Am I Emotionally Detached?

Take this quiz to find out if you show the signs.

Emotional detachment—also called emotional unavailability—is an unwillingness to connect with other people on an emotional level. When you’re emotionally detached, you can separate yourself from other people’s emotions (and, at times, your own) effortlessly.

Emotional detachment can be a personality trait or the result of trauma earlier in your life. While some people purposefully detach from their emotions, others do it unconsciously. That’s why we’ve put together this comprehensive quiz to help you figure out whether you might be emotionally detached.

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Questions Overview

1. Do you ever have trouble opening up to people?
  1. Nope. Sometimes I feel like I open up a little too much.
  2. Not really. I only open up to people I’m comfortable with, though.
  3. Sometimes. I try to open up, but it can take time (and patience).
  4. Yes. I don’t open up to people easily and feel like it causes problems.
2. How do you make yourself feel better after a bad day?
  1. I vent to a close friend about everything and have a good cry.
  2. I hang out with my friends and tell them I need a little cheering up.
  3. I make a passing comment to a friend about what happened, but that's all.
  4. I spend some time decompressing alone.
3. Do you struggle to maintain close emotional bonds in relationships?
  1. Not at all. I crave closeness with friends and partners more than anything.
  2. Not really. Connections take time to develop, but I can keep them going.
  3. I think so. Maintaining connections is hard for me, but I'm working on it.
  4. Yes. My relationships often fizzle out; getting close to people unnerves me.
4. How do you react when someone is upset and needs comforting?
  1. I’m the first person to give them sympathy and reassurance.
  2. Sometimes I let other people take the lead, but I want to be supportive.
  3. I’m unsure of what to do and a little uncomfortable.
  4. I do nothing and disengage until they’re calm. Someone else can help them.
5. How much do breakups (or broken friendships) affect you?
  1. They devastate me, and everyone around me knows it.
  2. They’re really upsetting, but I try not to let them overwhelm me.
  3. I don’t like them, but I usually don’t have trouble moving on.
  4. They don’t really affect me. I put them behind me with ease.
6. Has anyone ever told you that you have an expressionless face?
  1. Nope. Actually, people tell me I have a really expressive face.
  2. Once or twice, but it’s usually because I don’t know them well yet.
  3. Yes, a few people. I’m not as expressive as many people I know.
  4. Yes, many people. They often say they don’t know anyone as stoic or emotionless as me.
7. How well do you listen to other people?
  1. I listen intently, and I often react emotionally to what I hear.
  2. I try to be a good listener, even when I'm not emotionally involved.
  3. I listen to them sometimes, but intense emotion makes me uncomfortable.
  4. I usually tune people out, especially when they get dramatic or emotional.
8. How do you feel when someone compliments you?
  1. Overjoyed! I immediately say thanks and give a compliment in return.
  2. I’m flattered. In most cases, I’ll smile and say thanks.
  3. Unsure. My instinct is to deny the compliment, but that doesn't feel right.
  4. Uncomfortable. I don’t know what they expect me to say in return.
9. If you were feeling sick or unwell, would you tell someone?
  1. Definitely! What if I needed help? Plus, a little sympathy never hurts.
  2. Yes, I’ll tell them if it relates to whatever we’re talking about.
  3. I might tell them and ask for help if I have no other choice.
  4. No. It’s my problem, so I’ll deal with it on my own.
10. Someone asks you how you’re feeling. What do you say?
  1. I answer the question in a lot of detail. I’ve been waiting for someone to ask.
  2. I try to answer the question honestly. The fact that they asked shows they care.
  3. I give a brief response unless they seem seriously concerned for me.
  4. I avoid answering the question fully by saying, 'I’m fine' or 'I don’t know.'
11. Would you call yourself a romantic person?
  1. Absolutely! I dream of true love and adore anything related to romance.
  2. Kind of. I definitely like romance, but it isn't my only priority.
  3. Not really. I’m not naturally drawn to romance, but maybe that’ll change one day.
  4. Not at all. Even watching a romantic comedy makes me cringe a little.
12. Do you have any difficulty identifying your own emotions?
  1. Never. I’m pretty in tune with my emotions, and I don’t hold them back.
  2. Occasionally, but I can usually figure it out after some reflection.
  3. Sometimes. I’m not really tuned into my feelings, but I recognize the basics.
  4. Yes. I rarely consider my feelings; I just ignore them and do what I have to.

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However, there\u2019s a slight downside to being so emotionally available. Your openness might lead to over-sharing and problems setting boundaries with other people. Remember: it\u2019s good to be open and to connect emotionally with people, but some information is best shared only with a close confidante or loved one. Try to be a little more judicious about who you share your feelings with\u2014but keep honing that emotional intelligence. It\u2019s one of your strengths!","edit_links":[{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Detach-from-Someone"},{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Avoid-Oversharing-on-Social-Media"}],"link_data":[{"title":"How to Detach from Someone","id":4224358,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Detach-from-Someone","image":"\/images\/thumb\/4\/40\/Detach-from-Someone-Step-13-Version-2.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Detach-from-Someone-Step-13-Version-2.jpg","alt":"How to Detach from Someone"},{"title":"How to Avoid Oversharing on Social Media","id":8235753,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Avoid-Oversharing-on-Social-Media","image":"\/images\/thumb\/9\/9f\/Avoid-Oversharing-on-Social-Media-Step-17.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Avoid-Oversharing-on-Social-Media-Step-17.jpg","alt":"How to Avoid Oversharing on Social Media"}],"minimum":0,"image":"","image_url":""},{"number":2,"text":"You are likely not emotionally detached.","meaning":"You do your best to be open with your feelings, even when it\u2019s not the easiest thing in the world to do. While you may stumble from time to time, as many people do, you make an effort to connect with others and share your thoughts or opinions when it matters. You want people to know that you love them, and you like knowing they cherish you too.

Most people struggle with their most intense emotions, and doing so doesn\u2019t mean you\u2019re totally emotionally detached. Don\u2019t worry if you slip up or find it hard to connect with a particular person sometimes; so long as you find an inner circle of confidantes you can love and connect with, you can continue expressing your emotions in a healthy way.","edit_links":[{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Open-Up"},{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Show-a-Friend-That-You-Care"}],"link_data":[{"title":"How to Open Up","id":4636357,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Open-Up","image":"\/images\/thumb\/8\/8e\/Open-Up-Step-11-Version-3.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Open-Up-Step-11-Version-3.jpg","alt":"How to Open Up"},{"title":"How to Show a Friend That You Care","id":838608,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Show-a-Friend-That-You-Care","image":"\/images\/thumb\/f\/f7\/Show-a-Friend-That-You-Care-Step-15.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Show-a-Friend-That-You-Care-Step-15.jpg","alt":"How to Show a Friend That You Care"}],"minimum":0,"image":"","image_url":""},{"number":3,"text":"You may be slightly emotionally detached.","meaning":"You most likely have a stoic personality; meaning, you don\u2019t share often unless you\u2019re really comfortable with people, and it might be hard for you to get close to people for that reason. Emotionless small talk is probably easier for you than a deep conversation, although you may wish that wasn\u2019t the case. The few people closest to you may feel like you\u2019re a bit emotionally unavailable sometimes.

However, you may still want to try making more connections with people\u2014and that is completely doable for you. You don\u2019t have to open up to everyone; instead, try being more emotionally available to the one or two people you care about most. Take baby steps and work your way up to more emotionally-charged topics. In time, your emotional intelligence will grow!","edit_links":[{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Connect-With-People"},{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Be-More-Emotional-in-a-Relationship"}],"link_data":[{"title":"How to Connect With People","id":876210,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Connect-With-People","image":"\/images\/thumb\/b\/b2\/Connect-With-People-Step-23.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Connect-With-People-Step-23.jpg","alt":"How to Connect With People"},{"title":"How to Be More Emotional in a Relationship","id":12704873,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Be-More-Emotional-in-a-Relationship","image":"\/images\/thumb\/2\/22\/Be-More-Emotional-in-a-Relationship-Step-9-Version-2.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Be-More-Emotional-in-a-Relationship-Step-9-Version-2.jpg","alt":"How to Be More Emotional in a Relationship"}],"minimum":0,"image":"","image_url":""},{"number":4,"text":"You are likely emotionally detached.","meaning":"Based on your answers, you\u2019re most likely not an emotionally available person. You tend to detach when things get emotional, and you don\u2019t like drama of any kind. You may avoid sharing anything about yourself with other people, especially if it involves feelings and you\u2019re uncomfortable with the idea of letting them get to know you. You tend to talk about facts, not emotions.

If emotional attachment doesn\u2019t interest you, you\u2019re certainly not obligated to share anything that makes you uncomfortable. However, keep in mind that other people may be looking for an emotional connection, and remaining detached may impact your relationship with them.

Make it clear what your expectations are from the start, or make an effort to get outside your comfort zone and connect with them instead of detaching. Take things one step at a time, and incrementally share more details about yourself and your emotions with someone you trust. Don't feel obligated to share with every person you meet; it's perfectly fine to focus on one or two people.","edit_links":[{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Give-Emotional-Support"},{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Be-More-Vulnerable-in-Relationships"}],"link_data":[{"title":"How to Give Emotional Support: 13 Proven Techniques","id":935051,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Give-Emotional-Support","image":"\/images\/thumb\/4\/4a\/Give-Emotional-Support-Step-13.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Give-Emotional-Support-Step-13.jpg","alt":"How to Give Emotional Support: 13 Proven Techniques"},{"title":"How to Be More Vulnerable in Relationships","id":1208561,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Be-More-Vulnerable-in-Relationships","image":"\/images\/thumb\/b\/bc\/Be-More-Vulnerable-in-Relationships-Step-11-Version-2.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Be-More-Vulnerable-in-Relationships-Step-11-Version-2.jpg","alt":"How to Be More Vulnerable in Relationships"}],"minimum":0,"image":"","image_url":""}]" class="quiz_results_data"/>\"Social<\/picture>","alt":"Social Anxiety Test"},{"title":"Am I a Narcissist or an Empath Quiz","id":13393224,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Relationships\/Am-I-a-Narcissist-or-an-Empath-Quiz","image":"\"Am<\/picture>","alt":"Am I a Narcissist or an Empath Quiz"},{"title":"Abandonment Issues Quiz","id":13683960,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Relationships\/Abandonment-Issues-Quiz","image":"\"Abandonment<\/picture>","alt":"Abandonment Issues Quiz"}],"number":1},{"text":"Romantic partnerships.","result":"We have several quizzes that can help as you navigate your romantic dynamic:","next_quizzes":[{"title":"Relationship Anxiety Test","id":13804388,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Relationships\/Relationship-Anxiety-Test","image":"\"Relationship<\/picture>","alt":"Relationship Anxiety Test"},{"title":"Am I Ready For A Relationship Quiz","id":13203019,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Relationships\/Am-I-Ready-For-A-Relationship-Quiz","image":"\"Am<\/picture>","alt":"Am I Ready For A Relationship Quiz"},{"title":"Why Am I Single Quiz","id":13557601,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Relationships\/Why-Am-I-Single-Quiz","image":"\"Why<\/picture>","alt":"Why Am I Single Quiz"}],"number":2}]}" class="quiz_questionnaire_data"/>

Emotional Detachment, In-Depth

Signs of Emotional Detachment There are many symptoms of emotional detachment, and while noticing a single sign doesn’t necessarily mean you’re emotionally detached, several of the following warning signs might warrant a deeper investigation. Signs of emotional unavailability include:

  • Feeling empty or incapable of feeling emotions
  • Feeling bored or uninterested in activities that normally bring you joy
  • Avoiding social interactions and ignoring people when they speak
  • Losing interest and becoming less invested in relationships
  • Having little or no empathy for others
  • Being harsh or rude to other people
  • Keeping people at arm’s length and pulling away when they try to get close
  • Being extremely private and sharing little to no information about yourself


Overcoming Emotional Detachment

Roleplay conversations ahead of time. Before diving headfirst into a situation where you may be tempted to emotionally detach, try to play out that scenario with someone you trust. By practicing ahead of time, you can learn how to give thoughtful responses beyond your knee-jerk reactions and interact with people in a healthier way. As you get more comfortable navigating complicated situations, staying emotionally engaged won’t be such an uncomfortable prospect anymore.

Practice being vulnerable. Work on opening up and expressing yourself to people you trust over time. It can be hard to acknowledge all of the complicated feelings that you normally repress and detach from, but if you start small and progressively open up to a single person, you can get yourself comfortable with vulnerability.

Remember that this will take time! Don’t get frustrated and give up after a couple of attempts at vulnerability. What you’re doing isn’t easy, but it’s absolutely worth the effort—and, in time, you’ll be more emotionally available to yourself and everyone around you.

Build up your close relationships. Having a strong support system can make it so much easier to get comfortable with vulnerability and overcome emotional detachment. The more you roleplay and practice your vulnerability with a few trusted individuals, the more you'll naturally build healthier and closer relationships with them.

Practice mindfulness. Mindfulness is the ability to stay present in the moment and acknowledge your emotions as they arise. This will take plenty of practice, but as you become more mindful of what you’re feeling, you can also gain a better understanding of the triggers that make you detach from situations emotionally and, in time, work through them.

Keep a journal of your thoughts. Journaling allows you to vent your thoughts and emotions safely on paper, ensuring that you don’t detach even if you aren’t ready to talk to someone else about them. Try to reread old entries in your journal as well; this can help you practice mindfulness and pick up on patterns in your emotional detachment.

Meditate regularly. Doing mindful meditation is relaxing and stress-reducing! It can help you stay calm in situations where you might normally get uncomfortable and help you stay in a more positive mindset as you work to overcome emotional detachment.

Seek professional treatment through therapy. Professional treatment is usually the most effective way to deal with mental and emotional issues. Cognitive behavioral therapy focuses on identifying and changing harmful thoughts and behaviors, which can really help you overcome emotional detachment. Plus, if your emotional detachment affects a specific relationship, a couple or family therapist can help you address that issue.

If you feel like you may have emotional detachment, talk to your healthcare provider or a mental health professional about it. They can help you figure out where to go from there and put together a treatment plan for you.


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