The Psychology of a Womanizer (Plus, Signs You're Dealing with One)

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Getting inside the mind of a master manipulator (aka a womanizer)
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The wrath of a womanizer can make it hard to remember you’re worth loving and prioritizing. While they may have fun using women at the moment, womanizers don’t understand the long-term damage of their self-sabotage (so, we’re here to tell you all about it). In this article, we’re going over everything you need to know about womanizers, including their weaknesses and common behaviors. No matter what type of relationship you have with a womanizer, here’s a look inside their mind and why they should stop their womanizing ways.

Things You Should Know

  • Most womanizers are deeply insecure, so they use women to exact revenge on previous romantic rejections.
  • Womanizers lie because they never learned how to communicate properly and they refuse to take accountability.
  • Since womanizers don’t develop the skills to maintain a proper relationship, it’s hard for them to find a partner in the long-run. They’re also more likely to feel lonely or depressed.
Section 1 of 4:

Psychology & Pitfalls of Womanizers

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    While women feel emotionally hurt by rejection, men interpret it as a failure of their masculinity. Men handle romantic rejection personally, which can harbor negative emotions toward women. [1] For most men, repeated rejection makes them insecure, and if they’re able to attract women later on, some seek “revenge” in the form of womanizing behavior. [2]
    • When someone hasn’t healed from rejection, it can create a need for validation from others. In womanizers, this usually manifests into sleeping with as many women as possible. However, this is only a temporary fix—it normally leads to greater emotional issues later on. [3]
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    Since womanizers have fragile egos, using women empowers them. Womanizing can be an addictive feeling because it allows men to do what they want without any serious consequences (or so they think), and some womanizers are more interested in maintaining their power over a woman, instead of the relationship itself. [4]
    • Womanizers have a fear of being caught and losing power, so they lie and manipulate others to keep up their charade. Over time, they may even start to believe their lies to justify their behavior. [5]
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    Since womanizers lack self-confidence, they’re afraid to show their true selves and take accountability for their actions. Most adults recognize that it’s easier to tell the truth than to maintain a lie, but womanizers prefer the opposite, demonstrating their lack of growth and acceptance as an individual. [6]
    • While real men are honest, womanizers don’t know how to communicate properly. Without this skill, they cannot maintain healthy relationships in the future or deal with conflict effectively. [7]
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    When a man is in a long-term relationship, it’s proven to increase his well-being and happiness. [8] Since womanizers don’t care about finding a partner, they never learn how to connect to someone on a deeper level. Women are an easy way to fill a void in their life, but the thrill of womanizing will eventually fade as everyone around them finds real love. [9]
    • Over time, most womanizers become bored by their behavior, making their life lack meaning or purpose.
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    While womanizers enjoy their behavior in the moment, they usually find it difficult to maintain relationships in the long-run. With little to no romantic experience, they don’t know how to work through the ups and downs of a real relationship, and this becomes increasingly problematic with age. If his reputation gets around, other women are less likely to trust him, making it even harder for him to date. [10]
    • Womanizing is a lot harder to overcome than most men expect—studies show men who cheat are more likely to have higher sex drives but poorer quality relationships (fueling the cycle of womanizing behavior). [11]
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    In normal relationships, men are comfortable sharing their past with their partners, but womanizers never reach that point in their casual affairs. Since they don’t know how to open up and be vulnerable, they cannot get their emotional needs met by anyone, increasing their risk for anxiety, depression, and cardiovascular problems. [12]
    • Womanizers are also more likely to develop a dissociative disorder, creating feelings of detachment and significant stress. [13]
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    Using women completely skews a womanizer’s perception of love, making him feel like he’s not worthy of it. By never truly connecting to others, a womanizer believes no one understands him, which can be a precursor to depression or other serious mental illnesses. [14]
    • When a womanizer isolates himself from romantic relationships, he’s less likely to believe in love and more likely to suppress his emotions.
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Section 2 of 4:

Dealing with Womanizers

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    Unlike the relationships depicted on screen, understand that you can’t “fix” or change a womanizer unless they want to change themselves. Don’t expect your partner to fully commit to you if he has a history of using women. If you’re considering a relationship with a womanizer, ask yourself whether you’re actually interested in him or the idea of him, and prepare yourself for the possibility that it might not work out in the long run. [15]
    • Remind yourself what type of person he is, but don’t necessarily hold it against him. Like any relationship, accept that your partner has both good and bad traits, which can’t be changed overnight.
    • Don’t get hung up on the idea that you need to change yourself to have him attracted to you 24/7. It’s best to show that you can add genuine value to his life and meet his needs, without losing your identity. [16]
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    If your partner is acting shady, follow your intuition . Studies show that 85% of women who suspect their partner is cheating turn out to be right, so don’t dismiss your emotions easily. While it’s understandable to be insecure about your relationship with a womanizer, don’t confuse intuition with fear. [17]
    • Remember that intuition occurs very peacefully; it’s not emotionally-charged or rash. Fear, on the other hand, is linked to the experiences you had in the past and feels more intense.
    • To tell if your partner is cheating , pay attention to any changes in his normal routine. Does he come home later than usual? Has he tried to pick more fights than usual?
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    It’s perfectly normal to be attracted to other people when you’re in a relationship, so don’t make your partner feel bad for finding other women attractive. While he can’t necessarily control his thoughts and feelings, he can control his actions. [18] As long as he doesn’t act upon his attraction (like he would in the past), avoid punishing him for things he hasn’t done. If you try to control or suffocate him, he may be more inclined to leave the relationship. [19]
    • Instead of looking for “proof” that he’s cheating on you, focus on the present moment. While trust issues protect your heart, they can also prevent you from being happy in your relationship.
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    If your partner openly ogles another woman, point out his behavior in the moment. Since he’s used to eyeing women to approach them, he might be doing it unconsciously. However, if he continues to do this after you’ve told him how you feel, it may be a sign that he still enjoys chasing women (and he’s probably not ready for a relationship). [20]
    • If your partner gaslights you, or makes you feel like you’re imagining his poor behavior, try to disengage from the conversation. Consider if it’s worth confronting him at a later time, or interpret this as a sign that he’s not the right partner for you. [21]
    • Remember that him looking at another woman has nothing to do with you. It doesn’t mean that you’re unattractive or he’s not satisfied with you.
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    Some womanizers can be master manipulators. If he showers you with affection but freezes you out the moment you don’t respond to him, don’t give in. Clearly communicate what’s acceptable in your relationship and what you won’t tolerate, and stand your ground. If you focus on pleasing him all of the time, you risk being used or mistreated. [22]
    • If he makes you feel guilty even when you’ve done nothing wrong or makes you feel like you’re crazy, it’s a sign that he’s manipulating you. [23]
    • Avoid mirroring his behavior to “give him a taste of his own medicine.” If he gives you the silent treatment, give him space and reflect on your relationship. Ask yourself, “Is this the person I really want to be with?” or “Will he still act this way further into our relationship?”
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    Most womanizers have extremely low self-esteem, which is why they seek validation from sleeping with as many women as possible. To make your partner feel confident and secure, compliment him often and let him know that he meets your needs. [24]
    • For example, you could say, “I really enjoy spending time with you” or “You have a really great sense of humor.”
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    Dealing with a womanizer can be really difficult, and not everyone can be changed. If you feel emotionally drained or manipulated by your partner, get professional help to figure out how to navigate your situation. Working with a licensed professional can help you deal with your insecurities and trauma, preparing you for a healthier relationship in the future. [25]
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Section 3 of 4:

What is a womanizer?

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    Womanizers view women as sexual objects who only exist to serve their needs. Since they’re charming and charismatic, they often have multiple “partners,” but they don’t reveal their true relationship status. Therefore, they tend to mislead and manipulate women, preventing them from developing true intimate connections.
    • In many cases, a womanizer acts this way because he is deeply insecure. Whether he was rejected by women growing up or was taught to exhibit this behavior at an early age, most womanizers seek social and personal validation from seducing women. [26]
Section 4 of 4:

Signs a Womanizer is in Love

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    Once a womanizer is willing to change, it’s possible for him to mend his behavior and find a reliable partner. However, it can be tricky to determine if he genuinely cares about you, so here are the most common signs that he’s falling for you:
    • He starts to contact you more frequently. [27]
    • He talks to you about the problems in his life. [28]
    • He moves beyond surface-level topics. [29]
    • He contacts you when he’s out of town. [30]
    • He spends more time with you. [31]
    • He wants you to meet his friends or family.
    • He talks about the future with you.
    • He remembers small details about you.
    • He makes an effort to keep a conversation going.
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Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    What are the characteristics of a womanizer?
    Lauren Sanders
    Matchmaker & Dating Coach
    Lauren Sanders is a Professional Matchmaker, Dating Coach, and the Founder of Dating for the Soul. With over four years of experience, she specializes in helping singles find love. Lauren is also the author of Lipstick Faith: A Collection of Inspirational Writings and Life Lessons, You Deserve the World, Rainbows and Strawberries: 100 Devotions for the Brighter Side of Life, and Let's Go Outside Mommy. Lauren holds BS from Dillard University and a Masters from The University of North Georgia.
    Lauren Sanders
    Matchmaker & Dating Coach
    Expert Answer
    Womanizers often have no history of long-term relationships, and tend to be bad at communication—they force their partner to initiate most contact. He may also be secretive and never want to share anything; plus, he's probably a good stonewaller. Womanizers are very dishonest people overall, and are typically very good at what they do. So, you'll have to search extra hard to find physical evidence of their actions/behavior.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/lifetime-connections/201805/rejection-when-it-hurts-men-more-it-should
      2. ↑ https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/revenge-can-feel-good-to-people-who-experience-rejection-0119171
      3. ↑ https://youtu.be/ea4YIhDJwWs?t=319
      4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/monkey-on-my-shoulder/201002/men-like-power-more-than-they-admit
      5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-and-sex-in-the-digital-age/202112/why-does-your-cheating-partner-continue-lie
      6. ↑ https://youtu.be/1YBwqda_kNs?t=1336
      7. ↑ https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/healthyliving/relationships-and-communication#importance-of-communication
      8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/feeling-it/201410/why-relationships-are-much-better-deal-men
      9. ↑ https://youtu.be/ea4YIhDJwWs?t=286
      1. ↑ https://www.psypost.org/2021/02/study-suggests-that-cheating-behavior-whether-suffered-or-inflicted-is-linked-to-poorer-quality-future-relationships-59605
      2. ↑ https://www.psypost.org/2021/02/study-suggests-that-cheating-behavior-whether-suffered-or-inflicted-is-linked-to-poorer-quality-future-relationships-59605
      3. ↑ https://www.caron.org/blog/could-your-stress-really-be-unresolved-trauma
      4. ↑ https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/dissociative-disorders/symptoms-causes/syc-20355215
      5. ↑ https://loneliness.org.nz/loneliness/signs
      6. ↑ https://fizzymag.com/articles/fallen-for-a-womanizer
      7. ↑ https://youtu.be/OfZtfZLanbQ?t=293
      8. ↑ https://www.ksl.com/article/27120872/when-intuition-says-your-spouse-is-cheating
      9. ↑ https://medium.com/@zara.zareen/is-it-normal-to-be-attracted-to-others-while-in-a-relationship-c6985d1edb4f
      10. ↑ https://fizzymag.com/articles/fallen-for-a-womanizer
      11. ↑ https://lovebondings.com/tips-to-deal-with-womanizer-boyfriend
      12. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/power-in-relationships/200905/are-you-being-gaslighted
      13. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/200711/field-guide-the-casanova-the-lady-killer-files
      14. ↑ https://firstthings.org/how-to-deal-with-manipulation-in-your-marriage
      15. ↑ https://existentialcafe.blog/2019/05/12/self-esteem-and-sex-addiction-how-men-use-pornography-and-womanizing-to-feel-good-about-themselves
      16. ↑ https://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/issues/infidelity
      17. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/200711/field-guide-the-casanova-the-lady-killer-files
      18. ↑ https://youtu.be/cjTjMZOmqTY?t=135
      19. ↑ https://youtu.be/cjTjMZOmqTY?t=228
      20. ↑ https://youtu.be/cjTjMZOmqTY?t=270
      21. ↑ https://youtu.be/cjTjMZOmqTY?t=287
      22. ↑ https://youtu.be/cjTjMZOmqTY?t=310

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