreciates you.
  • Question
    How can I determine why I no longer love my fiance?
    Community Answer
    Think deeply about how you got to this point. What actions and inactions on your end, and on your partner’s end led to this. If your partner wasn’t honest about his/herself with you, particularly on a topic important to you, that may be why. Likewise if you’ve not been focusing on her and her happiness it may be on you (apologies to other gendered pairs, trying to keep this simple). Comms are key. Talk, even if it’s initially uncomfortable, with your partner and be honest with her. Lay out what’s bugging you, let her have a say too. It may be something fixable but unknown to you is causing her to put distance between you two.
  • Question
    How do I manage an almost instant bond without sabotaging it?
    Community Answer
    Take things slowly. Be yourself, vulnerabilities and all. If you find one another still attractive on an emotional and mental level (beyond the physical) after some dates, advance the relationship. Don’t get physical too early; look for cues from your partner before making a move. If there’s no connection beyond the physical, you might see if your partner is okay with that; if the answer is no, you’ve got to take your lumps and move on. Consent for anything (dates, romance, etc.) is key. Last tip: don’t ignore body language.
  • Question
    How do I tell someone I love them so they won't reject me?
    Community Answer
    That's not possible. If they like you back, they won't reject you, but if they don't, you can't do anything about that. Just be honest about your feelings and hope for the best.
  • Question
    I started dating someone and we like each other very much, but she said she’s not ready for a relationship yet because of a recent breakup. What should I do? Should we even keep dating?
    Tara Burke
    Top Answerer
    Give her time to mend from her recent breakup; she should be the one to re-initiate if/when she’s ready. If you both really like each other, it should work with time!
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