What Does It Mean When a Guy Wants to Cuddle with You?

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Find out if a snuggle sesh means he has feelings for you
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Do you ever wish you could just read a guy’s mind? While that would solve a lot of problems, it’s usually not so simple and we’re stuck trying to decipher what his every move might mean. Cuddling is no exception—on our end, we might be hearing wedding bells ringing after a good cuddle, but what did it mean for him? The truth is, cuddling means something different for everyone, but there are plenty of things it could indicate. We'll walk you through them all below and even explain why he may not be interested in cuddling up, plus cover the benefits of cuddling and how to make the most of it.

What do guys really think of cuddling?

For guys, cuddling is a form of physical intimacy that can help build emotional connection, trust, and bonding. In other words, it's a way of deepening the sense of intimacy between partners. While it could mean it’s his way of trying to have sex, it could also signal that he just enjoys being close to you.

Section 1 of 4:

What does cuddling mean to a guy?

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  1. First and foremost, whether a guy wants a relationship with you or just wants to have sex, cuddling is a strong indicator that he simply enjoys your presence. Typically, meaningless sex involves very little intimacy, so going the extra mile by cuddling could mean he wants you around for more than just a one-night stand. [1]
    • If your guy is going out of his way to cuddle with you or often initiates cuddle sessions, there’s a good chance that being around you makes him feel good.
  2. Cuddling with someone requires you to let your guard down, relax, and enjoy an intimate moment. When people are around someone they don’t trust, they’re often uptight, unable to relax, or unwilling to share things with that person. Because cuddling is essentially the opposite, it’s a genuine sign that he trusts you and is comfortable with you. [2]
    • If a guy isn’t into cuddling at all, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t trust you. There are plenty of reasons a guy may not enjoy cuddling, so don’t use cuddling as a sure-fire indicator of trust on his end. [3]
    Esther Perel, Psychotherapist

    Trust is an essential part of a successful relationship. "Trust is the active engagement with the unknown. Trust is risky. It’s vulnerable. It’s a leap of faith."

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  3. For those whose love language is physical touch, cuddling can be the ultimate form of expressing love. In fact, some people’s love language is cuddling! This is highly individual and depends on the person, but some guys could be cuddling with you to express that they’re physically and emotionally attracted to you. [4]
    • For some men, cuddling holds a lot of meaning beyond just physical touch, so this type of expression can indicate his true feelings for you. Cuddling isn’t the only signal for feelings, but in conjunction with other romantic actions, it can be very telling. [5]
  4. Believe it or not, some people become professional cuddlers ! This is because cuddling lowers blood pressure, slows heart rate, and reduces stress and anxiety. [6] Naturally, people are drawn to cuddling because it brings a sense of peace.
    • Cuddling takes a certain level of intimacy, so while he might want to cuddle with you just because it’s relaxing, it’s unlikely he’s going to cuddle unless he truly wants that intimate connection.
  5. Let’s face it—when a guy only wants sex with you, he’s not going to put in much effort to win you over. Cuddling is not a necessary part of sex, but rather an extra step that strengthens the bond between two people. At the end of the day, a guy likely won’t cuddle with you unless he respects you enough to give you intimacy rather than meaningless sex. [7]
  6. One of the things that makes cuddling a bit confusing is that it can mean different things to different people, but there’s no doubt that cuddling often signals romantic interest in another person. In fact, cuddling in relationships can be even more important to men than it is to women, so cuddling right off the bat may be a sign of a high level of interest. [8]
    • Some people like to engage in platonic cuddling, which is a way to simply relax and feel the benefits of human touch without any sexual or romantic attachments. While your guy could be cuddling in a friendly way, it’s more than likely that he would have communicated that. [9]
    • If he's sending you other signals in conjunction with cuddling, such as flirting, taking you out on dates, communicating often, or actively pursuing you, there’s a good chance that his cuddling holds a deeper meaning.
  7. Cuddling is often very romantic, but that isn’t always the case. He may not want a one-night stand, but he might also not be interested in a relationship, either. Friends-with-benefits situations often include cuddling because it's a form of intimacy, but not necessarily a true indicator of love. [10]
    • If your guy likes to cuddle and have sex but never takes you out on dates, only keeps conversations casual with no flirting, doesn’t bring up plans for the future, or doesn’t introduce you to his friends and family, it’s likely he might be in more of a FWB mindset.
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Section 2 of 4:

Reasons a Guy May Not Want to Cuddle

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  1. Simply put, some guys just get plain sweaty during cuddling. Not only does that make him physically uncomfortable, but it could also get in the way of where his thoughts are at as well. He might be worried about body odor, making you hot, too, or that you're not enjoying it. [11]
    • If you find a guy doesn't like to cuddle because he gets hot, don't pressure him into feeling uncomfortable. Instead, look for ways you can incorporate some cool air back into the room. Turning on the A/C, fans, or opening the windows could all really help the situation. If he still gets too hot and doesn't enjoy cuddling, it could mean it's just not his love language.
  2. One of the downfalls of cuddling is the potential for legs, arms, hands, and feet to go numb. Some guys might not mind this and push through it, but there are plenty of guys who simply aren't into that feeling. Or, maybe he's down to cuddle for a little bit and wants to stop when he begins to feel the physical discomfort. Either way, this is not a reflection of you, so don't take it personally.
  3. For guys who didn't grow up in a family that showed each other physical affection, it can be a little more of a challenge to express love or interest through touch. This just means that he has different boundaries and comfort zones than you, so take care to understand his personality and habits. [12]
  4. Because cuddling involves letting your guard down and fully trusting another person, it can take a great deal of effort for some people to be so vulnerable. He may have unpacked trauma from a previous relationship, his childhood, or other events that happened to him in his life. [13]
    • If you find yourself with a guy who seems to be putting up physical walls or barriers, it could be a sign that he has undealt with emotions to work through. The best way to get through this is with open and honest communication. For example, you could say, "I really enjoy cuddling during movies, but it doesn't seem like you do. Why is that?"
  5. Just because a guy doesn't like to cuddle doesn't automatically mean he doesn't want a relationship, but it is one possibility. Cuddling is a form of intimacy that goes beyond the physical act of sex, so if he's purposely pushing you away after sex or going out of his way to avoid any mushy, lovey-dovey touching, his head may not be in the same place yours is.
    • In this situation, the best thing to do is ask him what he's looking for out of your relationship.
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Section 3 of 4:

The Benefits of Cuddling in a Relationship

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  1. Cuddling with a loved one triggers the release of oxytocin, a hormone that promotes calmness and helps you cope better with stress. This can lead to positive responses like laughter, distraction, or problem-solving. Additionally, oxytocin can lower your blood pressure and cortisol levels, further reducing the physical effects of stress. [14]
  2. Lowering your blood pressure and stress levels can benefit your heart health. Studies indicate this effect is more pronounced in women who engage in cuddling, but the cardiovascular advantages appear to extend to both genders. [15]
  3. Receiving comforting embraces from trusted individuals may help bolster your immunity against common viruses, particularly during periods of high stress. Furthermore, increased physical affection could alleviate symptoms if you are already ill. [16]
  4. Cuddling triggers the release of endorphins, the body's natural painkillers, which can alleviate discomfort and soreness that may otherwise disrupt sleep. Furthermore, cuddling activates the parasympathetic nervous system, regulating heart rate and blood pressure to induce a state of relaxation and calmness—factors that enhance the quality of sleep. [17]
  5. By triggering the release of oxytocin, cuddling can actually block pain signals to the brain. In fact, cuddling can have effects similar to therapeutic touch, an alternative medicine practice that aims to ease pain and stress by balancing the body's energy. Therapeutic touch involves gently placing hands on or near the patient's body. [18]
  6. Cuddling and physical affection can strengthen your close relationships. Research published in Personality & Social Psychology found that couples who engaged in more cuddling and physical touch reported higher levels of relationship satisfaction compared to those with less physical intimacy. This is because cuddling fosters feelings of closeness and emotional connection between partners, which in turn boosts their overall health and well-being. [19]
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Section 4 of 4:

How to Make Cuddling Better

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  1. If you’re not sure how to interpret a guy’s cuddling behavior, the best thing you can do is talk to him about it! There’s nothing worse than being on different pages with someone—and you have every right to know his intentions. So, simply saying, “Hey, what are you looking for out of this?” is a great place to start that conversation. Depending on what he says, you can gauge how you’d like to move forward in the situation. [20]
  2. Cuddling is all about finding comfort in the arms of another person, so switching up cuddling positions can really help amp up that level of comfort. Moreover, it adds a sense of variety and keeps things interesting.
    • People often think the girl always has to be the “little spoon” and the guy has to be the “big spoon,” but that’s not true at all! This is all a matter of preference and can be a great position for women to try out.
  3. Mindful cuddling heightens one's focus on the tactile sensations, rhythmic breathing, and comforting warmth of the shared moment. This enhanced sensory awareness cultivates a profound understanding of the physical and emotional dimensions of the experience. [21]
    • Pay attention to your partner’s body language when cuddling and look for cues that he’s enjoying it by focusing on the physical—the warmth, the sounds, your partner's breathing. Immersing yourself in the present moment can deepen your emotional intimacy. [22]
  4. If a guy is trying to lock eyes with you or slide in some light touches while cuddling, there’s a good chance that he’s trying to strengthen the connection. You can do the same thing, too—simply brush his hair or skin with your fingertips or look into his eyes. These actions can amplify the physical intimacy even more.
  5. Pay attention to your partner's comfort and personal boundaries. Respect their needs, whether that's avoiding physical closeness or requiring more personal space, without interpreting it as a reflection on you.
    • Your partner should be respecting your boundaries as well. If they ever make you uncomfortable, communicate this with them to ensure a healthy situation.
  6. If you’re interested in being more than friends with the guy you’re cuddling with, don’t be afraid to up the ambiance to something a little more romantic. You can dim the lights, set up a comfortable space with soft pillows and blankets, cue some of your favorite music, or put on a movie you both enjoy.
    • How he handles the signs you’re sending him is an awesome way to gauge what your cuddle sessions mean to him. If you dim the lights and put on some romantic music, does he get weird out, or does he seem really excited? Does he seem more interested in cutting straight to sex or really living in the moment? His body language and verbal clues can tell you a lot.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.bolde.com/12-reasons-cuddling-intimate-making-love/
      2. ↑ https://liveboldandbloom.com/07/relationships/men-cuddle-girls
      3. ↑ https://www.yourtango.com/200918359/does-no-cuddling-mean-hes-just-not-you
      4. ↑ https://www.drcuddlesla.com/blog/cuddling-and-the-5-love-languages#
      5. ↑ https://www.family-institute.org/behavioral-health-resources/magic-touch
      6. ↑ https://www.drcuddlesla.com/blog/how-professional-cuddling-reinforces-affection#
      7. ↑ https://www.marriage.com/advice/love/is-cuddling-intimacy/
      8. ↑ https://abcnews.go.com/Health/kissing-cuddling-important-men-women-long-term-relationships/story?id=14022238
      9. ↑ https://www.family-institute.org/behavioral-health-resources/magic-touch
      1. ↑ https://www.womenio.com/17351/do-friends-with-benefits-cuddle
      2. ↑ https://www.regain.us/advice/general/i-want-to-cuddle-but-my-partner-doesnt-what-should-i-do/
      3. ↑ https://www.lovingrootsproject.com/allblogposts/2019/2/9/reasons-behind-lack-of-affection-in-a-relationship
      4. ↑ https://www.lovingrootsproject.com/allblogposts/2019/2/9/reasons-behind-lack-of-affection-in-a-relationship
      5. ↑ https://www.pennmedicine.org/updates/blogs/health-and-wellness/2018/february/affection
      6. ↑ https://www.pennmedicine.org/updates/blogs/health-and-wellness/2018/february/affection
      7. ↑ https://www.pennmedicine.org/updates/blogs/health-and-wellness/2018/february/affection
      8. ↑ https://bettersleep.org/blog/uncovering-the-benefits-of-cuddling/
      9. ↑ https://www.family-institute.org/behavioral-health-resources/magic-touch
      10. ↑ https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/17109236/
      11. ↑ https://www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/questions-to-ask-a-guy-to-know-his-intentions/
      12. ↑ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/why_physical_touch_matters_for_your_well_being
      13. ↑ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/why_physical_touch_matters_for_your_well_being

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