How to Know if Someone is Bisexual

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You may want to know if someone is bisexual because you want to ask them out or hope to be a supportive friend. While you can't tell if someone is bisexual by how they look, you might be able to figure it out if you pay attention to what they say and do. However, the best way to know if someone is bisexual is to just talk to them. If you're interested in dating them, ask them out or get to know them as friends first. Additionally, keep in mind that someone's sexuality is personal, so don't violate their privacy or pressure them to come out.

Method 1
Method 1 of 3:

Observing Their Words and Actions

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  1. Bisexual people can find either sex attractive, though they won't be attracted to everyone. To figure out if they may be bi, listen to them comment on other people's bodies. Additionally, point out attractive people to them and see how they respond. [1]
    • For instance, let's say you're at the beach with your friend. A guy who is bi might say things like, “That girl is fine,” while also saying things like, “I'm so distracted by that guy's abs.”
    • Keep in mind that this doesn't necessarily mean the person is bi. Some people are just comfortable talking about people's bodies.
  2. If the person is bisexual, they may have dated or had crushes on people of any gender. Listen to what they have to say about their partners or crushes. Additionally, consider what they've shared with you about who they're interested in dating. [2]
    • For instance, let's say you know your friend has been dating a guy recently but previously had a close relationship to a girl that seemed romantic. This could mean your friend is bi, but not necessarily.
    • Similarly, let's say you know a guy who often dates women, but he's also talked about how he thinks a mutual male friend is the perfect guy. He may be bi.
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  3. Someone who is bi and in the closet might not want you to know the gender of the person they're dating or crushing on. Instead of using “he” or “she,” they might use “they” or “them” when referring to the person. Listen to them closely to see if they tend to do this. [3]
    • For instance, they might say something like, “I ran into my ex the other day. They're doing well, but I'm still glad we broke up.”
    • They might also be using “they” because it's their date's preferred pronoun or because they think gendered pronouns are outdated. Don't automatically assume that they might be bi.
  4. Someone who is bi may not like talking about who they date because they're worried they'll accidentally reveal too much. Consider if the person never wants to talk about their love life, even if you ask about it. Then, tell them about what's going on in your love life to see if they reciprocate. [4]
    • You might say, “Dating has been rough lately. Last weekend I had a first date, but it didn't go well.” Then, see if they share.
    • Don't pressure them to talk because they may not be ready. Additionally, don't assume that someone is bi because they won't open up to you. They may just be a private person.
  5. Sometimes media representations show bisexual people as either androgynous or over sexualized. However, both of these stereotypes are misrepresentations. Don't judge someone based on the clothes they wear, the hairstyle they choose, the way they walk or move, or the way they talk. [5]
    • For example, don't assume a girl who prefers short hair and masculine clothing must be a lesbian or bisexual.
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Method 2
Method 2 of 3:

Talking to Them about Sexuality

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  1. Sexuality is a complex topic that's full of grey areas, so you can't assume that the person will label themself as bisexual even if they're attracted to more than one gender. In addition to gay, lesbian, bisexual, and straight, they could identify with one of the following: [6]
    • Pansexual or omnisexual means you're attracted to people regardless of gender.
    • Sexually fluid means your sexual identity can change.
    • Ambisexual means you're attracted to both genders and may be used as a replacement term for bisexual.
    • Asexual means you aren't sexually attracted to other people.
  2. Being open about your sexuality, no matter what it is, can make others feel comfortable opening up to you. Bring up the topic of sexuality to see if they're open to talking about it. If they seem comfortable, tell them about your sexual identity. [7]
    • You might say, “I'm watching this TV show that has great gay and bi representation. What did you think of the characters?” If they have a positive response to the topic, you might add, “I'm bi, so I like that they're not sticking to stereotypes.”
  3. Coming out can be scary when you don't know how the other person feels about LGBTQ+ issues. Expressing your support for the community will tell them that you're an ally without suggesting anything about their sexuality. Be open about your position and let them know you'll be there for your LGBTQ+ friends. [8]
    • You might say, “I think love is love, so I'm an ally for the LGBTQ+ community,” or “I started questioning my sexuality when I was a preteen, and I finally realized last year that I'm a lesbian. Now I'm trying to support my friends who are LGBTQ+.”
  4. The only way to be truly sure someone is bi is to ask them. If you think they'll be comfortable sharing their sexual identity with you, just go ahead and ask. If they rebuff the question, change the subject and respect their privacy. [9]
    • Say something like, “Have you ever questioned your sexuality?” or “Do you think you could be bisexual?”
    • If they don't want to answer, say, “No worries. How has work been lately?”
  5. You likely have good intentions, but it's important to remember that they don't have to be honest with you. A person's sexuality is private, so don't pressure them to tell you if they aren't ready. Give them the time and space they need to come out to you. Additionally, don't out them if they do come out to you. [10]
    • If they tell you they're bi, keep that information to yourself. If someone asks you about it, say, “If you want to know, you'll have to ask them.”
  6. You might be afraid to talk to the person about their sexuality, and that's understandable. However, it's not okay to discuss it with other people or ask people if they think the person is bi. This is gossiping and can lead to rumors and hurt feelings. Keep your thoughts and questions about their sexuality to yourself until you're ready to talk to them directly. [11]
    • For instance, don't say, “I heard that Ashley and Lauren kissed last night. Do you think they're bi?”
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Method 3
Method 3 of 3:

Asking Them on a Date

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  1. Once you know for sure that they're open to dating either sex, try asking them on a date. Let them know that you're interested in seeing them romantically, then suggest an activity that you both enjoy. [12]
    • Say, “I really like hanging out with you and I think we could be more than friends. Would you like to go mini golfing with me on Friday as a first date?”
    • Keep in mind that being bisexual doesn't automatically mean that they're attracted to everyone. It's possible that they won't be interested in a romantic relationship.
  2. It's hard to just be friends with someone you're crushing on, but developing a friendship with them can help you figure out if they're open to dating you. Consider your common interests, then choose an activity that you'll both enjoy. Ask them to join you for that activity as a friend outing. [13]
    • For instance, let's say you both like a local band. You might say, “The Hatracks are playing on Friday. Do you want to go with me?”
  3. Ask them to hang out so your friendship will become deeper. Additionally, text or message them every day so you're constantly in touch. This will help them feel comfortable around you so that they may open up to you about their sexuality. [14]
    • Be open about your own sexuality so that they're more likely to talk about there's.
    • You could say, “I still remember my first crush on a girl. Has that ever happened to you?”
  4. First, give them a small compliment about their looks. Then, try commenting on their body. If they seem receptive, give them a pet name to see if they reciprocate. When you feel ready, try touching them lightly to break the touch barrier. [15]
    • Take things slow so that you're both comfortable with what's happening.
    • You might tell them, “Wow that top really shows off your assets,” or “Your butt looks great in those jeans.”
    • If the other person seems uncomfortable, back off immediately. Respect their boundaries at all times.
  5. Dating can be hard, and sometimes you'll experience rejection. While it feels awful, being rejected doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. It just means that this person isn't the one for you. To help you feel better, go out with your friends so they can remind you how loved you are. [16]
    • You might also make a list of the wonderful things about you to boost your confidence.
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Join the Discussion...

How do I come out as bi?
WikiEagleRunner809
50
WikiEagleRunner809
I want to tell my parents that I'm bi but I'm highkey scared about how they'll react. How do I come out to them? It's been really stressing me ou... Read More
12
Inge Hansen, PsyD
Clinical Psychologist
Parents show a wide range in terms of their ability and willingness to accept their kids' sexual orientation, so some will need a lot more time a... Read More
2
Jin S. Kim, MA
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
Everyone experiences their coming out journey in a different way, and one important thing to realize is that coming out is not a one-time event,... Read More
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  • Question
    My best friend snapped at me when I asked her if she was bisexual, does this mean that she is?
    Community Answer
    No, not necessarily. She may have snapped because she was offended, surprised, or for some other personal reason. Of course, it could mean she is bisexual, but you can't assume it just from her response.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
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    Not Helpful 13 Helpful 158
  • Question
    I'm struggling to find my sexuality, it stresses me. How do I know if I'm bisexual, and how do I know if I'm gay?
    Tom De Backer
    Top Answerer
    You are not obligated to define yourself. Instead of finding a label to find your identity, remember that you are already you and that is enough. If you find a nice box to tick that you're comfortable with, that's great. Also, your preference can change over time, though not usually overnight. If you love one man, it doesn't mean you're gay, let alone for the rest of your life. Focus on the small, on the personal. Find someone you love who loves you back, enjoy that, don't worry about the label.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
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    Not Helpful 18 Helpful 156
  • Question
    My friend and I kissed. Could this mean she's lesbian?
    Community Answer
    It could, or it could mean she's bisexual, or perhaps she was just experimenting. The only way to know is to ask her.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
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      Tips

      • Keep in mind that your bisexual friend won't necessarily be interested in dating you just because they're interested in people who are their same sex. Don't feel like you need to change your behavior around them. [17]
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      • If they tell you they are bisexual, don't tell anyone else unless they say it's okay. They may only be coming out to people they trust.
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        Helpful 10 Not Helpful 1
      • They may still be questioning their sexuality, and that's okay. Don't try to apply labels to them if they aren't ready.
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      Tips from our Readers

      The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
      • Be mindful of when you ask someone their sexuality. Don't ask in a public environment, as they may be uncomfortable to come out in front of a large group of people. It's best to ask during a private conversation. Don't be offended if they aren't comfortable answering your question.
      • If someone is bisexual, don't crack jokes or tease them. This may push them back in the closet. Remember, they're trusting you with this information.
      • Ask the person if they're bisexual in a calm manner. If they say no or they're not comfortable answering, don't push it. It's not your business.
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      Warnings

      • Never harass or bully someone over their sexual identity. If you witness someone being bullied, tell an authority figure immediately.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-and-sex-in-the-digital-age/201412/is-your-man-gay-straight-or-bisexual
      2. ↑ https://www.cosmopolitan.com/uk/love-sex/relationships/a19083647/how-to-know-if-a-woman-is-lesbian-bisexual/
      3. ↑ https://www.pride.com/comingout/2016/5/19/3-signs-your-friend-gay-and-wants-talk-about-it
      4. ↑ https://www.pride.com/comingout/2016/5/19/3-signs-your-friend-gay-and-wants-talk-about-it
      5. ↑ https://www.healthyplace.com/gender/bisexual/what-is-bisexual-what-does-it-mean-to-be-bisexual
      6. ↑ https://www.healthyplace.com/gender/bisexual/what-is-bisexual-what-does-it-mean-to-be-bisexual
      7. ↑ https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/sexual-health/am-i-gay-lesbian-or-bisexual/
      8. ↑ https://www.cosmopolitan.com/uk/love-sex/relationships/a19083647/how-to-know-if-a-woman-is-lesbian-bisexual/
      9. ↑ https://www.cosmopolitan.com/uk/love-sex/relationships/a19083647/how-to-know-if-a-woman-is-lesbian-bisexual/
      1. ↑ https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/sexual-health/am-i-gay-lesbian-or-bisexual/
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-and-sex-in-the-digital-age/201412/is-your-man-gay-straight-or-bisexual
      3. ↑ https://www.seventeen.com/love/a17223858/what-to-do-when-your-crush-out/
      4. ↑ https://www.seventeen.com/love/a17223858/what-to-do-when-your-crush-out/
      5. ↑ https://www.seventeen.com/love/a17223858/what-to-do-when-your-crush-out/
      6. ↑ https://www.seventeen.com/love/a17223858/what-to-do-when-your-crush-out/
      7. ↑ https://tinybuddha.com/blog/heal-rejection-5-steps-soothe-pain/
      8. ↑ https://www.advocate.com/bisexuality/2014/06/02/13-things-never-say-bisexual-people

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      If you want to know if someone is bisexual, try commenting on how attractive people of other genders are and see how they respond. If they're bi, they might respond to comments about males and females equally. It might also help to consider their past relationships and crushes for clues. For instance, if the person often dates women but also talks about other guys a lot, they might be bi. If you want to bring up bisexuality in conversation, you can mention something you read or share something about your own sexuality. For example, try saying something like, "Did you hear about that actor who came out as bisexual recently? I think it's great that he's proud of who he is." You could also add, “I'm bi myself and it makes me proud to see others coming out." For more tips, including how to tread lightly if your friend doesn't want to come out yet, read on!

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