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Speaking with others can sometimes be unwanted, whether it is a result of a bad day, general introversion, or trying to remain outside of a conflict. Complete and total avoidance, however, is not always possible, especially with family members or colleagues. Although, whatever the reason and relationship, there are ways to determine how best to go about avoiding speaking with others and reducing conversation to as little as possible.
Steps
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Pretend to be on your phone. Fake a phone call or appear to be texting when someone approaches you for a social conversation. Pretending to be in the middle of communicating with someone else will deter others from engaging in conversation without being rude. [1] X Research source
- Try to simulate the phone call or text as best as possible. Avoid eye-contact, pace back and forth, or quickly let the individual you are on a very important call or need to finish an urgent text.
- If you are in the middle of an unwanted or awkward conversation, politely say that you need to take a call and step out.
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Make an excuse. Have a few different excuses prepared so that if you are caught in passing or approached unexpectedly you can quickly derail a conversation before it begins.
- Saying that you need to run and catch a train is a great and polite excuse to keep moving.
- Other excuses, like saying you are late for another appointment or have forgotten something at work are both broad and maintain a sense of urgency.
- Enlist the help of friends. If you happen to be in an obligatory social setting have a friend call or text you with information that needs immediate attention.
- Say that you have conflicting plans if you are invited to a social gathering.
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Open a book, magazine, or newspaper and start reading. Carrying a book or magazine in your bag will allow you to appear occupied when sitting alone or on public transportation. Not only will you appear busy and unavailable for conversation, but you’ll also positively engage in another activity.
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Wear headphones or earbuds whether they're plugged in to anything or not; if not plugged in, the plug only has to be in your pocket. Wearing headphones in public often gives the appearance of being unapproachable, or at least preoccupied. Keeping your headphones on is an efficient and polite way to communicate your unavailability.
- Plug your headphones into your mobile phone or mp3 player and put on your favorite album.
- Download and listen to a new podcast or audiobook.
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Stay home. Staying home, when possible, is a certain way to avoid conversations that you have no desire to participate in.
- Stay home and watch a film, read, cook, or listen to music.
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Appear to be working or busy with a task. It’s not always possible to avoid speaking to others, especially at school or work. Try and simulate being deeply involved in a project or email so that others will feel uncomfortable interrupting. [2] X Research source
- Type on your computer. Open an already existing document or email to make it appear as though you are deep into a train of thought.
- Find objects around your office to keep you busy. Filing documents or making copies are two simple ways to seem preoccupied.
- If you are addressed even though you appear to be busy, simply acknowledge their statement and politely excuse yourself to continue working.
- Talking or muttering to yourself while walking often signifies being deep in thought and will deter others from interrupting.
- Politely excuse yourself by saying that you have a lot of work to do or that you need to get back to work.
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Be honest and direct. You may have many reasons to not engage in conversation at school or work. Politely and directly stating that you do not wish to speak with someone can be an effective way of communicating your unavailability. [3] X Trustworthy Source Association for Psychological Science Nonprofit organization devoted promoting trustworthy research and education in the psychological sciences Go to source
- Say that you are very busy and do not feel like having a conversation.
- Statements like, “I’m sorry, I am just not in the mood to have a conversation right now,” or “I feel too preoccupied to have a conversation at the moment” are polite ways to excuse yourself from conversation.
- You may want to avoid talking to people if you have freshly broken up. You can limit your social media contact with your partner as much as possible. [4] X Research source
- Be aware that it may take longer to grieve and get over that person if you have the same social circle. So be gentle and compassionate with yourself. [5] X Research source
- You can make a joint effort with your ex to heal yourselves. Be mature and talk to them about the best way to do so. For example, you can avoid going to the parties where your ex is going.
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Engage in individual activities. Not speaking to others does not necessarily mean avoiding social or work environments, nor does it mean passively averting conversation. Try finding hobbies or small routines that you enjoy, as this will help fill the time that otherwise might be occupied by unwanted interaction.
- Seek out tasks that might be possible individually. Ask your teacher or supervisor to see if it’s possible to work alone if group projects are assigned.
- Develop a routine during your breaks or lunch. Seek out the same cafe, go for a quick walk, or browse your favorite bookstore.
- Activities like yoga, running, or reading are all done individually, with minimal talking, and have great benefits!
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Send an email or text message. Avoiding talking or speaking to someone does not necessarily mean avoiding communication altogether. Communication can often be necessary and even expected, especially at school or work.
- Instead of approaching a supervisor, teacher, or colleague, send them an email. If introversion and the desire not to speak is common, noting that in an email might also help others maintain a considerate distance without creating any unwanted tension.
- Send a short text in lieu of speaking. Texts can be particularly effective in maintaining communication without seeming rude or distant.
- If you are receiving a phone call and you would prefer not to talk, let the call go to voicemail, reply via text message or email, and resume communication.
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Demonstrate poor body language. If you are trying to avoid speaking to someone, nonverbal communication is key. Having closed off or unreceptive body language is one explicit way to demonstrate your lack of interest and lack of desire for speaking with others. [6] X Research source
- Slumping your shoulders and caving your chest give the appearance of being unwilling to speak with others.
- Avoid making eye contact.
- Crossing your arms and twirling your fingers can be a sign of preoccupation or nervousness.
- Position you feet away from others to indicate you are uninterested in conversation. [7] X Research source
- Reader Poll: We asked 4886 wikiHow readers about the biggest tells that someone doesn’t want to talk to you, and only 6% said having a distant body position . [Take Poll] So, if you want to avoid talking to people, crossing your arms or avoiding eye contact might be a better approach.
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Make a polite exit. There are many ways to leave a conversation without pretending to be preoccupied beforehand. If someone approaches you to engage a conversation, briefly entertain them before making an exit. [8] X Research source
- Say that you need to finish a project or are late to meet a friend.
- A smile and wave can politely communicate your exit if a few people are already in conversation.
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Avoid interaction altogether. Remain distant from any interaction, whether that be a social gathering, a conversational breakroom at work, or a casual outing in public. Although not always polite, ignoring others and remaining distant is a sure way to avoid conversation.
- Making alterations to your schedule to arrive in places when they are least occupied will decrease the chance of talking with others. [9] X Research source
- Avoid crowds or groups of others already in conversation by walking quickly by them or in an opposite direction.
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Community Q&A
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QuestionWhat if the person continues to try to interact with you even though you've made it clear that you don't want to talk to them?Community AnswerThis clearly means that the person is not mature enough to respect your decision. You should distance yourself from that person. If they can't respect your wishes then they shouldn't have a place in your life.
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QuestionI've had people pull out my earbuds and grab my phone (cracking it quite badly). How can I make people stay away from me? I've tried everything and nothing seems to work.Community AnswerLet them know that you do not like when they do that. If they continue to damage your items tell them firmly they have to pay for it. Also keep your earbuds tucked under your shirt so they can't pull them, and keep your phone tucked securely in a pocket.
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QuestionWhat if people stare at me all the time and make me lose my confidence?Community AnswerAre people really staring at you, or this all in your mind? If they're really staring, maybe they're just admiring you, thinking you're pretty/handsome/etc. Either way, don't let other people get to you. You're great just the way you are and you don't need anyone else's opinion or approval. Just keep telling yourself this.
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Tips
- Always be kind when possible. Avoiding an event or individual does not always mean burning bridges.Thanks
- Be patient. It is more than likely that you will end up speaking during times when you would rather not. Make small talk and politely make an exit.Thanks
- If around others while wearing unplugged earbuds or headphones, it's possible to hear things you may otherwise not hear. Best when around your friends.Thanks
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Warnings
- Constantly and consistently avoiding others can develop into a pattern, and can occasionally be symptomatic of a larger mental health issue. If you are concerned about a larger mental health issue, seek out a health care professional.Thanks
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References
- ↑ http://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2011/08/13-of-people-pretend-to-use-cell-phones-to-avoid-other-people/243625/
- ↑ https://www.themuse.com/advice/6-secrets-for-avoiding-interruptions-at-work
- ↑ http://www.psychologicalscience.org/index.php/news/minds-business/you-look-more-powerful-when-you-avoid-talking-details-study-shows.html
- ↑ https://www.redbookmag.com/love-sex/relationships/g4684/what-not-to-do-after-a-breakup/
- ↑ https://www.redbookmag.com/love-sex/relationships/g4684/what-not-to-do-after-a-breakup/
- ↑ http://www.genardmethod.com/blog/negative-body-language-7-deadly-sins-of-nonverbal-communication
- ↑ http://www.forbes.com/2010/07/15/body-language-feet-leadership-managing-legs.html
- ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/the-real-reason-introverts-dread-small-talk_us_56854922e4b06fa688823798?te=YourTango
- ↑ http://www.themarysue.com/anti-social-app/
About This Article
Article Summary
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If you want to avoid talking to people while you’re in public, show people that you’re not available for conversation by making yourself busy with a task. You can pretend to talk on the phone, start reading a book, or put on headphones. If someone approaches you, politely explain that you don’t want to talk at the moment. You might say, “I’m sorry, but I’m too busy to have a conversation right now.” When you need to communicate with someone but don’t feel like talking, send the person an email or text message. For more advice from our co-author, including how to use nonverbal communication tools and suggestions for solitary activities, read on!
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- "I have a friend who really gives me no time to be alone.We are best friends, but my mother does not like if I talk to her!And this article helped me a lot!! Thank you wikiHow!" ..." more
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"I have a friend who really gives me no time to be alone.We are best friends, but my mother does not like if I talk to her!And this article helped me a lot!! Thank you wikiHow!"
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