What Do They/Them Pronouns Mean? A Complete Guide

PDF download Download Article
Learn the proper way to refer to someone by they/them/theirs
PDF download Download Article

When a person uses they/them as their pronouns, they don’t refer to themself using gendered words like he/him or she/her. People of any gender identity may use they/them, and it’s important that you respect a person’s pronouns no matter how they refer to themself. If you’re not sure how to refer to a person as they/them or you want to ensure you use the correct pronouns for someone, we’ll walk you through it. Keep reading to learn what they/them pronouns mean and how you can start using them correctly and confidently.

Things You Should Know

  • They/them/theirs pronouns typically refer to a singular person who doesn’t use gendered pronouns like she/her/hers or he/him/his for themself.
  • Anyone may use they/them pronouns, regardless of appearance or gender identity. Ask the person for their pronouns so you know how to correctly address them.
  • Quickly correct yourself if you accidentally use the wrong pronouns when you’re talking to someone.
Section 1 of 4:

What do they/them pronouns mean?

PDF download Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/a\/a2\/They-Them-Meaning-Step-1.jpg\/v4-460px-They-Them-Meaning-Step-1.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/a\/a2\/They-Them-Meaning-Step-1.jpg\/v4-728px-They-Them-Meaning-Step-1.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    You may be familiar with using they/them pronouns to refer to a group of people, but these gender-neutral pronouns can also refer to a singular person who doesn't use he/him or she/her. While you can’t assume a person’s gender or sexual orientation just from their pronouns, people who use they/them pronouns may be nonbinary , intersex (someone with anatomical traits that are not the typical male or female), transgender , or another identity. [1]
    • Example : “I’ve known Alex since high school. They’ve been my best friend ever since.”
    • Example : “Julie loves movies, so I got them a gift card to the theater for their birthday.”
    • Neopronouns are newer, typically gender-neutral pronouns to use in place of they/them. Common neopronouns include ze/zem/zemself and ey/em/emself. [2]
    • If someone lists their pronouns as he/they, they use both he/him and they/them interchangeably. When someone uses she/they, they refer to themself as she/her and they/them. Some people may prefer one set of pronouns over the other.
    2. Advertisement
Section 2 of 4:

Who uses they/them pronouns?

PDF download Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/2\/20\/They-Them-Meaning-Step-2.jpg\/v4-460px-They-Them-Meaning-Step-2.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/2\/20\/They-Them-Meaning-Step-2.jpg\/v4-728px-They-Them-Meaning-Step-2.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    Even if someone appears masculine or feminine, they won’t necessarily use gendered pronouns to refer to themself. Try to avoid making assumptions about someone’s pronouns based on their name or how they look. [3]
    • Example : On a dating site, you may simply see “they/them” in their bio.
    • Example : In an email signature or on Slack, you may see “(they/them)” following the person's name.
    • If you’re not sure what pronouns someone goes by, simply use they/them or their name until you’re able to find out.
Section 3 of 4:

How do you find out someone’s pronouns?

PDF download Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/d\/d3\/They-Them-Meaning-Step-3.jpg\/v4-460px-They-Them-Meaning-Step-3.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/d\/d3\/They-Them-Meaning-Step-3.jpg\/v4-728px-They-Them-Meaning-Step-3.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    If you’re trying to find out what pronouns a person uses, don’t be afraid to ask them upfront. It's not rude to ask; just think of it like asking for their name! Try sharing your pronouns first to make the other person feel more comfortable about telling you theirs. [4]
    • Example : “I just want to double-check—what are your pronouns?”
    • Example : “I’m David, and I use he/him pronouns. What pronouns do you use?”
    • It’s okay if a person doesn’t feel comfortable sharing their pronouns publicly, so don’t force them to. Just refer to them by their name instead of using any pronouns.
    2. Advertisement
Section 4 of 4:

What do you do if you get someone's pronouns wrong?

PDF download Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/4\/47\/They-Them-Meaning-Step-4.jpg\/v4-460px-They-Them-Meaning-Step-4.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/4\/47\/They-Them-Meaning-Step-4.jpg\/v4-728px-They-Them-Meaning-Step-4.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    If you slip and use the wrong pronouns, avoid making a big deal out of it. Instead, quickly apologize and switch to the correct pronoun before continuing on with your conversation. Moving on and continuing to use the person’s pronouns after you make the mistake shows that you’re supportive and want to move forward. [5]
    • Example : “I can’t wait for you to meet him—sorry— them . They’re so funny and you’ll mesh so well.”
    • Avoid making excuses, profusely apologizing, or trying to explain why you made the mistake. Doing this may seem like you’re trying to make the situation about you. Misgendering someone can make them feel extremely hurt or invalidated in their identity, but a quick apology and using correct pronouns from then on can help make them more comfortable again. [6]

Expert Q&A

Ask a Question
200 characters left
Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.
Submit
      Advertisement

      Tips

      Submit a Tip
      All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published
      Name
      Please provide your name and last initial
      Submit
      Thanks for submitting a tip for review!
      Advertisement

      You Might Also Like

      How to
      Discreetly Find out if Someone You Know Is Gay
      14 Telling Signs a Woman is Attracted to Another Woman
      How to
      Tell if Your Guy Friend Is Gay
      7 Possible Signs of Female Bisexuality
      How to
      Tell If a Guy Likes You (Guys)
      How to
      Lead a Heterosexual Lifestyle if You Are Gay
      The Complete Guide to the LGBTIQCAPGNGFNBA Acronym
      How to
      Get a Girl to Kiss You if You Are a Girl
      How to
      Make out With a Girl if You Are a Girl
      How to
      Know if a Gay Friend Likes You (for Men)
      What Is the Meaning Behind "Good Luck, Babe!" by Chappell Roan?
      How to
      Approach a Bisexual Guy in the Closet
      What Does “Semi Bisexual” Mean?
      How to
      Deal With Homophobic Parents
      Advertisement

      References

      1. ↑ https://www.broads-authority.gov.uk/about-us/gender-pronouns
      2. ↑ https://www.colorado.edu/cisc/pride-office/lgbtq-resources/pronouns
      3. ↑ https://newscenter.sdsu.edu/sdsu_newscenter/news_story.aspx?sid=77823
      4. ↑ https://www.hhs.nd.gov/sites/www/files/documents/DOH%20Legacy/Pronouns.pdf
      5. ↑ https://www.diversitycenterneo.org/about-us/pronouns/
      6. ↑ https://www.colorado.edu/cisc/pride-office/lgbtq-resources/pronouns

      About This Article

      Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 8,448 times.

      Did this article help you?

      Advertisement